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Zelda Theory: The reason Beedle is omnipresent in Zelda games lately is because he’s secretly a member of a temporal regulation authority, who’s desperately trying to cobble together a coherent timeline out of the shreds these little blonde teenagers keep leaving around every time they pick up an ocarina or a cool rock.

Evidence

- Beedle only appears after Ocarina of time, where time shenanigans become relevant.

- It explains why he can appear halfway across the known world at the same speed Link can.

- I think it’s really funny.

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Ouran High School Host Club Script Doctor

Haruhi should get to say fuck once per episode. 

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AITA: Tried to propose to my crush, but I think I may have insulted her and her entire family to her face instead?

Imagine Mr. Darcy writing an AITA post after proposing to Elizabeth Bennet.

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Imagine Mr. Darcy writing an AITA post after proposing to Elizabeth Bennet.

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Zelda Development Head: Okay guys! Breath of the Wild was a huge sucess! Where do we take it from here? Some Goblin Wearing Majora’s Mask: Traumatic psychological horror. Zelda Devolpment Head: A... are you sure? Same Goblin, over the crunching of a dozen foley artists already recording the sound of Ganondorf’s desiccated corpse: What?

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D.Va in the short: Our mechs are precious. They take weeks to repair and must only be sacrificed in the most dire circumstances. D.Va in game: Lol, this is my fourth mech in 10 minutes and I will blow it to hell to spite one hamster. 

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Blizzard coming at us with that 100% accuracy in their shorts, showing all their tanks solo overextending and almost instantly getting themselves killed. Rein with no concept of staying to shield his team? D.VA boosting into danger and getting (literally) ripped apart, forcing her to solo-ut? 10/10, masterpiece, actual documentaries. 

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Every Time Overwatch has a PVE Event

First Playthrough: Oho! What a charming little distraction! How quaint. How novel. This will amuse me for a round or two. Twelve Hours Later: Okay, so after determining the ideal comp and memorizing all spawn locations, I think we have at least a 20% likelihood of making it further than 10 minutes this time. Lets do this. .

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I’ve gotta say though, one thing I loved about Diana is that she’s essentially a Commander Shepard style RPG hero. Like she wants to pick up every single sidequest that crosses her path. Yeah, there’s an evil god to stop, but think of all the XP she’s passing up not getting those horses out of the mud! It’s like... Diana: Steve, these people are starving!

Steve: Ignore it Diana, it’s just a fetch quest and the loot drops are terrible. We gotta finish this raid.

Diana: BUT I CAN FIX IT.

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So, Wonder Woman was incredible, loved it, a lot of great stuff... HOWEVER! What the fuck was the scene where she (SPOILERS) confronts Ares, realizes she doesn’t have her sword, cuts away to another scene, then returns to her jumping off the roof having retrieved sed sword, because... I wanna break this down how this must have went sequentially.

Diana realizes she done fucked up and doesn’t have her sword.

Diana then CLAMBERS back onto the roof.

Retrieves her sword from it’s previous resting place, IE: A dead guy.

Imagine lots of squelching, blood. It’s dry when she uses it later, so I guess she cleans it off on his dead body? So a few seconds of hasty wiping.

Meanwhile Ares is waiting very patiently in the same fucking spot. Probably rubbing the bridge of his nose, maybe sighing.

Second thoughts Vis a vis the whole, recruit the new god plan are starting to take shape already.

Diana finally jumps back down to face him again, trying really, really hard to look like she didn’t just shit the bed.

There were a thousand ways to avoid this scenario, but frankly, I wanna thank the writers for giving us the most amazingly awkward missing scene in the history of cinema.

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How to Play Mystery Heroes On Overwatch

On Defense: Pray to the turret gods. Feed them sacrifices of weeb men and frog boys until you roll the unholy trinity and torb/bast/sym your way to glory. It’s not cheese, it’s your divine right.

On Attack: Die. Die. Roll a main. Get excited. Get headshoted two feet from spawn. Roll your worst character. Do surprisingly good. Do great! You’ve got this! Get your Ult! IMMEDIATELY DIE. It may seem cruel, but it is Nature’s Way.

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I think the reason the Triforce of Courage doesn’t really show up on Link in BOTW that much is because it mostly resides in the humble stablemasters. They’re the ones who watch a man ride up armed to the teeth, in rubber, fish themed gimp gear, trying to register the FUCKING BEAR he’s riding, and go, “Nuh uh. Not today. None of this goddamn nonsense on my watch.”

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Vintage men's adventure magazines are always pretty top notch, but I challenge you to find one better than "Surf Pack Assassins", featuring some sandy haired lunatic with a machine gun strapped to his board trying to make a hit on Danny Devito.

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Y’know, I really appreciate Urbosa’s characterization in BOTW. Instead of making her that inappropriately flirty cougar type that Nintendo is so fond of using, (I’m looking at you great fairies,) they just kinda made her the mom?

I mean, look at her. “Well, I’m sorry your mom died of a plot contrivance, and your father is an ulcerated dickblister, but good news, you’re mine now. I’m gonna buy you so many books. Do your chores and you can steer the Divine beast. Then we can braid each other’s hair and throw rotten fruit at men from Gerudo town’s walls. Link you better protect my precious daughter or I’ll crush your fucking skull between my thighs.” Like, I’m imagining Riju making a pilgrimage to meet her ancestor’s spirit and the first thing Urbosa says to her is, “Did you eat breakfast this morning? Hold on I’ll make you some porridge.”

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Random Headcannon

If like me, you were a little disappointed to find that Ganon in Breath of the Wild was more of a plot point than a character, I invite you to consider this... Calamity Ganon is only nominally Ganon. In reality, he’s more pure, distilled Demise. After centuries of losses, Demise has decided to pack his bags and go solo as an all screaming, all corrupting pig spirit. Corporeal avatars are for nerds.

So what happened to the Ganon we know? Well, I posit that in an act of Mercy (or punishement,) from Hylia, Ganon himself was reincarnated as...

A big ol’ giant horse.

Hear me out. Ganny’s been away, (corporeally) for over 10,000 years. Why is his horse still around? Even given that it’s a descendant of his horse, the size and coloring should have been bred out over 10,000 years. Is is just coincidence that this horse shows up at the same time as Zelda and Link’s incarnations?

I mean, honestly I’m just fuckin’ around, but imagine the possibilities if it were true. How the first time Link captures Ganonhorse, he’s indignant, furious even. “This puny creature thinks he can tame the mighty Ganon!?”

But then Link is so nice. So many pats on the neck. All that lovely praise whispered in his ear. “Who’s the best giant horse beast?” “Well it’s me, clearly.” And then all the fresh apples, and the gentle tail braiding, and a custom saddle and bridle just for me...

Think of it. An unending cycle of violence and hate broken one soothing L bumper at a time.

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I love how the great new challenge in Fire Emblem Fates is that the enemies have discovered The Power of Friendship, and now team up to kick your ass.

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I think my favorite thing about the new Steven Universe episodes was Greg’s DAD AURA being so strong that about a dozen people who met him two days ago instantly went, “Yes, I want this man to be the father of my children.”