notmyquill

[notmyquill]

What does it mean to be ugly?

Does ugly truly exist?

They say every inches of this world is beautiful in their own way.

So, what does it mean to be ugly?

What does it mean to be beautiful?

Does beauty truly exist?

They say every part of the world has their own definition of beauty.

So, does beauty truly exist?

The definition is so biased and vague.

Yet many adored for the beautiful label.

Yet many suffered for the ugly label.

Ironically, many also struggled from the beautiful label.

but none of them blessed from the ugly label.

Maybe, just maybe,

Both of them do not actually prevail.

Maybe, they are just choices,

for the people to pretend those remain.

[notmyquill]

I'm ugly. You're ugly. We all should be this ugly. Ugly is a new beautiful. - Back to The Outback

[notmyquill]

"Do we actually have any savior?"

first of all, have you done Him some favor?

you give nothing but taste sour

how dare you expect other flavors

and someone like a savior?

[notmyquill]

A long, long time ago, way before civilization has established. There was this young dame, went to one kingdom after another, finding her true place. Been asked doing every impossible work in every kingdom visited:

fertilize the desert

heal the disease

revive the dead

Day by day, month by month, year by year, she tries her best. But, no matter how hard she tries, the impossible remains impossible. Dumped from one, went to another one. Stuck in the devil cycle.

Until one day, she arrived at an abandoned kingdom. No one is there but a cold prince.

"Pray pardon me, sire, I am a dame, seeking a kingdom to dwell. May I serve thee?"

Few seconds of silence, and the prince nod his head.

"What shall I do for thee? Throw the mountain? Chew the stone?"

"Just stay still"

The prince says, with no remarks of any expression on his face.

Newton had not existed yet at the time, but the physics has always been the same, the object in motion will stay in motion. The same happens to the dame. The dame is an object, and she had always been in motion, trying to make the impossible possible. She always tries to serve the sire, but the sire himself has always been doing all the job in his way, by himself.

"You can't do it. Therefore stay still"

[notmyquill]

2024

dear my past self

we're finally in a better place right now

finally we flee away from that golden cage

finally we flee away from our guardians

to be honest, we need to tone down our lifestyle, but that's a great deal

people are right when they say, living with your parents is free, cause it costs your sanity

it has been a month, and the only thing that ever saddened me was when I thought about how we were treated back then, I had never been sad about eating the same food every day, about small bed, about how wicked the air is

but i feel sad, every time i remember how things would go back then

"why are you not studying?"

when I just got home after school from 7-16, like what did he expect me to do in the time being huh? clubbing?? sex party??

"you could get better marks than this"

I've got 86 on a hard test when everyone just simply failed but me and few people

"that's just it and you can't do it?"

When I got a fractional addition wrong when i was still a kid, until now, I still have no idea where did I do wrong

and many more, too hurtful to remember

tbh I want to cry but I just can't, I had been trained to hold my cry for 25+ years, when I wanna cry my brain automatically mad

"wtf bro, that's cringe"

therefore, I stopped doing that, that's cringe

201x

Hey, my future self

it's okay to cry, now that you have your personal space, please cry as much as you can, please just cry for me since i can't do it now

I'm glad that you finally made it, tbh i have no idea where I am going to be, but I just hope everything will be better

[notmyquill]

May 29, 2024

Wow, I would completely forget this scheduled post if it weren't for this acc who liked this post (thank you for the like!)

Well, actually, things are going way better than expected for both of us

Now, you've been dating that girl who you just had a crush on since the beginning of this month. Meanwhile, for me, it was a heartbreaking moment in silence for a while, but don't worry, a few days ago, I started to have a crush on this guy! So, yeah, things are going better now!

Life is strange, isn't it? I thought I would be pathetic af if you are dating another girl, but it turns out I'm okay! (ngl, it was hurt for a week or two, I didn't expect to be that short, tho lol)

A bit late, but once again,

Happy Birthday!!

you are still a precious friend to me, and I still hope all the best for you! You deserve all the good things in this world 🥹

September 7, 2023

Hello, my hero

So I just stumbled upon this song, and I instantly thought that this song was very on point on how I see you, hehe

Yeah, this is actually a scheduled post, I actually wrote this on Sept 7, 2023, right after I found this song.

to be honest, I have no idea how all of these things are going to be, maybe I'll fall for another guy, maybe you'll finally find your girl, maybe it would be me? maybe it would be this girl you're currently have a crush on? no one knows huh?

but, one thing for sure, on one point in my life, you had been a hero for me, yeah, you, that suicidal boy who always screaming for death, that passionate boy who always being excited everytime talk about stars and planets, that boy whom I loved dearly, haha, yes you

well, in the end, I just want happiness for you, after all of this, you deserve it

so,

last but not least,

Happy Birthday

My beloved hero ♡

[notmyquill]

September 7, 2023

Hello, my hero

So I just stumbled upon this song, and I instantly thought that this song was very on point on how I see you, hehe

Yeah, this is actually a scheduled post, I actually wrote this on Sept 7, 2023, right after I found this song.

to be honest, I have no idea how all of these things are going to be, maybe I'll fall for another guy, maybe you'll finally find your girl, maybe it would be me? maybe it would be this girl you're currently have a crush on? no one knows huh?

but, one thing for sure, on one point in my life, you had been a hero for me, yeah, you, that suicidal boy who always screaming for death, that passionate boy who always being excited everytime talk about stars and planets, that boy whom I loved dearly, haha, yes you

well, in the end, I just want happiness for you, after all of this, you deserve it

so,

last but not least,

Happy Birthday

My beloved hero ♡

[notmyquill]

this world suddenly feels so bleak

all of the sparks gone in a second

even i can't find a tiny light leak

why this world has to be so mean

where can i find my dopamine

i need my dopamine

[notmyquill]

please let me borrow these memories of ours

as the day darkens

as the daydreams become nightmares

as the day slowly fades away

let these memories cover my cold body

memories of our hugs

memories of our cuddles

let it be just here

for a while

for a moment

while i prepare myself, for the greater battle

[notmyquill]

"there's only small chance for you"

well, how small is the small?

0.1%? 0.01%? 0.001%?

I wonder yet I know I'll never know

either way, I'll have no regrets from now

whether I'll stay loving you

whether I'll find someone new

At least, now everything is as clear as a glass

[notmyquill]

so, few times ago, he posted his photo wearing nekomimi and he's so fckin damn cute, so i decided to draw him and he's kinda look like this

i lowkey wanna him to see this, but i also don't want him to know who am i, so i upload it here, hoping that maybe some day he would stumbled upon this drawing and think, "uh.. it kinda look like my photo few times ago, doesn't it?"

well, if you see this drawing and you think like that, well, may be this is actually you! haha

how can someone be so fcking cute and cool and not to be destined for me agdhagajahsh

[notmyquill]

in this wicked ocean

i'm drowning

help

[notmyquill]

それじゃ僕にとって君は何？ 答えは分からない 分かりたくもないのさ たったひとつ 確かなことがあるとするのならば

「君は綺麗だ」

[notmyquill]

another day another death wish

"i wish i am dead" "i am always ready to die"

another day another will to die if only if only you know how much i want to pull you from the deathly hollow yet also too helpless at the same time my mind has always been fighting

to save or to heal? is it better to reach and fail? or is it better to stay and just watching you to suffer?

i don't know it is either we both saved or we both drown

i'm sorry for being a coward

[notmyquill]

May 27, 2023

falling for you feels like floating in cloud

soft, tender, unreal

falling

floating

flying

feeling

everything is in in their place

but also out of place

for not reaching you

has carved deep into my mind

but this terrifying wave

soaring, roaring, tearing

sanding the carving

as nothing has carved before

my favorite space wanderer

my favorite stargazer

my favorite trailblazer

may one day you could find that planet of yours

and maybe, one day, another day

I could also

wander

gaze

blaze

in that planet of yours

[notmyquill]

wtf man, i play the game not for being personally attacked like this

[notmyquill]

maybe success isn't just for me