nightsinwhite - Tumblr blog

[nightsinwhite]

haven't posted in a little while. stayed with my boyfriend for nearly a week and wasn't able to manage my food intake. been prepping for uni too. ana is on the back burner while i'm stressing over everything.

[nightsinwhite]

[nightsinwhite]

sun, 27th aug, 2023

` ` ᵇʳᵉᵃᵏᶠᵃˢᵗ﹕ ᵃ ᵐᵒⁿˢᵗᵉʳ ⁽¹¹ ᶜᵃˡˢ⁾

` ` ˡᵘⁿᶜʰ﹕ⁿ/ᵃ

` ` ᵈⁱⁿⁿᵉʳ﹕ᵗʷᵒ ʰᵒᵐᵉᵐᵃᵈᵉ ᵗᵃᶜᵒˢ ⁽ᵃʳᵒᵘⁿᵈ ²⁰⁰ ᶜᵃˡˢ ᵉᵃᶜʰ⁾

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

[nightsinwhite]

i want to be thin enough to take body checks. i want to see my bones.

[nightsinwhite]

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ and i'm back

[nightsinwhite]

so so sad...

[nightsinwhite]

my boyfriend lifted my b00bs while i was on the scale, i would be down to around 10st 1lb if i didn't have them. paiiiin.

[nightsinwhite]

casually scrolling through th!nsp0 while my boyfriend is asleep.

[nightsinwhite]

sat, 11th feb, 2023

` breakfast: n/a

` lunch: n/a

` dinner: two sausages with some onions and veg (under 500cals), yoghurt (under 100cals)

[nightsinwhite]

lack of posts because i've been eating 'normal' amounts of food and i feel guilty.

i have this weekend off work and my boyfriend is over, which won't be a worry so i can happily restrict around him. but we're going back to his because i'm meeting his family on monday.

he's told his mum that i've been feeling a bit self conscious about my weight so that i won't be pushed to eat a lot (which she understands). i'm not going to be able to get out of eating though - i'd feel bad denying food anyway. trying not to panic.

[nightsinwhite]

thu, 9th feb, 2023

` breakfast: n/a

` lunch: chocolate (definitely over 200cals)

` dinner: small bowl of carbonara (??cals)

i usually don't post when i feel like i ate too much but it's better to be honest.

[nightsinwhite]

morning weigh in: 10st 11lbs (151lbs) (-7lbs)

said that i wouldn't weigh myself until this friday but i wanted to check my weight to see if i was losing anything so that i knew whether or not i needed to restrict more.

hoping to lose another 3/4lbs by sunday.

[nightsinwhite]

tue, 7th feb, 2023

` breakfast: fruit pot from college canteen (greek yoghurt, oranges, peaches, cherries, raisins, and granola) (??cals)

` lunch: n/a

` dinner: chicken, roast potatoes, and peas. had some red grapes as well (??cals)

- everything that i don't deem 'safe food', i eat in small portions.

step count: 6,725 (-214cals) - burned off the fruit pot.

[nightsinwhite]

[nightsinwhite]

i can't express how relieving it is to be in a relationship with someone who understands your ed.

i want to clarify that my boyfriend doesn't support my eating habits (he wants me to be and eat healthy), but he knows that it's what i need to feel better about my weight and to feel more comfortable in my skin.

he doesn't push me to eat and rarely mentions my ed because he knows that it'll make me uncomfortable. he's the sweetest <3

[nightsinwhite]

the dream. not the only one who thinks that clothes will look better on them when they're skinny.

[nightsinwhite]

mon, 6th feb, 2023

` breakfast: n/a

` lunch: a mogu mogu drink (109cals)

` dinner: small portion of steak, nude potatoes, and a few carrots & less than a ¼ of a tub of ben & jerry's ice-cream (??cals)

step count: 6,644 (-207cals)

feeling pretty good. as long as i don't eat until dinner, i'm trying not to stress so much about how much i weigh. not stepping on the scales until friday.