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—Salustiano was a righteous guy who ate healthy… He lived a healthy life without vices like alcohol, cigars or sex… He used to go to bed early, he never cursed and didn’t waste his money… he was ran over and died.

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—What’s it called when you don’t mind meeting new people but you don’t want to be introduced to new people?

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*Aesthetic cafe* —We’re so hungry, what do you suggest? —Oh, I’m sorry. We only sell food for creating content on social media

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—You can’t change someone’s impression after they met you. What you can change is how much you care.

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—Adulting is convincing your friends that the reason why you’re constantly rescheduling plans is not because you’re ungrateful but because you’re too busy existing.

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—Our ancestors sailed across the sea, looking for a path to the farthest corners of the world. —So silly! How come they didn’t use Google Maps?

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—Saying ‘yes’ to everything can open many doors. Knowing when to say ‘no’ can open just the right doors.

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*The 4 stages of post-breakup grief* 1) I want to die. 2) Look what you’re missing. 3) Look how much I’m enjoying without you. 4) Hey, loneliness is not so bad after all.

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—And you… why did you end up here? —It was the only way to meet new people in my 30s.

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—Habits are a funny thing… acquiring them is as hard… as quitting them.

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—So tell me, how or where to meet people these days? —Try using chatGPT —Oh, sure. I forgot that people are downloadable now…

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—Women 1 year after all men disappeared from the face of earth. —Men 1 month after all women disappeared from the face of earth.

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—What’s the hardest part of a long distance relationship? —When there’s long distance living together.

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—Get a life before you get a lifestyle.

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Social media wildlife —It’s all a product of the UFO conspiracy. I read it in a fanpage! —I’m not here to be right. I’m here to argue. —Grwm to go to my canary’s funeral. —Loser! Get up early, invest, eat healthy, control your instincts, etc. —Let’s try something new and different: a podcast! —So thankful for life because thanks to all the success I put on my success I was able to achieve even more success…

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—Are you gay? You don’t even look at me. —No, I just have good taste.