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picklemoon1haha · 5 months ago

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Pyromegan: A life without Saturdays(1972)

so here is the first part of sole survivor Megan's post fire life, I would again remind that this is going to be a painful read in places and touch on subjects of: grief/trauma, isolation, controlling parental figures(Carson), child neglect, and a bunch of other stuff

It's 3000 words and the length of time/word count of any future parts greatly depends on how much I think it needs, so yeah brace yourself

[January 16th 1972/Megan]

Mom and Dad were at it again, like a broken record that plays over and over again... Her attempt at hiding her report card had failed and their reaction sounded bad, Mom was talking about her, Dad was talking about work and both argued back and forth about adult things... Megan tried to talk to her Mom about it but was sent away, she tried to watch cartoons but Dad changes the channel, Dennis bristled over his record collection and everything else as Anthony went to let Tanya in a she came home from work. Mom yelled at Dennis to pack his records away in the attic which made him bristle further and Dad wanted quiet, she considers locking herself in her room and not come out until they forget about her grades but decides against it, going back down stairs and quietly out the back door...

Megan knows she's not supposed to do it but none the less she risks the lesser trouble of playing out on the old tire swing in the backyard at night, moon light reflects off the snow, painfully freezing her bare feet whenever they touch ground as she spins faster and faster, the frozen air chilling her to the bone through her thin pyjamas as she retreats into a world of her own... Her doll sits watch, guarding her from the kitchen, staring out with a smile next to the burner as she falls... but Megan doesn't know, doesn't see as the fire spreads and her home crumbles, deaf to all in this chilling moment...

Everything is numb at the end, red faced and shaky as she staggers towards the house, near deliriously cold, she barely registers as she's scooped up and carried off, drifting away from exhaustion, her face is shielded as she catches a glimpse of Tanya's white shoes...

...why were they so far off the ground?

... she lays sick and tired in her long sleep, Dad had not scolded her for playing outside when she shouldn't, Mom had not checked in on her, her brothers and sister make no sound and her doll... She is gone and a bear has taken her place, a puritan in a bonnet and apronned dress, the room around her is empty of all the things that make it her's... She looks at that bear in her groggy state and she couldn't explain why but she didn't like it. Not at all...

[Late January/1972]

Megan stands alone, all alone under stormy skies and black umbrellas, among a forest of dark trees, standing tall and sad faced all about her, limbs brushing down her back, "No one knows why such a tragedy occurs..." He speaks to the mournful gathering as five stones mark the path she cannot follow... Reverend Carson speaks in his teacher's voice to the moving shadows under a dark canopy and she hasn't said a word, not since that night, she can't think about anything when everything is gone...

She has little but this uncomfortable dress, much worse than what she had for Sunday school... when it's over and the shadows dissipate, whispering condolences on the wind, it's just two left but she is still left by herself, "I want to go home." She breaks her silence in the back of the car, he does not look as he drives through the town. "Child... You have no home to return to, you will remain with me now." He says it like she doesn't understand but she's not stupid, she understands... she still wants it...

...after a long absence from school she returns to her classes, the teachers go easier on her now, now it's 'not her fault' that her grades are bad but it doesn't matter, Megan still does her work attendance or not, in his house she has many rules and he has none, like a life without Saturdays, school and Sunday school and everything else she must learn... The sad faces of adults the, the meanness of on the swings, they say the papers said that it was her fault, it didn't say that, she read it but they won't listen, no one ever does, not that they did before...

As summer approaches so do report cards and although her other teachers had been lenient and it wasn't good enough for Him, she sat on the floor in front of the fireplace as he lectures like he's giving a sermon about the fires of hell, pacing living room and she doesn't look, holding that stupid puritan bear... Staring into it's shiny reddish brown eyes and digging her fingers into its stiff articulated limbs, the fabric of the bears grey dress crumpled. "...how you do reflects on me..." He impresses upon her but she is deaf to it all, she wants to argue but the words escape her so she puts her head down on the bear, "... you have been coddled long enough..." Megan pulls at the bears limbs, tears burning the edges of her eyes, she tossed the bear in the fireplace. Flames licking at its pale yellow fur, blackening the white bonnet and apron, stares at it until she's yank to her feet and spun to face him. "Look at me!" Carson grasps her by the shoulders, fury overwhelming, "Everyone, everyone in Little Hope has given you so much and you insist on being a feral child." He lets go and steps back, for moment she fears she may be hit, she stands still as he takes a deep breath and takes the charred bear from the fire, smothering the flames, he turns to her anger still evident but much calmer. "I expect better from you, no more games, you hear me?" He trashes the bear, handing her the garbage, "Your grades will improve and you will respect me."

"Yes Sir." She addresses him, pushing herself to speak when not doing so would be worse... She does as she's told, taking the bear out with the rest of the garbage, she looks down the road at the clear, empty night and wonders not for the first time what it would be like to run away...

[June 16th 1972/Megan]

For her 12th birthday Megan wanted music, it's what she was good at and all the things she has are not for her, not really, shirts too big, books with writing in the margins and other pre loved things... All the love must have been used up to leave it behind, she still loves what she loved before, she still goes to her house sometimes and imagines herself at the top of the stairs with all the love she has and a box of matches to light the way home... But they don't last, striking brightly and burning fleetingly... It only took one.

She stays home, drowning the wrecked shell of her life in enough tears to swallow up the the beast that swallowed up her family, she starts her day in her room but Mom does not come to wake her like last year, the others are gone from their rooms, they should be downstairs... Waiting for her on her birthday... But there is nothing left of the kitchen which should smell of familiar breakfast and the coffee they wouldn't let her try until she's older... She's older now and they're not here.

She sits on the front porch, her eyes dry and the day still, she doesn't know how long she stays in that memory of the only family photo returned to her from Dad's work but her attention is drawn to the sudden stop of a boy on a bike, Kurt Mathis, he's in her grade and his older sister, Jo, is tutoring her over the summer but she hasn't really spoken to him much, she knew that his brother was friends with her brother, before they both went away... He let's his bike fall to the ground as he comes over to her, backpack in hand and sandy blond hair a mess. She sits up straight unsure what to expect, she's never had to fight a boy for real before. "Megan! I was looking all over for you," He says as he approaches, slightly red faced from riding around in the sun, "When your birthday was mentioned in Sunday school I thought Reverend Carson might... I don't know," he stops not wanting to be mean by pointing out that Megan didn't get a birthday party like normal kids, he pulls a record sleeve out of his bag, which he also drops to the dirt as he holds out the record to her with both hands the cover art is familiar, she thinks Dennis had that in his collection. "My brother was borrowing this before he went away, I figured he can't really give it back... So I thought I'd give it to you for your birthday." He looks at his feet as she takes it, unable to help how her hands shake a little, she can't look at him, can't speak as he says the well practiced. "Happy birthday."

Carson was very strict about the types of music he allowed in the house, he would not approve, she carefully held this piece of Dennis to her chest, unable to make more tears or more words, she nods and when he asks, "Do you want to go to the park?" She nods again, following beside as he walks his bike and chats about things that don't quite reach her... He encourages her to play on the swings with him and compete over who can go higher, she should have thanked him, Mom and Dad and now especially the Reverend enforce that it's bad manners not to but she couldn't get the words out, for a brief moment it all went away... Even if just for a moment.

...she hides the record, playing it only when she's at the house by herself, Carson could not take it if he didn't know about it. Multiple times a week she has tutoring, Jo is a few grades ahead of her, her way of explaining things helps. Sometimes Kurt let's her play in their treehouse after, he shows her how to be real careful on the branch outside his window and that his grandma would have a fit if she knew, Kurt and his siblings live with their grandparents... all of Megan's grandparents are far far away and she's not sure where to find them... But Megan likes Kurt's grandparents, it reminds her that they're a little bit the same and a little bit different.

Carson doesn't know about the treehouse or the record or the fact that Jo's lessons take an hour less than he's paying for but she's not telling him anything she doesn't have to, at the house she is expected to be seen and not heard, keep everything tidy and demonstrate what she learnt. On Sunday she is a reflection of him and his expectations... On other days he teaches other things, like the dangers of the occult and what to watch out for... He must know a lot about witchcraft but she doesn't feel very prepared... Sometimes she goes to her home in secret still, she wonders how many more secrets she will keep.

When school starts up again Megan sticks close to her new friends, Jo and Kurt and Jen, the youngest kid in their family, walk to school with her. At fourteen Jo is nice but teenagers, no matter how cool, don't want to hang out with kids when cooler older classmates can do or go anywhere and know adult secrets about the world and how to be liked by everyone.

Jo holds Jen's hand as they walk, the girl is too little to know much of anything and is ecstatic to learn about everything, new animal facts, a bigger number in math, a new joke she just learnt. Jen was always excited when her and Megan had the same hair, usually pigtails, which happens more often than not, but Jen is five years younger at seven years old and while it's cute for little kids, Carson says Megan's hair is more presentable this way.

Kurt is her first friend who is a boy, the girls in their grade tease her for it but they were already teasing her for things she had no say in and at least now she's not sitting alone at lunch. He showed her his favourite games and books, the best trees to climb and the quickest shortcuts if she was late to class... Deep down in the most secret part of her heart she sometimes imagines that her brothers and sister are away like his brother is and one day they'll all be finished overseas and come back, it must be nice over there because Kurt said Glenn decided to stay longer... People are always very serious about it on the news but Carson changes the channel or sends her to do some chores or homework whenever it comes up, not that Megan cares about serious adults on the news anyhow.

Her teachers seem happy with her improvement, which gets Carson off her back a little bit, not enough to avoid regular lectures on whatever she did wrong that day or to get any sort of reward but at least he's not telling her how she makes him look bad as much.

[Early December/1972]

When winter settled in and the end of the year drew nearer, Kurt's grandmother approaches Carson after the Sunday service, she smiles at Megan warmly as she stands to the Reverend's side only half listening. They speak idly about the topic of this week's sermon before she gets to her point. "...if you've the time in your busy schedule, we would love to have Megan over, she's a delight to have around and being the first Christmas since..."

She hesitates to say 'since Megan's whole family died in a fire' right in front of Megan but it's not like Megan doesn't already know what she means, Carson nods swiftly to save the kind woman from the awkwardness, "A kind offer, Gladys, I was unaware Jo was so taken with her after her summer tutoring job?"

"Yes, well as you know her and Kurt have formed quite the friendship this past summer." Megan barely has time to think about taking a single step away from the conversation when Carson's hand comes to rest on her shoulder to keep her in place, "Of course, She's a very shy girl, always keeping to herself." He smiles with no trace of the irritation building underneath, she's come to recognise the subtle difference when he's playing the Reverend... "Not at all, the two took to each other like a fish to water, they spent most afternoons playing after her tutoring was finished."

"I see," He says, his grip on Megan's shoulder tightens imperceptibly, she looks at her feet as he glances down at her but general politeness prevents him from outright mentioning Jo ripping him off on the hours he'd paid for, especially when Megan's most recent report cards were positive... "It's generous of your family to open your home to Megan, but I'm unsure if we can accept, there are many considerations at such an important time for our community." The old woman nods understandingly. "I would not wish to burden you in such a busy period, should you reconsider the offer stands..."

Megan didn't really listen much after that or to the various other adults who attempted to strike up conversation after church, Carson never let her have anything nice...

Once the front door to his house shut behind him, he turned to her with an undisguised frown. "You're not going, not after your deliberate deception."

"I didn't do anything-" She protests and he puts a hand up to silence her, "You have zero consideration for making me look negligent with how you've gone behind my back, do you not think for a single second that it reflects negatively on me if I don't know what you've been up to?" Megan bit her tongue from talking back when he started on the same excuse that he always used to justify taking things away from her, not mentioning that it's not her fault for him being disinterested in how she spends her free time... That would only lead to him making sure she has less of it. Instead she looks him in the eye and tells him a barefaced lie. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."

He crossed his arms, clearly not buying her remorse but doesn't call it out, she continues pleading, "Can I please go? You won't have to be troubled by me during Christmas, I'll be good, no one will have anything bad to say about it, I swear." He looks at her unmoved but mind working overtime on how to benefit from it. He speaks after consideration. "You want to go? Fine, but I expect you to work for it."

Megan knows it's a trap, whatever extra chores he'd pile on her would be unbearable but she knows it's not a real choice anymore, she'd be stuck shoveling snoor something equally terrible and there's nothing she could do about it, not until he felt he made his money back... Her face feels hot and she wants to scream but refuses to cry in front of him. She nods without looking at him, "Good, now I don't want to hear another word from you today." He says sternly, walking away to something more worth his time.

Megan spends the rest of the afternoon through the night up in her room, she could not say another word as if he'd cast an evil spell on her, cursing her... Crushing her under the year in his house, she hid under the covers, hot tears streaming down her face as she imagines leaving everything behind, running and running forever until it all fades away...

@kassiekole22 @delurkr @ctrvpani @conra @kindheartedgummybears @blubary @scootingscooterr @tinynightmarewoman @legenspeople @eframschweigersskincells @aydeenchan @mybrainrotforreal

#ykw ill reblog this on my fanfic account too

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