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[oisinwrites]

              Bad Panda Mom

This is fan-fiction. I do not own Zootropolis. All rights go to Disney and Pixar. This fan-fiction was based on real facts about pandas and may contain spoilers for the movie.

“This is wrong!”, said Officer Judy Hopps, looking at the street vendor, where so many tabloids and gossip magazines all showed the same large, rotund, middle-aged panda in bright pink flowery clothing. Apparently, she was the worst mother in all of Zootropolis, but Judy didn’t think this was possible. Then again, if she hadn’t known better, she wouldn’t have thought it was possible for the media to be this unbearably harsh. It was bamboozling to her. “I’m not so squeaky clean myself, but having two cubs, only loving one and abandoning the other, that is very outrageous.” Said Nick Wilde, who was just flicking through his smartphone. “you’re a parent too, aren’t you?”, asked Judy. “I thought you had figured out by now,” answered Nick, “He’s not really a cub, He’s an adult of a different fox breed much smaller than me who pretended to be my baby as part of a con, which you fell for, because you were a rookie cop.” “It’s not like she was a cannibal trying to eat her own cub,” stated Judy,” it’s obvious she was just carrying him in her mouth, so we’ve both fallen for a con.” “Maybe I should have been more careful,” Nick admitted, “you can’t always believe what you read in the papers, but I know about con’s and this is technically more of a hyperbole than a con.”

At the station, Judy wondered if it was the same Panda that she was now seeing as an equally large  panda in the same pink flowery clothing entered the building, followed by cameras and wiping her eyes with a tissue. This was confirmed by the thunderous voice of Chief Bogo. “Mrs. Panderson, you are here for questioning in relation to your cubs!”, he boomed. Officer Judy, Chief Bogo and Mrs. Panderson withdrew to another room and began the questioning. Chief Bogo’s imposing demeanour and quick temper made him perfect for the role of “bad cop”, while Officer Judies soft heart and sympathy towards mothers made her more suited to being “good cop”. “You may introduce yourself”, permitted officer Judy. “Hi, I’m Pamela Panderson, I am a mother of two, they are twins, but unfortunately have not been able to maintain custody of both cubs.” Answered Mrs. Panderson, still sniffling and wiping her eyes. Chief Bogo raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really”, he said, skeptically, “Why ever not?”. “I’m sure there’s a good reason.” Said Officer Judy.” Mrs. Panderson raised a paw and gestured towards her chest. “Well, I was able to get it going in here but…” “Argh, you’re on a tangent about breastfeeding!” interrupted Chief Bogo, “get to the point!” “No that’s okay,” said Officer Judy, “It’s a natural thing that all moms do or have done at some point, go on…”. Mrs. Panderson was already sniffling, but now she was really crying. “It was only enough for one cub! Their names are Fuzzy and Wuzzy, so I had to choose between Fuzzy and Wuzzy and have the other taken into care.”

“You had the choice no mother wants to have!”, exclaimed Judy. “Yes, but doesn’t Fuzzy have the right to know he has a twin brother called Wuzzy who was separated at birth?” asked Chief Bogo, “and are you aware that Fuzzy is obese?” “Panda cubs are supposed to be getting fatter and fatter,” said Judy, “I’d be worried if a panda cub wasn’t becoming a roly-poly blob of dough.” “Did you burn him alive by pouring barbecue sauce all over his body and lick it all off him?” asked Chief Bogo. “Why in blazes would I do that?”, exclaimed Mrs. Panderson, “then I’d burn my tongue!” “But did you lick him?”, he went on. “Well, that’s our culture,” answered Mrs. Panderson, “licking is a form of affection, it’s pretty much our equivalent of kissing and we panda moms lick our cubs all the time, but especially potty time, when we lick their tummies.” “So, you weren’t trying to eat him?” he asked. “what? No, of course not!”, Mrs Panderson spluttered. “Did you bite his ear off?” Chief bogo asked next. “That’s ridiculous! Ear-nibbling is also a form of affection among pandas and it’s a gentle bite”, she answered. “You’ve been accused of so many ridiculous things, they can’t all be true!”, stated Judy. “But we have found out one that is true,” replied Chief Bogo, “I would like to ask one more thing, did you sit on top of Fuzzy and crush him?”. “Well, yes and no”, answered Mrs. Panderson, “Thats another thing we Panda moms do, but it’s just a way of keeping them safe and we’re very careful not to crush them. I suppose it might seem strange to those outside of our culture, but in the panda communities its normal for mothers to squat down with their bum over their cub. It also signals to those nearby to watch out for those little cubs and please be gentle.” “Does that mean it was just a load of exaggerated nonsense all along?” asked Chief Bogo. “I think you’re a wonderful mum!” said Judy. “Thank you, but it’s very clear that Mrs. Tigerson does not agree.”, answered Mrs. Panderson.

“Who is this Mrs. Tigerson?” asked Judy. “I think it’s time to wrap it up”, said Chief Bogo, “We’ve found out what we needed.” “Well, she’s another mom, but she’s not a panda mom like me, she’s a tiger mom and I tend to avoid her.” Chief Bogo stood up. “You’re free to go.”, he said loudly and clearly. “Wait, I want to hear the rest of this!”, enthused Judy. “I Don’t bring fuzzy to the same pre-school where she’s around,” Mrs. Panderson went on, “or the same creche, or the same playground, okay, I think you get the picture now.” “I get that picture, but tell me more about why you avoid this other Mom?”, asked Judy. “I think the two of you can discuss this on your own time,” said Chief Bogo, “Its time for her to come back out of the station and you will probably be seeing her on parole.” Mrs. Panderson left the way she came, followed by cameras, journalists and officer Judy. She was still sniffling, but this time she was also thanking officer Judy in front of the press. The media had been incredibly harsh, but one particular Bunny had cut her some slack.

It was mostly Nick who she was seeing and talking to on parole and they were still arguing about whether Mrs. Panderson was really a “bad mom”. “When you put a cub into care, you make sure it’s the right place.” argued Nick. “let’s look at this logically for a moment.” began Judy, “She probably would have been very careful about where this cub ended up, you can’t just ASSUME!” “I am looking at it logically!” answered Nick, ”bottle-feeding is an option.” “Yes, but you see, it’s not a complete formula.” Explained Judy, “what do you know about babies anyway? He wasn’t really a cub, he was an adult of another fox breed smaller than you pretending to be your baby.” “So, you admit it, you were just a rookie cop!” snapped nick. “Yes, it was a rookie mistake and you can call me a dumb bunny, but do you have any experience with actual cubs?” “Alright, I don’t know much about cubs”, nick admitted, “but was that the only reason she had to choose between two cubs?” “There could have been more, but chief Bogo cut it short.” complained Judy. “I don’t think he was really all that interested in the whole mother’s story. He didn’t even want to hear about breast-feeding.” “Well, all that sounds dumb to me too.”, said Nick. “Goodness, That Mrs. Panderson really is a disgrace!”, butted in a rather intimidating mother tiger who was holding onto her cub’s paw.

“Are you Mrs. Tigerson?” asked Officer Judy. “Yes, I am Tiffany Tigerson and this is my daughter Tia, who I am raising properly!” roared Mrs. Tigerson, “I haven’t had the police involved!” Judies heart melted when she saw into Tia the tiger Cubs large, round eyes and Tia the tiger cub looked into hers. ”Hellooo!! I’m officer Judy!”, she said as she began slightly bending over before the little cub, with her paws on her hips and her legs arched outwards. “Er… Hewwo officer Judy!” Tia the tiger cub answered politely. “she’s just adorable, have you any other cubs?” asked Judy, “Er, no, just the one.” Answered Mrs. Tigerson. “Then how can you judge a mother of two?” Judy continued. Mrs. Tigerson became speechless. “Ha! You can’t answer, can you?”, Judy smirked. “That’s some solid policing right there.” Nick muttered with a slight hint of sarcasm. Finally, Mrs Tigerson was able to answer, but she was still coughing and spluttering. “Is it wrong for me to judge other mothers?”, she asked, “but when you’re a parent, you have to get your affairs in order, her life is a mess!” “Isn’t everyone’s life a mess?”, asked Judy, this time roaring back with passion, “If you don’t share another moms load, then you’re only contributing to the same problems you’re complaining about!” ���Wow, where is all this fire from!?” gasped Nick, “You sure are sharing a mothers load, but you’re not actually a mother!” “I…I don’t know,” answered Judy, “something just took a-hold of me!”

“I… I never thought about it like that before at all!!”, Mrs Tigerson choked, “My whole life I’ve been roaring at everyone, It’s the first time anyone had the guts to roar back at me and it’s changed my entire universe! As for that Mrs Panderson, how will I ever make it up to her after having been treating her like this for so long?! Come to think of it, I don’t see her that often anymore, is she… avoiding me?” “I don’t weally see Fuzzy panda or her mommy anymore.”, added Tia the tiger cub. “I’m sorry Tia, you should have a playmate like fuzzy panda,” Said Mrs. Tigerson, “but you haven’t, because I drove a wedge between his mother and me, pushing us further away from each other.” Now it was Nicks turn to become speechless. He had no idea what to make of what he had just witnessed. After the tigers left, with officer Judy and Tia the tiger cub politely waving goodbye, Judy then said to Nick, “I’d like to meet Mr. Panderson, I wonder if he’s a family man? You know all the ladies love that kind of man! They go crazy over the domestic types who are fully committed to being the best husband and father!” “That’s not their culture, Judy.” Sighed Nick. “What do you mean, that’s not their culture?”, asked Judy. “Let’s get real here.” Snorted Nick, “A male bunny doing all that domestic stuff? Yeah, I could Imagine that, but a male panda, pull the other one!”

The next day, they did get the chance to meet Mr. Panderson at the tram-stop. A very sleepy-looking panda in work-clothes got off the tram saying, “What a day at work, I’m exhausted and a little peckish, I really want to munch on some bamboo and then take a nap.” “Excuse me, you’re not under arrest,” Judy addressed him,” But there’s been a case of a mother panda who had one of her two cubs taken into care, are you by any chance the father?”, “Er.. I think so.” Yawned the sleepy panda. “What do you mean you think so?!”, Screeched Judy. “Are you Mr. Panderson?”, she asked. “Yup, I’ve got my work-badge here, Peter Panderson.”, He yawned. “See, I told you!”, said Nick. “Even though it would make the girls go wild?”, asked Judy. “What are you talking about?” asked Mr. Panderson. “Well, you are a girl, so I won’t argue with you there.”, Nick backed out. “But what is this about making the girls go wild?”, asked Mr. Panderson. “Oh, you know, being involved in the childcare and stuff like that.” Judy answered. “You mean women just love being in childcare so much?” asked Mr. Panderson, “Are they really that crazy?”. “Nooo… they GO crazy over a MAN being involved in the childcare!” Judy explained. “You mean that’s the kind of man that’s irresistible.”, said Mr. Panderson. “Yes!”, answered Judy. “Uh-oh, that’s not very good news for me!”, said Mr. Panderson. “This is the good news, you just heard it too late, but better late than never.”, Said Judy. “I sure hope that’s not what they want from a man, that’s really scary!”, panicked Mr. Panderson.

When Judy saw Mrs Panderson at the station again, not only were Fuzzy and Wuzzy there, meeting each other for the first time, but chief Bogo also announced another visitor who was there to see her. It was Mrs Tigerson, who had also brought her daughter. Judy couldn’t help crying when, in front of all the reporters and all the cameras, the two mothers hugged one another. “I disrespected you and I’m sorry.” Whispered Mrs Tigerson. “I had much more favourable circumstances to be a mom in and I didn’t think about it being a lot harder for other mothers, but now I see that the cubs should be allowed to have playdates with each other and for that to happen both their moms need to be together as friends.” “If we are going to arrange a playdate, that would make it up to me.”, answered Mrs. Panderson. “I forgive you.” “I, too, feel that I owe you an apology.” said Chief Bogo, “I think its these adorable baby pandas that are bringing out the worst in us and I allowed my emotions to interfere with my judgement, which isn’t very professional for a chief of police.” “what’s wrong with police being emotional?”, asked Judy, who was still honking into a pink, lacy handkerchief. “Well, I mean when it’s getting in the way of logic and reason.”, explained chief Bogo. “Hey, you should have been there when I managed to convince Mrs. Tigerson to make up with Mrs. Panderson!”, laughed Judy, “It’s strange, I don’t have children of my own, but there was a new fire in me unlike anything I had ever felt before, yet I still think I was able to see rationally at the same time. If I may say so myself, I must have been able to come up some good arguments to get her convinced like this.” “Well, even when you get to be police chief you’re still learning and from now on I will try harder to look at things in a more objective and detached way.”, answered Chief Bogo. “Things aren’t all so black and white, there are fuzzy areas.”

“Hey, I think the tabloids have shifted their focus!”, said officer Clawhauser, who was showing the magazine he’d been reading. “They used to be obsessed with Mrs. Panderson being a bad mom, now they’re all about Mr. Panderson being a dead-beat dad, but some bits are in his own words, so we can see that he’s at least making an effort, even if it is driving him crazy because it’s so far out of his comfort zone.” So, I have a long-lost twin brother who was separated at birth and you are that twin.”, said Fuzzy. “The police have helped me find my real family”, said Wuzzy. “And your mother was there, though you may not have known it.”, said Mrs Panderson. “I always Thought my mom was checking on someone, now I really know.”, said Fuzzy. “If I had to give up one of my children, I wanted to make sure they’re being treated humanely wherever I’ve left them.”, answered Mrs. Panderson. The next day, Judy met Nick again at the same street vendor and Nick was swiping through everything on his smartphone, as usual. Just like officer Clawhauser had said, the tabloids had shifted their focus, so now the new pandemonium was about Mr. Panderson being a deadbeat dad. “Wow, what a lazy father!”, remarked Nick. “Oh, come on!”, replied Judy, “He’s not mom, but he’s doing the best he can!”

[oisinwrites]

                                                                                               Benders one-night stand

this is fan-fiction. I do not own Futurama. All rights belong to Matt Groening and the fox network.

It was a usual day at the planet express delivery headquarters when there was a buzz at the electronic door and the professor answered it. It was a fem-bot who was accompanied by a little bot-child in a pink tutu. Leela and Amy thought the little bot-child was adorable, but Bender seemed nervous. “hi, I’m Grace”, introduced the fem-bot, “and this is my five-year-old daughter, Petunia.” “oh, what a beautiful name!” gasped Leela. “I’m looking for someone named Bender”, the fem-bot went on, “ I believe he is the father.” “Er... Bender’s not here.”, answered Bender, as he began slowly walking backwards out of the room, until he had walked backwards into Fry’s outstretched hand. “That’s you, Bender!”, said Fry. “well, she really likes ballet dancing,” she continued, “but she’s expected to develop more slowly than other kids.” “does she have special needs?”, asked Fry. “Fry, I’ll cut you some slack since you’re from the year 2000,” corrected Leela, “but we don’t say that anymore, its no longer politically correct.” “Then what can you say?” asked Fry. “The proper term is differently neuro-developmentally or cognitively associated.” Answered Leela. “but that’s too long and hard to say,” complained Fry,” besides, what is there to stop any smaller parts of that from becoming the next playground jeer?”. Bender thought it would be funny to stick out his leg while the little bot-child was showing off her ballet dancing skills and trip her up onto the floor. The others didn’t think this was funny and she was now crying after falling face-first onto the floor. “I’m very disappointed in you, its your own flesh and blood.” Said Leela, her massive single eye glaring with disgust. “I don’t have flesh and blood.”, corrected Bender. “ Well, that was an awful thing to do your own circuit-boards and wiring.”

Ever since then, Bender was having a recent falling out with Fry and things got ugly when they were cleaning the star-ship. “You used to be cool, now you’re giving me the silent treatment!”, roared Bender. “All you think about is yourself!” yelled Fry, as he sprayed bender with the hose. “No, don’t, I’ll rust!” screamed Bender. “I hope so!” hissed Fry." and I hope you get bent!" “gentlemen, please!” snapped the professor, “this isn’t good for morale!”. “but its fun!” said Dr. Zoidberg, “Bender said you're so ugly your face makes babies cry and Fry said your mother was a floppy disc drive!” “professor, I suggest you let me talk to bender about Fry”, proposed Leela. “anything to shut them up!” agreed the professor. Leela brought Bender into another room to have a very private discussion. “Do you consider Fry your friend?”, she asked him. “That’s the point, its Fry and Bender, best friends and he had to ruin it.” Answered Bender. “friendships are important, they’re also about feelings.”, said Leela. “you know I’m not good with that stuff.”, said Bender. “you’re not perfect, but you can learn.”, said Leela. “but I swear I did nothing to hurt him.”, said Bender. “If its not what you did to him, perhaps its something he saw you do to someone else.”, suggested Leela, “can you please rack you’re brains...” “I don’t have brains.”, interrupted Bender. “whatever, rack you’re motherboard and think back to everything that happened recently.”, urged Leela. “don’t tell me its because he thinks I’m a bad father, that doesn’t excuse it!”. “It doesn’t, but sometimes things like that do mean there’s something you need to see,” said Leela.

After that talk, Bender started doing all kinds of father-daughter things with Petunia. He played with her dolls, attended her pretend tea-party and even wore a pink tutu while Ballet dancing with her. “oh, I don’t like this new side of me.”, moaned Bender. “why not?”, asked Leela, “this new side of you is very sweet!”. “I’m not sweet, I’m Bender and I don’t give a damn about anything!” “You’re doing the right thing!”, praised Leela, “If you wait any longer before spending quality time with your five-year-old daughter, how much older is she going to get?”. “Good news everyone!”, announced the professor. “oh no!”, the planet express delivery crew all groaned in unison. They had all learned by now that whenever the professor said “good news everyone!”, it was seldom anything good and now they were all wondering if this was a minor inconvenience or a cosmic-scale disaster that could threaten the fabric of space and time itself! “Its been decided that today is bring-your-daughter-to-space day and the next delivery will be delivering yarn to the cat-people on planet meow-meow!”, the professor went on, “the planet meow-meow is home to a race of cat-like humanoids known for their refinement, sophistication and love of rich, creamy, warm milk. It is also home to a race of dog-like humanoids who appear to be in a different evolutionary state, at least the cat-people think they are more civilised than the dog-people, anyway.” The planet express delivery crew all sighed with relief. The good news wasn’t so bad this time and Little petunia was excited about this. However, they were in for a shock when they entered the star-ship.

They were already in space when they discovered that a picture had been pinned up of Bender smoking a cigar in an oil-bath with lots of fem-bots and it didn’t take a genius to figure out who put it there. “look Fry, we all know about your recent falling-out with Bender.” Sighed Captain Leela, “I order you to take it down!”. “what’s the big deal, its just a photo?”, was Fry’s response. “As captain of this vessel, I object to crew members sharing intimate imagery of other crew members.”, she stated, ”now take it down.” It was actually Bender who took it down. “In hindsight, smoking a cigar in a tub full of oil was not such a smart idea.”, he reflected, before crumpling it up, opening the big door on his front and throwing it into the incinerator inside of him. He then used the dustpan and brush, cleaning the ashes from inside himself and dusted it into the bin. “I’m actually glad someone put it there,” he added, “it gave me a wake-up call that I didn’t know I needed until now!”. “really, it did?” considered Leela, “well I still don’t condone that.”

When they arrived on planet meow-meow, they found themselves honoured guests at a very luxurious banquet unlike anything on earth. They were asked to sit down on giant floor-cushions while being served goblets of the creamiest warm milk, dishes of fish and trays of cat-biscuits. Leela got into a heated debate with the cat-people about whether the dog-people are really “primitive”. “they do have a proper language,” argued Leela, “it just sounds like growling and barking to you because its intonations are so different from yours that your ears can’t pick them up! The same technological progress is just happening at a different rate, but even if their still making and using tools from stone, that still gives them a lot to talk about. There are so many kinds of rocks and they need to find ones that are exactly right, then make them into exactly the right shape. they’d be teaching each other these things and that means they have relationships that make a society, at least there’s the relationship of a teacher and learner anyway.”

Meanwhile, bender was being served nuts and bolts by a lovely fem-bot who winked at him and asked him to see her in private. She then led him into a bedroom and shut the door. “I’m Liz, what’s your name?” she asked him in a soft, seductive tone. “I’m Bender and I’m really just here to make a delivery.”, he answered. “oh Bender, I’m so lucky they asked you to come and make this delivery,” she whispered as she through her arms around him, “can’t you stay a while longer?”. “No, I’ve had enough one-night stands already.”, he objected. He turned the handle on the door, beginning to open it, but she closed it again. “oh please, stay with me!”, she begged him. “No, my whole life I’ve been taking on too much responsibility yet never wanting to be responsible for anything I’ve taken on!”, he answered. Suddenly, it was little Petunia who opened the door. “Daddy, Daddy, there you are!”, she cried. “okay, daddies sorry he disappeared and left you wondering where daddy was,” apologised Bender, “now how about a jockey-back ride?”. Bender dropped down, hoisted his daughter on his back and left, being very careful not to either drop her or bump her on the way out the door. “well, there goes the best dad I’ve ever seen!”, Sighed Liz as she watched the little bot-child riding away on Bender, like a little cow-girl riding away on her horse.

The rest of the crew were carrying the packages of yarn and were just beginning to wonder where bender was when he came in whooshing his daughter through the air and then putting her gently down. “Daddy has some packages to deliver now.” Said bender. “where were you?” asked Leela. “oh, a certain fem-bot led me into a bedroom.” Answered Bender. “but were making a delivery, there’s no time for that.” Said Leela. “well, I left her because I’ve already had so many one-night stands, I’m not having another one!”, he answered “that’s great, bender!”, praised Leela, “I knew there was good in you!”. “ Captain Leela, I was wrong to share that kind of picture.”, apologised Fry. “Its not me you should apologise to”, answered Leela. “Bender, I can’t really say this,” sighed Fry, “the kind of apology I’m trying to make is beyond words.” “Well, neither humans or androids are perfect.”, said Bender. “No, they’re both capable of getting sucked into cycles of robot-like behaviour.”, said Fry. “I was being so childish when I have a child!” admitted bender. “I was being so childish by deciding you’re a bad father and that justifies anything.” “As captain of the vessel, I command the two of you to shake hands and call it over.” Said Leela. They did so, much to Dr. Zoidberg’s disappointment. “aw, watching them fight was so much fun!”, he sighed, “Ah well, hopefully some other friends will have a falling-out and next time I will prepare some popcorn for the drama.”

Bender helped with the carrying until all the packages of yarn had been delivered and it was time to head back to earth. After that delivery was done, Dr. Zoidberg was pleasantly surprised to see the two of them going again. “You may be sorry, but I’m more sorry than you’ll ever be!” roared Bender. “What planet are you on? I am clearly more sorry!” retorted Fry. “stop it both of you!”, the professor snapped. “Yes, please put it on hold while I prepare my popcorn!” asked Dr. Zoidberg, who had just started working the microwave. “Hello, I am actually making it up to you by changing my behaviour!”, yelled Bender. “hang on, my popcorn’s almost done!”, cried Dr.zoidberg. “Like I can’t see that, captain obvious! Oh, and I’m actually apologising for being sarcastic!” Fry screamed. “wait, I’m just adding butter, okay, here I come!” said Dr. Zoidberg, as he came running out and sat down on the couch in front of them. “Why the hell are you apologising for being sarcastic? As if I even had any problem with that!” asked Bender. “Okay that does it, I’m putting myself in time-out!” Fry snapped. “Hello, its me who should be in time-out, because the problem is entirely to do with my reactivity and not at all to do with you!”, retorted Bender. “Are you thinking straight, because that just means were both in time-out, it doesn’t have to be only one of us?” asked Fry. “Fine, were both in time-out!”, concluded Bender, as they both walked away from each other, in opposite directions and left the room. “that was great, but it was over too fast!”, commented Dr. Zoidberg. “Its a start, professor,” said Leela, “full resolution doesn’t happen overnight.” “Yes, I suppose we’ll have to be patient.”, said the professor.

[oisinwrites]

Scooby-doo team-up: volume 5

The first story in this volume see’s the gang arriving at karma corners, (population: were all one!), a town built on hippie culture where this culture which is past its glory days elsewhere survives and thrives, or it did until it began to be haunted by the ghosts of the hippie’s parents who are getting to them with something worse than fear: guilt! My complaint about the last issues has been the absence of green lantern, but finally, in karma corners, mystery Inc. Are meeting green lantern!

In true Scooby-doo style, half of the ghosts are caught in a giant green hand from green lanterns laser ring and the rest are caught with a special arrow which, when fired, its head opens up and a net comes out, leaving them to be un-masked by the Scooby gang. It turns out the hippies were their parents, who ran off to this hippy town and never came back, so they pretended to be the ghosts of their parents parents and began nagging them to come back. But its not over yet.

The psycho-pirate has come to poison everyone’s hearts with hate and now a new argument has begun between green lantern and green arrow, but psycho-pirate made the mistake of announcing himself when two super-heroes are angry and their anger became directed at the villain. The spell was then broken by the black canary with her canary cry, after the psycho-pirate had just been taken down. This was a story with lots of fun plot twists right after each other, but the funniest part was the argument between  green lantern green arrow, where they called each other things like “ring-toting fascist” and “arrow-slinging socialist” and with Fred’s reaction “Its worse than a presidential debate!”.

The next story begins with the crew being attacked by fire-breathing dragons, while Fred and Daphne use extinguishers. Belma calls Hong-kong Phooey, a Kung-Fu fighting dog and while they are waiting, Daphne notices that while the other dragons are attacking, one dragon is rushing into stores. when Hong Kong phooey arrives, he is only performing Kung-Fu poses without actually touching  the dragons. When some dragons are smashed,(but not by Hong Kong phooey, he just thinks he smashed them.), they realise they are robots, so Daphne speed-reads the Kung-Fu manual and then smashes all the rest with only the one going into shops remaining.

Daphne then threatens to smash the dragon coming out of a store, but he shows he’s not a robot by un-masking himself! He confesses that he is a robotics scientist who couldn’t get funding, so he resorted to shop-lifting, but the mystery gang suggest he get funding from Hollywood by letting his robotics be used in film-making, because Hollywood will pay a fortune for this!

This was different from the usual Scooby-doo style and Hong Kong phooey does prove useful in the end when he accidentally knocks out the dragon coming out of the store. It was really thanks to his cat friend who tripped up a robot dragon which smashed on the floor while pretending to be asleep and pointed at the gong to make Scooby and shaggy think to hide behind it. though the latter turned out not to be such a great idea when a dragon struck the gong, he was still more the hero than Hong Kong phooey. He does this with ninja-like subtlety, without anyone knowing who the real hero is, while a possibly fake Kung Fu master takes all the credit.

The next story introduces us to a fortune-teller and a superstitious man who is terrified by the idea that he is cursed. They also meet the elastic man, who is capable of stretching his body in all kinds of ways but is vulnerable to cold temperatures, which make his body harden and become too rigid to move. They all enter the tarot shop on suspicion of her being a crook and they were correct In their suspicion, but had also made a big mistake!

It turns out the “fortune-teller” is an old enemy of the elastic man who has come to outsmart him by disguising herself as a fortune-teller and setting up shop in a former meat-plant, so what looks like a tarot shop is really a giant fridge! She is known as “the granite lady”! Fred gently pushes the freezing Elastic-man out of the giant fridge and they all run, with the granite lady following closely behind. They then trick her into following them to the back of a cement truck, where Daphne pulls the lever and she becomes cased in cement! The team are then rewarded with a free meal at an all-you-can-eat buffet, but of course its shaggy and Scooby who threaten to put it out of business!

This one had a very satisfying twist and also some funny bits, such as Daphne telling shaggy that its still not polite to comment on a woman’s weight, even if she is the granite lady, or the superstitious man panicking because of a bomb and elastic man assuring him, as he promptly throws it out the same window it came in through, that this is only because its Tuesday, not a sign of a curse. Annie the anarchist always plants a bomb in the FBI headquarters on Tuesdays.

The next story is set in the wild west, where there are rumour's about a monster, but the mayor doesn’t want a railway-building tycoon to hear the gossip, because he might not build a railway in this town. They then meet a bounty hunter with half his face disfigured but the other half normal who forces Fred to Duel him, but the duel is interrupted by all the local ladies in this town arguing over which of them he’s going to marry.

Suddenly, the town is under attack by a large blue, goblin-like creature in a poncho. All bullets are useless against it, frying pans and a bucket of cold water turn out to be more useful. when they manage to un-mask the “monster” (they also remove the poncho, which was hiding the steam-vent, but now the cold water has overloaded the system.) ,it turns to be a man in a steam-powered suit. The mayor recognised him as J.P Lackawanna but hadn’t suspected that J.P. Lackawanna would scare everyone away from the land in order to buy it cheap.

It was fun to see the Scooby gang in the wild west and all the local ladies wanting to marry the bounty hunter even though half his face was disfigured was pretty funny too. In the next story, they have just arrived after a call from officer Dibble, because of rumour's about “hoagies ghost”. They also meet top-cat and the whole gang of alley-cats. At first they encounter a few “ghost’s” who turn out to be alley cats. They then encounter two estate agents who aren’t technically breaking the law but are corrupt. They are then scared away by another “ghost”, who then reveals himself to be officer Dibble!

This was a great plot twist, because this time it was actually a good guy who was scaring away the crooks! Our last story begins with the mystery gang teaming up with “the challengers of the unknown” and a strange gnome-like creature. They go diving underwater, meet the “sea devils”, net a sea monster they were under attack by and enter a dry cave.

They then find themselves under attack by what appears to be a giant mutant super-rat, but the creature is scared away by the emergence of a mole-machine. Out of the mole machine comes another team who investigate mysteries underground. Next, they all together fly to a hidden base, where the challengers all unmask themselves and reveal that they are not the challengers, they are the secret six! The “gnome king” also reveals himself to be a villain called “multi-man”! they were planning to trick them into handing over the elixir, but made the mistake of revealing themselves too soon, before the elixir was handed over, so they were quickly outnumbered and defeated.

They then met another team from the future who had sent the distress signal to all those other teams and Belma figured out that “the mockingbird” is really Durant. This one I found the most complicated, as there were so many different teams and I wasn’t familiar with any of these characters. There just seemed to be a lot of teams with different uniform colour's. Anyway, this was another great Scooby-doo crossover comic, with lots of different stories and lots of fun.

[oisinwrites]

OisínWrites turned 2 today!

[oisinwrites]

Happy holidays, Springfield!

 A piece of Christmas/Hanukah-themed Simpsons fan-fiction by Oisin O’Reilly. I do not own the Simpsons. All rights go to Matt Groening and the Fox network.

It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas at Springfield mall. There were lots of candy canes, toys in every store and the notorious crook named “Snake” was on his annual robbing spree, followed closely behind by Chief Wiggum and officer Lou. The mall at this time of year was full of all kinds of parents whose children had just finished their wish lists and Snake had a child of his own too. Meanwhile, old grandpa Simpson was wearing the special suit and sitting on the special chair of Santa Claus, with all the children queuing up to meet him. “let’s make this quick,” Said Nelson’s mother, “I have to get back to the stripper bar. That’s where I’m working.” Krusty the clown was just walking past this queue on his way to the bank machine when Nelson pointed at him and taunted, “Haw-haw, you don’t get to have Christmas!”. “Well, the jokes on you,” retorted Krusty,” you don’t get to have Hanukah! hoohoohoohahaha!”. 

It turned out that the children had rather violent ideas about what they wanted for Christmas. Ralph wanted a toy pistol so could be like his daddy, who was police chief. Nelson wanted a BB-gun so he could put coins on the ground and when people bend over to pick them up, he’d shoot them up the bum and say “haw-haw!”. Milhouse explained that he came alone unaccompanied because both his parent’s lost custody and what he really wanted for Christmas was for them to get back together so they can be a family again, but a remote- control assault helicopter with ultra-realistic firing sound effects would also be pretty cool. All this was bringing the aged veteran back to his army days and he began another of his long-winded stories about World War 2, which he never finished because he always fell asleep just when things were starting to get interesting. Now, all the children were looking into each other’s faces and wondering two things, what to do when Santa Claus has fallen asleep and did Santa Claus really fight Nazi’s?

 While he lay snoring, Snake ran behind him and got into the sleigh. “Haw, haw, so long suckers!”, Snake laughed smugly. These were real reindeer, not wooden props and as soon as they heard the whips crack, they leapt into action. Ralph and his mother also waved to daddy. “Hiya Ralphie”, said Chief Wiggum, “Well, dang, he got away, but we have caught another crook. You’re under arrest for impersonating Santa Claus! Take’em away, boys!”. The mall Santa had just woken up to find himself being strong-armed by the police. Seeing that his chances of escape were gone, he decided that if he couldn’t resist arrest, he could at least have a go at the police Chief’s mother. “hey, what the dickety?!”, he cried, “I didn’t do nothin’, your mother is a hoe-hoe-hoe!”. “Er.. chief?” asked officer Lou, “aren’t they all impersonators? Many men have been the Santa Claus.”. Chief Wiggum was shocked at this. “whaaat?! Are you telling me Santa Claus isn’t even a real person?” he gasped. Lou explained that it must have been his wife who left all those presents at his house each year.

 Snake was now driving a deer-drawn sleigh haphazardly around a crowded shopping mall, but miraculously no-one was hurt. One very posh lady complained about how rude it was as it narrowly missed her. However, there seemed to be a curse on all teachers and staff from Springfield elementary, because they all got swept up by the Reindeer’s antler’s and hung by the scruff of the neck. “Schools out for Christmas and now this!”, cried the music teacher, who then produced a tiny fiddle and played a melancholy tune. “No-body knows the trouble I’ve been,” he sang, “no-body knows my sorrow.” “HA! As if we teachers ever get a break!”, scoffed Miss krabappel, who still went on smoking even while being hung from a Reindeer’s Antler’s. It seemed as though she could go on smoking even if she had fallen out of a boat. She would probably be just finishing her smoke by the time she was dragged out on the beach and resuscitated. “There are nine reindeer, which means eighteen antlers and thirty-six hooves, yet still only one red nose,” calculated Principal Skinner. “Och, how can ye be thinkin’ o’ math at a time like dis?” growled groundskeeper Willy.

 Krusty was now finished at the bank machine and had begun his lonely way home. On the way, he saw the Christmas tree section, where homer was struggling with the newly selected tree. First, he shoved it in the back of the car saying, “Come on, fit in, will you?”, while marge and the kids were all inside, being squashed by the tree. “Way to go dad, you’ve made room for everything but yourself!”, said Bart. “Doh!” answered homer. “Hmmn, I think were supposed to strap it to the roof.” Said marge. Once the tree was strapped to the roof, homer got in the driver’s seat and the car got going. “Doh!”, he said again, when the tree flew off the front of the car, hitting another car and setting off its alarm. Krusty could see that this was going to take forever, but at least these gentile-folks had family. He made his way to his lonely apartment, up to his lonely master bedroom and sighed. It was his job as a children’s entertainer to be happy on the outside, while his adult life lay in tatter’s and he was a clown who had just realised that the joke was on him. It looked like he was going to spend this Hanukah just like he had spent every other Hanukah: alone. He did have a child of his own, a daughter named Sophie, but he also had an ex from special forces named Erin whose mission seemed to be to keep his daughter as far away from him as possible. His own father was a serious, self-respecting rabbi who was very disappointed in him for becoming a silly clown. He showered, climbed into bed and watched some news followed by some stand-up comedy on his bedroom Flat-screen before switching it off and drifting off to sleep.

 That night, at the Burns mansion, C. Montgomery burns had just woken up in his four-poster bed from a particularly vivid dream and Smithers came to check on him. “Are you alright sir? Was it a nightmare?”, asked Smithers. “Not a nightmare per’se, but a very powerful vision.”, answered Mr. Burns. “I was visited by three spirits, I was shown my past, my present and one possible outcome for my future where no-one mourned my death and I saw so much wickedness. What made it so haunting is that it was all MY wickedness! Now, I want to change my ways!”. “Well sir, you can change if you have discipline.” Answered Smithers. “By the way, tell all my employee’s that yes, they can have Christmas off!”. “Will do, sir!” Answered Smithers. 

The next morning, krusty lit a cigarette, went down to get his morning paper at the doorstep and was pleasantly surprised to meet his daughter right there at his front door. “They delivered me here, though I’ll probably only be here for this morning.”, she said, “well I didn’t want my pops to be alone on Hanukah and I got you a card, it says happy Hanukah!”. “Wow. my daughter remembered me on Hanukah and got me a card. That’s great.”, groaned krusty, not looking at all pleased that his daughter had remembered him on Hanukah and got him a card. He didn’t express it well, but he was sincerely overjoyed that he wasn’t doomed to spend Hanukah alone like he thought he was. However, he also regretted that he hadn’t gotten dressed into something more presentable before opening the front door. Now his daughter was seeing him smoking a cigarette while still in his underwear, slippers and dressing gown. “You know, for a clown, you don’t look very happy.”, commented Sophie. “Anyway, I really hope were seeing Grandpa, I’m looking forward to that.” Well, are coming inside?” asked Krusty. “Can I come in and make a phone-call?” asked Sophie, I want to talk to Grandpa!” “Sure, knock yourself out!” groaned krusty. Sophie ran to the phone and dialled for the rabbi. “Hey Grandpa, are you coming to dinner on Hanukah? Okay, that’s great!” she put down the phone. “Well,” she told krusty “he said he would like to come if there is a special dinner on Hanukah, provided there are no silly antics and nothing too clownish. Not sure what he means by that, though.” “Er… you do realise I’m a clown, right?” , Krusty pointed out sarcastically.

Meanwhile, Mr. burns and Smithers were going somewhere they had never been before: the Kwik-e-mart. Mr. Burns was actually shopping with commoner’s and he got talking to Milhouse’s mom. “Well why don’t you apologise first?” he suggested to her. “What, but clearly he’s the one who’s wrong.” Answered Milhouse’s mom. “Does it matter who’s wrong?” asked Mr. Burns, “what about all the good times you’ve had as a family?”. “You know, I never really thought about it that way.” She answered. After that, they went to Moe’s tavern, where Mr. Burns got talking to Milhouse’s Dad. “Why don’t you apologise first?” he asked him. “But clearly she’s the one being stupid.”, answered Milhouse’s Dad. “But wouldn’t you rather spend Christmas with all three of you than spend it alone, just because one of you is stupid?” said Mr. Burns. “That would make me the stupid one!” gasped Milhouse’s dad, “Thanks, I never thought of it like that before!”. “I must say wow, sir,” remarked smithers, “you really have changed!” “Ah yes, I’m really feeling the spirit of Christmas and boy was I fool for not seeing it earlier.” Mused Mr. Burns. “Seeing what earlier?” asked smithers. “Why, all that Christmas is about!” answered Mr. Burns, “It’s the season of giving, of peace on earth and goodwill to men, but you see, smithers, not everyone celebrates Christmas, some have other customs.” “Nothing wrong with that, sir.” Said smithers. “Oh no, of course not,” said Mr. Burns, “but whether its Christmas, Hannukah, or Ramadan, I want it to be the best it can be for whoever celebrates it!”. “Wow, am I dreaming?” asked Moe.  “Where is the real Mr. Burns and what have you done with him?” shouted homer. “Well, er, we do have some residents in Springfield who are Jewish,” murmured smithers, “Would you like to invite them to a traditional Jewish dinner?” 

When Homer got home and Marge heard what had been suggested at Moe’s tavern, she thought it was a great idea. “We can throw a surprise party for Krusty!”, she said. “But mom, what about Krustie’s ex?”, asked Lisa. “Good question”, answered Marge, I don’t know whether inviting his ex would be a good idea or a bad idea.” “Well, there is some hope they can settle it like adults.” Said Lisa. “We’ll have to make doubly sure she’s ready for that.” Said Marge. Meanwhile, Milhouse’s Mom and Milhouse’s Dad had had just turned up in front of each other on the snow-covered street, where all the streetlights were hung with mistletoe. “Hello, I’m sorry.” Said Milhouse’s Mom, her breath frosting as she sighed heavily and hung her head. “No, I’m sorry.” He answered. Their faces were close to each other now, under the mistletoe. “I was a jerk.”, he said. “Yeah, you were, but I shouldn’t have let your bad habits become my excuses.”, she said, “like they say in Japan, Gomen-nasai.” Their faces were even closer now, under the mistletoe and they kissed. “We haven’t kissed like that in a long time.”, She said. “That’s why we should never have split up.”, he said. 

When Krusty came back to his apartment that day, he found it pitch black, when suddenly… “surpriiiiiise!!!!”, the lights turned on, the room filled with the noise of party-blowers and confetti went everywhere. “May I have your attention please!”, announced Lisa, as she tapped an empty Wine-Glass with a dinner-knife, “As Springfield’s youngest Buddhist and on behalf of my protestant family who aren’t really that religious, it is my great pleasure to wish you a very happy Hanukah and Mazel tov!” “Mazel tov!”, they all echoed in unison. The dinner-table was laid just like a traditional Hanukah feast and Homer was already helping himself to bits and pieces. “Hey Marge, we should do this more often!”, said Homer, “It’s a great way to get free dinners! Mmmn, caaaandlllles!” “Homer, he hasn’t said Jewish grace yet!”, snapped Marge. “

Wow, you’re all here!”, said Krusty, “The Simpsons, Mr. Burns and smithers, my Papa, my daughter and HOLY SCHNITZEL IT’S MY EX!!!”. “Oh, relax, I’m not going to ruin Hanukah just because I’m your ex.” Answered Erin. “Look, I know it’s kinda my fault you got discharged.”, said Krusty. “Well, no, you did what you believed was right.” Said Erin, “It may not have been what agreed with the army, but that’s not your fault. Splitting up might have been a good thing, because it gave me a chance to think, but now that I’ve thought long enough to realise that I was wrong to involve Sophie in any dispute between us and that there’s so much I’ve been holding onto that I needed to let go of, I think it’s time to get back together again.” “Well, I’ve had time to think too,” said krusty, “and I’ve decided that from now on I’m having no more one-night stands. Now, are we heading to the dinner table?” “Ah, but first, are you going to perform for us some delightful clown tricks?” suggested the rabbi. “But Papa, I thought you said you didn’t want any silly antic’s or anything too clownish.” Said Krusty. “Oh no, god gave us clowns so they could give us laughter,” argued the Rabbi, “just remember that there are times for solemnity as well.” Krusty rode around on his miniature bicycle, jumped onto the coffee table, rode from one end of the coffee table to the other and jumped off the other end, landing in a big “ta-daaahh!”, which was met with applause. “Great, now we can eat!”, said homer. 

When they had all taken their seat’s and placed their napkin’s, krusty bowed his head, joined his hands together and began speaking solemnly in Hebrew. After that, they all began to dig in. “This is courtesy of Mr. Burns and Smithers, who did most of the cooking!”, said Marge. “Wow, that’s awfully nice of you, Mr. Burns!”, said Lisa. “Ah, yes, I know I haven’t always been very nice,” answered Mr. Burns, “but you see, recently I have had a life-changing vision!”. “He was, er, visited in one night by three spirits.” Murmured Smithers. “Well, thank you Mr. Burns,” said krusty, “And thanks to all of you who came. I really thought I was going to spend yet another Hanukah alone.” “And I would like to thank you, Smithers!”, said Mr. Burns. “Thank me? What for?”, asked Smithers. “Well, I knew I had to change my way’s, but I also needed someone to support me. You were by my side all this time and you’ve helped me go from renowned corporate devil to totally transformed man!”. “Oh, well, then you’re welcome, Mr Burns,” said a very bashful Smithers.

 When it came Christmas morning, Lots of happy children were getting up, rubbing the sleep out of their eye’s and coming down to see what Santa Claus had left for them. Milhouse got his Christmas wish of his parents getting back together and being a family again. He also got a remote-control assault helicopter with ultra-realistic firing sound effects. Nelson got his Christmas wish of his papa returning. He also got a BB-gun so could put coins on the ground for people to pick up and say “Haw-haw!” as he shot them up the bum while they were bending over. Since he was feeling the spirit of Christmas, he let the nerds have a go at this as well, so the bully and nerds alike could have a good laugh at someone else’s expense, but the joke was soon on Nelson when Ralph got him with his toy pistol and giggled with glee.

 Bart got a Limited-Edition Radioactive Man action figure and Lisa was told that the extra-large gift was for her, so she was now tearing an extra-large amount of wrapping. it was a gymnastic jumping-horse with a feather-duster attached to one end. On the other end was a bucket on a mop and on the bucket was a crudely-drawn face of a pony. “Well you’ve always wanted a pony!”, said Homer. “Hmmn, it’s not as exciting as a real pony,” commented Lisa, “but I’m glad Santa Claus didn’t push a real pony down the chimney, or wrap a real pony in wrapping paper, as that would have been animal abuse!”. “Oh no, of course not!” said Marge. “The world’s kindest man would never do that!”.

 Sometimes, grownup’s got toys at Christmas too. Homer chuckled to himself as he unwrapped a gift labelled “to me, from me” and produced an unusual figure of Santa Claus. It had the usual red pants, big black boots, big black belt, red bobbled hat and full white beard. It also had a cigar in its mouth, sunglasses and a sleeveless white vest which revealed lots of Christmas-themed tattoo’s. It was on a toy motorcycle and “HO HO HO”, was written across the left arm. Homer giggled like a school-girl as he pulled the string on it’s back to hear phrases such as “When I say ho-ho-ho, I’m talking about your mother, she’s a TRIPLE HOE!!” and “Hey, I may not be very nice, but just your face alone puts you on the naughty list FOR LIFE!!”. “Oh my, this toy is totally inappropriate for young children!” gasped Marge. “Oh, it’s not meant for young children, Marge!” Chuckled Homer as he snatched it away from Maggie, who was just crawling along her father’s lap. “That’s for Daddy!”, he said loudly and patronisingly, “this is for baby!”. He gave Maggie a new talking, alphabet-teaching froggy. And that was the story of the holiday season in Springfield. It had been a very happy Christmas and a very happy Hanukah.

[oisinwrites]

Aggretsuko review #6

I was planning to review all six comics in this series, and now, this is it. In the sixth and final edition of the Aggretsuko comic series, there is an office sports day. It is one of these ‘’team-building’’ things. They didn’t have a day out for paint-ball, but they were divided into teams, team Retsuko, team Tsunoda, team Ton and team Warabida, who competed in office versions of sports.  The cover has a very competitive vibe to it, showing them on the three winners platforms with medals, though this was not the result in the comic.

Each team is a trio and  the trio of Retsuko, Haida and Fenneko are the three main characters in this comic. First, there is rubber band archery,( targets: red balloons.) followed by paper-work weight-lifting, then the paper plane javelin, then speed typing, then paper football, then jar opening and then waste-paper basketball, all right after each other. before the final event, Retsuko and Tsunoda both took a bathroom break and discussed what they would do with the prize paid-day-off while rinsing they’re hands. ( Retsuko also washed her face.)

Tsunoda wants to go shopping followed by a spa break, which sounds healthier compared with what retsuko envisages. Retsuko wants to stay at home binge-watching Netflix and eating an entire tub of chocolate ice-cream in her PJ’s.  The only person she will have any social interaction with is the pizza-deliverer. Tsunoda thinks this  is a daft idea and indeed it doesn’t sound healthy. I think a spa would be great, but I wouldn’t want to Instagram everything like Tsunoda would.

we then see the final event, swivel chair racing. Retsuko had already won the paperwork weight-lifting and the wastepaper basketball,  both of which she won  by focusing her rage, while Tsunoda had won rubber band archery by having the most well-rehearsed technique. She throws gracefully and gets it completely right, always being the goody-two-shoes. However, it is still Retsuko’s twisted face as she lifts the paperwork that stands out to me the most. This seems to be instead of a death-metal rant, as this is the only issue which doesn’t have one of those.

The swivel-chair racing event is very reminiscent of Mario kart. Tsunoda even uses the banana peel trick! Tsunoda was just about to win, but got overtaken at the last minute by someone from team Warabida so neither Retsuko or Tsunoda won. It was such an intense rivalry, but then they were both beaten by those guys from the other end of the office who they don’t even know the names of. Results were: team Warabida, 1st place, team Tsunoda, 2nd place, team Ton 3rd place and that leaves team Retsuko 4th  and last.

I don’t know which team I’d like to be on, but I would like to be on any other team seeing team ton’s reactions. There’s something satisfying about seeing the team with all the office superiors and suck-ups to the boss being crushed. I'm not sure sure what I would be best at either, but I know I'd be willing to put my best into it.  This sort of ending makes it seem like its meant to be a lesson about how it doesn’t matter if you win or lose. However, Retsuko deciding to ‘’train for next year’’ under the instructor who only says ‘’protein’’ makes it seem like no-one has learned anything and it gives this comic a more cynical feel, which is my only complaint about such a fun-filled comic.

And that’s it, the review of this entire comic series by Oisin O’Reilly. I hope you have enjoyed reading these reviews as much as I have enjoyed writing them. However, it is not truly the end, as there are more series’ of Aggretsuko in comics, which presumably will also be six-parters. There is Aggretsuko: meet her friends and Aggretsuko: meet her world. I encourage you to read these new releases. The shops may not be open at the hardly-normal time of writing this, but they can be ordered online. I keep getting online notifications about them from what was my normal comic-book shop anyway.

[oisinwrites]

Aggretsuko review #5

Book five of the Aggretsuko comic series is the one I was the most excited to review. We are introduced to a new character, Mr. Pen the penguin, who does not appear in the anime, but is a loveable character and brings so much fun to the story. He was shown on the cover which my issue had and my cover did show what happens in the story, unlike most other issues which have more generic punk-rock covers. they have a lot of the same comics with different covers.

It begins with Mr. Pen delivering the new computers while Retsuko hears her co-workers commenting on how strangely cold it has been lately. Fenneco, who is the main gossiper, tells her that it’s a status symbol. It proves how rich the company is, when Japan is naturally warm. What Retsuko doesn’t expect to happen is that this escalates, so that it gets colder each day until the office forms frost & workers are coming to work in anoraks.

Other workers, such as the boss, Mr. Ton, are doing the exact opposite. They stand in line, dancing in shorts, and brag about not feeling cold, while the mean lizard lady who always overworks Retsuko is being preserved in a chunk of ice and the bins have contained fires burning the rubbish. They claim to  have ‘’muscle's’’ which keep them warm, but this doesn’t seem to make sense medically. Mr. Ton had also forgotten the passcode for the now frost-covered thermostat and an apologetic Haida caves in to peer pressure to join in with the dancing.

Out of all the comic art, this tearful image of Haida rising and bowing at the same time (he is getting up from his desk, but his head and arms are bent down in submission) is what stands out to me the most.  Another funny image is the hyena and prairie dog crying anime tear-floods while doing this next to Mr. Ton.  It seems they are too weak to just tell the truth and be frank about it.  Weakness seems to be a theme in this issue.

At the karaoke bar, Washimi the eagle argues that it is weak to deny your pain and let others suffer with you.  Retsuko begins a death metal rant which also counts as her point in the debate; ‘’the AC is too high! We're all about to die! Frozen waste of my tiiiiiiiiime!’’.  Although Gori did think Washimi’s statement was a bit too dramatic, she was convinced by something even more dramatic. They then put their heads together to solve the mystery, now that Mr. Ton has been ruled out as the suspect.  They try to figure out who would know the passcode for the thermostat, and want the office kept extremely cold...? The next day, the three enter the culprit’s office in their best winterwear.  Retsuko secretly wishes they would do this without her, because she hates confrontation.  Retsuko does, however, find the courage to speak up and say ‘’its time to answer to your crimes... Mr. Pen!".  

Mr. Pen apologises and reveals his side of the story. It turns out that he never meant to hurt anyone, but his workspace was too hot for him to concentrate and whenever he turned down the thermostat, someone turned it up even higher, so he code-locked and made it accessible to only himself.  He just hadn’t seen what was happening in the rest of the office. And so, Mr. Pen gives everyone free ice-cream as compensation, a new air-cooler is installed in his office and all is forgiven.  

Retsuko had already vented things in a shocking but beneficial way at the downtown karaoke bar, so she didn’t have to abuse her co-workers. This was a story about forgiveness, resolution and proper anger management.  While there was some conflict, there was no true villain in this comic.  Even Mr Ton did not seem as mean as in the other issues, more "silly" than "mean".  The mystery-solving element also made it fun and it doesn’t have to be as dark as a typical detective novel, where the culprit is truly evil and the crime is usually murder.  I think this was the best issue in the comic series, and I think it was pretty much the best way for the stories conflict to be resolved.

[oisinwrites]

Aggretsuko: book 4, review

The cover of book four is another generic cover of Retsuko singing death metal, unlike the last one where the cover is specific to what happens in it. Book four of the Aggretsuko comic series begins with Retsuko just realising that she has overslept. As is common in Japanese art, there is much humour in her expressions, especially her eyes. From the frazzled look of someone who is even sleepier after over-sleeping to the shock at seeing the time on her alarm clock, it humorously illustrates a generally relatable ‘’bad day’’.

She begins her hurried way to the over-crowded tramline shown in the Netflix series, wearing shoes that are ‘’office-appropriate’’ but not very practical. Not exactly high-heel's per se, but clomping shoes. In the Netflix series, she panics when she realises she has come to work in flip-flops and tries to distract co-workers from looking down at her feet by doing ‘’this weird arm dance’’, which really just makes things more awkward. She is in such a hurry that she doesn’t notice a crack in the pavement and trips over it, badly injuring her right arm, since this was the arm that was raised.

Like something out of MORTAL KOMBAT X, it gives us an x-ray view in a red back-ground, showing her arm damage in all its grizzly detail. If it had been in this game, it would say ‘’ flawless victory! The floor wins! Brutality!’’. Although there is no fatality and no-one dies in this cartoon, I can imagine the sounds of Retsuko screaming like Mileena and her bones crunching. It then skips to next day and the opening line is ‘’so that’s why you weren’t here yesterday, bummer’’. This is Haida the hyena and Fenneco the fennec fox examining her cast. It then goes through what is a normal work-day for Retsuko but with the one significant difference of her right arm in a cast.

Some workers treat her differently but others act as if there is no cast. Haida the hyena makes tea for Retsuko just to be nice. Tsubone, the rotten lizard lady, is still dumping piles of worksheets on her head and demanding them returned today. Mr. Ton makes a very piggish joke about how he used to ‘’play hookey’’ in his younger days, but was still not as ‘’reckless’’ as an ‘’incompetent woman’’, which Komiya the prairie dog laughs at just to suck up to him. Tsunoda, the sweet little deer, finds this piece of new's exciting and thinks Retsuko should have everyone sign her cast.

As is shown in the Netflix series, she goes into a toilet cubicle to vent things with a mike. In comic-book format, this is illustrated with skulls and symbols appearing outside the door of the women’s bathroom. She then comes out saying ‘’I’m fine, everything’s okay’’, while a smallish arrow saying ‘’denial’’  presses so hard into her head that it is bulging around the arrow, as if she were a plush toy with a soft head. My favourite part though, was when Washimi the eagle and gori the ape finally got real spotlight, which is a first in the comic series. In the previous comic’s, these two only appeared as background characters, they were just two more of "the infected" who Retsuko bounced over in book one and Tsunoda was more the secondary protagonist and rival to Retsuko. Now they’re in real glamour and Tsunoda has only appeared once in this issue. There is another hint at the problems with ladies footwear here. Gori complains about her shoes giving her a bad back, to which Washimi replies, ‘’we must not show weakness at work’’.

Gori and Washimi are the experts at office survival. it’s like a video game to them, like a big Zelda dungeon. That would make Retsuko a beginner player who they are helping. Washimi enters the office of the president elephant who is in the middle of what he claims is preparing a presentation but is really playing with handmade puppets, one for everyone in the office. He was just making the puppet of Washimi tell the puppet of himself that he is doing such a great job. Washimi wants to talk about the sick leave policy. She shows she means business by threatening to burn his puppets with a lighter and karate-kicking the desk so that it splits down the middle in half. She makes sure to bring the official papers so she has some authority to her argument. Washimi gets quite a reaction from him, but more importantly he agrees to raise the sick leave.

For once, the comic series is finally showing these two more like the way they are shown in the anime, because every detail there is exact. Even hiding the pain of their shoes, or any weakness. After moving away from the main character for a while, it is now back to Retsuko who is working overtime for her rotten office superior Tsubone.  it is mostly an empty office at this hour and the workers who are still present are just getting their coats on  switching off what is electrical. It is AFTER, not DURING her exertion that she feels pain, so she thinks she can go ahead typing frantically and feels the punishment when she is finally finished her overtime. She then goes to the downtown karaoke bar and starts a death-metal rant about her job causing her emotional and physical pain.

Again, she feels the punishment AFTER having been all puffed up. ‘’my arm is brittle and so is my patience’’, is soon followed by ‘’ooh, ow-ow-ow-ow’’. It was her worst day in the series, but she is in for a pleasant surprise next morning. Lazily answering her smartphone in her messy apartment, she finds it is Komiya telling her she does not have to come to work today, due to recent changes in sick leave policy. She also hears Mr. Ton yelling ‘’Hey Komiya, where’s that tea?’’. It sounds like Komiya is filling in for Retsuko, who usually makes tea for Mr. Ton and does a lot of fluttering around. Her eyes water, her background is replaced with lots of pink flowers and she says ‘’this is the best day ever!’’. I think we can all relate to Retsuko here (not just some of the ladies who have worn really bad footwear),  both the worst-ever days and the best-ever days. On days when it is a day off and a chance for a lie-in, it does feel like your surrounded by pink flowers. We can also relate to the many moods Retsuko has which, in manga and anime, are often shown very expressively.

[oisinwrites]

Scooby-Doo Team Up - It’s Scooby Time! (Review)

Now that I’ve reviewed the full 6-part Aggretsuko series, its back to Scooby-doo team-up, since I had only reviewed one of them so far. It was difficult to find book two in the comic-book shop, since there was an issue#4, an issue#5 and some un-numbered ones, so this is an un-numbered cross-over comic which features seven mad-cap stories, each one a crossover involving Scooby-Doo and other classic cartoons. Some of them are classic DC super-heroes, such as classic Batman and Mister Miracle.  Unfortunately, it still doesn’t feature Green Lantern but, on the plus side, does feature Dastardly and Muttley.

For those unfamiliar, this is a classic cartoon about a wacky air-force squadron who are always inventing bizarre flying contraptions to catch the messenger pigeon who is smarter than the humans trying to catch him. their leader is a man called Dick Dastardly who is actually stupid but thinks he's a genius and has a pet dog called but Muttley who is actually smarter than him but isn't loyal and only does anything for medals and dog biscuits.

In the first one, the Dastardly flying machine-team have failed to catch the pigeon for exactly the 3608th  time, so they call upon the four meddling kids and their dog for assistance, lying to them that it's a ghost pigeon. Soon the joke is on them when it turns out the Scooby-Doo Team were only pretending to be fooled.  They caught the pigeon, painted it luminous green and released it again, to make Dastardly & Muttley think that the story they made up was actually true all along.  Frightened by what they think is a ghost pigeon, they run into a hidden trap and get themselves caught instead. Mystery Inc. reveal the hoax and promptly release them, while Velma argues it is only fair that they get to trick them back. It is also revealed that this wasn’t to do with war but pizza-delivery.

Since world war one and world war two are both long past, the pigeon was actually working for a rival pizza-chain and Dick Dastardly is just a vintage enthusiast who thinks that old-model air-planes dating back to world war one can still be useful today. This story had wackiness, double-crossing and a creative way to update an old war-era cartoon, keeping the characters the same age but changing what time it’s set in. Personally, I was delighted, as Dastardly and Muttley in their flying machines is one of my favourite cartoons that was on all the time when I was a little kid, but I haven’t seen it in a very long time.

Next, mystery Inc. Team up with two super-heroes who are married to each other yet they are from two different planets, Mister Miracle and Big Barda. They go through the portal and are transported to the planet Apokolips, where an old woman called “Granny” is a charismatic leader but she might be involved in something suspicious. It turns out Granny is raising an army, but Daphne, Velma and Big Barda outsmart her by pretending to be affected by Grannies mind-control, and attacking her at just the right moment. A story with two charming superhero characters and some more sophisticated double-crossing.

Next, they visit Garfield high school for careers day and talk about being crime-solvers. They then find out the teacher is secretly a super-hero called Black Lightning and he wants their help fighting a villain who’s raising an army of school drop-outs, all of whom are making very bad decisions. The stay-in-school message was pretty corny, but what was even more hilarious was its ending which addressed one of the most common criticisms of scooby-doo as a series: Black Lighting actually asks the mystery gang why they aren’t in school. It turns out they all managed to graduate early but still embrace learning by taking online classes and Scooby attends Obedience School. This one also had them visiting a costume shop for some disguises, and it was fun seeing them in fancy masquerade and funky disco costumes.

Story number four begins right after they’ve dealt with a case involving a muck monster resulting in scooby being covered in muck and its never pleasant when a dog is covered in something smelly, especially when you’re driving. They stop by at Peebles pet-shop, hoping to find a doggy-bath but then Mr. Peebles has just found out that a particularly loyal customer was actually a mad scientist who is using them in twisted experiments and they must stop him or the pet-shop will lose its cruelty-free certificate. This one had a very weird ending, where the mad scientists head-swapping machine had created hybrids like a lion-mouse and Mr. Peebles decided to sell the hybrids because this made them more rare and exotic, meaning that it ended without them being changed back to normal. Presumably, this would also mean the mad scientist still has his head accidently stuck on to a parrots body and is on sale. It is after all, an exotic pet-shop. Story number six sees them visiting the home-town of the flash, where this time they are called on by crooks to catch another crook, someone who’s been stealing everything they steal and ruining their grand robberies. After they defeat “The Top”, a villain who uses spinning tops, some small, some big, some giant, as weapons, "The Rogues” then begin a grand robbery of the Flash museum, now that the Top isn’t there to ruin it anymore, but are stopped by a magician and two of the Flashes, (referred to as “Kid Flash” and “The Original Flash”) since the other Flash is in a different galaxy.

The second-last story in this comic-book begins with the mystery gang visiting Stagg enterprise, where they meet the boss, Mr. Stagg, his daughter, Sapphire and his Neanderthal assistant named Java. Mr Stagg turns out to be evil and they are now faced with the boss using the ancient Egyptian orb of Ra to control Urania, a super-heroine with the power turn herself into any substance or compound and his extremely strong Neanderthal henchman who still doesn’t know he’s evil in a scramble for the orb which gets dropped on the floor and everyone rushes to be the first to pick it up. Scooby has it for a while, but Daphne decides it should go to Sapphire.

This one seemed to be the toughest battle, but they had ways of outsmarting the toughest opponents which I thought were cool, such as Daphne, not just the “girly” girl, using her rarely seen kung-Fu skills to turn Java’s strength against him and Metamorpho, another hero with the same power asking shaggy to throw water on him as he changes into sodium just before he succumbs to mind-control too. This ends with Metamorpho mentioning a holiday away from him, while Fred waves, which presumably means they’re sending him to jail?

The seventh and last story begins with the mystery gang unmasking a particularly ridiculous Gotham villain called the Camera Man, who is dressed like a performing magician but with a helmet that is a giant camera. They are thanked by Batman and Robin, but then other Batmen and other versions of Mystery Inc. from different genres start appearing. It turns out to be Bat-mite and Scooby-mite, who aren’t evil but just don’t realise the trouble they’re causing when they’re making things “fun”, and they are using their reality-warping powers to bring them all into one dimension. However, it actually took all of them, each dividing into teams of the same character working with themselves, to take down a giant Scrappy-Doo crying “puppy power!” and they soon discover a giant belly-zip which they altogether un-zip, revealing Vincent van ghoul, the Hex Girls, Robi the robot butler, Flim Flam and Red herring. Once they are out of the giant scrappy-doo costume, they are then scared away by all the different Scrappy-Doo’s. Then the two mites finally get bored, sending them all back to their own universes and replacing them with the special, ultra-tall anniversary cake with both logos of Scooby-doo and Batman.

And so, this comic-book ends with a special dual “Happy Anniversary” message, but they should have known Scooby and shaggy would just eat all the cake and leave none for the rest. These were seven fun-filled stories with lots of cartoon craziness and enough double-crossing to impress James Bond, but the second one seemed lazily written. Apparently, an effective method of brainwashing is to put your subjects in a cinema-room and expose them to rapid-fire images, but it wont work on someone who either has, or is wearing the glasses of someone who has, terrible eye-sight? Since that lazily explains how Velma and Daphne resisted mind-control, Big Barda used the same sci-fi tech that transported them to this planet, the “mother-box” which also has the power of mind-control protection as well as planet-hopping? All that techno-babble seemed to me like it was hastily thrown together at the last minute, but this comic-book still brings me back to Scooby and other classic cartoons, while also being an introduction to some unfamiliar ones and was a delight to read. 

[oisinwrites]

5 posts!

[oisinwrites]

A Sizzling Simpsons Summer - A Summer-themed Simpsons fan-fiction

(PS. I recommend seeing the film “enter the dragon” starring Bruce Lee to get the reference in this fan-fic, it is available on Netflix.)

It was a beautiful summer’s day in Springfield. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and Ms. Hoover was going over with her class some last-minute revision on geography before the end-of-school bell. “Ms. Hoover?” asked Ralph,“Is Mr. Dwayne Johnson an igneous, a sedimentary, or a basalt?”. “For the last time, Ralph,” said Ms. Hoover, “Mr. Dwayne Johnson is not really a rock. have you any other questions?”.Ralph lowered his hand, then raised it again. “So... Mr. John Cena is a sedimentary?” asked Ralph. Ms. Hoover sighed. She wished that for once she could teach geography without the class being distracted by wrestling. She regretted explaining erosion by calling it a "great undertaker". The sand at the beach was really the rock which had been eroded away by the “great undertaker” which is natural weathering, but that had nothing to do with whether the rock or the undertaker would win in the WWE and she didn’t care which wrestler was the “mighty tsunami” or the “raging hurricane”.Neither did the arctic or the tundra have anything to do with "stone cold" Steve Austin.  

Ralph was seated next to a window which had been left open to let in the breeze and, when Ms. Hoovers back was turned, an actual rock came in from the window and hit Ralph. “Wah, Dwayne Johnson hit me!”, sniffled Ralph.  “Goodness gracious!” gasped Ms. Hoover, “Surely Dwayne Johnson wouldn’t hit a child!”.  She then turned around and saw the actual rock lying at Ralph’s feet. She also saw Nelson, the school bully, leaning in through the window and pointing at Ralph. “Haw-Haw!” jeered Nelson, “You got kissed by Dwayne Johnson! You’re gay for Time magazines sexiest man alive who was in baywatch!”.  Nelson was on punishment and was meant to be assisting Groundskeeper Willy, but kept finding ways to distract himself and make mischief. “Yah wee runt!” came the Groundskeeper’s shrill Scottish accent. ”Ah’ll challenge ye to a wrestlin’ match o’ me own, and ye’ll be pebble-dashed!”.  But the crafty Nelson was so well-prepared that he was able to Quickly defeat willy without even getting his hands in and wrestling at all; He simply pulled a rope hanging from a tree which released a bee-hive, landing on Willy.   The flamboyant Martin pranced  up from his desk, picked up the literal rock and correctly identified it as igneous. He then went on to say that although this “noble child of the earth” deserves a place on the nature table, it is nothing compared to the great Rock himself.  The cynical Lisa told Martin that all that WWE stuff was “choreographed” and “lame”, but the ancient Japanese art of sumo wrestling was more “cultured” and “authentic”.  Good grief, thought Ms. Hoover, even the very clever kids in the class were obsessed with wrestling.  Being obsessed with how fake wrestling is was still an obsession with wrestling and sumo was just another form of wrestling to be obsessed with. This little girl was not only obsessed with wrestling but also with japan. well, at least that is a country. 

  Ms. Hoover then heard the sound that made her wonder how much time had been wasted, the end-of-school bell. No hurricane, no tsunami, no geographical force of any kind could compare with the torrent of happy children bursting out of the classrooms and all through the corridors which even Hulk Hogan would be overwhelmed by while exhausted teachers wondered if their pupils had learned nothing from all those fire-drills. The teachers in Springfield elementary also looked forward to summer break, but not for quite the same reasons as the kids.

  All around Springfield, lots of happy children were running merrily home, to find out from their parents what the plans for summer break were going to be. Rod and Todd were delighted to hear from Mr. Flanders that they were going to Bible Camp, but it wasn’t simply called “Bible Camp”. It was “Baaaiiibuhl Caymp”, and it was always spelled that way on every sign. It was also known affectionately as “camp gospel” or “the camp o’Jesus” As Ned drove his two sons on the long road-trip, passing many signs saying “You are now *this distance* from Baaaiiibuhl Caymp”.   “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?!”, went the boys, whose favourite game was usually the Sit-Still-and-Be-Quiet game, but they simply couldn’t contain themselves when it came to the camp O’Jesus! Ned reminded his two sons about parts of the bible where patience was mentioned. At last, they reached the archway entrance which read “Baaaiiibuhl Caymp”across it. “Here we are boys” announced Mr. Flanders.  “Yaaaaaayyy!” cheered the brothers, as they raised their fists in cheer, all the way out the car-windows.

  Meanwhile, next door to the Flanders’ house, the Simpson’s were getting ready for the beach, but Homer was having a recent falling-out with an old friend he thought he had been getting on well with: the mirror. Now that the mirror was seeing Homer in his swim-suit, the mirror didn’t have anything nice to say about how his swim-suit suited him.  “Pssst... I don’t think the mirror likes me, it’s not being very flattering!”, he whispered loudly to Marge, leaning so closely to her that the hand he was whispering through was almost touching her ear.The mirror told Homer that he was fat, ugly, middle-aged and bald.  “Oh, why does the mirror hate me?” moaned homer, “What did I ever do to you?!” he wailed.   “WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?” he screamed, pounding the mirror with his fists. “Hmmm, be careful, Homer" cautioned Marge, “That’s a fragile mirror”.  with his eyes closed, Homer didn’t notice that with each pound the mirror was developing more and more small cracks, which were inter-lacing and forming bigger cracks. eventually, he had done it. Homer had broken the mirror. Overcome with grief and remorse, homer fell on his knees and wept. “What have I done, “ he cried, ”WHAT HAVE I DONE?!”

  he then skipped and hopped his way into the bathroom, grabbed the box of band-aids and ran back to the broken mirror. He was now figuring out how to fit the pieces together like a jigsaw puzzle and using band-aids to stick them together. When he was finished this, he examined his hands which were cut and bleeding from the glass he’d been handling, and said “Now for some plasters... DOH!”.  It had just dawned on him that he had used up the plasters whilst fixing the mirror, so he ran into the bathroom again and covered his hands in toilet-roll.  “DOH!” he grimaced again, when Marge pointed out that the mirror was now useless, as it was very difficult to see anything in a mirror that was covered in band-aids.

  All in one big hurry, Homer kissed Marge goodbye, put the broken mirror in the trunk of his car, and drove off.  Homer stopped at the middle of a little bridge which ran over a dirty river which had lots of rubbish floating in it and was being sadly observed by two native Americans standing by the riverbank. He looked around to make sure no-one was seeing him and, thinking there was no-one there, dumped the broken mirror overboard with a big splash before getting back in the car. "boy, it sure is hard to drive with your hands wrapped in toilet-roll!” remarked Homer as he drove hap-hazardly around town, causing some panic, but just about managing not to crash the car. He was still convinced that no-one had seen him down at the bridge, but he hadn’t seen the two Native Americans who were now crying on each others shoulders.

Back at Baaaiiibuhl Caymp, one of the camp leaders was preaching to the kids that sex, drugs and rock music were bad.  “When you’re old enough to do it, don’t do it!” she said. rod and Todd shocked the very religious children they were grouped with  when Todd stood up, pointed  and said “Yeah right, its clear from your eyes what you’ve been doing last night!” and Rod chimed in with “yeah, we may be just kids, but we're not stupid!”. their group all turned around at them and gasped. here at the camp o’jesus, no-on spoke to a camp leader this way, or said the word “stupid”. Her boyfriend came over, who was an equally woozy and bloodshot-eyed camp leader, and said “Yeah kids, when you’re old enough to do it, don’t do it, now its time for a wholesome camping song with Christian themes that’re better than rock music!”. After this shocking moment, commotion spread like wildfire among the religious Christian community and the parents of children attending Baaaiiibuhl Caymp were getting very shocking phone calls.

  Meanwhile, the Simpsons were looking for a new mirror and paying a visit to the grand mirror emporium at the Springfield mall.  They were amazed by how many shapes and sizes of mirrors there were, and how many times they could see themselves reflected with mirror in mirror in mirror.  Bart stopped by one mirror and made such a hideous expression which was reflected so many times that an extremely posh lady fainted with shock.  A suspicious-looking Chinese man with shifty eyes hid himself among the mirrors and said “haw-haw, he’ll never find me here!”.  Another Chinese man, topless, bushy-haired and wielding a nunchaku, came in and said, “Ah-hah! The enemy uses mirror images to hide their true intentions, the key is to destroy the mirror images!”. he began kicking, punching and swinging his nunchaku, striking each mirror in quick succession. He was soon caught by the security for breaking all the mirrors, and as they strong-armed him out of the store, he screamed “You don’t understand, that man is a super-villain!”.

“These mirrors are still not being very nice” complained Homer.  “For goodness’ sake, you’re just self-conscious because you need to lose some weight,” truth-bombed Marge. “But Marge, nothing motivates me!” moaned Homer.  Just then, an ad came on a TV-screen, where McBain appeared and said “Wat does your mirror image say abaht you? Are you ready to get into MCSHAPE!?”.  “Hi, I’m Troy McClure,” began  Troy McClure, “ You may remember me from such rude interruptions where I popped in uninvited as...”. “Hey, dis is mah commercial!” yelled McBain, as he picked up Troy with one hand and hurled him off the screen.  He then began demonstrating the convertible, multi-purpose, high-tech MCSHAPE fitness machine.  “Hmmn, this must be good product if its endorsed by an action movie star,” mused Homer.  “Look, its in the shop just opposite this one” said Marge.  “Oh, I have to walk” moaned Homer, even though he had been walking around the mall all this time, but as the ad ended with McBain saying “You can also buy my new book, the MCSHAPE diet and fitness regime” Homer felt a new wave of motivation. “Yes I can!”, he cried and as he stood upright with his hands on his hips, his butt-crack was reflected so many times that the same posh lady who had just recovered from Bart’s Girning was now fainting again.

  The Simpsons went home with a new mirror, the MCSHAPE fitness machine and McBains new book. they were still blissfully unaware that a super-villain had escaped under their very noses. Homer did get into great shape and got lots of compliments, especially from Apu at the kwik-e-mart.  At the beach, Homer made new friends who he played volleyball with, and was now strong enough to use the kids as volleyballs, but Marge tried to tell him politely that they didn’t like being hurled in this way

  At home in the Flanders’ house, Ned didn’t believe what he was being told on the phone.  He kept insisting that Rod and Todd are such good little boys.  Surely they wouldn’t make such speculations, or say the word “Stupid”.  While Maude writhed in horror, saying over and over again “Someone please think of the children!”, Ned slammed the phone down and turned on TV.  Ned and Maude thought a bit of the Christian channel would help them forget the ordeal, but its regular programming was interrupted by Kent Brockman reporting from the scene of Baaaiiibuhl Caymp with breaking news about the sex scandal. They were shocked to see the pictures and hear the names of Christian Christenson and Angelina Engel, as they knew them to be camp leaders, and thought they were more godly people. Kent asked Reverend Lovejoy for his comment, but the surprisingly un-religious priest made comments like “Oh who cares?” and “Did I drive all the way here for this?” without actually commenting on the situation.  

  visibly frustrated by the lack of responsiveness, Kent let out a deep sigh in front of all his viewers and switched his attention to Chief Wiggum who said, ”erm... it’s not technically a crime, but it’s a very major scandal, which is why we, the Springfield Police, are here.”  While Homer was working out in his front yard, Ned leaned over the fence and cried “Homer, the un-thingly-inkable has happened!”.  “What is it?” said Homer, pausing his crunches. “By the way, you’ve gotten in darn-doodly great shapily-ape!” complimented Ned, “But there’s a more pressing matter, um, I don’t know how to say this but,” he dropped to a whisper, “Its a sex scandal in Baaaiiibuhl Caymp!”.  “Are you planning to drive down there and see what’s going on?” asked Homer.  “Pretty much what I was going to doodly-do,” said Ned, “but I wanted to know if you’re willing to come with me?  You see, it would be good of you, but I can’t make you”.  “Hmm... I’ve never been very religious or believed in Jeebus,” considered Homer, “but maybe, just this once, I’ll go with stupid Flanders”.

  Ned thanked Homer as they hopped in Ned’s car and began a long drive, eventually reaching Baaaiiibuhl Caymp. As it was dusk, Ned led the way with a flashlight and they were accompanied by the Springfield Police.  Their search led them to a tent pitched separately from the others.  As Ned’s flashlight and the police searchlights shone through the tent, two shadowed figures could be seen embracing each other.  Homer got down and lifted the tent from the bottom up. As the tent-pegs became undone, Homer flipped the tent from one side to the other, revealing the two camp leaders under one big duvet. “So it’s true!” gasped Ned “And wow Homer, you’re as strong as Samson!”.  “No, I’m Simpson” said Homer. “Nevermind” sighed Ned.  “Hey, my private life is private!” said Angelina Engel. “Yeah, bugger off!” said Christian Christenson.  “You both need to go look in a mirror” chastised Homer, “Even by my standards, you’re heretics!”.  Without anyone knowing what he was doing there, Nelson came out from behind a bush, pointed at the two sinners and laughed “Haw-haw!”.  He wasn’t even in camp gospel.

  The next day, Kent Brockman reported the sex scandal being resolved thanks to Homer’s great strength, and these two camp leaders were now banished in disgrace from Baaaiiibuhl Caymp.  Ned and Maude were greatly relieved watching the news report.  “Well I’m darn-doodly glad to see them cast out of Eden” said Ned.  

  As the Simpsons saw the same news report, Bart said “What’s the big deal? They’re just pitching a tent!”.  "Bart, watch your language!” snapped Marge. “Bart, nothing’s really a big deal” said Homer, “It’s all just a buncha-stuff that happened, that’s all life is”.  “Homer, isn’t it significant to you that you finally got in shape?” asked Marge.  “Well, except for how sexy I've just noticed myself becoming recently” said Homer,staring down his biceps.  “The mirror and I are in agreement that my sexiness is a very big deal!”.     Both the Simpsons and the Flanders’s were looking forward to more of a great summer. The sex scandal in Baaaiiibuhl Caymp was resolved, the Simpsons were enjoying the beach life and homer had gotten in shape, but we all know he’s just going to go back to being a couch potato in the next episode, as if nothing had ever happened.

[oisinwrites]

Aggretsuko Book3 Review

In book three of the series, we are introduced to new character; A flamboyant duck named Karen from ‘’our sister office in Canada’’, who is very into positive energy and adding feng-shui to the office.  She has a big beak and honks a lot.  It is an amusing front cover, with Karen standing on the desk, Retsuko hiding underneath it, and a shower of sticky notes (though this is not exactly what happens in the story).  

Her job is to help the Japanese office improve morale, because the Canadian office is reported to have great morale.  She leaves sticky notes around the office saying what there is not enough of, or what there is too much of.  One particular label, stuck onto a completely blank wall, says ‘’cat poster’’, because there should be something inspirational to decorate the wall, or something funny to brighten up the office.  When Fenneco the fennec fox says ’’It should just be a picture of your face right now, that should keep the office laughing, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha’’ this was itself the funniest line (her face was a freaked-out anime face).  In the Netflix series, she’s always making fun of Retsuko and laughing in a strange, monotonous way, like a robot.  It turns out the Japanese office is like a minefield with red flags all over the place.  It soon becomes full of yellow slips everywhere.

There is quite a culture clash between Japan and Canada.  Karen had first greeted Retsuko by shaking hands (a very vigorous handshake with lots of honking) instead of bowing.  The boss pig, Mr. Ton, also acts differently when Karen is around. He calls Retsuko by her proper name, instead of ‘’Calender’’ ( In the Netflix series, ‘’Calender’’ or ‘’Calender girl’’ becomes her nickname, because 'her days are numbered'!).  He makes her bring the tea to his desk, which she does passive-aggressively, with outward submission while inwardly hating her chauvinistic pig of a boss.  In the Netflix series, he yells ‘’Hey Calender, get the tea, because that’s woman’s work, haw-haw-haw!’’.  This is a more modern version of the traditional Japanese tea ceremony, which is adapted to the modern Japanese workplace, but it still tends to be designated to women. Originally, it would have been a geisha.

With Karen, he puts on what Retsuko calls his ‘’fake smile’’ which he sometimes does in the Netflix series. This is when the boss who’s usually a bully has a massive smile, rosy cheeks, shiny eyes and says corny things like ‘’great job, teamwork makes a dream work’’. The workers are always so freaked out by him being nice that they just can’t deal with it. In this comic, Retsuko has her own look that is a reaction to the bosses ‘’fake smile’’ look, and that is the typical anime tear-floods with open-hanging mouth. After that, they go out to lunch at a ramen-bar, where they open up about the different workplace cultures.

It seems there are a lot of things Japanese workers put up with that workers in western cultures take action against. They have the same problems,  but different solutions. Karen does  say it to them there that the stoical attitude that office life is what it is will be very unhelpful. Retsuko thinks (not out loud) that Karen is a bit stupid and doesn’t get how the world works because making change happen won’t be ‘’that simple’’. Haida the hyena does say out loud ‘’ we just don’t see the point of making a fuss out of nothing’’. Here, it is interesting to see in a Japanese cartoon how japan is criticising itself. It is also interesting to see how well it represents what in japan would be called a ‘’gaijin’’ or ‘’outsider’’. for a country known to be very isolated, they have quite an impressive understanding of western cultures.

The whole Aggretsuko anime was revealing much of the oppressive Japanese work culture and how a society where being reserved is important means there is unhealthy pent-up hate. There is one, even if only one, reference to KAROSHI (death from over-working, so common it has a name) in the Netflix series. Apart from the karoshi, you don’t necessarily  have to be Japanese to relate, and it’s a bit like the western DILBERT cartoons. This is the first time, though, that it’s gone this in-depth. Later, Karen and Retsuko go down to the karaoke bar where they open up even more about workplace tyranny, especially towards women. Karen is more used to the kind of karaoke that is in pubs and bars where ‘’everyone can see you humiliate yourself’’. This is a downtown karaoke bar where it’s a more private sort place. It’s more like a hotel where you book a room and are tended to by staff.

Karen was also in a death metal rock band that did public gigs. She tells her story of a bad boss just like Mr. Ton who, after a long battle, they finally got him fired. When Karen asks Retsuko a deep and personal question about whether she’s ‘’angry with’’ her, she says to ‘’please be direct’’. Understanding that she’s meant to be honest, Retsuko explains that she’s not exactly angry parse, but she’s not used to Karen’s approach. This new approach that Retsuko’s not used to is what she finds tiring. Karen apologises and promises that now on she will think twice before ‘’jumping in’’ where she ‘’doesn’t belong’’. Karen also says that it makes her angry to see another worker suffering a ‘’similar kind of tyranny’’. So the two of them select a piece of death metal and sing together, both completely changing their faces. ‘’rotten bosses keep talking down to and belittling me’’ ‘’your fake smile is just a deadly trap’’ ‘’free us from this unending torment’’.

The next day, as Karen and Retsuko bow  to each other, it is time for Karen to leave, but not without leaving an impact, especially on Retsuko. She has been given new hope and hope has given her strength. She will be a ‘’good girl’’ for the time being and put up with corporate bullying, but wait for the day of justice. The yellow slip on her computer says ‘’believe you can do it’’.

[oisinwrites]

The exciting book 2 of Aggretsuko starts on a different note.  Unlike the Netflix series where it is a continuity and it seems there is going to be a theme for each one.  Issue 1 had a zombie theme, issue 2 had a theme of shopping. It also seems that the singing part in each issue is always going to suit the theme. The last one was a rant about being a corporate zombie who is dead inside; ‘’Corporate Robot’’ is another expression which was in the Netflix series, but ‘’Zombie’’ was more fitting there. This time the rant is more about the narcissistic behaviour of shoppers who photograph themselves at their prettiest and take fashion much too seriously.

The first issue of Aggretsuko took place entirely within the office, which may sound very limiting, but it was interesting to see how they could still find creative freedom and make a good story within the restriction of the action never leaving the office. The second one, however, was the exact opposite, taking place entirely outside of the office. The first part was at the mall where Retsuko meets Tsunoda, the sweet little deer. In the Netflix series, Tsunoda is one of the colleagues she bears a grudge against, seeing her as a suck-up to the boss. The second part shows her at the downtown karaoke bar, shown in the Netflix series, venting in front of the ape-and-eagle pair who, in the Netflix series, are two glamorous business-women who discover her karaoke secret and are people she can show emotion to that would be otherwise unacceptable in the Japanese society, where being reserved and dignified are of great importance.

Retsuko goes to the mall, deciding to update her wardrobe, where she goes for the bargains. Tsunoda is the opposite kind of shopper, going for the trendiest and looking down on what she considers to be cheapskate material. The funniest part is where, lying out of her social anxiety, Retsuko says she was looking for dish-rags. She is really saying this because of Tsunoda’s criticism. Not only is the image of her using them as rags hilarious (it does show this in a fantasy sequence) but the joke could also be that bargains which are in the bargain box for a reason are only fit for cleaning the floor and bathroom with. This is made even funnier by Tsunoda actually believing something so ridiculous, to the relief of Retsuko, who fears judgement from peers.

It then becomes a shopping adventure with Retsuko and Tsunoda, where Tsunoda is showing Retsuko where the real shopping and high fashion are. Retsuko is outwardly showing interest while inwardly hating Tsunoda for her lavish fashionista lifestyle. At one point they stop by at a café (adding the food/drink bill to their shopping expenses, a lot of yen was spent that day!) and Retsuko excuses herself to the bathroom. While rinsing her hands, the mirror shows her real rage inside. That contrast, with Retsuko’s outward sunshine smile and the twisted face of rage looking back at her made the best art of the comic. It was even better than the cover picture, since that was really just generic and only slightly different from the book 1 cover. A generic angry Retsuko with middle and ring fingers turned inward like Spider-man, with her mic, but at the end there is an ad for book three that does have a different and not-so-generic cover.

Though I can’t think of anything I disliked, the best part was how it suddenly changes scene from a shopping and fashion scene to this death metal rant ‘’not everyone is made of money like you! Some of us have bills to paaaaaayyyyyy! Wasting life! Wasting time! How many pics does one person need? Why? Aren’t you tired of looking at yourself?’’ (shortened version, where I used only the most memorable lines).

The four characters I have mentioned so far were the only four who really appeared in this issue, unlike book 1 where each character appears at least once. Fenneco the fox and Kabae the hippo only appear on Retsuko’s social media, not In person (mostly criticising Retsuko’s fashion and nudging her to get a ‘’closet overhaul’’).  The mall is full of nameless crowd-filling characters. I wouldn’t, however, change the fact that only four characters appear in issue 2. It was nice to see Retsuko outside of the office, meeting just one colleague, when she is not in a crowd. It’s just that OTHER issues need to have more characters appearing. Neither would I change anything. On the last review of book 1, I did make a complaint about it being too short, but I now know there are going to be many more issues to come. This series has been a joy to read and I eagerly look forward to reading book three, which there is a very exciting ad for.

[oisinwrites]

My review of the Scooby-Doo Team up (Justice League)

This delightful comic-book crossover, which merges the two worlds of the DC Super-hero team the Justice League and Hannah-Barbara’s classic Scooby-Doo (Mystery Inc. Gang), and they fit brilliantly together, was published as a collection of short stories. In each fun-filled adventure, the Mystery Inc. Gang meet certain heroes of the Justice League who have use of their mystery-solving skills and are requesting their help. Like a typical Scooby-Doo episode, there are so-called monsters which appear terrifying but always turn out to be a hoax.  Although they are very different teams, what they have in common is that they are crimefighters. They just have very different forms of crime-fighting. Also, though Mystery Inc. do not have superpowers, they are particularly good at seeing through illusions, since fake monsters are things they are used to. I think these two teams made a very good larger team, with Mystery Inc's detective skills and the Justice Leagues combat skills. Though it has been hard to say who was my favourite character, they all contributed so well to the story, I have decided on Wonder Woman. She is the hero I would be the most excited about seeing the Mystery Inc. Gang with. Though I am glad my favourite enemies of Batman, not only the main enemy Joker but Riddler and Penguin, got some spotlight, there was no sign of Green Lantern. It would also be exciting to see Mystery Inc. meeting the Green Lantern and if there was a special mission that the Galactic Green Lantern Brigade needed the help of Mystery Inc. for, what would that situation be?

There was an appearance of The Duke of Deception, a godling minion of Ares and enemy of wonder woman. He was the stupidest villain with the most clearly flawed plan. He WANTED the Mystery Inc. Gang to come to the Amazon island and purposely created illusions that would make the queen and the sisters seek their help. The idea was that Shaggy and Fred would be mortal men (male godlings don’t count)  who would cause the Warrior Women to lose their powers by setting foot on the island, but they only needed to stay up where their feet don’t touch the ground. The island had creatures called kangas that could be ridden like horses and Scooby didn’t count because he was a male dog, not a man. This also meant a crime-solving gang were there to foil his plans. Another much smarter plan was a grand theft diamond in Gotham.  Though it was still not good enough to outsmart Mystery Inc., Batman, Robin, & Batdog.  The use of Scarecrows fear gas, and having robbers dressed up as Man-Bat because he is a monster people are so scared of that they will give in to any demand and hand over anything, was smart. The enemies of Batman when they teamed up certainly had more brains, despite being insane, than that godling, anyway. 

When Scooby met Bat-Dog, I think they were the two characters who got on best with each other.  They did have a personality clash because Scooby was a cowardly dog and Bat-Dog was a brave dog, but Bat-Dog helped Scooby find some courage and I think Scooby had real respect for Bat-Dog.

I can’t think of particularly funny scenes (though they were fun, if not funny), but Shaggy provided some funny/witty lines such as ‘’or maybe we're just not real men!’’ - Context: when it was being explained that although Shaggy had fallen off his kanga he landed in a curled ball with his feet in the air, so the amazon warrior women still didn’t lose their powers. Though the big picture of Velma and Daphne in classical Greek  garb training with Wonder Woman was good art, the best art was the appearance of Batman and Robin standing atop a large street sign. Because Shaggy was trying to recognise and saying ‘’If this is Batman, is that robin?’’, Robin answers ‘’Well, it ain’t Jimmy Olsen!’’, referencing a character from Superman but he is only being referenced and not actually appearing in this comic.

I don’t think I would change anything about this comic, considering it is only the first in the series, so any heroes not showing may show in later editions. Having more hero appearances is the only thing I would change, except a Teen Titans story being in the style of the older series which is generally considered better among fans, but that also could happen in a later edition. Even though it was the style of the newer ‘’Teen Titans Go!’’ which is generally considered terrible compared to it’s predecessor, that story was actually good. As I mentioned before, Mystery Inc. lack powers, but are particularly good at seeing through illusions. However, I think their very best skill was catching and unmasking. The Justice League would probably see through illusions eventually, just not as quickly, but only Wonder Woman possesses the magic lassoe to catch an enemy and get the truth out of them about whether they are who they appear to be or are in disguise. The Justice League have skills that are mostly battle and combat-focused, fighting skills, but Mystery Inc. have hunter-like trap-setting skills. They are able to use their time to prepare traps, while the Justice League are engaged in the heat of battle and would not have time for trap-setting and they are not as experienced in trap-setting.

[oisinwrites]

Aggretsuko - Book 1 - Review

In this comic, Retsuko discovers that her office is experiencing a pandemic called the C-virus, ( a corona reference? ) which becomes a walking-dead parody. Those who are not already infected become zombie-fighting ninjas, armed with mops as staffs, sanitiser sprays as guns and for armour, rubber gloves and face masks. Retsuko also discovers the weakness of the infected zombies against sound. This then begins a dangerous mission to reach the room which is the head office and intercom room, for which they will have to make their way through an office building crawling with the infected and through the lift.

Retsuko is the most important person to protect on this mission and others will sacrifice themselves for her, even if she couldn't bear losing them. Haida, an accountant hyena, gets sneezed on by one of the infected while protecting Retsuko and, believing himself to be infected, urges Retsuko, in what is a very dramatic and tragic moment, to go on without him. Though Retsuko is heartbroken by this, she reluctantly agrees and makes her lonely way up the lift and into the room which is the focus of the mission.   Just before two of the infected who have followed her into the room are about to infect her, she sings angry death metal kareoke through all speakers in the building, causing the all infected to faint. When the military finally arrive, they find all infected on the floor, totally unconcious. 

A delightful comic which compliments its Netflix series well, with the very best part being when Retsuko is forced to abandon Haida. The best thing about the whole comic is how perfectly it parodies the "zombie-apocolypse" film-genre. My only complaint: it was too short. The funniest line is  "We just have to hold until the military arrive, how hard can that be?" Context: just before a whole horde of the infected smash through the window. Said by: Retsuko. I cant think of anything I would change, apart from making it longer, but I cant think of better story ideas to make it a longer story. It gets the death-metal scene just right, with the twisted face just like in the Netflix series being the best part of the comic art. The cover is a good cover, with death-metal-singing Retsuko  surrounded by paperwork and the faded image of her boss in the background, but this doesn't actually tell us anything about the plot. I can't think of any least favourite character, they were all superbly written-for characters. It doesn't seem to leave us with much future prospect, since unlike the series, it has the kind of ending where everything just goes back to how it started for the next episode to start afresh. The Netflix series had continuity between the episodes.