orangipede

[orangipede]

Finally get to participate in artfight this year!! I'm so excited!!

[orangipede]

blue and magenta!

[orangipede]

Blight Newt DTA Contest Update!

The DTA contest has been pushed back and the winner will be announced on June 25!

Get your entries in to win this cutie!

[orangipede]

"Shark infested waters" you mean their home? Maybe it's human infested waters?

[orangipede]

[artistic nudity]

love lamb 💕

made a little sticker/pin design for future use out of that silly mixed media project i did :3

[orangipede]

[artistic nudity]

Silly little mixed media project after dying my hair today :3

[orangipede]

Scratch Aquatic Blight DTA available! If you would like to participate, please follow the guidelines in the description!

[orangipede]

*puts a disk in u*

[orangipede]

Scratch Aquatic Blight DTA available! If you would like to participate, please follow the guidelines in the description!

[orangipede]

I’ll keep it a buck fifty

It’s honestly like drowning not being able to freely speak about what happened to me

I don’t want anything bad to happen to them, but I’m also scared for my own wellbeing

And honestly that itself is enough to fuck me up inside

Fuck it’s a rough night out here

Memories by Panic! At The Disco is playing and I’m thinking about my ex

Like shit dude that’s rough

It sucks because I really did love them and even though I fucked it up worse than I have anything else in my life, I still… am working towards the realization that I didn’t deserve what happened to me in return..

And it’s those things that leave me in mortal fear every day

I just don’t want to be afraid anymore

The fear is eating my insides like a parasite

[orangipede]

Fuck it’s a rough night out here

Memories by Panic! At The Disco is playing and I’m thinking about my ex

Like shit dude that’s rough

It sucks because I really did love them and even though I fucked it up worse than I have anything else in my life, I still… am working towards the realization that I didn’t deserve what happened to me in return..

And it’s those things that leave me in mortal fear every day

I just don’t want to be afraid anymore

The fear is eating my insides like a parasite

[orangipede]

schizo posting

MASSIVE TW FOR DESCRIPTIONS OF MY HALLUCINATIONS -BUGS -DESCRIPTIONS OF PARANOIA -DEREALIZATION -DISTURBING THOUGHT PROCESS/IMAGERY DESCRIPTION

i ranted about this a little on my twitter, but i can talk more long form here, so i'm just gonna dump my thoughts about my unhealthy brain

living with a psychotic disorder (which is a diagnostic hell of a process away from being confirmed bipolar-type schizoaffective disorder in my case) is absolute hell. i can't describe the way the paranoia eats at my every day life and makes living an absolute nightmare some days. the shadow people in the corners of my eyes, the sounds of the bugs in the wall or under my skin that i know aren't real, the feeling of being touched when nobody's around; this stuff absolutely terrifies me

i feel like i handle it as well as i can in my current condition and god knows mental health medical care is absolute hell to get your hands on, but it's still not pleasant to say the least

i've seen posts from time to time (not as often as some people say, but still enough to be concerning) about people manifesting or wishing for mental disorders such as schizophrenia and i just... i'll never understand that

i'll absolutely never understand the desire to live like this, to never know what's real and what's fake in your own world, in your own mind. i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy and i hope others who struggle with it are able to make it one day at a time

god knows you guys are absolute troopers for just being able to tolerate it every day and i have so much respect for every single other person who has a psychotic disorder

above all, please take care of yourselves, and i'm gonna keep trying to do the same

it's gotten too much lately... i've been trying to deal with it, but the whispers are so loud in my ears and i can practically hear the people outside stalking me (even though i know it's just a delusion), not to mention the manic episode i've been in for like a month or two now, time doesn't make any sense anymore

i'll make it through ok, it's just another weight on my shoulders, but it feels good to rant about it sometimes

it brings me back to reality in a way

Edit:

Felt the need to add a little more

another thing that i'm sure others who have similar mental issues deal with is the absolute terror of being watched constantly online.

it's such an odd dichotomy; feeling like you've been cut off from the world in all forms while also being acutely attentive to every single interaction and view on your posts out of fear of a particular person

i guess trauma does that to you...

i won't go into detail, but there is someone who has hurt me gravely and that i have also hurt gravely...

it's not something that can ever be repaired and after the way this person hurt me, i don't ever want it to be, but... the lingering fear of them still haunts me every single day... it almost drove me away from art all together

it's especially bad knowing this person is about 5x my size on every single platform if not more... so what could i even do about it if they ever went up against me? absolutely nothing

and it's all just interpersonal things that have no business being public. kids growing up and hurting each other in exceedingly painful ways either out of ignorance or just a lack of development to rid themselves of the qualities that hurt people they care about

but it still just doesn't stop the way it terrifies me every time i see one of our mutuals like my posts... or the way it scares me to even mention that i've been hurt in the past out of fear or retaliation that, in all reality, likely was never there to begin with...

but it's hard to know if i'm gaslighting myself into believing that, too.. it's just so hard to know

and it's even harder to know what to do

[orangipede]

Scratch Aquatic Blight DTA available! If you would like to participate, please follow the guidelines in the description!

[orangipede]

Subnautica Sunday live now! ^^

[orangipede]

Hey guys! I'm setting up for the first Subnautica Sunday stream at 4pm EST! Don't miss it! ^^

[orangipede]

Hey guys! I'm still working on the monster of a task that is making and coding the creation guide, however I have finished the noxious blight segment! Here's a link to view the progress and, by extension, find out how to get a Noxious Blight for yourself! https://www.tiktok.com/@hux.the.centipede/video/7515994008829578539

[orangipede]

My lovely friend is now the owner of this Aquatic Blight named Tiki! I hope you guys like her! If you want to make one of your own, hold tight! The creation guide is in progress as we speak!