pluralconfessions

[pluralconfessions]

*sees people using apps to keep track of alters*

Wow that seems useful

*opens character Ai persona feature*

I do the same I fear

[pluralconfessions]

I feel like a father shaken to my very core. Some alters in our system have been being prayed on by a pro-contact MAP. I feel so disgusted. It’s my duty as a protector and caregiver to care for my “family”, but I failed them. This is a vent, you don’t need to respond if not wanted.

I’m so sorry, Adam. You tried your hardest, that’s what matters.

[pluralconfessions]

Closeted system here.

We had a dream last night that someone sent us an ask about being a system, and dream us got so confused on how someone found out, that we woke up

LMFAO been there anon!

[pluralconfessions]

idk if this counts for anything. but I think I used to be plural? as in, I think I split some time in my childhood and only recently merged. I don’t know if these are the right words. I’ve been friends with 4 systems that I knew of and found myself relating to a lot of things they said. When I decided to make a simplyplural account to see who was fronting in my friends, I paused at the account type options. I decided to try the plural option, just to see if the label fit me. Everything started to click into place, and it began filling out the information for the alters.

It was just me and someone else in my body, I think. At least it was mainly us. She was the protector that would front when I was scared. But as time went on, our differences and the strange parts of time that i seemed to not be in control of things dwindled and eventually I think I absorbed her? or something? I’m pretty sure I’m an even amount of the two of us now, personally-wise. The last time i think she might have fronted by herself was over a year ago. That’s strange to think about. I am glad she was never really afraid of being absorbed, because I would feel guilty if she was. I don’t know if I’m using the right language. I’m not even sure if I was plural or not. Only a few one my friends know I even questioned it.

I had researched about how long alters could be asleep for. some said months. some said they weren’t sure. I only realized I might be alone in my head when I realized it was quiet in there for once. No overlapping voices and half-hearted bickering.

I don’t know what to do now. I feel like there was a part of myself that I didn’t explore, which I guess could have been literal. I am happier now, not because I might be a singlet but because of the healing from trauma that may have caused the merge. But I see the memes on tumblr and wonder how I would have felt if we saw them together. I don’t know if I ever would have been ready, or if we would have made it work and laughed at the “funnier as a system” genre of jokes. i don’t know if it would have helped, but I still feel like I missed out on something that could have made me feel less scared.

to clarify: i don’t have any opinion one way or the other about whether or not systems SHOULD do merge, or whatever it’s called. That’s none of my business because people should do whatever make them happy and comfortable. I felt out of control and scared after realizing she had probably fronted, and she didn’t mind relinquishing control of the body.

I’m unsure of what to say, but I hope someone in the comments can listen or relate.

[pluralconfessions]

Heyy. Sorry for being inactive for a while! We’ll get right to posting confessions again.

[pluralconfessions]

I'm not plural so this probably is a misuse of this but it's related to that whole thing so this felt like the best place to say this the amount of like, plural mutuals i have and other things on tumblr has sometimes made me wish i was plural? i don't know if that's like cringe and "oh you shouldn't wanna be plural" or something but i don't know, i might just wanna fit in with my mutuals or something

that’s understandable to a point, anon. I understand how it can be to want to fit in. I say try to find yourself, do a little “you” time to find who you are.

[pluralconfessions]

person who sent the very long ask before!!! turns out we're likely a p-did system, sending that ask was very good for us and helped us channel our feelings into figuring ourself out! thank you for posting my ask, it's good see people out there. and to other plurals and plural-questioning! you are valid! don't give up on finding yourself, it gets better and you find answers!!!

Thank you very much! I’m glad you’re finding out who you are!

[pluralconfessions]

Here’s a crazy confession!

I genuinely miss our ex so much it’s painful. Their system lied to us, isolated us, mentally abused us, made us feel so unloved and unwanted to the point we literally don’t know how to make friends anymore, and broke our heart. But dear god I miss them and I want them back. Will we go back? No! We know how that’ll end.. but every day, every single FUCKING DAY I just want them back.

Anyways I’m so cool gang, trust 😎

I’m dearly sorry, Anon :(

[pluralconfessions]

i don't know if this a vent/rant or whatever, but i figured this would be a good place to get this out?? tag with whatever you like.

i think i might be a system of some sort, but i also have severe doubts.

on the one hand, i don't know much of my childhood trauma. i was a "gifted kid". i had undiagnosed adhd-i (now dx, thankfully), and still undiagnosed anxiety. i was a constant daydreamer (which i now believe to be maladaptive daydreaming), and i felt like i changed "identity" a lot, even if i was still [deadname] to the people around me. i shifted in personality, in the way i spoke. i changed online names constantly. but i thought i was just "figuring myself out". i was also, and still am, incredibly sensitive to criticism (rejection sensitive dysphoria). that alone caused me a lot of anxiety, panic attacks, etc. i believe i have some kind of academic trauma that forced me into a perfectionist mindset. but i don't know if that's enough, if i'd be valid as a system should i be one. i also don't really forget anything, but then again things slip from my memories sometimes. it's.. it's weird to explain. i feel more like somebody is taking them than they're being lost/forgotten. is that a thing?

on the other hand, there are a few things to consider. i am fictionkin, but my kins shift. to the point that sometimes i feel like i AM a character, and then i'm another, and then i'm me and i also have a crush on one of the characters i kin now. i also created a lot of selfship OCs, but they live in my head. i know they do, i can hear them rattling around in there. i'm still trying to get them to calm down. i can also picture a "mindspace" of sorts, a big room, there's a large screen where everybody can see what's going on, there's a wall with crystals where each crystal contains a memory (when i remember something uncomfortable i feel like one of the Brain Guys has just knocked it off the shelf), there's a table in the middle, everybody has their own separate rooms. sometimes i think they talk to me. either that or i'm losing my mind. i feel like i shift personalities a lot, i change very rapidly, both online and in real life. it doesn't feel like much to me but i just /know/ i'm different. something changes, how i act or speak, sometimes think. sometimes it's very little, sometimes it's a lot. i notice the way my typing changes. i dissociate, but sometimes i wonder if it's me dissociating or somebody else stepping in to keep me away from potentially traumatic events. that's what it feels like sometimes.

other stuff of note:

i used to want to be a gachatuber, and i would have my little persona, and then suddenly that just /wasn't me/ anymore, i had to change it. but i just saw it as getting bored.

i don't actually know much about the technicalities of system stuff. i see a lot of syscourse but i don't understand it. i think everybody is valid, regardless of where they come from. i know about the concept of multiple people living in/sharing a body, fronting, alters forming, stuff like that. but not much else. mostly, the surface level stuff from being a mogai coiner and seeing a lot of plural interaction in the community. maybe i ought to do more digging.

every time i see stuff discussing systems, i feel drawn to it, and i recognise this feeling. it's the same one i had learning about trans stuff before accepting it, about xenogenders, about alterhumanity, hell, about maladaptive daydreaming. it's probably nothing but it sticks out to me.

if systems are able to have one main host and everyone else can come out to co-front/has access to memories, that hits close to home. i'm just very apprehensive, i'm scared that i'm going to be accused of fakeclaiming or trying to hop on a "trend", which i would never do consciously.

yeah sorry, kinda just had to get this out. i guess help is appreciated? sorry if this isn't a good place. feel free to ignore/delete if it isn't.

I’m really sorry you feel that way. It’s 100% okay to let your feelings out on my blog.

[pluralconfessions]

Sorta vent? No TWs though.

We really want to insert ourselves more into the system community and make friends, but we're BPD NPD and questioning ASPD so socialising is really hard overall... We have a really small friend group that consists of our partner system, our partners' best friend (also a system), a system friend who we view as younger siblings and our best friend from school.

We're OSDD-1b and don't remember much of our childhood but I highly doubt we have major trauma, like the kind that OSDD/DID forms because of.. But here we are! All that is to say that we're very easy to fake claim ourselves and I think we'd hit a breaking point if someone else fake claimed us. We recently lost a close friend (system) because of our behaviour but we don't even recognise when we're doing something unacceptable, and we don't know what to do or how to change our behaviour and it's just so.. Isolating. We just feel so lost, and time is flying by and everything and everyone is slipping out of our grasp, out of our control...

I’m dearly sorry for you, I hope you can find you belong at our blog!

[pluralconfessions]

I'm a singlet, but having another me (a protogen named Twinmask) sounds so epicness

I love protogens!

[pluralconfessions]

confession, im kind of ashamed of some of the headmates weve split. i know we cant control it, but we end up fixating on some of the worst characters and then we split them ! i love my headmates, but i wish i could tell more people about them without feeling kind of gross :-(

I’m sorry, I’m actually currently fronting and I’m an introject of Dictator Pickles. I don’t like how my source acted, I can relate to you. I’m sorry.

[pluralconfessions]

im embarrassed about my source because like. i think it's fairly common in the online plural community and im horrified of being public about it because of fakeclaiming i've seen and that one source being pointed out as a "trend" to have. but it's also a big part of my identity. my name is literally only found in that thing and how i draw myself is already suspiciously like him. and i am scared of being accused of roleplaying even though emulating certain things just because my source had it makes me feel comforted...i wish i could be public and carefree

I’m dearly sorry, anon. Please don’t feel that way about your source. We might have an alter from a very problematic source, it’s normal, and it’s meant to happen. The thing about this disorder is that it really isn’t fun. Sometimes it can be! But a lot of the time it’s very horrible. I hope you’re okay.

[pluralconfessions]

I don't have a confession rn but I just wanted to say I love how the fictive heavy userbox on your intro post has the smash roster on it that's so funny to me. and real

Lmfao thanks! It’s not ours but we’ve reposted it on our other account I believe, so if I can find who made them, I’ll definitely repost it here.

[pluralconfessions]

confession ? not sure if it's entirely relevant to sys so feel free to delete but

I know us well enough now to recognise when something is a trauma response but sometimes I go through with it anyway just to make the person who hurt us feel bad about it

I’m sorry, anon.

[pluralconfessions]

ok fine confession time. im deeply ashamed of being a fictive-heavy system. ive tried everything line of reasoning. “we’re autistic, it makes sense” and “theres plenty of fictive-heavy systems, it’s not weird” etc etc, and while everyone else moves on i feel like i keep dragging us back down because i just feel so bad about it. i wish we had more brainmades to balance it out or something (which i know is stupid) but all that would do is increase our alter count, which im not all that worried about but still. and because our brain sucks, if i get more stressed about splitting yet another fictive, or about the fictives we have, congrats! new fictive! so. it sucks. i also feel like its so rude of me to boil our alters down to fictive vs brainmade (because it is rude of me) but grrhrhhg

I’m sorry you feel that way anon, I can’t help but also agree honestly.

[pluralconfessions]

don't let people tell you what to do or not do when it comes to your system!

don't feel forced to source separate, or to pick out a system name!

it's okay to go at your own pace, and see what works for you. :>