paleorangepollen - Tumblr blog

[paleorangepollen]

It’s five in the afternoon.

He hasn’t shown up yet.

You’re feeling cold

You just got done with your sports, you have a short sleeved shirt on, and you just want your dad to come and take you home.

You opened up your phone, you have that sinking feeling in your stomach, and you just want your dad to come and take you home.

Your friend who is years older than you has said something bad, you have to see the aftermath, and you just want your dad to come and take you home.

Your friend who is years older than you has started hurting themself again, you have to come and rush to comfort them, and you just want your dad to come and take you home.

It’s five thirty in the afternoon.

He shows up and asks how practice was.

You’re feeling cold.

[paleorangepollen]

Thanatophobia hittin again.

The world, or at the very least my world, is gonna end with me.

I don’t wanna say dies with me.

Die is a dirty word.

I don’t like that word.

Every thought I couldn’t draw or program or tune or speak will never be explored.

Every experience that made me who I was will never happen in the same way again.

What’s gonna happen to the people in my world,

Real and fake?

Will my daydreams mourn me?

Or are they gone forever too?

[paleorangepollen]

Fuck It.

Dying won’t help.

Wallowing won’t help.

Nothing will help.

Because I am nothing.

Fuck It.

I grab a pencil.

I turn on a laptop.

I find a blank page.

I open a new file.

Fuck It.

My tears turn to scribbles.

My screams turn to notes.

My art will cry for me.

My art will cry for me.

[paleorangepollen]

I'm seeing hail for the first time in real life, and I beam.I perk up when I hear thuds too hard to be rain, Grin when I see little balls of ice hitting the grass outside my window.I beam because I've now seen another type of precipitation.I beam because this time, it's not a determiner of my life.It's just hail. And it ties me more to this earth then a declaration of "Not until it snows" ever did.

[paleorangepollen]

You can’t run your fingers through my hair, scratch my scalp.

You’ve gotta zigzag through thick tufts, feel around til you touch skin.

I wish someone would say this, maybe you then wouldn’t find it odd.

[paleorangepollen]

It’s still a new wound, but you’re pulling back the skin and pouring salt on it like I’m a slug that you can torture for your own amusement.

[paleorangepollen]

My Heart Leaves with You

If there was a possibility, a single moment where I could fade out of existence, It would be this very moment. My body sinks with you.

Had there been some force of nature that has stood for millennia to symbolized never ending love, It would rot at this very moment. My soul dies with you.

There was once someone who could feel something within the right circumstances, They stop feeling at this very moment. My heart leaves with you.

[paleorangepollen]

Pale

A poem(???) about my Moirail

You’ve wept and I’ve listened

I’ve wept and you’ve listened

And yet this is not all there is to who or what we are

Human nature confuses me

I wonder why people don’t desire one specific thing from me, nothing more, nothing less

But people aren’t like that

Especially not real friends

And a real friend is what you are

Because we have also shared laughter, we’ve listened to each other's rambles on our favorite things

My goodness you invite me places

And I know that’s a normal activity, but it’s close to my heart

That an occasion is spent with only me and another person

That I’m not dragged along, listening in the background

You are not my first friend

But you are the truest one I’ve ever known

And I love you bro

[paleorangepollen]

Hello I’m gonna be posting stuff I write here. Not fanfiction tho that’s for an entire other site

It will get angsty because I’m a fuxkin teen what did you expect an actual grasp about sad concepts

Absolutely not I’m gonna be edgy on main and nothing will stop me