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Review for This Is My Voice by the Chocolate Watchband

Wherein the most forgettable garage-psych band from the 60s makes another album in the 21st century, and it’s even more inscrutable than imagined. Whose nostalgia is this appealing to? How these guys are still alive baffles me, much less still together and making albums with covers made in Photoshop with stock images and Word Art. How’s the music, you ask? Well, it’s weird. Super weird. In fact, it’s so bizarrely out of touch with this era that I’m almost liable to call it avant-garde. But this is not avant-garde. It’s just silly. But is it worth hearing? Almost certainly. Now, when are we going to get a new Ultimate Spinach album?

C-

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Review for Harvard Dropout by Lil Pump

For all the goodwill he had as a joke rapper, Lil Pump sure has squandered his popularity. Personally, I’m fine with stupid music, and even really love it from time to time. What I don’t like is when an entire album of stupid music could have been made by anyone with a yeti microphone and garageband. Almost all of the album is completely forgettable, but sometimes it’s catchy? And when it is, it’s in the worst way possible. The only interesting 2 minutes on the album are his collaboration with Kanye West “I Love It,” and even then, it’s only fascinating insofar as it’s something to gawk at. Kanye more than Pump. Go away, Lil Pump. I hope this is the end.

D-

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Review for thank u, next by Ariana Grande

Do I have to pretend I like this thing just so I seem hip? Just so I seem forgiving? Well, I’m not going to. She’s not reaching for those stellar vocal parts that I really liked about her earlier hits, and she’s replaced them with trap beats, derivative melodies, trap beats, uninspired singing, and more trap beats. This album fails even on its own terms, with the high hat rolls and 808s grasping for credibility. Please, notice the plus and know that it’s only because I know that Grande herself is talented. I just wish she was surrounded by people who actually made it obvious.

D+

[pmccartney75]

Review for Positive Energy by Diät

I’ll admit that I like this album in theory better than I like it in practice, but I still like it in practice quite a bit. It’s got that kind of ultra-DIY quality, which is certainly attractive in an artsy/conceptual way, though it does make it a little difficult to fully enjoy. In any case, this album scratches the semi-avant-garde-underground-rock itch I find myself feeling from time to time, and I’d say it’s worth devoting the necessary time to stream the whole album; all 28 minutes of it.

B+

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Review for The Sciences by Sleep

The best kind of comeback album; Sleep have outdone themselves. It’s as heavy as Dopesmoker and the songwriting is as great as Holy Mountain, and believe me, it’s as delightfully stupid as both. I’d like to complain about how some of the riffs are a little repetitive or about how the grooves seems to go on for perhaps a little too long, but doing so wouldn’t be to claim the album is bad, but rather to show that I “don’t get it.” So I’ll refrain from saying anything of the sort. Great record.

A

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Review for Orpheus vs. the Sirens by Hermit and the Recluse

Ok, I admit it. I have a weakness for concept albums. More to the point, I have a weakness for concept albums as pretentious as this one. The audacity to rewrite your own life as The Odyssey will win me over any day. So for gumption, Ka succeeds. What about the music? Well the production is uniformly beautiful (Kanye West and RZA meet Alan Parsons and Phil Spector), the verses are punchy, and it reminds me of Wu-Tang Clan in all the best ways. Admittedly, however, the songs often sound a bit similar, the story isn’t always clear, and Ka’s rhyming skills could be a pinch more creative, but I’m not sure those are really strikes against the album. At least not insofar as what it’s trying to achieve. So, against some of my better judgements:

A+

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Review for Malibu Ken by Malibu Ken

I’d say the only thing this album’s lacking is a little depth, but that’s not really the point, is it? One look at the album cover should tell you that Aesop Rock isn’t interested in making grander emotional or philosophical claims (okay, maybe besides “it’s weird knowing life thrives more when you exit”) on top of Tobacco’s playful analog synthesizer tracks. So yeah, maybe it’s not so layered and complex, but is that so wrong? Not everything great needs to be. And besides, I’m not putting this record down any time soon. Depth or otherwise.

A

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Review for Non Omnis Moriar by Cavernus

Here’s a question I am (rightfully) afraid to ask: why are latinos so in love with heavy metal? And, more importantly, why are they so damn good at it? Perhaps its the centuries of colonial oppression or mayhaps just the chili peppers, but Cavernus has certainly produced exactly the kind of death metal I really happen to love. It’s crunchy, chaotic, heavy, and just a little bit too pretentious and artsy for it’s own good. And while I do indeed praise the rawness of the recording, I can’t help but think it’s ruining my headphones. This is one of those “name your price” albums, and I’m willing to pay the costs of getting my eardrums replaced.

A-

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Review for Twisted Crystal by Guerilla Toss

As of right now, I am unconvinced that this counts as punk, but I don’t think that matters. What does matter is that these guys are having fun, and lots of it. Fitting more clearly in that second stream of psychedelia (post-Beatles and Pink Floyd), these acid punks have managed to make something stunningly original. It’s got those familiar Buzzcocks jitters, but it manages to be quite a bit more fun, and a great deal more colorful. Only complaint: at only 30 minutes, it left me wanting more.

A

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Review for Infernal by Phideaux

“A Dark Wave of Art Rock.” Come on, Phideaux. You can’t be Jethro Tull, Pink Floyd, Aphrodite’s Child, and the Beatles all at once! At the very least, just pick one group to imitate and then maybe you’ll impress me with the attempt. As it stands now, however, a rag-tag combination of Beatles chord progressions, Geddy Lee vocals, Genesis pretensions, and the world’s most stunningly committed Ian Anderson impersonator doesn’t do too much for me. Perhaps I was too hard on Squintaloo. Final thought: the guitar player sounds like Steve Hackett, which I guess is pretty cool.

C+

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Review for Über Bord! by Squintaloo

It’s been said of Squintaloo that one word that could never describe them is “prolific,” but I contend that a new word be added to that very exclusive list: “creative.” The sounds of this album are so by the books and unadventurous that you can almost hear the band in the studio say “Hey, man. Can you make the ocean sounds pan from left ear to right ear? I think that would be way cool,” and “Let’s do that thing where we all hit the same notes together in a weird rhythm kinda like King Crimson,” or, of course, “Do you think I should just play another guitar arpeggio here?” At best, its Tool without any balls; at worst, it’s Eloy without any excuses.

B-

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Review for II by Roudansirppi

How long can one listen to blast beats and Wagnerian guitar riffs coated in a near unlistenable amount of cathedral reverb? As it turns out for this reviewer, quite a while. Or at least long enough to listen to 20 minutes of it. The album’s good. Really good. It’s got all the angst and dread of its Norwegian forebears but with a little more musicianship and a little less showboating, but I can’t help but wonder if this music is that hard to write. Jean-Luc Godard once said that the only way to criticize a movie is to make your own; while I believe that’s a lovely sentiment, I have no intention of producing my own atmospheric black metal, so my opinion alone must suffice.

A-

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Review for Nina Cried Power EP by Hozier

Where the 60s had Mick Jagger, the 70s had Robert Plant, and the 90s had Eddie Vedder, we have Hozier. I mean of course that his voice is the chief source of imitation for plenty of other singers. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so does he deserve it? I’m not a fan of many of his imitators, but I do appreciate Hozier himself as a talent. Is this EP any good? Yes, if a bit too caught up in modern production trends. He has certainly perfected the ��big chorus with the strong melody, reverby drums, and epic backing,” but I’m a little tired of the formula. At any rate, those who like Hozier will like this EP, but for those of us who aren’t looking for more of the same, I’m afraid that’s all we’ll find.

B+

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Review for Split by Windhand

(Note: I have elected to ignore Satan’s Satyrs’ contributions)

Far too forgettable a doom metal effort than I would like. “Three Sisters” is the stronger of the two tracks, but only because they added organ, a more pronounced bass line, and some interesting vocals. The first is as by the numbers as you can get. I do like Windhand. I really do. I just don’t know if they’ve done anything Electric Wizard didn’t do 20 years ago. Perhaps they take their occult pretensions a little more seriously than Electric Wizard? Certainly no cannabis toking Lucifers anywhere near Windhand’s album covers, though I’m not sure that makes them a better or more interesting band.

B-

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Review for Existential Void Guardian by Conan

Fuck, this guy can wail! It’s far too difficult to find a sludge/doom metal group with audible vocals at all, much less ones as good as these. The guitars are fuzzy and heavy, the drums are HUGE (emphasis intended), and again, the vocals are flat-out tyrannosaurus. And, as always, I appreciate the inclusion of live material on a great rock’n’roll album. Have we found the decade’s best doom metal band? Hard to say. What I can tell you is that the album cover is going to sell a helluva lot of t-shirts.

A

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Review for Bottle It In by Kurt Vile

There’s plenty to like here, but maybe there’s too much of it. I can’t think of a reason why this album needed to be nearly 80 minutes, and I’m even less sure why several of these songs needed to be 10 minutes. The best cuts are the short ones, but that’s only because they’re more focused, not because I don’t like Mr. Vile’s bedroom, Tom Petty, psychedelia. Trim the fat (and, believe me, there’s an LP’s worth of it) and this could be a really stellar album, but we’re a little past that now, aren’t we?

B