notyouraveragefanglrl

[notyouraveragefanglrl]

!SOS!

and no, I don’t mean 5sos, even though I love them. I'm screaming for help bc school starts back up next week and I'm not sure how I wanna kill myself. I’m dead either way ... ill either die from lack of sleep or hitting my head on my desk. high school was created by the devil. he wants us 2 suffer and trust me, I am. high school is overrated with so much bullshit that can last me 10 life times. literally.

[notyouraveragefanglrl]

I am a failure;

so, I started blogging today, and to be completely honest, I didnt know how it would turn out. I thought it would be like when I first started Instagram and id get 50 followers the same day, but then I remembered, people around me don't know this even exists, so this blog is nothing to them. its kinda cool tho, cause it lets me get out of my shell and speak about my issues to people I do not know at all. 

do y'all ever have so many friends but feel so alone at the same time? do you ever get those “I'm always here for you” messages, but still feel like no one is by your side? I'm currently going through several dilemmas and feel as though no one is out there to listen, so, here you go internet, here is my issue of the evening that every one of you interweb users have been dying to hear (I hope you feel my sarcasm being yelled through whatever device you're reading this from. 

there’s a boy. lets give him a codename- PJ. We have been talking for quite some time now, and I had such strong feelings for him, but ii psychoanalyzed myself, and I feel like I only have these feelings because of emotional instability. my parents split when I was younger, and it was ugly, so I've literally blocked off relationships for my whole life. but I feel some kind of way when pj is talking to me... I know I like him, but theres a large part of me telling me to stop talking and getting emotionally attached. I easily get attached to shit and it fucking sucks so I'm not sure what to do with my life. I'm a very contradicting person. I tell myself not to get heartbroken or hurt by avoiding shit that will hurt me, but at the same time, I crave that feeling. that feeling where your whole world comes crashing down and you can't eat cause you're so upset/ hurt by it. I wanna get heartbroken, but I don't. I wanna give/receive love, but I can't. Tomorrow me and PJ are going to “hang out,” whatever that means. I've made our conversations drier that the Sahara desert, but he still texts me. we’ve argued a few times, but it was over stupid shit. I tried to distance myself and I'm not sure it is working. if y'all got any suggestions, let me know asap cause were going to meet up tomorrow at noon, and it is 10:40 at night right now 

WHY ARE MEN SO CONFUSING???

[notyouraveragefanglrl]

first post??

as I sit in my room, doing literally, nothing, I decided to make a Tumblr..... I really am not sure how 110% of all of this works so I might as well give it a shot!

I'm sitting in my bedroom listening to lemonade mouth, because who doesn't enjoy the uncommon musical about standing up to their superiors during high school?? evidently, I think of lemonade mouth as a figure of representation of the battle between social, financial, or even racial classes in high school. yeah sure, they’re fighting over that lemonade machine, stating that they should drink that stupid Walmart version of gatorade that is provided by their sponsors or whatever, but it also reminds me of things such as the #blm movement or #noDAPL. that stupid principal dude states how being into “sports” (or the antagonist group of people or opinion) benefits those who participate, but he doesn’t realize that not everyone is able to play sports (I believe there was one kid in a wheelchair & the principal had some vendetta against him idk). he hid all the minority/”nerd” groups of the school in the basement. it was absurd, but I always remind myself it is just a movie. Even though it is just a movie, I couldn't help but connect the dots from the movie to today's society.... anyways, id prefer this to be an anonymous blog, so not much personal information that allows you to know who I am will be released, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't wanna  talk to people on here- which is why I kinda joined anyways, to make new friends cause mine suck. 

name: Jessica/jess whatever 

age: I'm actually only 16 but I believe I'm some old soul who is wide beyond her years 

hobbies: if you've read my username, I am a fangirl, of a lot of things really, 5sos, one direction, Zayn, divergent, hunger games, the flash, super girl, arrow, grays anatomy, Gilmore girls, honestly so many things, just name it, I probably love it. i don't know if this is a very common thing, but along with being a fangirl, I'm sort of a tomboy?? idk like I play 2 sports- basketball and flag football... I really don't know if there’s other fangirls who actually play sports like I do, since I don't really speak to other people. if you can’t already tell, I don’t like to talk to a lot of people, I much rather prefer releasing my emotions through anonymous blogs, such as this one. theres really nothing more thrilling than being able to say shit online about your life and others not being able to judge you cause they don't even know you!!

interesting fact: shit I don't even know??? I never know what the fuck to say when I want people to get to know me?? I kinda want this blog to be like an advice blog or me just ranting about my day, but I am ready to spill some tea about my life on this account tbhh... I don't know, but I mean I curse a lot, so be prepared for that, if you even decide to follow me or even message me? 

well, I mean I guess thats my first post. hope this shit goes well