noparadiseinthis

[noparadiseinthis]

English is not my first language. Bear with me, Grammarly helps, but it doesn't work miracles

Part 1: Birds fly in different directions

Spencer Reid/Gideon's daughter!Reader

Masterlist here

Warnings: Father's death. It is pure sadness (but cute, too). You and Spencer have children. Maybe not as much Spence as you'd like. A very brief mention of suicide in a teen joke.

The "●●●" marks the shift between past and present.

Summary: When your husband Spencer woke up to a phone call in the middle of the night, you were sure it would be another case. You never expected it to be Agent Hotchner telling you that your father's body had been found.

When you were born, Stephen was 3 years old and your father was finding it increasingly difficult to balance family time with work. With a new baby in the mix, he was always tired. He had a way of compartmentalizing and not thinking about his family when he was working, but the opposite wasn't true. What he did most was blame himself and spend sleepless nights, his mind wandering between the horrors he saw in the cases and his wife, alone to look after you and your brother. That's why, every time you woke up crying in your crib, he would immediately stand up, as if he had predicted the exact time.

When he was at home, he tried to take as much weight off Jill's shoulders as possible, which included taking you into the kitchen every night, your face nestled in his neck while he hummed to you and prepared your bottle after checking to see if your diaper needed changing. Most nights, he'd manage to calm you down or take you downstairs before waking his wife, but when that didn't happen, he'd just kiss Jill and tell her to go back to sleep because he had everything under control.

"There's a Starman waiting in the sky, he's told us not to blow it 'cause he knows it's all worthwhile." he would sing/whisper in your ear during those nights, always the same song.

You were enchanted by his voice, your small hand rubbing the stubble on his face as you listened in silence so as not to miss anything, although sometimes you would let out a few small strangled sounds, far from being any recognizable words. He just laughed as quietly as he could and smiled excitedly in your direction.

"That's right, love. Soon we'll be a duet."

On this particular evening, he held you against his chest as he waltzed around the kitchen with you, singing "he told me: let the children lose it, let the children use it, let all the children boogie" to the sound of your loud laughter.

"So that's what you do when you tell me to go to bed?" The woman's voice echoed through the kitchen, causing Jason to turn abruptly, facing his laughing wife who was holding a video camera.

"Huh, excuse me?" He mumbled, looking embarrassed, as if he'd been caught committing a crime.

You looked like you were about to cry when your dance was interrupted, but then you spotted your mother and started shouting and waving your arms, calling her close.

"Please don't interrupt the show because of me," Jill said with a laugh. "How is she going to sleep after all this excitement, Jason?"

"Watch and learn, darling." He smiled openly, something almost feral in his expression as he deftly held you in one arm and tested the temperature of the bottle with the other. "I always manage."

●●●

The sharp sound of Spencer's phone ringing in the middle of the night easily lulled you out of sleep. Your husband would probably have some explanation about how this was evolution, conditioning women to wake up faster to high-pitched sounds like a baby crying.

"Spencer, pick that up," you muttered with a certain irritation, lightly shaking his shoulder.

Spencer sighed as he groped around with his eyes closed on the bedside table, trying to find his cell phone.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." He whispered.

You understood why. He always apologized before going out on a case.

●●●

The ringing of the phone echoed in the peaceful kitchen in the middle of the night. The recording was interrupted as Jason closed his eyes and sighed, knowing that only one person would call him this late.

"David Rossi knows how to have terrible timing." Jill commented, failing to hide her frustration.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." He whispered, looking from you to your mother, thinking of Stephen sleeping upstairs. "I'm not going."

"They need you, I understand. Just answer it." She said before leaving the kitchen.

Jason tried to ignore your confused and sleepy face as he answered the phone with an "I hope you're calling me for a drink."

On the other end of the line, Rossi snorted, "I wish. New case."

●●●

"New case?" Spencer mumbled into the phone, his voice moaning with sleep.

"Not the way you're thinking." Hotch replied, his voice tense. "Is your wife with you?"

●●●

"Give her to me and I'll put her to sleep." Jill offered, approaching her husband as he entered the living room.

"No, I... I did that." He couldn't explain why some days were harder than others, they just were.

●●●

Spencer made some strange friends in his youth. He remembers Max, one of his tutorial students at Caltech who is playing sloppily in the library chair before muttering that "some days it's better to kill yourself in bed as soon as the alarm goes off". At the time, his only response was a snorting laugh. He had never fully understood that feeling until now.

You didn't pay much attention to his conversation on the phone, but you were surprised to realize that several minutes had passed and he still hadn't gotten up to go to work. You scratched your eyes, sitting up in bed.

"Spence?"

When he looked at you, your heart squeezed. Your husband looked as if he was about to burst into tears.

●●●

"Who's the most beautiful girl in the world? That's right, it's you, baby." Jason cooed to you in the crib, delighted and frightened by the way you were now holding your bottle all by yourself. "I wanted you to be my baby forever".

With you, he tried not to think about the details of Dave's case over the phone, but his stupid brain couldn't help it. He didn't deserve a family like that. "I hope you don't hate me in the future," he whispered, his voice just a little shaky.

Once again, his singing voice put you to sleep. "Well, the clock says it's closing time, I think I'd better go now. I'd really like to stay here all night."

He kissed Stephen and Jill before leaving and these memories stayed with him through the long hours of the car journey.

"Is everything all right?" Dave asked, taking the wheel so that Gideon could get some rest.

"Sometimes they're harder to leave than others." He said, looking out of the window as he bit his lip to stop the wave of sadness.

"I imagine it is."

Three years ago, they were the same, young marrieds excited about impending fatherhood, glances exchanged between them during cases because only one could understand the other's fear that one day their families might be the victims. Now, Jason felt as if they belonged to completely different worlds.

There were walls between them, both always avoiding mention of their son's death and Rossi's subsequent divorce. Maybe that's where they went wrong; the fact is that's how they began to distance themselves, and Jason began to forget what it was like to have someone other than his wife with whom he could confide his fears without feeling guilty.

David would never judge him, but he judged himself every time he thought about venting about how Stephen was starting to test his parents' limits more and more, and then he remembered that Rossi's son would be the same age as him, and his friend would probably give anything to deal with a child's tantrum. For the rest of their lives, they were birds flying in different directions.

●●●

"Spence, what's wrong?" you asked a little startled, getting down on your knees on the bed.

He just hugged you tightly and sobbed, crying for what seemed like hours into your sweater. Wishing you could take all the pain away from his chest, you cradled him lovingly, stroking his hair and waiting for him to calm down enough to tell you what had happened.

"H-Hotch said... Hotch said..." he finally began, pulling away from your embrace so that he could look into your face. "That the police found a body."

Once again, your husband had to stop to collect himself, and you wiped away his tears in anguish and confusion.

"In your father's hut. They think it's him."

Your world stopped. And all the words seemed to fly away. No. No. No. It was some mistake. It had to be. Spencer had to force himself out of his state of anguish when he saw how you went into shock.

"Tell me it's a lie." You whispered, your voice so shaky and vulnerable that it was like a stab in his chest. You didn't wait for an answer before collapsing.

You thought of the video on your cell phone, the one whose tape you'd digitized when your father left it in the cabin before he left. That video seemed like a world ago, a world where he cradled you to his chest and sang David Bowie to you. You hardly realized you were crying. You wanted to have been his baby forever. You hated growing up.

The recording ended with the landline ringing in the early hours. You never needed your mother to explain what had happened. The alarm went off and he left. Like so many times. Like now. Forever.

"Listen to my voice, angel. Breathe with me, please."

Oh yes. You're a grown woman now, you can't be daddy's baby, as much as you'd like to be. You have babies of your own, sleeping just a few doors down.

"Why, Spencer?" You seemed to break down, crying harder than he'd ever seen you in his life.

He called you two days ago. He asked how his grandchildren were. He wanted to talk to Spencer, who was away on a case. He said he loved you. He said he'd visit for Christmas. You'd fallen asleep while he was reciting to you the names of all the birds on the West Coast. Why did you fall asleep?

●●●

As heavy-minded as he always was after a stressful case, Jason walked through town to clear his head before hitting the road to return to his family. He spotted a small toy store, with some stuffed birds in the window. He didn't even know they were made.

Almost as if he were a marionette, he was impelled to enter. There were an impressive number of species, but he knew which one was perfect as soon as he laid eyes on it. A robin. He left the store with a few dollars less and one more plush than when he entered, but it was worth it. He would spend his entire salary on toys if it made you happy.

[A/N]: This was started as soon as I finished the episode on Gideon's death today. Such a beautiful and sad episode. Every detail of it brought me to tears. It turned out that this first part was more a tribute to him than anything else. It was supposed to be a much longer one-shot, but this small part was already emotionally draining to write, so I decided to take a break and finish the rest as soon as possible. I have lots of ideas for more angst. I don't know if I liked the result very much, but I hope you had fun reading it.

The songs that Gideon sings to Reader are:

● Starman - David Bowie

● Soul Kitchen - The Doors

The title is from "Birds - Imagine Dragons"

[noparadiseinthis]

English is not my first language. Bear with me, Grammarly helps, but it doesn't work miracles

Part 1: Birds fly in different directions

Spencer Reid/Gideon's daughter!Reader

Masterlist here

Warnings: Father's death. It is pure sadness (but cute, too). You and Spencer have children. Maybe not as much Spence as you'd like. A very brief mention of suicide in a teen joke.

The "●●●" marks the shift between past and present.

Summary: When your husband Spencer woke up to a phone call in the middle of the night, you were sure it would be another case. You never expected it to be Agent Hotchner telling you that your father's body had been found.

When you were born, Stephen was 3 years old and your father was finding it increasingly difficult to balance family time with work. With a new baby in the mix, he was always tired. He had a way of compartmentalizing and not thinking about his family when he was working, but the opposite wasn't true. What he did most was blame himself and spend sleepless nights, his mind wandering between the horrors he saw in the cases and his wife, alone to look after you and your brother. That's why, every time you woke up crying in your crib, he would immediately stand up, as if he had predicted the exact time.

When he was at home, he tried to take as much weight off Jill's shoulders as possible, which included taking you into the kitchen every night, your face nestled in his neck while he hummed to you and prepared your bottle after checking to see if your diaper needed changing. Most nights, he'd manage to calm you down or take you downstairs before waking his wife, but when that didn't happen, he'd just kiss Jill and tell her to go back to sleep because he had everything under control.

"There's a Starman waiting in the sky, he's told us not to blow it 'cause he knows it's all worthwhile." he would sing/whisper in your ear during those nights, always the same song.

You were enchanted by his voice, your small hand rubbing the stubble on his face as you listened in silence so as not to miss anything, although sometimes you would let out a few small strangled sounds, far from being any recognizable words. He just laughed as quietly as he could and smiled excitedly in your direction.

"That's right, love. Soon we'll be a duet."

On this particular evening, he held you against his chest as he waltzed around the kitchen with you, singing "he told me: let the children lose it, let the children use it, let all the children boogie" to the sound of your loud laughter.

"So that's what you do when you tell me to go to bed?" The woman's voice echoed through the kitchen, causing Jason to turn abruptly, facing his laughing wife who was holding a video camera.

"Huh, excuse me?" He mumbled, looking embarrassed, as if he'd been caught committing a crime.

You looked like you were about to cry when your dance was interrupted, but then you spotted your mother and started shouting and waving your arms, calling her close.

"Please don't interrupt the show because of me," Jill said with a laugh. "How is she going to sleep after all this excitement, Jason?"

"Watch and learn, darling." He smiled openly, something almost feral in his expression as he deftly held you in one arm and tested the temperature of the bottle with the other. "I always manage."

●●●

The sharp sound of Spencer's phone ringing in the middle of the night easily lulled you out of sleep. Your husband would probably have some explanation about how this was evolution, conditioning women to wake up faster to high-pitched sounds like a baby crying.

"Spencer, pick that up," you muttered with a certain irritation, lightly shaking his shoulder.

Spencer sighed as he groped around with his eyes closed on the bedside table, trying to find his cell phone.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." He whispered.

You understood why. He always apologized before going out on a case.

●●●

The ringing of the phone echoed in the peaceful kitchen in the middle of the night. The recording was interrupted as Jason closed his eyes and sighed, knowing that only one person would call him this late.

"David Rossi knows how to have terrible timing." Jill commented, failing to hide her frustration.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." He whispered, looking from you to your mother, thinking of Stephen sleeping upstairs. "I'm not going."

"They need you, I understand. Just answer it." She said before leaving the kitchen.

Jason tried to ignore your confused and sleepy face as he answered the phone with an "I hope you're calling me for a drink."

On the other end of the line, Rossi snorted, "I wish. New case."

●●●

"New case?" Spencer mumbled into the phone, his voice moaning with sleep.

"Not the way you're thinking." Hotch replied, his voice tense. "Is your wife with you?"

●●●

"Give her to me and I'll put her to sleep." Jill offered, approaching her husband as he entered the living room.

"No, I... I did that." He couldn't explain why some days were harder than others, they just were.

●●●

Spencer made some strange friends in his youth. He remembers Max, one of his tutorial students at Caltech who is playing sloppily in the library chair before muttering that "some days it's better to kill yourself in bed as soon as the alarm goes off". At the time, his only response was a snorting laugh. He had never fully understood that feeling until now.

You didn't pay much attention to his conversation on the phone, but you were surprised to realize that several minutes had passed and he still hadn't gotten up to go to work. You scratched your eyes, sitting up in bed.

"Spence?"

When he looked at you, your heart squeezed. Your husband looked as if he was about to burst into tears.

●●●

"Who's the most beautiful girl in the world? That's right, it's you, baby." Jason cooed to you in the crib, delighted and frightened by the way you were now holding your bottle all by yourself. "I wanted you to be my baby forever".

With you, he tried not to think about the details of Dave's case over the phone, but his stupid brain couldn't help it. He didn't deserve a family like that. "I hope you don't hate me in the future," he whispered, his voice just a little shaky.

Once again, his singing voice put you to sleep. "Well, the clock says it's closing time, I think I'd better go now. I'd really like to stay here all night."

He kissed Stephen and Jill before leaving and these memories stayed with him through the long hours of the car journey.

"Is everything all right?" Dave asked, taking the wheel so that Gideon could get some rest.

"Sometimes they're harder to leave than others." He said, looking out of the window as he bit his lip to stop the wave of sadness.

"I imagine it is."

Three years ago, they were the same, young marrieds excited about impending fatherhood, glances exchanged between them during cases because only one could understand the other's fear that one day their families might be the victims. Now, Jason felt as if they belonged to completely different worlds.

There were walls between them, both always avoiding mention of their son's death and Rossi's subsequent divorce. Maybe that's where they went wrong; the fact is that's how they began to distance themselves, and Jason began to forget what it was like to have someone other than his wife with whom he could confide his fears without feeling guilty.

David would never judge him, but he judged himself every time he thought about venting about how Stephen was starting to test his parents' limits more and more, and then he remembered that Rossi's son would be the same age as him, and his friend would probably give anything to deal with a child's tantrum. For the rest of their lives, they were birds flying in different directions.

●●●

"Spence, what's wrong?" you asked a little startled, getting down on your knees on the bed.

He just hugged you tightly and sobbed, crying for what seemed like hours into your sweater. Wishing you could take all the pain away from his chest, you cradled him lovingly, stroking his hair and waiting for him to calm down enough to tell you what had happened.

"H-Hotch said... Hotch said..." he finally began, pulling away from your embrace so that he could look into your face. "That the police found a body."

Once again, your husband had to stop to collect himself, and you wiped away his tears in anguish and confusion.

"In your father's hut. They think it's him."

Your world stopped. And all the words seemed to fly away. No. No. No. It was some mistake. It had to be. Spencer had to force himself out of his state of anguish when he saw how you went into shock.

"Tell me it's a lie." You whispered, your voice so shaky and vulnerable that it was like a stab in his chest. You didn't wait for an answer before collapsing.

You thought of the video on your cell phone, the one whose tape you'd digitized when your father left it in the cabin before he left. That video seemed like a world ago, a world where he cradled you to his chest and sang David Bowie to you. You hardly realized you were crying. You wanted to have been his baby forever. You hated growing up.

The recording ended with the landline ringing in the early hours. You never needed your mother to explain what had happened. The alarm went off and he left. Like so many times. Like now. Forever.

"Listen to my voice, angel. Breathe with me, please."

Oh yes. You're a grown woman now, you can't be daddy's baby, as much as you'd like to be. You have babies of your own, sleeping just a few doors down.

"Why, Spencer?" You seemed to break down, crying harder than he'd ever seen you in his life.

He called you two days ago. He asked how his grandchildren were. He wanted to talk to Spencer, who was away on a case. He said he loved you. He said he'd visit for Christmas. You'd fallen asleep while he was reciting to you the names of all the birds on the West Coast. Why did you fall asleep?

●●●

As heavy-minded as he always was after a stressful case, Jason walked through town to clear his head before hitting the road to return to his family. He spotted a small toy store, with some stuffed birds in the window. He didn't even know they were made.

Almost as if he were a marionette, he was impelled to enter. There were an impressive number of species, but he knew which one was perfect as soon as he laid eyes on it. A robin. He left the store with a few dollars less and one more plush than when he entered, but it was worth it. He would spend his entire salary on toys if it made you happy.

[A/N]: This was started as soon as I finished the episode on Gideon's death today. Such a beautiful and sad episode. Every detail of it brought me to tears. It turned out that this first part was more a tribute to him than anything else. It was supposed to be a much longer one-shot, but this small part was already emotionally draining to write, so I decided to take a break and finish the rest as soon as possible. I have lots of ideas for more angst. I don't know if I liked the result very much, but I hope you had fun reading it.

The songs that Gideon sings to Reader are:

● Starman - David Bowie

● Soul Kitchen - The Doors

The title is from "Birds - Imagine Dragons"

[noparadiseinthis]

Okay, I'm having a hard time writing lately, both because of lack of time and motivation. So, please help me decide what the next one-shot to be posted will be. Keep in mind that I plan to post all of them at some point, but I need something to focus on (and if this vote is a failure, I'll delete it and pretend it never existed, yes, sir). Thank you 🙃

Aaron Hotchner/fem!Reader - What's in a mother? | Angst | Hurt/Comfort

Navigate through your years with Aaron and how you developed your bond with Jack, until the fateful day when Aaron decided to throw something in your face: "You had no right, you're not his mother."

Spencer Reid/seductress!fem!Reader - Judgments that break us | Angst | Hurt/Comfort

You are Derek Morgan's best friend in Chicago and when you move to Virginia to do your PhD, he insists on taking you out drinking with his friends. The problem begins when Spencer finds himself unable to believe your flirtation and hurts you before you can hurt him.

Aaron Hotchner/younger!fem!Reader - Never good enough | Heavy Angst | Hurt/Comfort

You thought that being the one who shared a bed with your boss meant something more. You thought that when he said "I love you" in your ear, he meant it, but you weren't good enough for him to take on your relationship, or to meet Jack. You always excused him, but then he meets Beth, and suddenly, he's ready for all the things he didn't do with you. Why is she worthy and not you?

Derek Morgan/fem!Reader - And because I value you, I can't have you | Heavy angst | Hurt/Comfort | Carl Buford will be here

Coming to a new school in high school was difficult for you. Until you met the football player from the school team, Derek Morgan, but why did he keep you at such a distance? And why couldn't he stand being touched? Why did he always seem to be in pain? After seeing that pain in his eyes, you couldn't leave him alone.

[noparadiseinthis]

Okay, I'm having a hard time writing lately, both because of lack of time and motivation. So, please help me decide what the next one-shot to be posted will be. Keep in mind that I plan to post all of them at some point, but I need something to focus on (and if this vote is a failure, I'll delete it and pretend it never existed, yes, sir). Thank you 🙃

Aaron Hotchner/fem!Reader - What's in a mother? | Angst | Hurt/Comfort

Navigate through your years with Aaron and how you developed your bond with Jack, until the fateful day when Aaron decided to throw something in your face: "You had no right, you're not his mother."

Spencer Reid/seductress!fem!Reader - Judgments that break us | Angst | Hurt/Comfort

You are Derek Morgan's best friend in Chicago and when you move to Virginia to do your PhD, he insists on taking you out drinking with his friends. The problem begins when Spencer finds himself unable to believe your flirtation and hurts you before you can hurt him.

Aaron Hotchner/younger!fem!Reader - Never good enough | Heavy Angst | Hurt/Comfort

You thought that being the one who shared a bed with your boss meant something more. You thought that when he said "I love you" in your ear, he meant it, but you weren't good enough for him to take on your relationship, or to meet Jack. You always excused him, but then he meets Beth, and suddenly, he's ready for all the things he didn't do with you. Why is she worthy and not you?

Derek Morgan/fem!Reader - And because I value you, I can't have you | Heavy angst | Hurt/Comfort | Carl Buford will be here

Coming to a new school in high school was difficult for you. Until you met the football player from the school team, Derek Morgan, but why did he keep you at such a distance? And why couldn't he stand being touched? Why did he always seem to be in pain? After seeing that pain in his eyes, you couldn't leave him alone.

[noparadiseinthis]

English is not my first language. Bear with me, Grammarly helps, but it doesn't work miracles

I've never got past that part

Spencer Reid/fem!Reader

Warnings: Literally none, just cuteness - if you ignore Spencer's slight insecurity.

Summary: Morgan encourages Spencer to ask out the barista at the nearby BAU coffee shop. Already expecting a rejection, he is surprised by the result. (I like to imagine Reid from the first season here, the one who had never asked anyone)

"Come on, handsome. You'll never know unless you ask her." Morgan said, adopting a big-brother demeanor with Spencer as he slipped one of his arms around the boy's neck. "First time for everything, huh?"

Spencer cursed the day he let Morgan know that he never asked anyone for a date. Since then, the man seemed to be on a mission to set him up on a date and as soon as he saw the red cheeks and wandering eyes the young doctor had for you, he knew immediately.

"You clearly have a crush on her."

"No, I don't." Spencer hissed, trying to get out of Morgan's grip. "And keep your voice down." He whispered gruffly, glancing quickly at you to make sure you hadn't heard anything.

Derek rolled his eyes, puffing out his chest to start a motivational speech, or his version of it, at least. "Look, I don't want to spend the rest of my life making fun of you for not going on a date. Stop wasting opportunities."

Spencer looked up at his friend, looking a little wary and shy as he asked, "Opportunities?".

"For a genius, you can be pretty oblivious. The girl has a crush on you too."

Reid's eyes widened, although he tried not to show too much reaction. Was it possible? That you look at him the way he looks at you. "You think?"

When Spencer met you, he was sure he was screwed, completely paralyzed by your appearance, and he embarrassed himself by spending long minutes in silence until he pulled himself together and made his request. With his increasingly frequent visits - and the extra coffees he brought for the team members in the morning, which no one complained about - he saw beyond your beauty, and what he saw only made his crush grow stronger. He had already decided, however, to ignore it completely and let nature take its course and put an end to his feelings for you. But what if he didn't have to do that? What if it could be more?

"I'm sure."

The heart eyes, the excited smile you opened when you saw Spencer walk through the door and the way you blushed and fiddled with your hair while he ordered didn't lie. Reid may have missed those signs, but Derek didn't.

You watched the scene with more curiosity and amusement than you probably should have. In the corner of the café, the two men stood with their backs to you, Derek - the one you met today - cradling Spencer in one of his arms while they seemed to be having a serious discussion. You weren't the nosy type, but you'd give anything to know what they were talking about.

Spencer was a regular customer, as were several other FBI agents, but there was something special about the young genius who could recite complete passages of foreign poetry in their original language and still blush every time you drew a heart next to his name on the glass.

You liked to think that you put a dose of affection into every drink you made, but with his, you certainly took twice as much care, never failing to laugh at the huge amounts of sugar that were needed. You finished the two coffees, wrote the names on the cups even though you didn't need to at that point, and called out loudly. "Spencer and Derek."

Spencer was startled to hear his name called and Derek smiled at seeing his friend so affected. "Go on, tiger." He said with a laugh, pushing Spencer towards the counter and giving him an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

Spencer preferred to think that he didn't approach the counter as slowly as it seemed in his head. Thousands of phrases came to mind, but none of them seemed right. When he only took the coffee with a quick "thank you," turning to leave, Derek regretted it internally. No, kid, he thought with agony.

One step away from you and Reid reconsidered, taking a deep breath so as not to chicken out before turning back to you, who stared at his departure with the feeling that you had done something wrong since he hadn't stopped to have his usual conversation, which would normally last until work dragged him down or your manager started looking at you with something akin to anger

"I was thinking..." He began, but stopped midway, looking into your anxious eyes.

God, was that really happening? Was it what you imagined?

"Do you want to do something? One day when you're free." He said, scratching the back of his head.

It was what you had imagined. Your heart raced as you jumped inside. "Like a date?" You asked, just to make sure you hadn't taken it the wrong way.

"Yeah, like a date." He replied, interpreting your question as surprise and refusal. "But it's not necessary, you know? Just... forget I said that."

And before he could turn around again, you gave your answer. "I'd love to!"

That's it, kid! Derek smiled proudly, watching the two of you with total indiscretion.

Spencer's eyes widened, taking a few seconds to process the fact that you had accepted! It was real. Maybe Elle was right.

"That's... great." He said, a small, shy smile appearing as he looked away.

"And where are you taking me?" You asked, flirting with him a little.

That's when Spencer realized. "I don't know," he admitted embarrassedly, "I've never got past that part."

You laughed, but you didn't seem to be mocking him, you seemed to be laughing with him. "You're cute," you murmured, making him blush a little. You looked around, and when you saw that your manager wasn't around, you pulled out a piece of paper and a pen, wrote quickly, and handed it to him. "Tell you what, you decide where we're going and let me know, OK?"

He took your number as if it were some kind of treasure, his eyes a little delighted, and almost forgot to answer. "Of course! Yeah... I'll see you later."

"Bye, come again!" You exclaimed happily, returning to your dedicated barista facade.

As they left the establishment, Derek's huge smile returned, as did his arm around Spencer's neck. "I said, congratulations, big boy. You're a man now."

Spencer hardly minded the teasing this time, thinking about your smile and asking Gideon for the address of that restaurant he had praised.

[noparadiseinthis]

English is not my first language. Bear with me, Grammarly helps, but it doesn't work miracles

I've never got past that part

Spencer Reid/fem!Reader

Warnings: Literally none, just cuteness - if you ignore Spencer's slight insecurity.

Summary: Morgan encourages Spencer to ask out the barista at the nearby BAU coffee shop. Already expecting a rejection, he is surprised by the result. (I like to imagine Reid from the first season here, the one who had never asked anyone)

"Come on, handsome. You'll never know unless you ask her." Morgan said, adopting a big-brother demeanor with Spencer as he slipped one of his arms around the boy's neck. "First time for everything, huh?"

Spencer cursed the day he let Morgan know that he never asked anyone for a date. Since then, the man seemed to be on a mission to set him up on a date and as soon as he saw the red cheeks and wandering eyes the young doctor had for you, he knew immediately.

"You clearly have a crush on her."

"No, I don't." Spencer hissed, trying to get out of Morgan's grip. "And keep your voice down." He whispered gruffly, glancing quickly at you to make sure you hadn't heard anything.

Derek rolled his eyes, puffing out his chest to start a motivational speech, or his version of it, at least. "Look, I don't want to spend the rest of my life making fun of you for not going on a date. Stop wasting opportunities."

Spencer looked up at his friend, looking a little wary and shy as he asked, "Opportunities?".

"For a genius, you can be pretty oblivious. The girl has a crush on you too."

Reid's eyes widened, although he tried not to show too much reaction. Was it possible? That you look at him the way he looks at you. "You think?"

When Spencer met you, he was sure he was screwed, completely paralyzed by your appearance, and he embarrassed himself by spending long minutes in silence until he pulled himself together and made his request. With his increasingly frequent visits - and the extra coffees he brought for the team members in the morning, which no one complained about - he saw beyond your beauty, and what he saw only made his crush grow stronger. He had already decided, however, to ignore it completely and let nature take its course and put an end to his feelings for you. But what if he didn't have to do that? What if it could be more?

"I'm sure."

The heart eyes, the excited smile you opened when you saw Spencer walk through the door and the way you blushed and fiddled with your hair while he ordered didn't lie. Reid may have missed those signs, but Derek didn't.

You watched the scene with more curiosity and amusement than you probably should have. In the corner of the café, the two men stood with their backs to you, Derek - the one you met today - cradling Spencer in one of his arms while they seemed to be having a serious discussion. You weren't the nosy type, but you'd give anything to know what they were talking about.

Spencer was a regular customer, as were several other FBI agents, but there was something special about the young genius who could recite complete passages of foreign poetry in their original language and still blush every time you drew a heart next to his name on the glass.

You liked to think that you put a dose of affection into every drink you made, but with his, you certainly took twice as much care, never failing to laugh at the huge amounts of sugar that were needed. You finished the two coffees, wrote the names on the cups even though you didn't need to at that point, and called out loudly. "Spencer and Derek."

Spencer was startled to hear his name called and Derek smiled at seeing his friend so affected. "Go on, tiger." He said with a laugh, pushing Spencer towards the counter and giving him an encouraging pat on the shoulder.

Spencer preferred to think that he didn't approach the counter as slowly as it seemed in his head. Thousands of phrases came to mind, but none of them seemed right. When he only took the coffee with a quick "thank you," turning to leave, Derek regretted it internally. No, kid, he thought with agony.

One step away from you and Reid reconsidered, taking a deep breath so as not to chicken out before turning back to you, who stared at his departure with the feeling that you had done something wrong since he hadn't stopped to have his usual conversation, which would normally last until work dragged him down or your manager started looking at you with something akin to anger

"I was thinking..." He began, but stopped midway, looking into your anxious eyes.

God, was that really happening? Was it what you imagined?

"Do you want to do something? One day when you're free." He said, scratching the back of his head.

It was what you had imagined. Your heart raced as you jumped inside. "Like a date?" You asked, just to make sure you hadn't taken it the wrong way.

And before he could turn around again, you gave your answer. "I'd love to!"

"Yeah, like a date." He replied, interpreting your question as surprise and refusal. "But it's not necessary, you know? Just... forget I said that."

That's it, kid! Derek smiled proudly, watching the two of you with total indiscretion.

Spencer's eyes widened, taking a few seconds to process the fact that you had accepted! It was real. Maybe Elle was right.

"That's... great." He said, a small, shy smile appearing as he looked away.

"And where are you taking me?" You asked, flirting with him a little.

That's when Spencer realized. "I don't know," he admitted embarrassedly, "I've never got past that part."

You laughed, but you didn't seem to be mocking him, you seemed to be laughing with him. "You're cute," you murmured, making him blush a little. You looked around, and when you saw that your manager wasn't around, you pulled out a piece of paper and a pen, wrote quickly, and handed it to him. "Tell you what, you decide where we're going and let me know, OK?"

He took your number as if it were some kind of treasure, his eyes a little delighted, and almost forgot to answer. "Of course! Yeah... I'll see you later."

"Bye, come again!" You exclaimed happily, returning to your dedicated barista facade.

As they left the establishment, Derek's huge smile returned, as did his arm around Spencer's neck. "I said, congratulations, big boy. You're a man now."

Spencer hardly minded the teasing this time, thinking about your smile and asking Gideon for the address of that restaurant he had praised.

[noparadiseinthis]

please please write a part two for the James Wilson fic 🙏🙏 need more angst

I really want to go back there soon. My idea is to make a small collection of non-linear moments from Reader's relationship with James. One of them would be a direct continuation of part 1, but it wouldn't necessarily be the next one to be released. I want it to be something light to work and I'll write it as ideas arise. I don't know how much you'd be interested in reading, though. Thanks 😊

Anyway, there will definitely be a part 2 soon and if you have a specific request for a fanfiction, feel free to send it to me in my ask box.

[noparadiseinthis]

English is not my first language. Bear with me, Grammarly helps, but it doesn't work miracles

Series: Come away, O human child! Part 3:

Because all living things disappoint us on some level

Spencer Reid/fem!Reader

Series masterlist here

Warnings: explicit domestic violence and abusive relationship. Descriptions of physical violence. Mention of miscarriage (doesn't happen). Marital rape (nothing too explicit, but there are some descriptions of the moment). Reader is married and has a child. Dissociation as a way of coping.

Summary: You reflect on your life choices in recent years while Spencer drops a bomb on you that shatters your illusions of comfort. How good a mother are you being? You scrub the dirt off your body in the shower, but it never comes off.

Your world has stopped several times during your life. The first time Steve shouted at you and showed that he could be aggressive, the first time he did more than shout, but especially when you held that positive pregnancy test in your trembling hands and lost all sight of the horizon.

You were already 8 weeks pregnant, and for the next 7 months, you had to learn to share your body with a little creature that slowly grew on you in every way. You thought you were broken when you didn't feel that mother-child connection, long nights awake wondering what was wrong with you. It was only the first time you felt Will move inside you that you realized how real it was. From then on, that protective instinct began to develop.

What you were ashamed to admit was that you only really loved him when you fell down the stairs and there was so much blood around you and as you lost and regained consciousness, Steve's face wandering above you in an ambulance, all you could think was "if there is a God, don't let anything happen to my baby". When you woke up in the hospital without knowing how much time had passed, you felt an emptiness inside you, and the nurse found you crying copiously, certain that you had suffered a miscarriage. That's when you found out that your baby was a boy, and reading one of your thousands of poetry books for college, you decided what to name him. A college you never finished, by the way.

When they placed him in your arms for the first time, bawling and with tearful little eyes wide open, wishing to go back to the comfort of your womb, where everything was safe, you hugged him tightly against your chest, wishing you could do the same thing while swearing in your thoughts that you would never let him be affected by his father's behavior, and under Steve's delighted gaze at the baby you had made, you almost thought things could be different. When you were discharged from the hospital with a list of foods for iron deficiency, you didn't bother to explain to the doctor that the bruises on your arm weren't due to a lack of iron.

"Hey, can you hear me? I need you to focus on my voice." Spencer said, loud enough to get his attention, but not so loud as to alert William.

He blamed himself for throwing you into this state, immediately recognizing the signs of dissociation. He knew he should have approached the subject with more caution, but for a moment, he felt that any chance he had was slipping through his fingers. How traumatized were you to already be conditioned to disconnect from reality when it knocked on your door?

Gradually, your breathing steadied as you realized where and with whom you were, blinking to stare at the worried face in front of you, the man's frown deepening as he analyzed you carefully. You were immediately mortified, looking away as you swallowed and remembered the original subject of the conversation. Will. You took a deep breath, glancing briefly at your son to regain your strength before turning your attention to Dr. Reid.

"Are you all right?"

You could only nod. "What... What were you talking about?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause that reaction. Is that common?"

You hated the way you felt like a patient in a doctor's office, and you had to suppress the urge to hug yourself for comfort. There was nothing wrong with you. Right?

"Please... Dr. Reid." You added your title as an afterthought, hoping it would do something for his request.

And so, he agreed to ignore one of the many elephants in the room, just as he ignored the nail mark on your arm and your blank stare.

"It was something he told me when I was bringing him here. He told me he ran away because you two were starting..."

"Starting?"

"I hadn't understood either, but then I got here and I knew. He sees you fighting." Could it be called a fight when you never fought back? "He knows what happens at home, maybe not everything, and I hope not, because these things are never good for a child's upbringing, but he can already tell there's something wrong. Children aren't as naive as their parents think, he'll only realize it more as he grows up."

Proudly, you swallowed and straightened your back, hiding the little dried blood on your arm by pressing it against your stomach. "I don't know what you think is going on, Dr. Reid, but there's nothing for him to notice."

Spencer sighed, not understanding exactly where his denial was coming from, considering that he had already seen the violence firsthand. Still, he noticed how your eyes showed anguish and regret for the first time, unconsciously making his profile. You felt you had failed as a mother, and you were ashamed to expose it.

"Willy, darling, it's time to go, okay?" You spoke up, drawing your son's attention.

Once again, Spencer felt like he was doing a bad job, his left hand twitching next to his thigh as he thought about how this could be the last time he would see you. And of everything that could happen to you and your son if you never managed to break out of this cycle of abuse.

"Can we go to the park?" The childish, bored voice asked, walking up to you with his phone in his hand.

With a glimpse, Reid realized that it seemed to be some kind of educational game about dinosaurs. A quiz where you had to guess the name of the dinosaur that appeared on the screen.

"Not today, love, you know you shouldn't have run away from me. Maybe tomorrow, if you behave."

"Whatever," William muttered sulkily, kicking up invisible dust. "Bye, Dr. Reid."

"Bye, buddy." Spencer said, his voice much softer as he crouched down and raised his hand for a goodbye high-five, which brought a smile, albeit a small one, to the child's face.

With impressive agility, he stood again, staring at your face for what seemed like long seconds before finally asking. "Am I going to see you again?"

Answering was more painful than you'd like to admit. "I don't think so. Goodbye, Dr. Reid."

Picking up your bag from the table, you turned to leave, holding your son's hand.

"Does he like dinosaurs?" Spencer asked, still unwilling to allow you to leave. Unwilling to admit that he was scared.

You turned around, frowning before nodding, a confused look on your face.

"I saw the game on your cell phone." He admitted, looking a little shy as he did so. "It's just... there's a traveling park. They're going to be in town for one day in three days. Admission costs 10 dollars. You should really consider going... You never know... who you might meet after you've thought it through."

"I don't know if I'll have time for that."

This time, Spencer didn't stop you. You didn't see when he noticed the zipper of your bag open. Dangerous, but convenient. You didn't see when he took a card out of his pocket and threw it in. You only heard when he exclaimed, "Your bag is open!" Because he wasn't a bastard who would let you walk around with more risk of being robbed. He watched you walk away wishing deeply that you'd decided to go to the park after all. He would be there, regardless of any decision.

When he returned to his meeting, Spencer made little eye contact and mumbled some lame excuse about taking questions from a policeman when they mentioned how long it took him. He didn't see how Morgan's gaze remained on him for much longer.

•••

Steve could have been in several moods today and you knew them all. The most likely was aggressive. William would have to go to bed early while you suppressed any moans of pain and any crying so as not to alert your son. He was often the passive-aggressive one, pointing out all your little mistakes without caring if it made you cry. When he fought with you, however, it was very rare that he came home being the loving Steve. You knew what it meant; he wanted to get into your pants, but today, you were too exhausted for that.

Even so, when he played with Will in the living room, when he complimented you on your food when he came up behind you while you washed the dishes and wrapped his hands around your waist while placing kisses on your neck, you pretended that you and your son were loved.

"You look so beautiful today." He whispered against your ear, one of his hands going down to explore the inside of your thigh. "Driving me crazy."

"Steve!" You exclaimed softly. "Will will notice." Will noticed a lot of things, you reminded yourself, and quickly pushed the thought away.

"It's past his bedtime." You didn't even know that Steve knew his son's bedtime. "I'll send the boy to bed and we'll finish this, what do you think?" One of his hands slid to your throat, and your head instinctively went back, resting on your husband's shoulder.

He interpreted her silence as the only answer he needed, whispering in a thick voice, "That's right, kitten," before slapping her ass and leaving to put William to bed. Leaving you there with a lump in your throat as his fingers tightly gripped the last plate you had just washed, and you tried to pull yourself together.

•••

"Damn, you're so pretty," he said, pulling you under him on the bed as he showered your face with kisses and made you tingle. "I'm sorry about today, darling. You know I'm sorry, don't you?" he asked, taking your arm gently and kissing the wounds softly. You just nodded. "This would never have happened if you hadn't been so absent-minded, but still... I feel so bad."

You lost yourself in his almost loving words, his soft kisses, and the tender, careful touch on your skin, the weight of him above you seeming pleasantly welcome after such a long time. You missed it so much... feeling like you were in a normal relationship. Somehow, he always convinced you to let go of any transgression.

It was only when he pressed his erection against your thigh and growled in your ear, "I can't wait to fuck you tonight," that you realized exactly what you were getting into.

"I'm so tired." You murmured against his lips. "Tomorrow, please?"

Suddenly, the grip around your waist was much more oppressive, almost painful, revealing his true intention: to restrain you.

"But you had me so worried today," he said, in that annoying tone as if he were talking to a child, then he cracked a smile that gave you goosebumps, "Aren't you going to make it up to your husband?"

The hand that went to the side of your neck reminded you of how much you disliked what happened when you tried to reject him. Feeling so small, you nodded.

From then on, you hardly noticed the dirty, possessive things he whispered and growled in your ear, his strong grip that would leave bruises all over your body and the brutal way he penetrated you. No, you kept replaying that conversation in your head, wondering if Will could hear them from his room. You remembered that article you read a while back, that listening to parents having sex causes effects similar to sexual abuse in a child. How children who grew up in violent homes were more likely to be violent or suffer abusive relationships. Spencer Reid's voice never left your head, filling you with guilt for all sorts of reasons.

When Steve fell beside you on the bed, pulling out a condom that you had not noticed he had put on - but felt grateful for - you no longer knew who you were. This morning, you were a good mother. Now, not even that. When you got into the shower, Steve didn't even bother to go after you and when you scrubbed your skin until it was red, crying quietly and feeling like the dirtiest person in the world, trying to get any trace of him off your body, he rested with a clear conscience in bed. The weight of what had just happened finally hit you and you suppressed the urge to vomit as you realized that you had been used once again.

As you lay on the bed, you allowed Steve to pull you against him; you allowed him to wrap his arms around your body as if he were some kind of protector, and when he kept whispering things like "You're only mine", you agreed. Because, after all, what else could you do?

Staring at the ceiling, you remembered the first time he pushed you and how he clung to you afterward, begging forgiveness as he cried and said he didn't know how to be different from your own father.

"Hmm... Lovie?" You asked softly, trying hard to stay calm.

"Yes, darling?" he mumbled, being roused from a light nap.

"There's going to be a dinosaur park in town in a few days. Can you... can you give me the money to take Will?"

You finally realized that you didn't want to be like your mother.

Taglist (if you want in or out, just let me know):

@yokaimoon @fanfic-viewer @v1ckycheesue @mynameiskelly @pacmil

[noparadiseinthis]

English is not my first language. Bear with me, Grammarly helps, but it doesn't work miracles

Series: Come away, O human child! Part 3:

Because all living things disappoint us on some level

Spencer Reid/fem!Reader

Series masterlist here

Warnings: explicit domestic violence and abusive relationship. Descriptions of physical violence. Mention of miscarriage (doesn't happen). Marital rape (nothing too explicit, but there are some descriptions of the moment). Reader is married and has a child. Dissociation as a way of coping.

Summary: You reflect on your life choices in recent years while Spencer drops a bomb on you that shatters your illusions of comfort. How good a mother are you being? You scrub the dirt off your body in the shower, but it never comes off.

Your world has stopped several times during your life. The first time Steve shouted at you and showed that he could be aggressive, the first time he did more than shout, but especially when you held that positive pregnancy test in your trembling hands and lost all sight of the horizon.

You were already 8 weeks pregnant, and for the next 7 months, you had to learn to share your body with a little creature that slowly grew on you in every way. You thought you were broken when you didn't feel that mother-child connection, long nights awake wondering what was wrong with you. It was only the first time you felt Will move inside you that you realized how real it was. From then on, that protective instinct began to develop.

What you were ashamed to admit was that you only really loved him when you fell down the stairs and there was so much blood around you and as you lost and regained consciousness, Steve's face wandering above you in an ambulance, all you could think was "if there is a God, don't let anything happen to my baby". When you woke up in the hospital without knowing how much time had passed, you felt an emptiness inside you, and the nurse found you crying copiously, certain that you had suffered a miscarriage. That's when you found out that your baby was a boy, and reading one of your thousands of poetry books for college, you decided what to name him. A college you never finished, by the way.

When they placed him in your arms for the first time, bawling and with tearful little eyes wide open, wishing to go back to the comfort of your womb, where everything was safe, you hugged him tightly against your chest, wishing you could do the same thing while swearing in your thoughts that you would never let him be affected by his father's behavior, and under Steve's delighted gaze at the baby you had made, you almost thought things could be different. When you were discharged from the hospital with a list of foods for iron deficiency, you didn't bother to explain to the doctor that the bruises on your arm weren't due to a lack of iron.

"Hey, can you hear me? I need you to focus on my voice." Spencer said, loud enough to get his attention, but not so loud as to alert William.

He blamed himself for throwing you into this state, immediately recognizing the signs of dissociation. He knew he should have approached the subject with more caution, but for a moment, he felt that any chance he had was slipping through his fingers. How traumatized were you to already be conditioned to disconnect from reality when it knocked on your door?

Gradually, your breathing steadied as you realized where and with whom you were, blinking to stare at the worried face in front of you, the man's frown deepening as he analyzed you carefully. You were immediately mortified, looking away as you swallowed and remembered the original subject of the conversation. Will. You took a deep breath, glancing briefly at your son to regain your strength before turning your attention to Dr. Reid.

"Are you all right?"

You could only nod. "What... What were you talking about?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause that reaction. Is that common?"

You hated the way you felt like a patient in a doctor's office, and you had to suppress the urge to hug yourself for comfort. There was nothing wrong with you. Right?

"Please... Dr. Reid." You added your title as an afterthought, hoping it would do something for his request.

And so, he agreed to ignore one of the many elephants in the room, just as he ignored the nail mark on your arm and your blank stare.

"It was something he told me when I was bringing him here. He told me he ran away because you two were starting..."

"Starting?"

"I hadn't understood either, but then I got here and I knew. He sees you fighting." Could it be called a fight when you never fought back? "He knows what happens at home, maybe not everything, and I hope not, because these things are never good for a child's upbringing, but he can already tell there's something wrong. Children aren't as naive as their parents think, he'll only realize it more as he grows up."

Proudly, you swallowed and straightened your back, hiding the little dried blood on your arm by pressing it against your stomach. "I don't know what you think is going on, Dr. Reid, but there's nothing for him to notice."

Spencer sighed, not understanding exactly where his denial was coming from, considering that he had already seen the violence firsthand. Still, he noticed how your eyes showed anguish and regret for the first time, unconsciously making his profile. You felt you had failed as a mother, and you were ashamed to expose it.

"Willy, darling, it's time to go, okay?" You spoke up, drawing your son's attention.

Once again, Spencer felt like he was doing a bad job, his left hand twitching next to his thigh as he thought about how this could be the last time he would see you. And of everything that could happen to you and your son if you never managed to break out of this cycle of abuse.

"Can we go to the park?" The childish, bored voice asked, walking up to you with his phone in his hand.

With a glimpse, Reid realized that it seemed to be some kind of educational game about dinosaurs. A quiz where you had to guess the name of the dinosaur that appeared on the screen.

"Not today, love, you know you shouldn't have run away from me. Maybe tomorrow, if you behave."

"Whatever," William muttered sulkily, kicking up invisible dust. "Bye, Dr. Reid."

"Bye, buddy." Spencer said, his voice much softer as he crouched down and raised his hand for a goodbye high-five, which brought a smile, albeit a small one, to the child's face.

With impressive agility, he stood again, staring at your face for what seemed like long seconds before finally asking. "Am I going to see you again?"

Answering was more painful than you'd like to admit. "I don't think so. Goodbye, Dr. Reid."

Picking up your bag from the table, you turned to leave, holding your son's hand.

"Does he like dinosaurs?" Spencer asked, still unwilling to allow you to leave. Unwilling to admit that he was scared.

You turned around, frowning before nodding, a confused look on your face.

"I saw the game on your cell phone." He admitted, looking a little shy as he did so. "It's just... there's a traveling park. They're going to be in town for one day in three days. Admission costs 10 dollars. You should really consider going... You never know... who you might meet after you've thought it through."

"I don't know if I'll have time for that."

This time, Spencer didn't stop you. You didn't see when he noticed the zipper of your bag open. Dangerous, but convenient. You didn't see when he took a card out of his pocket and threw it in. You only heard when he exclaimed, "Your bag is open!" Because he wasn't a bastard who would let you walk around with more risk of being robbed. He watched you walk away wishing deeply that you'd decided to go to the park after all. He would be there, regardless of any decision.

When he returned to his meeting, Spencer made little eye contact and mumbled some lame excuse about taking questions from a policeman when they mentioned how long it took him. He didn't see how Morgan's gaze remained on him for much longer.

•••

Steve could have been in several moods today and you knew them all. The most likely was aggressive. William would have to go to bed early while you suppressed any moans of pain and any crying so as not to alert your son. He was often the passive-aggressive one, pointing out all your little mistakes without caring if it made you cry. When he fought with you, however, it was very rare that he came home being the loving Steve. You knew what it meant; he wanted to get into your pants, but today, you were too exhausted for that.

Even so, when he played with Will in the living room, when he complimented you on your food when he came up behind you while you washed the dishes and wrapped his hands around your waist while placing kisses on your neck, you pretended that you and your son were loved.

"You look so beautiful today." He whispered against your ear, one of his hands going down to explore the inside of your thigh. "Driving me crazy."

"Steve!" You exclaimed softly. "Will will notice." Will noticed a lot of things, you reminded yourself, and quickly pushed the thought away.

"It's past his bedtime." You didn't even know that Steve knew his son's bedtime. "I'll send the boy to bed and we'll finish this, what do you think?" One of his hands slid to your throat, and your head instinctively went back, resting on your husband's shoulder.

He interpreted her silence as the only answer he needed, whispering in a thick voice, "That's right, kitten," before slapping her ass and leaving to put William to bed. Leaving you there with a lump in your throat as his fingers tightly gripped the last plate you had just washed, and you tried to pull yourself together.

•••

"Damn, you're so pretty," he said, pulling you under him on the bed as he showered your face with kisses and made you tingle. "I'm sorry about today, darling. You know I'm sorry, don't you?" he asked, taking your arm gently and kissing the wounds softly. You just nodded. "This would never have happened if you hadn't been so absent-minded, but still... I feel so bad."

You lost yourself in his almost loving words, his soft kisses, and the tender, careful touch on your skin, the weight of him above you seeming pleasantly welcome after such a long time. You missed it so much... feeling like you were in a normal relationship. Somehow, he always convinced you to let go of any transgression.

It was only when he pressed his erection against your thigh and growled in your ear, "I can't wait to fuck you tonight," that you realized exactly what you were getting into.

"I'm so tired." You murmured against his lips. "Tomorrow, please?"

Suddenly, the grip around your waist was much more oppressive, almost painful, revealing his true intention: to restrain you.

"But you had me so worried today," he said, in that annoying tone as if he were talking to a child, then he cracked a smile that gave you goosebumps, "Aren't you going to make it up to your husband?"

The hand that went to the side of your neck reminded you of how much you disliked what happened when you tried to reject him. Feeling so small, you nodded.

From then on, you hardly noticed the dirty, possessive things he whispered and growled in your ear, his strong grip that would leave bruises all over your body and the brutal way he penetrated you. No, you kept replaying that conversation in your head, wondering if Will could hear them from his room. You remembered that article you read a while back, that listening to parents having sex causes effects similar to sexual abuse in a child. How children who grew up in violent homes were more likely to be violent or suffer abusive relationships. Spencer Reid's voice never left your head, filling you with guilt for all sorts of reasons.

When Steve fell beside you on the bed, pulling out a condom that you had not noticed he had put on - but felt grateful for - you no longer knew who you were. This morning, you were a good mother. Now, not even that. When you got into the shower, Steve didn't even bother to go after you and when you scrubbed your skin until it was red, crying quietly and feeling like the dirtiest person in the world, trying to get any trace of him off your body, he rested with a clear conscience in bed. The weight of what had just happened finally hit you and you suppressed the urge to vomit as you realized that you had been used once again.

As you lay on the bed, you allowed Steve to pull you against him; you allowed him to wrap his arms around your body as if he were some kind of protector, and when he kept whispering things like "You're only mine", you agreed. Because, after all, what else could you do?

Staring at the ceiling, you remembered the first time he pushed you and how he clung to you afterward, begging forgiveness as he cried and said he didn't know how to be different from your own father.

"Hmm... Lovie?" You asked softly, trying hard to stay calm.

"Yes, darling?" he mumbled, being roused from a light nap.

"There's going to be a dinosaur park in town in a few days. Can you... can you give me the money to take Will?"

You finally realized that you didn't want to be like your mother.

Taglist (if you want in or out, just let me know):

@yokaimoon @fanfic-viewer @v1ckycheesue @mynameiskelly @pacmil

[noparadiseinthis]

English is not my first language. Bear with me, Grammarly helps, but it doesn't work miracles

When I realize I'm still human

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick/fem!Reader

Warnings: Gaz vaguely mentions the kind of violence in his work. Apart from that, just pure cuteness and fluff.

Summary: Gaz comes home at dawn after a mission and finds you asleep on the sofa. The reason surprises him.

"Thanks for the ride, Johnny," Gaz said as he closed the car door, putting one of the backpack straps on his shoulder. "Drive carefully."

Inside the car, Soap rolled his eyes at the show of concern, but with an affectionate smile. "I'm the careful one, kid." And with that, he pulled the car away with one last wink before driving off, causing Gaz to snort in disbelief before entering the building.

The clock on the desk of the doorman who greeted him gave away how late it was, crushing all his hopes of kissing you and eating with you before going to bed. A hot bath would have to suffice, at least he had someone in his bed waiting for him.

It was his first mission since you decided to move in together, and as long as he could see your face and hold your warm body against his to remind him of all the good things that existed beyond the evil he saw and did at work, he could fall asleep with a certain peace.

He climbed the stairs quickly and quietly, always a little tense about using the elevator after returning home. Images of all the chaos, destruction, and violence he had seen kept flashing through his mind, and he swore he would leave it all behind as soon as he walked through that door - or when he turned off the shower - just as he swore he would never let any of it influence his relationship. Outside, he was Sergeant Garrick. For you, he would always be Ky. And Ky wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night with nightmares that disturbed your sleep.

He smiled when he noticed that the door was locked, even though there was a 24-hour concierge at the residential building. My clever girl, he thought, pulling the keys out of his pocket with a sigh as he prepared to enter the house for the first time in weeks.

What he saw inside, however, was not at all what Kyle had expected. The lights were all off, but seeing in the dark was second nature, and he could make out a silhouette lying on the sofa in the living room. He frowned, his hand instinctively going to his hip, where his holster was until he realized that he knew that form curled up under so many blankets. He sighed in surprise, locking the door again behind him and approaching silently.

His assumption was confirmed when he saw your face peeking out from under the mountain of blankets you always slept under, which brought a smile to his face when he noticed how familiar it looked. He couldn't resist crouching down and raising his hand to gently caress your face. Why on earth were you sleeping there? On that old sofa that was begging to be replaced, where your back would surely ache, and not in the bedroom, in the very comfortable king bed you helped choose? He barely noticed when your touch woke her up.

"Ky?" you asked, rubbing your eyes and wondering if it was another one of your sleep delusions.

"Hi, pretty girl," he said, with a huge smile opening up, his thumb tracing your cheek "What are you doing sleeping here?"

You gave a shy smile, leaning closer to his touch and trying to smell him. If you had been more awake, you would have jumped into his lap and showered him with kisses, but there, at that moment, that sleepy comfort was all the reassurance you needed.

"It didn't feel right," you whispered, "sleeping in bed without you. I couldn't relax without you by my side. So I came here."

Kyle's eyes widened a little, his heart swelling inside his chest. Although he felt guilty knowing that you were hurting yourself because of him, he couldn't help the warmth that took over his body. The one that said he had a home, someone who loved him and was worth fighting for, doing all the things he did.

"God, I love you."

You laughed softly, holding his cold hand against your cheek and leaving a small kiss on his wrist. "I love you too, brave boy."

"But now, it's time for you to sleep in the proper place, young lady." Kyle said as he stood up and put his arms around you, lifting you with covers and all. Instead of the natural instinct to run away, you clung to him and buried your face in his neck, wanting more of your boyfriend's warmth that you'd been denied for the past few weeks.

"Hmm, Ky..." you moaned appreciatively as he carried you effortlessly. "I've missed you.

"I thought about you all the time," he whispered as if it were a secret.

The walk to the bedroom was short, and when he set your body down carefully on the bed, you stubbornly wrapped your arms around his neck and chest as he tried to get up.

"Doll, I'm dirty; I have to shower."

"No, later." you moaned, almost like a petulant child, reinforcing his grip from which he could escape if he wanted to "Stay with me, Kyle.". But he could never deny you anything.

Gaz let his body relax on the bed next to yours, pulling you against him as he had dreamed of for so many lonely nights, and in his sleepy state, you pulled the blankets up to cover him, too, his body much colder than yours.

"Always, but I don't want you sleeping on that sofa anymore, baby. I'll give you a massage in the morning." He whispered against your skin, stroking your back.

"Anything you want, Ky, but I'm the one who's going to give you a massage."

"No, baby, whatever you want. Now go to sleep, I'm going to stay here".

With soft kisses being planted on your face, you fell fast asleep. And with your loving body pressed against his, Kyle soon followed you into the dream world, happy to have remembered how good it was to be human.

(A/n): I love my boy Kyle and he doesn't get enough love. This was my first time writing for COD

[noparadiseinthis]

COD (Call of Duty) - Masterlist

Angst= 💔 Fluff= 🥰

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick/fem!Reader

When I realize I'm still human: Gaz comes home at dawn after a mission and finds you asleep on the sofa. The reason surprises him. 🥰

[noparadiseinthis]

English is not my first language. Bear with me, Grammarly helps, but it doesn't work miracles

When I realize I'm still human

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick/fem!Reader

Warnings: Gaz vaguely mentions the kind of violence in his work. Apart from that, just pure cuteness and fluff.

Summary: Gaz comes home at dawn after a mission and finds you asleep on the sofa. The reason surprises him.

"Thanks for the ride, Johnny," Gaz said as he closed the car door, putting one of the backpack straps on his shoulder. "Drive carefully."

Inside the car, Soap rolled his eyes at the show of concern, but with an affectionate smile. "I'm the careful one, kid." And with that, he pulled the car away with one last wink before driving off, causing Gaz to snort in disbelief before entering the building.

The clock on the desk of the doorman who greeted him gave away how late it was, crushing all his hopes of kissing you and eating with you before going to bed. A hot bath would have to suffice, at least he had someone in his bed waiting for him.

It was his first mission since you decided to move in together, and as long as he could see your face and hold your warm body against his to remind him of all the good things that existed beyond the evil he saw and did at work, he could fall asleep with a certain peace.

He climbed the stairs quickly and quietly, always a little tense about using the elevator after returning home. Images of all the chaos, destruction, and violence he had seen kept flashing through his mind, and he swore he would leave it all behind as soon as he walked through that door - or when he turned off the shower - just as he swore he would never let any of it influence his relationship. Outside, he was Sergeant Garrick. For you, he would always be Ky. And Ky wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night with nightmares that disturbed your sleep.

He smiled when he noticed that the door was locked, even though there was a 24-hour concierge at the residential building. My clever girl, he thought, pulling the keys out of his pocket with a sigh as he prepared to enter the house for the first time in weeks.

What he saw inside, however, was not at all what Kyle had expected. The lights were all off, but seeing in the dark was second nature, and he could make out a silhouette lying on the sofa in the living room. He frowned, his hand instinctively going to his hip, where his holster was until he realized that he knew that form curled up under so many blankets. He sighed in surprise, locking the door again behind him and approaching silently.

His assumption was confirmed when he saw your face peeking out from under the mountain of blankets you always slept under, which brought a smile to his face when he noticed how familiar it looked. He couldn't resist crouching down and raising his hand to gently caress your face. Why on earth were you sleeping there? On that old sofa that was begging to be replaced, where your back would surely ache, and not in the bedroom, in the very comfortable king bed you helped choose? He barely noticed when your touch woke her up.

"Ky?" you asked, rubbing your eyes and wondering if it was another one of your sleep delusions.

"Hi, pretty girl," he said, with a huge smile opening up, his thumb tracing your cheek "What are you doing sleeping here?"

You gave a shy smile, leaning closer to his touch and trying to smell him. If you had been more awake, you would have jumped into his lap and showered him with kisses, but there, at that moment, that sleepy comfort was all the reassurance you needed.

"It didn't feel right," you whispered, "sleeping in bed without you. I couldn't relax without you by my side. So I came here."

Kyle's eyes widened a little, his heart swelling inside his chest. Although he felt guilty knowing that you were hurting yourself because of him, he couldn't help the warmth that took over his body. The one that said he had a home, someone who loved him and was worth fighting for, doing all the things he did.

"God, I love you."

You laughed softly, holding his cold hand against your cheek and leaving a small kiss on his wrist. "I love you too, brave boy."

"But now, it's time for you to sleep in the proper place, young lady." Kyle said as he stood up and put his arms around you, lifting you with covers and all. Instead of the natural instinct to run away, you clung to him and buried your face in his neck, wanting more of your boyfriend's warmth that you'd been denied for the past few weeks.

"Hmm, Ky..." you moaned appreciatively as he carried you effortlessly. "I've missed you.

"I thought about you all the time," he whispered as if it were a secret.

The walk to the bedroom was short, and when he set your body down carefully on the bed, you stubbornly wrapped your arms around his neck and chest as he tried to get up.

"Doll, I'm dirty; I have to shower."

"No, later." you moaned, almost like a petulant child, reinforcing his grip from which he could escape if he wanted to "Stay with me, Kyle.". But he could never deny you anything.

Gaz let his body relax on the bed next to yours, pulling you against him as he had dreamed of for so many lonely nights, and in his sleepy state, you pulled the blankets up to cover him, too, his body much colder than yours.

"Always, but I don't want you sleeping on that sofa anymore, baby. I'll give you a massage in the morning." He whispered against your skin, stroking your back.

"Anything you want, Ky, but I'm the one who's going to give you a massage."

"No, baby, whatever you want. Now go to sleep, I'm going to stay here".

With soft kisses being planted on your face, you fell fast asleep. And with your loving body pressed against his, Kyle soon followed you into the dream world, happy to have remembered how good it was to be human.

(A/n): I love my boy Kyle and he doesn't get enough love. This was my first time writing for COD

[noparadiseinthis]

Come away, O human child! Series Masterlist

Summary: Spencer can't figure out why he's so fixated on the wife and child of a random cop from yet another one of his cases, but there was something in your gaze that seemed to beg for help even if you didn't know it.

Warnings: explicit domestic violence and abusive relationships. Descriptions of physical violence. Reader is married and has a child.

Spencer Reid/fem!Reader

Angst= 💔

1. Secrets hidden in plain sight: Spencer meets the son and wife of one of the police officers they are helping at the moment. There's something strange about them. 💔

2. She dreamed of paradise: Spencer sees a mark on you. He decides that if no one is going to do anything about it, then he will. If only he can convince you to accept help. 💔

And more to come!

Taglist (if you want in or out, just let me know):

@yokaimoon @fanfic-viewer @v1ckycheesue @mynameiskelly

[noparadiseinthis]

MASTERLIST

House MD

Criminal Minds

COD (Call of Duty)

[noparadiseinthis]

Criminal Minds - Masterlist

Angst= 💔 Fluff= 🥰

Spencer Reid/fem!Reader

How I feel when I see you right in front of me: Spencer has a new girlfriend. You're everything he could wish for. Unfortunately, you doesn't know about his previous "habit" and leaves something in plain sight. Is Spencer strong enough? 💔

Come away, O human Child! Series Masterlist:

Spencer can't figure out why he's so fixated on the wife and child of a random cop from yet another one of his cases, but there was something in your gaze that seemed to beg for help even if you didn't know it. 💔

I've never got past that part: Morgan encourages Spencer to ask out the barista at the nearby BAU coffee shop. Already expecting a rejection, he is surprised by the result. 🥰

Birds fly in different directions: When your husband Spencer woke up to a phone call in the middle of the night, you were sure it would be another case. You never expected it to be Agent Hotchner telling you that your father's body had been found. 💔🥰💔💔

[noparadiseinthis]

Come away, O human child! Series Masterlist

Summary: Spencer can't figure out why he's so fixated on the wife and child of a random cop from yet another one of his cases, but there was something in your gaze that seemed to beg for help even if you didn't know it.

Warnings: explicit domestic violence and abusive relationships. Descriptions of physical violence. Reader is married and has a child. Mention of miscarriage. Marital rape (nothing too explicit, but there are some descriptions of the moment). Dissociation as a way of coping.

Spencer Reid/fem!Reader

Angst= 💔

1. Secrets hidden in plain sight: Spencer meets the son and wife of one of the police officers they are helping at the moment. There's something strange about them. 💔

2. She dreamed of paradise: Spencer sees a mark on you. He decides that if no one is going to do anything about it, then he will. If only he can convince you to accept help. 💔

3. Because all living things disappoint us on some level: You reflect on your life choices in recent years while Spencer drops a bomb on you that shatters your illusions of comfort. How good a mother are you being? You scrub the dirt off your body in the shower, but it never comes off. 💔

And more to come!

Taglist (if you want in or out, just let me know):

@yokaimoon @fanfic-viewer @v1ckycheesue @mynameiskelly @pacmil @suckstobrlaurie @boiohboii

[noparadiseinthis]

House MD - Masterlist

Angst= 💔

James Wilson/fem!Reader

About ties and shoes (or "when did it stop being 'us'?"): You were never one to pay much attention to what other people wore, not even your husband. Until House commented on your new tie and shoes, which you'd never seen before. 💔