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One day those stars will lead you home. You will find me under the same moon. Praying still for you.

J.c.A

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Observation 285

Observation 285 March 25th, 2017

I don’t like to think I’m being productive unless I am.

Saying this: I need to realize my priorities which is not within Bonaventure. That would be such a boring life. I couldn’t live that way no way.

The world is really falling apart before me. When I get into my deep into my mind I see the dark veins where the blood flows. It breaks me. I see them. They are etched into the skin like scars, and they are black and burgundy runs through it. It’s something of the dead. And to be so negative is to move away from life.

Here I lay though. Here I lay. In this couch. Nothing but peace at this moment. Though an intense future. Am I prepared to deal with it? Should I prepare? I want to just live in this moment but I can’t. I’m a worrier. That’s just what I do.

Thinking back to when I was young. Ha. I was riotous. I was crazy. I was just so impulsive.

Thinking of Ana, how she’d ride, talking dirty, then I’d pull her head back by her hair with so much violence, then feed on her and fuck her harder. Those were the days. The days completely invented by my mind.

And now I am here in my old home just so uncomfortable around these people. I mean I know that they suspect something. I know that they think less of me at moment. I need to live I such a way where I’m not ashamed. That’s very important to me. To live in a way in which I am not ashamed.

I feel like in this vehicle making shifts downwind.

Here, I am in the last car of the lunchtime rush. Hell. The blue lobelias in the bushels before me. Immediately the heavens come to mind.

5:33PM

Here now, with my ego elevated.

Naturedaze and all these people.

The red wings of Spring. Oh Florida, how you ignore the names of seasons. Bursting burning like an old welt. Where Are the storms

And the hunters that hunt them.

11:02PM

here in my car getting high. What a world and life and what a time. I mean,

2:27AM

The world is wet Rainheavy Solemn.

At this moment– after the storm–burning sky, smoked, almost green and only at this moment do I see life For what it is.

2:44AM I am just so warm. Hunger sounds in this quiet.

I need all the joys of the world available to me.

This is a rebirth, isn’t it? It’s supposed to be. Yet I find myself here, in this seat, doing the same thing I’ve been doing for years, only worse because now I’m actually homeless. Yes. Homeless. Jesus lord Alex. Get it together.

I still look at the moon And wonder If you are watching it too

Love and wonder. But also pain and sorrow

I cannot sleep at night There is no bed to rest in

Take another breath Of life.

5:47AM

You are fooling yourself if you think you need sleep. You don’t. Never never needed sleep. It’s always been.

The cold air wakes you. It really does.

6:42AM The lady at Walmart talking about the sadness in her life. Oh the sadness. I mean, she needs 5,000 dollars in order to move. But that will most likely not happen.

Oh but considering everything, they are a bunch of lazy birds. Unable to mange money and other affairs.

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local dumbass is asked to write a love poem and hasn’t felt romantic affection for another human being for years . alternate caption: back at it again with the reletable titles

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reblog if ur a disgusting piece of shit

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Does it then count as bravery?

Write a sonnet inspired by and using this word!

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11:40 pm

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Watching waves

Hearing Gnoissenes No. 1

God,

I’m so scared of what will come,

And the things I can’t refuse.

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This Sundowner horse trailer with NJ plate TNP41W was seen transporting a Black man in the back on I-84.

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10:55 am

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11:06 pm

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I look in the mirror

on rainy mornings.

and only then.

For when God cries onto

dying grass, I remember-

I too, can return green.

-a.h.r

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I must admit that I am far from a perfect poet, but my quiet thoughts of you, my love. Those are poetry.

J.c.A