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[nooooowat]

whYYY

ughughughughughughugh

JEREMY IS SUPPOSEDLY MOVING TO FUCKING CANADA THAT DOUCHE.

THIS IS NOT COOOOOOOL. NOOOOOO.NO.NO.NO.NO.NO.NO.

he fucking lived in fucking london for fucking five years and neVER SAID GOODBYE TO ME and now he's movING AGAIN TO FUCKING CANADA AFTER ONLY BEING BACK FOR LESS THAN A FUCKING YEAR.

NOT COOL NOT COOL NOT COOL.

NO.NO.NO.NO.

the worst part:

I HAD TO FIND OUT FROM LEXIE. WAS HE PLANNING ON NOT EVEN TELLING ME THAT HE WAS MOVING AGAIN? REALLY? SRSLY DUDE?

we have been best friends since FIRST GRADE.

we played STAR WARS TOGETHER on the playgROUND.

you fuckinG JERK WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS NOOOOONOONONONONONONONONONONONO

#ihateyoujeremy

[nooooowat]

March 18th, 2013

Wow, so it's clearly been awhile... (even though only one person reads this and it's my bestfriend) (though this is more of a diary that's open to anyone.) and there's some shit that's happened. Jeremy is no longer a crush, and instead, Eddy has taken his place and may be taking Aldenie's spot. But Aldenie is still king he's seriously just sooooooooo attractive omfg.

But Eddy's a better match for me I think, and Lexie makes fun of me because he's mormon so thanks for that....

I also think he might maybe like me back though I may just be desprate and he actually only likes me a friend... not sure which one...

Although my older sister is friends with his older sister and over the summer they were suspecting he liked me????? but I have no fucking idea.

Ummm.... Aldenie is in fucking Itlay because he's on this international soccer team or some shit. Lexie and I have decided that he's probably got lots of prostitutes on his arm since he's so fucking attractive. It's seriously not fair how hot he is.

In school I've missed the last two weeks and my LA teacher is being a bitch. She started out real nice and now she's just turning pissier and pissier everyday.. People are saying she's on menopose.... wouldn't be surprised tbh...

Amy and I are sort of good friends again but I hate being at school with her because she has the attention span of a 2 year old which makes the classes I have with her a drag, especially since she's apparently having issues in the friend's department and apparently I'm her only REAL friend right now...? And she honestly says, "I don't know why they all hate me..." well maybe that's your problem, your too perfect in your eyes to be flawed. Even diamonds need reshaping...

Hmm... I don't if much else has really happened... nothing very noticable anyway.

[nooooowat]

[nooooowat]

[nooooowat]

[nooooowat]

December 4th, 2012

Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was swamped with homework. But, compared to today, yesterday is extremely boring.

I get on the bus, and, I will admit, and I'm fully expecting Amy to go out and tell Jeremy that I like him, however, at the same time, I feel like, "no, she wouldn't force that on both of us, she's our friend." Wrong. Fucking Wrong.

Nope, I hang out with her in line and then Jeremy comes up to the group and I'm so totally dreading this. Amy goes and pull him aside, and I full on glare at her back as she does it. I know what she's telling him. That I like him back. Then they walk back and I don't look at Jeremy because I'm embarrassing. Amy tells Jack. I would've been totally okay with this if she'd ASKED me before she went and told them both that information. I walk over, totally ready to yell at her, and she LITERALLY pushes me back, to where Jeremy is standing behind me, and says, REALLY FUCKIN LOUD, "MADDY, GO TO YOUR DESTINY!" and then I gain a new found love for Kol. He stands between me and Jeremy, totally unaware of what in the fuck is going on and just trying to be funny, he says, spreading his ridiculously long arms out, "I am the Destiny blocker!!!" I LOVE YOU KOL. THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH.

obviously thinking it's the funniest thing in the goddamn world. Seriously Amy? Just what the fuck? This is between me and Jeremy. If he wants to ask me out, he'll do it.

So we go into first period and I don't look at him at all. I repeat to Amy over and over and over again, "I hate you so much right now," and her reply is, "no you don't, you love me!" grinning.

I just want to fucking punch that grin all the way PAST HELL and up Satan's penis. 

After health I avoid Amy, Jack, and Jeremy and walk over to Kol and Drew. I tell them what's going on, mainly Kol though. I specifically say, "I may need the destiny blocker a bit longer," and then he asks why and I tell him, talking quietly and shaking and feeling sick to my stomach like I might throw up. Or burst into hysterical tears, either one. 

We walk out to go to second period, because Kol is in the class with me. We talk about random crap, trying to take my mind off of it. Thank you Kol. I love you, but I will not date you, however. Sorry.

I avoid Jeremy the rest of the day, and give Aldenie a longing glance during second period, not knowing what I want. 

Third period nothing happens except that I'm still sick to my stomach and not sure if I'm going to burst into tears or throw up.

I go to lunch and immediately pull Lexie over to the bathroom with me. 

I tell her everything, what I'm feeling. How I don't know what my feelings are toward everything and how I don't know what I'm going to say. I tell her what Amy did first period and how I'm mad at her. We go back into the lunch room where she takes me to the lunch line to buy me a cookie. Have I mentioned yet that Lexie is my favorite?

Okay so Amy's ahead of us, and she walks over to me smiling and giddy and basically yells, "You're going to have a boyfriend!!!!!" and Curs is with her because they're 'bffs" she asks who. Amy says, "Jeremy." Curs says, "Wait you're dating him!?" she looked happy I guess? Apparently Amy's brainwashed everyone.

So I tell her no and seriously by this point I'm freaking out. Aldenie is within sight and Amy and Curs continue on and Lexie and I stay behind a little, to put space beween us. I tell Lexie how I don't know what to do about Aldenie and I've started tearing up with confusion and anger. Today has not been very good. And I am dreading tomorrow.

We get our "comfort food" and go back to our table and she asks me who I'd be more  comforatble around. I tell her I honestly don't know. Aldenie is like the guy that romance novels are revolved around. He's funny, smart, gorgeous, and just everything I could possibly ask for. I get those happy and nervous butterflies when I'm around him and don't know what to do. Should I grin because he looks exceptionally good today? Or stay cool and composed so I don't come off as weird? 

Jeremy is the opposite. He's, like I said in the last post, safe. I feel more or less comfortable. I don't have the butterflies or the thoughts, "omfg you're so perfect I just want to kiss you so badly right now kdslfjlsdakfjdsalkf" going on over and over and over again like with Aldenie. He's not what I would consider "exceptionally good looking" or very "good looking" at all by my standards. He's just a guy who's given me these complicated unresolved feelings from first grade and I don't what to do with them. Put them away in a drawer like I've been doing? Or take them out and try to find out what the fuck it all means?

She basically says, man that is tough! And she's right. We go outside and I freak out some more about everything. We go back to the bathroom and pass Aldenie and I think I see him look at me and that surge of butterflies doesn't help.

We get to the bathroom and I fall to the floor and honestly feel like I'm going to just burst into tears. Betsy comes in and we go back to the basketball court and Lexie tells her what's going on because I'm too emotionally exhausted to tell her. Then Amy comes back over to us and she asks if I'm mad at her. I yell at her but don't really remember what all I said other than, "I feel like you're pressuring him into doing this.... WELL MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO BE SET UP." and then she walks away. Later Lexie sees her looking over at us from her group of Curs and some other girls I didn't recognize. She's obviously been telling them about how "unreasonable" I am by the way she smiles and waves. By the end of lunch I've realized something:

I'm not emotionally ready to be in a relationship. Amy's been more happy and excited about this whole thing, while I've been sick to my stomach not looking forward to it at all. He doesn't ask me out today, but I've decided to say no when/if he does.

My mom also helped with this descion. I finally talked to her about boys and it was surprisingly helpful. I don't usually confide to her about stuff like that, but I did this time. I didn't give her names, but I told her about both guys. How I've known both of them since elementary school. I tell her about how I generally feel around them and she tell me this:

"That one guy [Aldenie] is obviously a crush. But the other one, [Jeremy] is a friend. So he'd probably someone who would be a good first boyfriend. You could figure out what exactly it means to be in a relationship and feel comfortable at the same time. However, you're in middle school. What really does it mean to be in a relationship at this age anyway?"

This really helped. Although, writing all of this shit out, I kind of have realized yet another thing. I don't really want to go out with Jeremy at all. It's Aldenie. 

Let me just tell you about sixth period really quick before I get too deep into my whole decision thing. So after we sang one of our songs for choir, we got a two minute break for working so hard I guess. And I pushed my stubborness aside for once to apologize to Amy for yelling at her at lunch. She had the fucking nerve to say,

"I don't think you yelling at me was called for, but I accept your apology."

SERIOUSLY? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU TOLD THREE PEOPLE [ONE OF THEM BEING JEREMY] THAT I LIKE HIM. WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST. THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND FUCKING JEREMY AND YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED OUT OF IT FROM THE FUCKING BEGINNING. YOU'RE NOT THE GIFTED OR SKILLED MATCHMAKER YOU THINK YOU ARE AND YOU NEED TO BACK THE FUCK OFF. I TOLD YOU I LIKED HIM. HE HAPPENS TO LIKE ME BACK A LITTLE BIT. THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU GO AND TELL HIM THAT. JUST BECAUSE WE HAVE SIMILAR FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER DOES NOT MEAN YOU TAKE CONTROL OF THE FUCKING SITUATION AND YOU NEED TO. BACK. THE. FUCK. OFF. 

i think this basically explains why that was completely CALLED for, does it not?

So anyway, back to Jeremy and Aldenie.

I think I'm going to tell this to Jeremy if/when he asks me out, "Look, I do... like you, It's just... I don't think I'm really ready to be in a relationship. And, in middle school, what really is being in a relationship to being friends? I mean, sure, holding hands and hugging. But that's really not much. We might hang out occasionally but it wouldn't really be 'going out' or 'dating'. I think that I'd rather get to know the Jeremy that just got back from London before I decide to date him. So, basically, I'd rather say no for now and us get to know the more grown up versions of each other first."

I also realized that if Aldenie asked me out, like, next month, I'd probably be like, "YES YES YES YES YES YES OF COURSE. WE COULD EVEN GET MARRIED AND HAVE BABIES NOW IF YOU WANTED." but of course, my real reply would be this: "Uh....Huh..." while I'm smiling uncontrollably and looking like the biggest retard ever.

I think that Maddine is edgame. Sorry to say it.

[nooooowat]

December 3rd, 2012

All i have to say is:

RIGHT WHEN I DECIDED TO FUCKING GIVE UP ON ALDENIE AND MOVE ON TO GREENER PASTURES, HE PUTS THE GOD DAMN MOVES ON ME. WHY. DOES HE FUCKING KNOW WHAT HE DOES TO ME OR SOMETHING?

omfgomfgomfgomfgomfgomfgomfg. 

so on the bus he ignored Amy and talked to mE AND ONLY ME AND I WAS LIKE "WHY ALDENIE? I'M TRYING TO MOVE ON" BUT I DIDN'T SAY IT OUT LOUD OF COURSE AND JUST FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. He's an angelic and beautiful creature who knows how to make me want to rage fangirl over him for fucking hours  whY DO YOU DO HTIS TO ME ALDENIE. WHY. 

kfjasdlk;fjsdalkfjsadlkfjsdlkafjsdalkfjsdlakfjsald;fjsdaf

Then there's Jeremy.

I finally told Amy that I like him today after school. Earlier today, before she knew that, she asked Jeremy if he likes me. he said, "maybe" and then she fuckin asked if he'd date me. ANOTHER FUCKIN MAYBE.

WHY IS LOVE AND REALTIONSHIPS SO GODDAMN COMPLICATED? i just don't know what the hell to do right now. Aldenie is a god, he's got looks, he makes me squeemish and smile uncontrolably. 

Jeremy, however, is what might call "safe". I've known him for for-fucking-ever and when he moved to fucking London, I will admit that on some level I was "heart broken". He's not unbelievably attractive. He's funny though. But he's not anything like Aldenie.

This is super fucking cheesy but I have to fucking say it.

I. Feel. Like. Bella. Swan. Choosing. Between. Edward. And. Jacob.

Jacob = Jeremy. safe and reliable.

Edward = Aldenie. Unpredictable, fucking hot as hell, and just everything i could want in guy (with the added benefit of being my neighbor)

EXCEPT THERE'S NO OBVIOUS ANSWER LIKE IN THE GODDAMN BOOKS. WHY IS LIFE SO HARD?

goodnight. im gonna go cry about my problems. (not rly tho)

[nooooowat]

[nooooowat]

[nooooowat]

dear aldenie...

Funny Quotes Tumblr

[nooooowat]

Jeremaddy or Maderemy. Either way a budding star wars love is canon.

i cant believe i have people shipping me with people. omfg. you guys are awesome. and youre right, it is canon. but obsessing over your ANGELIC FACE OF A NEIGHBOR is like, you know, tonsoffun.

decisions decisions... hmm..........

[nooooowat]

i ship you and aldenie. your couple name is now madinie #otp

OMFG SLDKFJSDFLKSDJAFKLSDFJDSA;FJSD I SHIP US TOO. KAKLFDS BUT JEREMY AND I HAVE A BETTER CHANCE. EVERYTHING IS SO COMPLICATED.

[nooooowat]

December 2nd, 2012

I like Jeremy. But Aldenie is king.

[nooooowat]

November 30, 2012

Sorry for not posting yesterday, I was busy being stressed out over school :/ But nothing too interesting happened yesterday.

Today I woke up late and because of this went to school looking like crap. Although, I did pull off a bed head pony tail pretty well. No really good highlights from the school day. But today I went to the Christmas Tree Lighting with Amy and Betsy. Amy and I wanted to go just ourselves, but Betsy wanted to come too and we didn't want to be mean...

Anyway, so we wander around in the rain until Jeremy finds us. The rest of night we all hang out and Amy makes eyebrows at us from time to time because she thinks we'd be really cute together. Jeremy hugs be a couple of times, but I don't really hug back because I'm, as I've mentioned before, AWKWARD. But we laughed a lot about inside jokes from first grade and it was really fun. I hugged him back on like, the third hug, (ALL OF THEM WERE CASUAL) and he fucking poINTED IT OUT THAT IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I HUGGED HIM BACK AND INSIDE IM JUST LIKE, KSDLJFASKFJLSAFJSL;DAJF WHY THE FUCK.. .WHAT ARE THESE FEELINGS. WHAT ABOUT ALDENIE. IM SO CONFUSED.

there's a lot of laughing and Jeremy loOKS REALLY HOT IN A SANTA HAT. HE KIND OF BRINGS SEXY SANTA TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL. IM SORRY BUT IT HAD TO BE SAID. (btw im like 392849023840923842% sure that Aldenie would've looked, like, 3948392048920349084903458903485092348534209% better in it tho. all of the awards, Aldenie. All of the awards.) 

So anyway, then I take out my phone to check on it and he's like, "Wait, what's your background?" with mock disappointment and I show him my SEXY IMAGE OF IAN SOMERHALDER AND I SAY, "Ian Somerhalder the sexiest man to ever walk the earth," and then he says, "Sometimes I hate you because now you're a regular girl," and I REPLY IN THE SASSIEST WAY POSSIBLE, "Well, SORRY I DON'T PLAY STAR WARS ON THE PLAYGROUND ANYMORE," and he does that thing that ALL ATTRACTIVE AND EGOTISTICAL GUYS JUST DO SPOT ON, WHERE THEY LEAN BACK AND PUT THEIR HANDS UP AS IF IN DEFEAT AND HE'S JUST LIKE, "WELL SORRY," and the whole time im just thinking, "jealous, are we?" BUT I DIDN'T SAY IT OUT LOUD BECAUSE KSLFJSDLKFJSDFJSDLF;JSDA;LFJSALKFJ

and i get home and now I think i may be moving on from Aldenie WHICH I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW BUT JUST SDLKFJSKLFJSA ALDENIE IS MADE FROM ANGELS BUT JEREMY AND I HAVE HISTORY AND I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO. IM THIRTEEN YEARS OLD WHY AM I FEELING THESE FEELINGS.GAHH.

plus i can actually see Jeremy and I being together and really cute as a couple, but with Aldenie, it's more of a fantasy and I just... JFDSAFJ;SAD;FJSAF. 

;-; also for most of the night all I wanted to do was like hold his hand or something and I could picture us as a couple holding hands and being adorable but jUST DAMMIT MADDY. ALDENIE.

i feel like im cheating on him even though he doens't know that, in my mind, Aldenie and I are a thing. BUT JEREMY IS THREATENING THAT TITLE AAND I DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS YET. SKDFLJSALKFJSDALFKJAS;LD

so goodnight. i think im going to go to sleep thinking about Jeremy because im fucKING WEIRD LIKE THAT.

bye guys. talk to you monday, (or earlier) :)

[nooooowat]

November 28, 2012

Today was about the same as the last, simply okay. Probably because I didn't get to talk to Aldenie today, but that's okay I guess. I don't really think anything interesting happened today, but I'll recount it anyway.

I did everything I normally do in the mornings, wake up, shower, get ready. I didn't really eat any breakfast because nothing looked very appetizing and I was already going to be  having a big lunch. So I skipped breakfast and went outside. Today I looked pretty stunning. But I didn't get to "flaunt it" next to Aldenie because I went out a bit later. BUT I MIGHT HAVE SEEN HIM LOOK AT ME FROM THE CORNER OF MY EYE AND I JUST ABOUT DIED?! kjcfsdlkfjdsa Bus ride was good, but Betsy missed the bus so I sat with Karmy today, and Aldenie sat in the seat right across from us but I got window. :( Oh well.

Bus ride was rather the usual, but at school Amy surprised me with "Best Friend's Day!" (our friendship anniversary) and my big lunch was crab california rolls and pudding! I also got a card but it didn't really say anything memorable. Health started but I didn't hang out with Jeremy, Kol, and Jack before we got into the class room. Today Amy and I hung out separately from them. In health we talked about suicide and signs to look for. Nothing too interesting happened there.

Second period L/A nothing happened either. I wrote all day for NaNoWriMo and am 2,000 words away from meeting my goal, but not to finishing the story.

Third period Social Studies we did a chapter review and nothing terribly interesting happened there either. Then was lunch and I hung out with Lexie. And I think I should probably start mentioning our ideas of how I can tell him my love. Click here to see what they are because I don't feel like adding them to this post. 

Then math rolls around and i ACTUALLY SAT SORT OF CLOSE TO ALDENIE BUT NOT ON PURPOSE AND WHEN I WAS TALKING TO MY FRIEND I KEPT LOOKING OVER HER SHOULDER AT HIM TO MARVEL AT HIS BEAUTY AND HE NEVER NOTICED AND JUST DLSFJSDLFKJSDALFKJSADLFKJAS;DFSDAJFKLSDAJF luv is where we r 2nite<3

Then science nothing happens. Choir nothing happeens. So that cool I guess. Today is rather short because today was rather boring. Let's hope tomorrow's more exciting. :)

[nooooowat]

November 27, 2012

Today was... okay. It wasn't great but it also wasn't bad. It was pure and simple just 'okay'. Today I woke up an hour late, instead of being up at 5:20, I was up at 6:40. It was okay though, I still got out on time with no delay. I didn't get to stand by Aldenie today at the bus stop, but that was just fine because Betsy and Karmy had unknowingly gotten a seat RIGHT NEXT to the one that Aldenie's friend had saved. So we were extremely close for the whole bus ride. 

The expression, "So close, but yet so, so far away" fits perfectly.

We didn't talk today. But that was okay with me, even though I would have liked to have talked to him. Anyway, he looked perfect today too, as usual. >.< 

So anyway, first period starts up and I wait to get into the classroom with Kol, Amy, Jack, and Jeremy again. Don't really remember what we talked about mainly because I wasn't quite paying attention.

I  think I should mention that Jeremy may or may not be curshing on me. I don't know that I'd mind if he did, considering first grade and all, but at the same time... I just don't know. My reasons for thinking he likes me:

He may or may not be trying to impress me by being funny....? (maybe it's just his more "matured" personality)

I catch him looking at me constantly (like in the halls, and during class, etc.)

I just feel like there's this certain vibe that's saying "i'd really like to date you and maybe one day bone you" 

Idek if this means anything, but today he randomly highfived me?????? 

Yep. those are my incredibly weak reasons. Also on halloween, Amy and I had run into him and his group (A guy we'll call Strawberry, Curs, a girl named Tia, and some others cant remember). We walked a bit separated from the group and reminisced about first grade. It was... fun.

So the next day in first period he does this thing that you usually on movies that are like set in high school and stuff (?????)

So it's first period and he's like, "Last night was fun, right maddy?" and he's grinning and stuff.

And since I'm so awkward and shy and just have no fucking social skills at all, I'm just like, "Yeah... I guess.." like uncertain and nervous as fuck because I'm shy and shit.

And then he does the movie thing that I mentioned earlier. and he goes, "Oh, c'mon, you had fun! Admit it!" in that like cocky way but it's not like he's being a jerk at the same time and it's all confident aND LIKE IM JSUT ALL SJKLFAJSFLKDSAJFDSLKDSJ WHY AM I FEELING THESE FEELINGS?! WHAT IS GOING ON? i think that this also may have happened because of unresolved feelings from first grade that I've just put off thinking I'd never see him again. WELP. THAT BACKFIRED.

anyway so then second period there are no longing one second glanced from me to Aldenie and I'm a bit upset but, hey, what can you do? Nothing happens second period. Third period, Social Studies, is pretty calm too. Nothing to interesting happens. Fourth period comes, math, and I did surprisingly okay at today's lesson, I mean, I was proud of myself. I eat lunch in math class so that during lunch I can go do this skyping thing for L/A where we talk to another class that's also doing NaNoWriMo. That was... interesting?

Fifth period the WORST THING EVER HAPPENS AND IM SO SAD I JUST WANT TO CRY. apparently there's this girl, we'll call her Maria, and she lIKES ALDENIE. and her two friends i guess are in my science class and my science teacher (he's actually really cool) has supposedly found out who most everyone likes in his classes and now seats them NEXT TO EACH OTHER. SO ALDENIE AND MARIA ARE SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER AND MARIA IS NO DOUBT PUTTING THE MOVES ON HIM BECAUSE SHE'S PROBABLY SUPER CHARASMATIC AND HERE I AM WITH THE ONLY CONVERSATION STARTER AND ENDER BEING: "wats ur fav color?" FUCK. ME. 

so that happened. AND SO NOW MY FUCKING TEACHER AND TWO GIRLS ARE TRYING TO SET ALDENIE UP WITH MARIA AND I JUST WANT TO SHOOT MYSELF. but maria, i'd like to see you up me on this one: HE'S CALLED ME A GOOD FUCKING PERSON BEFORE. AND HE'S SO FUCKING NICE TO ME. AND HE'S MY NEIGHBOR. I think i've proved my point.

Choir, sixth period, is fun i guess. nothing memorable happens.

ON THE BUS THERE WAS NO SHOWER OF DISAPPOINTMENT THOUGH. I WAS BASICALLY IN THE SAME SEAT AS THIS MORNING AND SO WAS HE!!! we didn't talk though. but once we were the only ones on the bus (i.e., our friends were gone) I feel like he was looking at me. But i didn't check to see because IM AWKWARD OKAY HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU PEOPLE THIS.

then i went to the docter. i got some stuff to help me with the little bit of acne i have, and am the perfect weight and height for my age. :D WOO! although i might get taller. I DONT WANT TO GET TALLER. GOD NO.

so that's it. that's what happened today. now im going to call lexie and tell her about aldenie today because i have yet to do that. I will also eat dinner and do homework.

[nooooowat]

November 26, 2012

Today was a good day. And this morning was amazing.

I woke up on time surprisingly and was ready for the bus right on time. Since Aldenie is my neighbor, he also goes to my bus stop. This is both amazing and horrible. For one thing, I get to see him practically first thing in the morning and he's always looking good (if you know what I mean). But it's also EXTREMELY AWKWARD because NO ONE at my bus stop talks. Sometimes but not usually. And it's really fucking annoying. -.- 

But anyway, so no one talks, and I get to stand next to him and that's just SUPER awkward but also the bestest thing ever in the whole fucking world. slkafjaslf So I'm standing there feeling like I'm going to die and just having all of these feelings. Between you and me, I always feel that there's quite a bit of some "thick sexual tension" (Klaus Mikalson, The Vampire Diaries, Season 4) between us. So basically I always just really want to hug him and kiss him and just show him affection. I think that if I ever got to hold his hand I'd just about die. 

But anyway, so he does one of those sighs that only attractive guys pull off and immediatly in my head, I think to myself, "I love it when he breaths. Is that weird? I think I'm getting really creepy." And I don't think any of you understand just how amazingly hot this guy is like honestly. HE IS SMOKING. (im not that shallow though, that's not the only reason I'm in love with this guy)

The the bus gets there and as I'm getting on the bus I'm trying to contain my feelings so that I'll be cool and composed and Betsy and Karmy. I sit down and it's a pretty quiet bus ride. It usually is in the mornings since we're still waking up. We get to school and get off the bus and I say goodbye to Karmy and Besty since they have Gym first period and like to get dressed before the bell rings. 

I walk over to where I know I'll find Lexie and I tell her about this morning in much more depth than what I've given you and she laughs the whole time. Not in a mean way. Because I was basically fan girling and when I fangirl I talk really fast and I will admit that it is quite funny.

Anyway, school officially starts and I go to health where I wait to go into the class room with Amy, Jeremy, Kol, and Jack. I don't really remember what we talked about. Other than about this really annoying girl who dyed her hair BRIGHT ORANGE. it did not look very good or flattering.

At the end of health we pack up and I go to my Pre-Honors L/A class where there's a new seating chart. (to my disappointment) I'm no longer anywhere near Aldenie. Before, he was right in front of me, and I could stare at the back of his head and day dream. Now he's all the way on the other side of the room and behind me. I survey the room, pretending to try and figure out where everyone is now sitting, but really I'm just trying to find out where Aldenie is so that I can get a glance of him before we have to start class. I think we made eye contact, and if so, then he gave me this really fucking attractive stare and I seriously wanted to scream but I with held from doing so because that would be disruptive and odd. 

Some background knowledge on what we're doing in LA: reading Treasure Island, compiling a list of 20 vocab. words from the book, gathering "possible research ideas" with an "Essential Question and Guiding questions" and coming up with three debate questions on the book. And I owe a guy we're gonna call Brian three of them because he gave me like five cookies.

I have done none of this.

The whole class period I was freaking out, worrying that my teacher would find out I haven't done jack shit about any of this project. But all we did was talk about what she meant by Essential and Guiding questions.

THAT WAS A LOAD OFF MY BACK.

Social Studies is fine and nothing notable happens. I go to lunch and explode onto Lexie about what happened in Second Period with Aldenie is WAY TOO MUCH DETAIL. She laughs the whole time again. Nothing else very interesting happens that Lunch. 

My fourth period class, which is Pre-Algebra (I'm in advanced math), Aldenie is in. He sits all the way on the other side of the room, though this is by choice seeing as how there is no seating chart and I'm just too fucking shy and awkward to push a guy I'm gonna name Horton out of his seat. You're welcome Horton. 

Aldenie gets sent outside for talking and it's all very funny. As he leaves he says, "Don't have too much fun without me!" and when he was outside I contemplated saying "Wow. It's so much quieter now!" but decided not too because I just didn't want to attract too much attention to myself, even though I'm pretty sure everyone, including the teacher, would have laughed. 

Math ends, (thankfully) and I go to Science. Nothing interesting happens in Science. At all. Absolutely nothing. Except that I spelled Jurassic correctly. I was quite proud of myself. 

My sixth period class comes next, and it's Choir. Nothing interesting happens there either. The day's over and I get on the bus to go home only to be welcomed with a showering of disappointment. Aldenie is no where near where Betsy and Karmy decided to save seats. I don't get to talk to him after his friend gets off. (He acts really kind of like a douche around his friends. But I seriously don't fucking care. His hair and angelic face make up for it COMPLETELY. Usually we have really nice conversations and I always get him to laugh, which makes me laugh AND OMFG AREN'T WE TOTALLY CANON?

I'm about to explode with feelings so I'm going to go put all of that energy into getting my homework done. (Not really though, I'm too fucking lazy and too much of a procrastinator to fucking get it done now).