nothing0fnothing

[nothing0fnothing]

Ok im so so sorry to trauma dump but this is the first blog that encompasses the severity of the abuse i went through as a kid. Now I’m 20, broke, living with my abuser out of necessity. I think the worst part was that they put me on a CTO (Community Treatment Order) so I basically had to get antipsychotic medications injected every month for like 7 months at 17. It was horrible.

I'm so sorry to hear you're still stuck. I remember I got out when I was seventeen into a series of unsustainable situations because I really didn't want to go back, but I did have to for 3 months. It went as well as you'd imagine and I don't envy you.

What you've been through sounds truly awful and you didn't deserve any of it. You have a great amount of strength to have come this far. Use it to your advantage.

Don't worry, I'm sure you will get out soon.

[nothing0fnothing]

Depp is innocent, you Heard stans are some of the most delusional people I've seen on the internet

... he threatened to rape her corpse.

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"How dare you compare Amber to Cassie and Blake, don't you know she hit him back?" "Don't compare Blake to Amber and Cassie, she's obviously lying." "it's fucked up to compare Cassie to Amber and Blake, she liked it."

You are proving my point. Misogyny. Victim blaming. Picking and choosing which victims to defend and which to discredit based on nothing. Based on vibes and impressions and not on facts, evidence, testimony. Accusing women of being liars. Accusing victims of being complicit in their own abuse. Absolving perpetrators of guilt based on their choice of victim.

Enforcing the standard that women must be likable to be believed is how abusers keep getting away with it. It means attacking a womans liability when she is brave enough to take a stand is just as good as attacking her credibility. You are upholding that standard. You are helping abusers walk free.

Victims should not have to be perfect to be believed. People who aren't beautiful, wealthy, well liked, charity-oriented mothers get victimised too. If we aren't believing the most likable 1% of survivors, what standard are we setting for everyone else?

There's a reason why 99% of domestic and sexual violence survivors do not get justice and it's you people.

I'm disappointed.

Amber Heard. Blake Lively. Cassie Ventura.

They're all the same picture. They're all proof that you can be the picture of a perfect victim and still they'll say that your abuser is innocent. That you somehow participated in your own victimisation, absolving the person who victimised you of their crimes.

It is misogyny. It is victim blaming. It is exactly how abusers keep getting away with it.

[nothing0fnothing]

Amber Heard. Blake Lively. Cassie Ventura.

They're all the same picture. They're all proof that you can be the picture of a perfect victim and still they'll say that your abuser is innocent. That you somehow participated in your own victimisation, absolving the person who victimised you of their crimes.

It is misogyny. It is victim blaming. It is exactly how abusers keep getting away with it.

[nothing0fnothing]

URGENT HELP SAVE THE LIFE OF MY CHILD.

Dear humanity,

Please Help Me – My Son May Die at Any Moment.

I'm Amal, a mother of three children, living under the weight of the genocide taking place in Gaza. 🍉

Here’s my story, and I’m reaching out with a hopeful heart 💔✨, hoping someone will feel what my family and I are going through.

My son is suffering from a severe and life-threatening injury after being shot by Israeli drones. He urgently needs medical treatment outside Gaza.

Time is running out, and we are facing a critical situation. I am asking for your generosity to help us save him either through a donation or by sharing this urgent plea with others

I beg you, i kiss your feet, to help my son. My son may die at any moment.

I lost most of my family. I'm afraid to lose my son too 🥺

Mohammed deserves to live a happy and healthy life, just like every other child on this earth.

So I humbly ask you to donate even a little or at least reblog this appeal.

Please Donate now:👇

https://www.gofundme.com/f/join-us-in-our-struggle-save-our-family-from-war-in-gaza

Please help my friend Amal with whatever you can to help her escape a genocide.

[nothing0fnothing]

Trying to detach yourself from a narcissistic abuser is so incredibly difficult because they will cling to every element of you and your life they can. Forcing you to scrape them out of every forgotten corner of your life when you should be focusing that energy on healing and moving on.

I remember when I went no contact with my dad he came to my new apartment. Didn't knock on the door, just sat in his car parked up outside a building he thought I lived in, asking strangers if they knew me. My number hadn't changed and he wasn't blocked, he wasn't trying to contact me. He just wanted me to know that he was there. That he could have acsess to where I was living whenever he wanted. In short he wanted me to feel that I wasn't safe. It worked. I shut myself in for weeks. I kept the curtains drawn. I had to tell all of my brand new social circle, my building management and my buildings security I had a crazy dad, along with a picture of him and a description of his car so that they'd know what to do if they encountered him.

Scraping my mum out of my life after no contact was like scraping barnacles off a boat. It felt like every few weeks a new thing she could use to make her presence known would pop up. She called the police to do wellness checks on me. She changed all my passwords on my banking accounts. She would knock on my door to give me back "stuff I left at her house" and it was just like, baby teeth and childhood drawings. She went on a smear campaign against me, knowing I'd find out what she was saying about me. It got to the point I was dreading the next 'mum thing.' She used every connection to me she could to try to make no contact as difficult as possible. I still get people sent by her reaching out, pretending they miss me or they want to catch up, when in reality they're there to do whatever my mum wants them to.

It's the reason why people who are abused find it difficult to move on afterwards. They want to drag us back into their orbit. They want us to do us further harm. These are the same tactics narcissistically abusive romantic partners use to drag their victims back into the cycle an average of 7 times before they're gone for good.

It's so tiring it feels like it's wearing us down, but just because it's exhausting doesn't mean it's going to go on forever. Every time the phone number gets blocked and the passwords get changed and the building is management made aware, a piece of their acsess to you is cut off. And yes, they will get creative and try to reach you in ways you have never guessed, and it feels like they have tendrils like hooks so deep into your new life you'll never break the surface again. In reality they're clutching at straws, each attempt more desperate than the last as you suffocate their source of supply. Every attempt you shut down is a door closed they will never be able to acsess without your permission again, so don't let the last thrashings of some delusional abusive loser keep you from the rest of your life.

[nothing0fnothing]

Carrying pain from our early childhoods is not optional for most people with real, consistent trauma. This narrative about "choosing to let it go", "deciding to move on" or anything else that implies that traumatised people are intentionally remaining traumatised is not helpful and it's not rooted in reality.

It's just another means of justifying ableism by placing the blame of mental illness squarely back onto the shoulders of disabled people to shirk any responsibility for accomodating and including us. If curing PTSD or other trauma disorders was as simple as "developing positive attitudes" and "letting it go" was that simple, trauma wouldn't exist. We all want to be better. None of us find this experience to be fun.

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I'm criticising a system where patriarchy damaged my personal development. I discuss how trying to fit within the male supremacism of the church left me exhausted and confused, and how only after disengaging from it was I able to understand why that was my experience. The only way this system will stop harming us is if we all disenage like I did, thus forcing the church to radically reorder itself.

Calling for the radical re-ordering of society in which male supremacy is eliminated in all social and economic contexts, is radical feminism.

I tagged this post radical feminism because, with the church I left as a microcosm of wider society, it reflects radical feminism.

As a young girl in the church I was taught to "respect myself."

We were told it from every angle. Our teachers, our preachers, our parents. "As a woman you have to respect yourselves." "How can men respect you if you're not respectful of yourself?"

I'm not sure why an 11 year old girl needed tips on how to make men respect her, but they felt it was important nonetheless.

So I educated myself and spoke my mind. I wanted to be respected for how clever I was. I asked questions that were thoughtful and well reasoned, I corrected elders when they were wrong and I focused on knowing as much as I could.

They didn't like that.

So I put all that aside, and instead I learned about feminism. I decided I should be respected for how firm I was. I said no loudly and clearly. I made my boundaries known and I reacted loudly when they were crossed.

They didn't mean like that either.

So instead, I put myself in therapy. I wanted to be respected for how self assured I was. I started caring for myself and putting me first. I healed from my trauma and learned how to not repeat old cycles, and everyone who I could, I brought them up with me.

They didn't like that at all.

No, apparently the type of self respect they wanted me to learn was the type where I beleived lies at face value, said nothing to those who crossed my boundaries and wallowed in depression and toxic cycles. But also like, while keeping my shoulders covered or something.

Silly me.

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You honestly believe there’s a reason to keep going, don’t you? Well, let me burst that bubble for you. No one notices when you’re gone. In fact the world might even be better off without you.

This is the narcissistic abuse deniers ideology in a nutshell.

Deny. Attack. Reverse victim and offender.

If you ever find yourself feeling sorry for some wounded narcissist, claiming that the community I am a part of is unfair and abusive in its own right, remember that this is how they treat us.

When we refuse to placate their delusions that all of the field of psychology is trained against them when they confirm that narcissistic abuse is real, this is what they do next.

This is exactly the behaviour you are condoning when you align yourself with their cause.

[nothing0fnothing]

When I was like ten I was on a family vacation in Morocco. While we were there I thought it might be fun to get glitter henna, so my parents contacted the artist and she came to the apartment to do it.

I'm not sure how glitter henna is supposed to be done, but the method this henna artist used was she did a regular henna outline on my leg, then filled in the outline with craft glitter by sticking it to my skin with clear nail polish, waited till it was dry then sealed it with more nail polish. Incredibly creative work, it looked gorgeous and obviously I was a ten year old girl with glitter on me, so I was thrilled with it.

It was fun for about a day but then as you can imagine, having multiple layers of glitter and nail polish stuck to my legs became really irritating on my skin. On top of the fact I was not allowed to shave or wax my hair, so I just had this craft glitter+nail polish+leg hair situation that was not fun. Plus we we on holiday in Morocco, so we were active, creating this additional sweat and sand situation. Basically it was cute af but after a day it had run its course. I told my mum and she told me to just scrub it off in the shower. It had already started peeling and it didn't look as nice as it did when it was fresh. I'd had my fun with the glitter and once it was scrubbed off I'd be left with the gorgeous henna outline for the rest of our trip.

I did that, and honestly it didn't take much effort before it flaked and peeled off satisfyingly in the shower. Just a bit of soap and some rubbing. Again, it was nail polish on my skin, it was not going to last very long with beach trips and excursions anyways. And the real henna outline was this gorgeous red brick colour that had stained my skin and would last for weeks after we got home.

When he saw that the outlines were no longer filled in with glitter, my dad kicked off. Kicking tables. Snapping at the little ones. Insisting it had nothing to do with the henna even though he kept bringing up how he paid 50 dirham (about ten pounds or 7 dollars) more for it.

It effected most of our trip, just him in a bad mood. Refusing to let me get hair wraps or silly holiday trinkets because I "wasted" the henna. Even making me drink water on the beach while my siblings got pop and ice cream.

I just looked up glitter henna while writing this story. It lasts a day. He bought a product that lasts a day and then blamed me, a nine year old child, when it didn't last longer.

I write a lot about my mums behaviour on here, but sometimes I do have to give it to the husband she married. He was just as abusive but magnitudes more ridiculous.

[nothing0fnothing]

Welp, I found a name for the kind of projection my brother was doing when he started telling people that I bullied him as a child:

DARVO is an acronym for a manipulative tactic used by perpetrators to avoid taking responsibility for harmful behavior:

Deny: The perpetrator denies that they did anything wrong, or claims that whatever happened wasn't that bad

Attack: The perpetrator attacks the credibility of their accusers, making it seem like the accusers are untrustworthy

Reverse Victim and Offender: The perpetrator tries to convince others that they are the “true” victim, and that their accuser is actually the guilty one 

DARVO is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers, such as those who perpetrate domestic abuse. It's used to deflect blame and responsibility, and to manipulate partners into submission. 

To counter DARVO, you can:

Recognize what is happening

Refocus the conversation to the victim or survivor and their needs 

Educating the public about DARVO can reduce its power to destroy the victim's credibility. 

[nothing0fnothing]

Show me where I specifically accused you of claiming "your parents 100% did not abuse you". I did not. You're a liar. You're lying now. If you wanted to take accountability for what you said, you'd scroll up 2 inches, past the multiple people confirming me and my recap of what you said, and read your own words for yourself. They're unedited. You decided to post them publicly. They're attached to this response as I type it.

"Poor labelling" imagine coming across a community of (mostly women) abuse survivors and getting so mad at the label they use you start trying to discredit that abuse on a public platform. It couldn't be me. Probably because I'm not an abuse apologist.

It's very clear that you have been triggered by the way I tell my story. That's not my problem. It's not my responsibility to sanitise my story and censor my language to appeal to you.

"Don't act shocked if people do discredit you because of this." They don't actually.

I've not had a single person question my story, accuse me of lying, double check my motives. Suggest I am a willing participant in my own childhood abuse. When I speak on my experiences I am believed regardless of the "labelling" I use to discuss my abuse.

It's only people like you, with a plethora of contradicting personality disorders in your pinned posts and a history of defending abusers who behave like this. On tumblr. Anonymously. Because you know this is not socially acceptable behaviour. You know that out in the real world, people believe me.

…So just the effects of abuse?

So… JUST ABUSE?

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Literally everybody in this thread watched you accuse me of lying about my abuse and then imply that my parents we more innocent in their abuse of me than I was. Denying and claiming you've been the victim all along isn't working. Time to switch tac. .

…So just the effects of abuse?

So… JUST ABUSE?

[nothing0fnothing]

why do you demonise borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder? get some help for gods sake

I've never done either of those things.

I signposted my followers to a resource for loved ones of people with borderline personality disorder because a follower suggested it and I found it informative and helpful

www.bpdfamily.com for anyone who needs it.

Before that I hadn't talked about borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder in just over a year, and only then, again, in response to followers suggesting resources or sharing their own experience since having been diagnosed with the disorder themselves.

If you take either of these things as an attack its probably time to discuss this with a therapist. Anonymously rage spamming my asks is a sign that something has gone wrong, and baselessly accusing strangers on the Internet is not going to help issues with insecurity or persecution complexes long term.

I can provide some resources. My DMs are open.

[nothing0fnothing]

Also "narc boy who ruined you" I'm literally a lesbian. Says so in my bio. Pretty consistently on my blog I am clear that my abuser was my mother. Who is this imaginary narc boy you've invented who supposedly "ruined" me? Some anon who cried when he was called out? 😭 narcissistic delusion at it's finest.

This is not a normal emotional response bestie. I'd have anoned if I were you too because honestly this tier crashout is embarrassing.

Awww are you feeling down? Poor thing. Here let me help by reminding you that your existence is the biggest joke i’ve ever seen. You deserve to die. Kys. There are better people deserve to breathe instead of you. You’re a waste of air. Every second you breathe, someone worth living suffocates. Do us all a favor and disappear but don't be sad! You are good at being useless. You're not even worth hating properly. It's almost impressive how consistently useless you are. Like wow talentless, clueless, and somehow still ignorant. That’s a rare combo. You know what the saddest part is? You breathe. You breathe the oxygen that you don't deserve. Thanks for that one narc boy for ruining you now It's my turn to ruin you too!!

Ooh I wonder who's back? Could it be my friend from yesterday who insisted it wasn't you spamming me?

[nothing0fnothing]

Thank you so much.

Reposting as a source for my followers. www.bpdfamily.com

I remember one time my mum was really mad at me over basically nothing, and she made me a sandwich so aggressively I cried at the kitchen table as she did it.

She slammed the plate down with so much force it cracked and made me jump backwards. I was sobbing at this point and wasn't really on a position where I could eat, but when I tried to tell her I didn't want it anymore she screamed. Not like, words. Just loud shrill screaming. And slammed her hands on the table.

I was about nine years old and far smaller than her, so of course, afraid of her. So I choked the thing down and I swear I could feel the bad vibes of the food entering my body as I ate it.

When I was done I stayed at the table. Too afraid to get up without asking but also too afraid to ask. I sat there crying until she told me that watching me stuff food into my face while I was crying made her feel sick, that I disgusted her, and that she just wanted me out of her sight.

"Go." she said "Now!" She shouted it inches from my face.

I scrambled up and started booking it away, hoping this meant it was almost over.

"Oh you're just going to leave your dirty plate for me to clean?" She said. "Mum's a skivvy. Mum will clean it. Mum will do fucking everything in this house will I?" She followed, banging a stainless steel pan off the granite countertop so she had to shout to be heard over it.

I stopped in my tracks and hesitated for a second to go back over, worried that it would mean closing the distance between us and put me at easy hair pulling/hitting range. I must have hesitated a second too long, because she lunged at me and shoved me sideways, bruising my elbow as it made sharp first contact with the wall.

I winced and resisted the urge to rub it. She smashed the plate over the tap and then raised her hand to backhand me across the mouth as I stood dumbly watching her, waiting for further instruction now the plate she'd just asked me to wash was in pieces in the sink.

She made a hands closing around my throat, strangling motion. My eyes darted between her and the plate, willing to wash up the shards if she wanted me to, but unsure if that would make things worse.

"I don't want to hear you. I don't want to see you. I don't want to smell you. All weekend. Got it?"

I nodded anxiously, barely believing my luck as I fled up the stairs and into my bedroom. I shut the door behind me and stood in the center of my room, watching it. I watched it till downstairs went quiet, waited for the sound of the TV coming on. Then I sat on my bed watching it, jumping up every time a creak from downstairs indicated someone had gotten off the couch. When my heart rate evened out and I felt the familiar wash of exhaustion, I assumed she was feeling the same. So I felt safe enough to crawl under the covers to cry silently. Muffling any stray sobs into my pillow.

I spent the weekend in my room. Napping. Drawing. Holding my pee until I was sure she wouldn't see me on the landing. Drinking from the bathroom sink. Reading. Watching my TV on mute. Eating whatever snacks I had to hand. Pretending I didn't exist.

And then, like magic, she appeared on Monday morning. All smiles and sunny disposition. Chatting while I got dressed for school. Acting like that whole weekend never happened. I took her cue and did the same.

[nothing0fnothing]

Awww are you feeling down? Poor thing. Here let me help by reminding you that your existence is the biggest joke i’ve ever seen. You deserve to die. Kys. There are better people deserve to breathe instead of you. You’re a waste of air. Every second you breathe, someone worth living suffocates. Do us all a favor and disappear but don't be sad! You are good at being useless. You're not even worth hating properly. It's almost impressive how consistently useless you are. Like wow talentless, clueless, and somehow still ignorant. That’s a rare combo. You know what the saddest part is? You breathe. You breathe the oxygen that you don't deserve. Thanks for that one narc boy for ruining you now It's my turn to ruin you too!!

Ooh I wonder who's back? Could it be my friend from yesterday who insisted it wasn't you spamming me?