onearth-inhead

[onearth-inhead]

why run from us?

you said the relationship felt like a chore.

did the person feel like a chore too?

did she drain you, or did she make you feel relaxed?

are you sure the relationship wasn't a chore for her as well?

what even is your definition of chore?

if the relationship was a chore,

if it's not about her...

why not give second chance to the person and not relationship?

we don't have to fix something that can't be repaired. instead we start anew?

maybe this wasn't meant to be the end...

but a sign to grow?

to grow together.

[onearth-inhead]

I don't know what to do anymore

I just wanna go somewhere and sit alone

so god could pity me

and maybe send him back

[onearth-inhead]

Goodbye, Love

Maybe I didn’t always get it right. Maybe I was too much and not enough all at once. But it was real... every word, every reach, every quiet hope.

Maybe I couldn’t love you in the way you understood, but I loved you with everything I had. And now, I’m letting go... not because I stopped caring, but because I finally understand that real love doesn’t have to hold on to be real.

Just know that you were loved... by someone who was still learning to love herself.

[onearth-inhead]

can we choose each other once again?

[onearth-inhead]

not ready...

Just why can’t I let go?

I am giving up now...

but only on the hope you’ll return,

not on us.

Why isn’t my heart ready to accept

that you'll return no more?

[onearth-inhead]

wishing...

My first thought of the day is you.

My last thought of the day is you.

Every call,

every text,

I pause before picking up my phone,

wishing, not hoping,

that it’s you.

I am so tired.

Just come back

already.

[onearth-inhead]

you see me yet you chose silence...

[onearth-inhead]

But I still don't get why we had to end.

[onearth-inhead]

how much longer?

I am in pieces.

And I am too far from putting them back together

because I am not even able to collect all of them right now.

Everytime I do,

a storm comes and

yet again,

they are scattered.

And so the process to collect them starts again.

Now I don't even wanna know when I will be back in one piece.

I just wanna know when will I get to start putting it all together?

I am not afraid of the cracks that will be there.

I know I will decorate them.

But when will I get to start making my art?

[onearth-inhead]

i write, because you exist not with me

[onearth-inhead]

extremes

I am scared. I messed up. I am such a bad friend. A bad decision maker. I am not good at anything. I can’t do anything on time. I can’t do anything right. I hurt everyone who trusts me. I hurt everyone around me.

I thought I was doing the right thing that its good for everyone, that it was in their favour. But I was wrong. I am just a fucked up mess and everyone's gonna leave.

I am no one’s. Either I am too selfish, or I am too selfless.

Why am I always at the extremes? Why is life always on extremes?

Once, I was at the top of my class. Now I have the lowest grade. Once, I was the listener. Now I always have my headphones on. Once, I was the most talkative. Now I don’t even want to say hi.

And now... I can’t even get out of bed. Healed enough to not want to die, but dead enough to not be able to continue living.

Because you are not here. Because the voice... the one that would’ve said: “Breathe, love. I know you’ll do it.” That voice is not here anymore. Because the person I ran to is the one who walked away.

[onearth-inhead]

Do you think about me too

when you step on a crunchy leaf,

when you look up and see an aeroplane in the sky,

when you pass someone having chai,

when you wear the color red,

when you take a sip of my favourite coffee,

when you watch a movie,

when you pass by a couple holding hand?

Will you think about me

when you see my favourite cookies at a store,

when you pet a cat,

when you watch a funny reel,

when you go cycling past blooming flowers,

when you order my favourite food,

when someone talks about things I loved,

when you hear my favourite song playing in a crowded place,

when you walk past places where we once created memories?

And when your phone buzzes,

will you quietly hope 

it's me?

[onearth-inhead]

i hope you find peace

Hey, How are you doing? How was your first day of second year?

I want to know if you're enjoying it. I want to know what you're doing right now. But I don't wanna stalk.

I closed all the openings myself, even though you initiated them. And now, I wish for just one small crack through which I could see your smile.

Just to know  that you're not as miserable as me.

Because if I found out you're living your life without hurting, without thinking of me... I'd be happy.

Because what I feel... hurts.

I have loved you And I don't want my loved ones to hurt. Ever.

[onearth-inhead]

the cost...

I think of you when I am alone

I am at a stage where I want company

of people who are peace

But no matter how much I try

they slip away before I can reach them

as if they are pushing me away

from themselves.

And now I think

did I push them too far

while trying to be closer to you

that when I need them

universe keeps me away from them

from peace.

Am I being punished?

For loving you too hard

[onearth-inhead]

we were two people loving, but misaligned in expression, emotional depth and in the language their wounds spoke https://open.spotify.com/track/2lEnfsBNEiCTPEopIccpVe?si=22106bb01e7d4520

[onearth-inhead]

I loved you... in ways I didn’t know how to explain. in gestures,  in silence,  in holding on too tight.

I love you... still. in ways I don't fully understand. in quiet wishes for your happiness, in unsent concerns of how you're doing, in not being able to hate you.

I love you... now in learning to love by letting go.

[onearth-inhead]

wait...

wait... We can work this out I can love you better. I will learn. We'll get better.

wait... but I love you but we were so good together  why have you made up your mind we're not?

wait... Just listen to me. Just let me try once. Let's give it one more chance. Please.

wait... didn't we figure things out? don't we know what went wrong? don't we have a way back?

wait... why are you still leaving?

or had you left... Long ago?

(The “wait…” is a hand raised. Not to touch, but to ask for pause. From a distance. With hope.)