offthecuffwriter - Tumblr blog

[offthecuffwriter]

I am trying to do my best

Yet most days winning feels like a distant dream

I wrap my arms around my body

I hold myself close, so no one else have to

Yes, I know vodka burns

But it tastes so much better than disappointment

Chipped nails and teary eyes

I throw myself at the world everyday

Hoping one day it will open its arms for me

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[offthecuffwriter]

I was fifteen

when I came across the line,

"if you wish to be loved, love"

And so I did

I looked at the world

with hopeful eyes

I passed a warm smile

to every stranger that

crossed my path

I picked up fallen flowers

And I admired every bruise,

every scar, every broken piece

that someone showed me with shame

I loved and I loved

I didn't question the loneliness

I believed happiness

will be right around the corner

I loved and I loved

I held love softly in my hand

even when it burned me

I held onto love

even though it felt like a prize

I had to pay heavily for

And yet got no time to enjoy

I loved and I loved

Patiently and dearly

I loved and I loved

Wholeheartedly and freely

I loved and I loved

Until it drowned me.

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[offthecuffwriter]

Things I've learned -

1. Ice cream tastes 10x better when shared with someone you love.

2. If something or someone upsets you, you need to let them go.

3. Lose the argument if it saves you time and piece of mind.

4. Alcohol is bad for you, just like every other thing that looks pretty and makes you momentarily feel good.

5. There will always be people who will leave without saying goodbye.

6. Rock bottom is a good place to start.

7. Even 100 people calling you beautiful won't help you get rid of the ugliness you see in yourself, you have to do that on your own.

8. If you don't feel like doing something, say no and don't be ashamed.

9. Treasure your family, they love you more than you can understand.

10. Let your heart overuse, "I love you".

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[offthecuffwriter]

With hands in your pockets

You keep looking down

At your shoes like they are the

Most interesting thing in this world

A part of me wants to scream at you

"Look at me, I am here, look at me"

But my mourning heart wins

When it tells me

Look at the sky, with limitless possibilities

Look at the trees, with growing happiness

Look at anything, anyone but him

Anything, anyone but him

Little does our heart know

Out of site doesn't mean out of mind

I keep whispering 'I love you' like it's an apology

You keep thinking about our love like it's your greatest tragedy

- last coffee together

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[offthecuffwriter]

My grandma told me once

You should be selfish

Leave the sinking ship

And not look behind

Never, my child, never

Let yourself drown in the sorrows

that do not belong to you

Learn to swim, learn to fly

Be ready to leave when it's time.

/offthecuffwriter/

Be selfish enough to leave the sinking ship.

[offthecuffwriter]

You claim me

You claim more and more of me

More than I was willing to give

- The world grabbed me by the throat and asked me to breathe.

/offthecuffwriter/

[offthecuffwriter]

Some people stay forever in your heart just not in your arms.

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[offthecuffwriter]

Talking to a friend recently who said that it is important to teach yourself the things you want to do because no one else is going to do it for you. And although I already knew this, but someone telling me came as a much needed reminder. I mean, it's such a simple thing right ? If you want to achieve something, you need to yourself work for it. You need to get up off your butt and teach yourself. Whether it is getting into shape, perfecting your art or furnishing a skill, no one is going to come hold your hand and teach you how to better your life and get things you want. You have to do it yourself. Discipline yourself. Create a healthy mindset for yourself. Correct yourself. Teach yourself. Because at the end of the day, it's all about the things you teach yourself.

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[offthecuffwriter]

Here's the thing, at times like this, I am a big introvert. I get shy and never know how to start a conversation. I talk only when I am addressed to, and no that doesn't mean I have an attitude problem or I am trying to be ignorant, it's just that when the table is filled I feel my voice drowning and an ugly lump forms in my throat. It's not that I don't want to be included but when you ask me why I am so quiet and tell me I should talk more because its weird that I am this silent, my mouth forms an apology that comes out as "I am fine" and "sorry, this is just how I am" but in all honesty all I want to ask you is where's the nearest exit because you make me uncomfortable to a point I just want to flee this place and not look back. Yes, at times like this the floor pattern looks more interesting to me because maintaining an eye contact with someone new is the most difficult thing for me, especially when you look at me with the strangeness in your eyes. I know what you are thinking. I don't belong here. I know that too. I don't belong anywhere.

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[offthecuffwriter]

Look I know it might sound cleashe or idiotic to you, but it's my truth. That after going through all this crap, at the end of the day I get to sleep in his arms. In the arms of the person I am in love with. In the arms that make me feel warm and safe and home. I get to be home. And that, my dear, is worth going through all of this.

- All fights are worth fighting, if they lead me to my home.

[offthecuffwriter]

Damn this holy world

And damn you too

Damn everyone who asked her

To be pretty and polite

Damn everyone who couldn't see

The sadness in her smile.

/offthecuffwriter/

[offthecuffwriter]

You dragged a sweet angel through hell

You thought that would be the end of it

Look at her now,

She plays your god like a fiddle.

Nobody mourns for a falling angel

but they all bow down to the rising queen.

/offthecuffwriter/

[offthecuffwriter]

Like the moon

loves the sea

I love you, my darling

Eternally.

/offthecuffwriter/

[offthecuffwriter]

Will someone please tell me

At the end of it all

What do I cry for

The life I lived

Or the life I didn't.

/offthecuffwriter/

[offthecuffwriter]

You turn tragedies into art, you are the kid who grew up way too fast.

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[offthecuffwriter]

I always get confused on what to order, it takes me hours to pick out what to wear and I never know how to talk to other people. I am never sure about things. But I was so sure about you. I was so damn sure about you.

I still count you in my blessings.

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[offthecuffwriter]

And we are sitting like strangers talking about love, pretending like it never happened to us..

/offthecuffwriter/