nightshadereaper66 - Tumblr blog

[nightshadereaper66]

From the prompt: Write a poem about language in which you make up a word.

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Kerflugleshlog

The word for when my brain doesn’t know what its doing And when I speak, the wrong words come out Because I’m thinking both too fast and not at all; My brain did a kerflugleshlog. In the kerflugleshlog, my thoughts are stewing Until, long later, they process and emerge into doubt My words emerge on the paper as a messy scrawl And they emerge from my mouth as nonsense dialogue.

[nightshadereaper66]

from the prompt: Write a poem about what you are not or what you should have been. Use anaphora.

not my best, but I hope you enjoy!

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Time has erased parts of me, great swaths washed away Like rain has erased the chalk on a sidewalk The colors washed off by the water, but rain makes way For the artist to make something new on the empty canvas.

[nightshadereaper66]

My favorite color was invented by a Swedish German man, But if I found it today, I’d think twice before I open the can Because this color’s chemical formula is copper arsenite And I would much rather live to see tomorrow night.

Write a poem about your favorite color. Don't mention the color by name.

[nightshadereaper66]

My Thoughts on "Good Enough"

“GOOD ENOUGH is NOT good enough. You need to be BETTER than GOOD ENOUGH.” - I have heard this too many times.

Good is defined as something to be desired or approved of. | Good is having the qualities required for a particular role. Enough means as much or as many as is required. One would assume that together, they mean something positive. Like having completed a task satisfactorily, or in an acceptable manner. The use of the word “acceptable” implies that the work is accepted by others. “Good enough” means that the work is good, and that it is enough. “Good enough” does not, in any way, mean that the work is bad. If it is bad, the work would not be termed “good enough.”

I’m trying to apply this knowledge to my life. However, I am struggling to do this. Likely because I’m having a hard time accepting myself. And by extension, my work. So why can’t I believe that I am truly “good enough”?

[nightshadereaper66]

[nightshadereaper66]

I love Reddit sometimes.

[nightshadereaper66]

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The Dining Room Table

When I was younger, we had this big old table It was wooden with a pane of tempered glass on top. One night, that glass exploded randomly and without any sort of warning

We used it for a couple more years, with a tablecloth But it was never the same as it was, in my mind The table died when the glass exploded randomly and without any sort  of warning

And now we just keep it in the “formal dining room” Which is just a fancy way of saying “We don’t use it.” I think it’s because the glass exploded randomly and without any sort of warning.

[nightshadereaper66]

@darkness-and-books

@annotated-catastrophe

Get irradiated hehe

[nightshadereaper66]

Saw the Lyrids, made some wishes. They were super cool, although the moon was rather bright.

It is now 2 am for me, goodnight, y'all.

[nightshadereaper66]

Boutta go see the Lyrid meteor shower tonight.

I get to be night forest goblin, let's go.

Also sry I haven't posted in ages, I have no motivation but hopefully soon...

[nightshadereaper66]

My local rink took out the ice for the summer.

I'm trying rollerblading. This is going surprisingly well.

[nightshadereaper66]

Thoroughfare by Ethel Cain

ATTENTION

If you see this you are OBLIGATED to reblog w/ the song currently stuck in your head :)

[nightshadereaper66]

A brief moment of rationality from the bird place.

[nightshadereaper66]

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A Thousand Times

I love being alive. I want to cry over that scene in a movie I want to laugh as I sing my favorite song I want to feel the pain of losing a friend I want to scream into my pillow at night I want to sprint as fast as I can outside I want to chat as I do the dishes in the bathroom I want to dance as I put away my laundry I want to worry about the score of my exam I want to jump off of a dock into the lake I want to sob myself to sleep at night I want to float away as I meditate I want to shake behind the show’s curtain I want to be heartbroken and happy I want to feel anxiety and adrenaline I want to be sad and to be serene I’d live a thousand times to do it again And every single one would be just as magical as the first I love being alive.

[nightshadereaper66]

on being alive.

@delepiphany on pinterest // lucy dacus, please stay // @arthoesunshine // @leaf.guy_ on tiktok // phoebe bridgers, that funny feeling // @peepuddle

[nightshadereaper66]

Important rules/tips I've learned as an adult that helped with anxiety

If people are mad at you, it's their responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess

If they're mad at you in secret anyways, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

If people don't like what you're doing, it's their responsibility to tell you

If they say it's fine when it's really not, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

People are allowed to be wrong about you

If they are wrong about you, wait for them to bring it up, because if you try to, you will inevitably overcorrect

Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. You will not win arguments against them. Yes, even if you explain your point of view. They do not care. Drop it

The worst thing that will happen from a first-time offense is being told not to do it again. Maybe with a replacement if you broke something

You can improve relationships and gauge willingness to talk to you by giving compliments. It's like a daily log-in bonus and nobody thinks twice about it

Most things are better after you sleep on them

Most things are better after you have a meal

Most things are better after you shower

Your brain makes up consequences that are irrational. If the worst DOES come to pass and someone acts like they do in your head, they are overreacting, and you are entitled to say "what the fuck"

If your chest hurts after you feel like you've made a social error, that's called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It means your anxiety is so bad that it's causing you physical pain, which is a good indicator that you're overreacting. Tense yourself, hold it for 20 seconds, let it go, then find a distraction

If you're suddenly angry at someone after you feel like you made a social error, that's also rejection-sensitive dysphoria. You are going to feel annoyed about it for awhile, but being genuinely pissed off is your anxiety trying to find something to blame to take the responsibility off your shoulders, and getting scared because it can't justify itself. Deep breaths, ask yourself how much you ACTUALLY want to be angry at that person, then find a distraction

"Sour grapes" is more healthy for you than stewing. Deciding you don't like someone who's perpetually annoyed with you, won't talk to you, etc. makes letting go of anxiety over them easier

If people don't like you, they will find reasons to be annoyed with you when they otherwise wouldn't. If people do like you, they will find reasons NOT to be annoyed with you when they otherwise would. People do not ping-pong between the two

You DO have to make a conscious choice not to think about something. If you're having trouble circling back to it, say out loud that you're done thinking about it and why. Then find a distraction

When you're upset, part of you is going to want to make false bids for attention (suddenly texting differently, heavy sighs, etc. but when someone asks you about it, you tell them it's nothing). Do not listen to it. You gain nothing from it except more misery

People like to help people they care about. It makes them feel good about themselves

If you think you're insufferable for needing help, see above. Yes, really. They get a serotonin kick from it

If you think you're insufferable for mannerisms you have, you either have to consciously choose not to do them, or accept that they're part of the package that comes with you. Being apologetic about existing does nothing except make you more miserable

If you do things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it makes it easier to do them when you hate it

If you avoid things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it reinforces and magnifies how bad it feels when you hate it

Seriously. Read those last two points again. If you can make yourself make a phone call when you've got nothing to lose, you will slowly lose that panic you get when you have to make a phone call you haven't prepared for. You do have to CONSCIOUSLY take that step

Hobbies that make you care for something get rid of that nagging feeling that you're not doing enough. Go grow some rosemary

If you don't engage with your hobbies regularly, you will feel miserable, and anxiety will spike

Hobbies are things that give you a bit of happiness. They do not have to be organized or named to do that. Go be creative in something. Play with coins. Make up lists. Start a new WIP

No one cares what you look like

If people point out things they don't like about how you look unprompted, they are being rude. You are entitled to say "what the fuck"

People who like you will find you pretty to some degree. Minor things about your appearance go completely unnoticed. Literally, scars and dots and blemishes do not register to someone who likes your company

You looking at yourself in the mirror is 10x more closely than anyone is going to look at you

If you're anxious about your body type, and you're creatively inclined, make/write an oc with that same shape. Give them nice things and make other characters love them. Put them on adventures. You'll start to see yourself in the mirror more kindly

You care about wording and perfect lines/colors way more than anyone who views your work ever will

Sometimes when you're upset, you're going to feel like not eating. Do not do that. Not eating makes you more miserable

Same with things you normally enjoy. Denying yourself helps no one. You are punishing yourself for being sad. Stop it

Both of these will take conscious decision to break the habit of. Make yourself do it anyways, and it will slowly get easier

And again, to reiterate: If someone is mad at you, it is THEIR responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess

[nightshadereaper66]

Literally going insane over how

“I would have gone with you to the end, into the very fires of Mordor.”

Is a perfect summary of all the main relationships in lotr.

The hobbits planning out Frodo’s escape before he’s even told them he’s leaving the shire. Following him every step of the way, no matter how treacherous the road becomes.

Boromir traveling across the country in search of an elf king he’s not even certain exists, just because his brother is having visions. To put his brothers mind at ease, and keep their kingdom safe.

The three hunters travel a nearly impossible distance, running days on end with next to no sleep, for two hobbits. For two dear friends.

Arwen gives up immortality to be with Aragorn. For the chance to end up in the mortal afterlife, she leaves all her people behind for her love.

Gimli leaves his home, his family, all of middle earth, to sail to the edge of the world with Legolas. With no idea of what lies in store for him there, he sails anyway.

Sam leaves the shire to sail across the sea to Frodo. Following him to the end, one last time. Unsure what awaits him besides seeing his friend once more- no matter what lies across those shores, being at Frodo’s side once more makes anything worth it.

The idea that love is going to the end, no matter what that may be or how certain it is, but journeying nonetheless. Holding tight to hope, and following those you love through it all. To the very fires of Mordor.