paradoxicalpenman - Tumblr blog

[paradoxicalpenman]

An Introspective Q&A

How do I dare to dream?

When fantasy is the realm I already live in.

How can I vent my frustrations and scream?

When my vocal chords always take the back seat,

And my stupid mind finds a way for compromising.

Why do I find the real world dystopian?

Well, where else is the truth on a spectrum,

And to champion every lie, a sound reasoning,

How can I still hold on to my morals & values then,

What, don't I know how many times I have tried to give in,

But even when I channel all my rage, I simply cannot be mean...

What have I accomplished then?

Well I think I have become immune to hate,

And a brilliant detective to investigate reasons for forgiving.

[paradoxicalpenman]

Perturbed by my inhibitions,

Too comfortable in the drape of depression,

He was on a road with no fellow traveller,

Coz whenever in company,

He missed his lonesome,

Fool, when did loneliness become your beloved companion?

I suck at sharing my sorrows,

Too timid to share my blunt opinion,

Alleviating the plight of everyone I associate with,

I may burn myself to complete exhaustion,

I also owe an apology to all my loved ones,

Unreachable often I am these days,

Let me reiterate the same cliche,

ITS NOT YOU, ITS ME...

Bewildered by the paradox in me,

I am battling with the Gemini,

When I can't even stand myself,

I feel too much of a bother,

To talk to anyone...

Alas! or Hurray! Let me figure it out,

Why has loneliness become my beloved companion?

[paradoxicalpenman]

Making of a Coward

He fashions himself  a modern messiah,

Can't even overcome his own vices,

Optimism he claims as his magic wand,

But the cloak of nihilism his real prowess,

He is not averse to success,

Just too high on his potential,

Confronting failure not a daunting task,

Deluded or not, only time will tell,

From depression he pushed himself into anxiety,

And considers it an accomplishment,

Compassion he thinks is his gun filled with bullets of morality,

Love he believes in an unconditional one,

Possession not his desire, he would even forgive profanity,

Thus he became a serial killer of his desires & expectations,

Someone save him from this insanity...

[paradoxicalpenman]

Emptiness has begun to consume me,

Emotions have begun to devour me,

Struggling amidst,

I feel like a pendulum,

Just keeping tabs of time passing on,

How do I overcome my incompetence,

To cope with this bane of morality,

Drugs even could not give me any respite,

My miscreant mind can't even give my stupid heart a short reprieve,

Money has no appeal for me,

Power I can't be trusted with,

Due to my crippling empathy,

Attention makes me awkward,

And anonymity suffocates me,

Spirituality seduces me now & then,

But all of its roads lead me to,

The actualisation of my hypocrisy,

Failures don't provoke me,

Success also has only a momentary euphoria,

Inevitability of death, I have already accepted,

But how do I live with a fading spark?

They say, love would be an elixir for you,

Huh!!! As if I am not narcissist enough,

I have already imagined the worst any of my beloved can do,

And forgave them,

Alas!! I am not that tough!!

I invite y'all, if you have any tip,

Not asking from the survivors,

I am asking those who are living....

[paradoxicalpenman]

Loyalty only comes in the picture when trust is eroded.

[paradoxicalpenman]

A memoir

I was born in a world,

Where people were trying to get rid of plastic from the planet,

But surgically placing inside themselves,

I was born in a world,

Where appearances did not matter,

Filters did,

I was born in a world,

Which was still plagued with wars,

Everybody cared till they finish their coffee,

Or turned off their tv,

I was born in a world,

Where problems didn't lack solutions,

But whats the fun in resolutions,

When we can no longer bicker, create factions and propagate conspiracies,

I was born in a world,

More democratic than ever,

But anywhere I could see,

I could only witness tyranny,

I was born in a world,

More humane than ever,

What baffled me was the charade of humanity,

Coz the only adjective that could fit all 9 billion of them,

Good, old, HYPOCRISY........

[paradoxicalpenman]

Synonyms Synonymous

Terrified of fear, he was scared,

Faith closed that door shut,

Impregnable became his essence,

Perfume of hope he wears now,

Vitality is his fragrance.

Shipped his feelings, packed with opinions,

He was unaware it could hurt sentiments,

Clueless him was oblivious of the pain he caused,

Strength is not what you parade,

Ignorant that emotions are fickle,

He expressed himself and lost his scent.....

What I feel between happy and fine,

What you see between 6 and 9,

What they touch between hearts and minds,

What one tastes between delish and divine,

What echoes between music and mime,

Is the smell of synonyms going awry....

[paradoxicalpenman]

Enough

I tried to do my best,

The worst critic lives inside me,

Apparently I can never be good enough,

Felt heartbreak was the worst I felt,

Life had some revelations, now in hindsight, not bad enough,

Nobody ever experienced the happiest ever,

Hope is a fickle mistress,

Always leaves us wanting for more,

You are never happy enough,

Everyone has been the saddest,

Misery loves more company,

I'll tower mine over yours,

Plotting an escape everyone,

They have been sad enough....

I sell the mystery of mundane,

My audience, content with my mediocrity,

Appreciating my ramblings,

I think they have been kind enough......

[paradoxicalpenman]

Recovery

Even if you are broken,

you are shy of shattered,

'Worst', is what you feel about you,

'Better than them' ,what others,

Make your happiness absolute,

& misery relative,

See, now you'll never suffer.

Nobody walks away unscathed,

If its cold, you are gonna shiver,

Even if you forcefully erase the pain,

The phantom of scar still lingers..

Why would you subject yourself to this agony,

Just change your perspective,

Scar for others, for you a badge of honour..

A song of spring evening,

The illusion that you have moved on,

Love in the air leaves you all nostalgic,

Just think about the last leaf of autumn,

Concern will fade away,

You'll revel the abandon...

[paradoxicalpenman]

Parallel Me

Anxiety feels like a small pebble,

While he forges mountains with his dreams,

Parallel me is not an introvert,

He pours a sea expressing his feelings,

His emotions are not slave to other's whim,

His mind palace has only him as sovereign,

Ideals don't feel like shackles to him,

Coz the whole world he treats as his kin,

Instead of frowning with if onlys,

He remains jubilant with what ifs,

Narcissism is something we have in common,

Coz he is also his favourite being,

He doesn't need to trick,

His nightmares into fantasies,

He writes on peak of Mount Hope,

To manifest the world he wants to live in,

He is not a paradox,

Doesn't dwell in contradictions,

I call him a worm hole,

Coz his life I can't even see,

In my wildest imagination..

[paradoxicalpenman]

Incognito Cognizance

Plato and Voltaire debating,

What should the rulers do,

For one democracy, a charade for fools,

The other thinks, education the way to truth,

How I see the mockery of every philosophy now,

When truth is multi-faceted and morals simply won't do,

Nietzsche said, God is dead,

Sylvia adamant on killing herself too,

World cherished her work post death,

Is that why God is always in demand where there is doom,

Oxygen gives me life while killing me, achoo,

Friction enables my walk, also thwarting my speed, boo,

If its alright for the God to punish and kill us,

Just coz he created us,

Mothers should also be exempted for murder and abuse of their children,

Why, didn't you all came out of their womb,

Man don't get paid enough as a model,

For women, everywhere less, unless she merely a mute statue,

Gender stuck between privileges and rights,

Liberals intellectual, phew

Conservatives ignorant fools,

Masses sheep, power the shepherd,

Why billionaires and politicians don't have pay gap issue?

Tax the rich!!!, jeez, must be blasphemous for capitalism,

That is what the evil communists do,

Power to the proletariat, poor Marx,

Your dreams won't come true,

Humans have the penultimate weapon,

Forget blaming others,

They have the ability of concoction,

Luck, destiny, religion or talent,

Work!!! Just protect these creatures from this voodoo,

History, written by winners, losers don't have a say, shoo,

Philosophy, illusionist's lure,

Geography toyed with human evolution,

Maths and sciences have given a clock to the passage of time,

Or else what would us brainy humans do,

A pessimal optimist I am or a believer nihilist,

A cynical critic or a critical cynic,

In pursuit of selflessness, hmmm,

Oh lord!! Won't you save me from the hangman's noose,

Thoughts are wild and on the loose!!

[paradoxicalpenman]

Projections

Dear me,

You thought you could break the wheel,

Now you are just a cog in the wheel,

Future me, is that how maturity still feels?

Dear me,

You wanted a legendary love story,

Now you desire something ordinary,

Future me, did you get some clarity,

Or still stuck in a quandary,

Dear me,

You were eager to grow up as soon as you can,

Now you rue reminiscing coz adulthood is the biggest scam,

Future me, have your opinions changed or still the same,

Dear me,

Growing up appreciation you cherished,

Now attention makes you crave anonymity,

Future me, fame is still what you seek or the battle has been won by spirituality,

Dear me,

Family & friends used to be most important for you,

Empathy has screwed up the list for present me,

Future me, has the world subjugated you or have you managed to save your morality...

[paradoxicalpenman]

Earth

She wears night as her hair,

Day as her skin,

Spring ornates her ears,

While winter forged her crown and ring,

Autumn follows footsteps,

Summer paves her way,

Burning those who envy her,

Yet her lips shower rain,

Sky designed her clothes

Simple yet enchanting,

Sea decorated her wrists with pearls,

Greenery she carries as her purse,

Perfection personified she seems,

Her body ocean,

But land shows her scars,

She is a wildflower,

Thats why I fear for her,

For the people would either,

Ornate her or pollute her,

And her originality would turn banal

Fading into obscurity.

[paradoxicalpenman]

What is mediocrity??

When there is an exam in a week and you opt to watch the new season of a tv show.

When eating healthy can keep you fit yet tongue doesn't seem to follow,

When thoughts cause you anxiety but instead of action, pills and booze keep you mellow,

When you know what the girl you like desires but you move on blaming her to be shallow,

When rigorous training can make you the champion but bowing to prodigies you forsake your better tomorrow,

Excellence requires sacrifice, luck & strong willpower,

For failures, the race is rigged or choices narrow,

Coping to be content with their reality everyday, that is mediocrity, hello!!!

[paradoxicalpenman]

Contemplations

I am desperate to break free,

But who has me in chains??

Living the dream, they say, am I?

Why do then I get nightmares wide awake,

Everything tastes bland to me,

When the recipe is supposed to satiate my palate,

Am I missing the plot?

Or is someone toying with me,

My thirst has been quenched,

Or I am falling prey to the comfort of content,

Is this the road to enlightenment,

Or society will soon label me insane,

Hey, stop there fool, take a breath,

You can't win an argument with yourself...

[paradoxicalpenman]

I cage my whims,

Whimsical me could tear apart the hypocrisy,

That we call society,

At its seams,

I liberate my naivety,

In search of like minded people,

So the loner me could have some company,

And be at somewhat ease,

I eat my sorrows,

Not because I am afraid,

To be seen all weak rather to,

Skip comparing tragedies, oh please,

I puke words,

Ramblings some, most a rant,

In hopes to digest what I see,

Or seize something before I cease....

[paradoxicalpenman]

Morality- A burden

I flap my wings often,

To entice them for a taste of this flight,

Society tries and tries,

Eventually they clip it,

Then walk the talk for myself,

Ostracize, I could handle,

But they guilt me,

As if I am the antagonist,

To their filthy fairy tale story,

Preach people to be humane,

Response, tell it to others before me,

If sermons could effect change,

Would we be living this travesty,

So, I try to,

Rebel to be selfish,

Conscience indicts me,

Conspire to not care,

Insomnia torments me,

Confine myself into a bubble,

Curosity bursts it,

Blind myself with beliefs,

Reasoning donates eyes to me,

Contemplate my frailty,

Perseverance mocks me,

Give in to the seduction of mundane,

But monotony disgusts me,

Can I get some solace, please

Imagination consoles me,

I will give your utopia, it says,

For the time,

Just let others be...