pomodoko

[pomodoko]

Okay, so the thoughts that humans are little or weak, very helpless on the galactic scale in movies and that earth is easy pickings by aliens who don’t view us as a viable life-form or something… I get it.

Sure. Humans fight each other all the time, aliens would probably think we’re the worst, right?

But what if we’re not?

What if the aliens come, and the first thing they say is, “Hello! We are so glad we found you! We are so pleased to meet you!” Similar to how humans greet puppies that we really want to meet and not scare, except it’s aliens that have been following radio messages across light years to find us.

We’ve spent so long wondering about what’s out there, and we see ourselves almost as a blight on our own planet, when we’re probably just fine. We’re trying. Maybe, just maybe, we’re okay. Maybe an outsider would look at us and think, “Look at them! They’re trying to be good! They name rocks and waters and cleaning robots! I love them for it!”

We tend to think that we must be the worst, the most backward, the blandest, least interesting or intelligent creatures in the galaxy.

I wonder how aliens would actually look at us.

We play whale noises into the black. We send greetings. We send probes with videos and audio tracks out explaining who we are and what we do on earth, just in case there’s someone else out there wondering if they’re alone in the universe. We tame predators to be companions because we are compassionate and we want to be friends with anything that will have us.

Maybe we’re not so bad.

I don’t know. This thought has been cycling through my brain a lot lately. Humans are weird and crazy, but we’re not the worst. Maybe we’re even likable.

[pomodoko]

Humans fucking breath oxygen!?

Imagine oxygen being to aliens what chlorine gas is to us.

Human: We're finally here!! The planet we've been looking for 2 million light-years!

Alien: *talking into earpiece* I still don't know why the human captain wanted to come here of all planets- wait- don't take off your helmet!! *closes their eyes*

Human: *takes off helmet and breathes in the fresh oxygen* Oh wow. So this is the fresh air our ancestors breathed when the Earth was still a young one.

Alien: *slowly peaks with one eye, scared* Y-you're not dying?

Human: Yeah, I'm not. Why would you think-

Alien: *trembling* Because this planet is filled with...oxygen

Human: Yeah, I know. That's why we came here in the first place!

Alien: Y-you can breathe this poisonous gas?

Human: Not only that, we need it to survive

Alien: Oh damn, I can't imagine someone breathing any gas other than chlorine-

Human: CHLORINE!? THE SWIMMING POOL THING!?

Alien: the what-

[pomodoko]

My human from the pit

You know the "my cat from hell" tv series where the cat whisperer helps all of these "bad/menace/evil" cats and discovers that like 80% of the time they are lacking privacy or enrichment? I love imagining any form of AU or situation where this happens with humans on cybertron, just humans being feral and big robots being sad and then working it out:

--- Human: *keeps running in circles, climbing things they shouldn't climb, repeatedly pushing their body off the ground and back on it?!, jumping in containers of water and flailing about, ect* Cybertronian (Distraught): "I just dont know whats wrong, please tell me they dont have a brain tumor!!!" Another cybertonian, the human whisperer: "See, humans were persistence hunters, meaning they require a certain amount of exercise: not only for entertainment but to stay in shape. I think your homework will be to give them some way of releasing that energy in a safe way " Cut to the human the next week with a comically large exercise room the size of an actual gym with swings, an olympic ropes course, a pool, a rock climbing wall, a vaulting pole, and weights. The person is having a fricking blast The next clip is the cybertonian looking to the camera with the (exhausted, sweaty, but very happy) human slumped in their servos "Thank you human whisperer, me and the human have been on way better terms ever since we took your advice!" --- (In tv dramatic voice) Next time on... my human from the pit Cybertronian: "I dont know why, they keep on finding sharp objects to attack me, squirming, throwing things at me! its like they are possessed!!" Then it shows a clip of the human, yelling profanities, and throwing anything it can lift near it at the cybertronian as they try to pick it up (Its revealed the cybertronian was holding them wrong and moving them too abruptly, the human whisperer teaches them how to move slower and to hold their palm out flat: to which the human just casualy plops themself down)

[this post isnt only for transformers!! i need more reality tv headcanons!!! send them my way if you wish using the #my human from the pit tag! aka my last tag on this post im CONTENT STARVED]

[pomodoko]

Galactic Forum, human guide section.

I think we found the perfect enrichment for human crew members.

Our humans really enjoyed this area we provided for them.

They can run, fall, climb and more, to their hearts content.

They really enjoy being lifted and thrown into a large pit of foam blocks, or plastic spheres.

Note: our crew is mostly Xarnian, so we possess the necessary strength to lift the average adult human despite the density they have evolved on their deathworld.

Human larvae enjoy it the most, but even the mature humans are also thrilled by these activities.

Incidents involving "acts of human" are down 18% in the first cycle alone since we installed the enrichment chamber.

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digit and pigit doing things my cats do

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Can we tho?!

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hmm

dragonflies. haunting implications:

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One of the cutest parts of my job was being a virtual makeup & nails stylist for Huntrix - here are concepts for some of their looks!

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NaruMitsu Professor AU

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Drunk dog cat things 💙💖🍷🐕🐈

i like dog cat...

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Idiot lawyers!! On the brain!!

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Platonic PDA ft Wright & co and the Edqeworth-Von Karma sibs

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I like to imagine a scenario where humanity just never developed energy guns and has stuck to kinetic weaponry forever and at some point some alien species thinks about messing with the wrong apex predator species.

Alien 1: "Captain, I assure you, our ships can't be breached by anything weaker than a concentrated proton beam. They barely have lasers. We'll be fine."

Alien 2: "Sub relativistic projectile incom-" gets hit by a railgun shell at mach fuck

[pomodoko]

No, but this is actually crazy in the most dystopian sense.