prettyquiescence

[prettyquiescence]

“Health is not just about what you’re eating. It’s also about what you’re thinking and saying.”

— Unknown

[prettyquiescence]

they say i’m too much too loud too emotional too complicated, until they want me.

then suddenly, i’m perfect.

as long as i’m silent. as long as i’m submissive. as long as my body is the only part doing the talking.

i tried to be lovable in the soft ways, in laughter in trust in depth, but it was never enough.

they don’t fall for me they fall into me and leave when the high fades.

so i learned how to perform love like a show like a scene where the climax is always the only thing that matters.

and i hate that i built my worth on attention on sex on being wanted instead of being loved.

but i was starving, and even the wrong kind of touch felt like warmth when you’ve been cold your whole life.

[prettyquiescence]

"In Love With the Idea"

I thought it was love. Because it looked like the movies, felt like the poems, sounded like soft promises whispered in the dark.

But it wasn’t you I loved— it was the story I told myself about you.

You were silence wrapped in skin, a presence without presence. Red flags waved, not in warning, but like banners at a parade I wanted so badly to join.

I carved a safe space between my ribs, made a home of my vulnerability, but you never stepped in. You stood at the threshold, muttering reasons why you couldn’t, while I mistook your distance for depth.

You said you couldn’t talk. I listened harder. You said nothing. I built meaning from the quiet.

God—how foolish I was. Not for loving, but for falling for the idea of love— as if that would be enough to turn absence into affection.

You didn’t break me. I broke myself trying to make your silence sound like something sweet.

And now, I pick through the wreckage, not of you, but of me— of the girl who thought love was supposed to hurt, as long as it felt like something.

@ghostinkpoetry

[prettyquiescence]

I love you, maybe.

For the longest time, these three words have been nothing but lies for me. Sweet, sugar coated lies that soothe the souls of those who pretend to care about me. To me these three words have never felt real. I understand the weight behind them but I don't feel it. What i do feel is the absence of love. Constantly, deeply, thoroughly. I feel the absence of any and every emotion because I have been numb for far too long. I say I love you every night before I sleep to the ones close to me as a goodbye. Just in case tomorrow comes and I'm not here, i want them to be at peace and believe that I knew what love was and that I felt it for them. Growing up i was forced to tell people that I loved them. Friends, family, anyone. It was kind, it was a good thing to say, is what they'd tell me. Soon it became nothing but a formality. I want to love, I really do, in a way that drowns my soul. I feel it in me, most days, the sheer capacity to love someone truly in the purest of ways. But i can't. Because now when I think what I feel is love i think that subconsciously it's another lie. Another goodbye. Another formality. Another loop. And absolutely nothing real.

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[prettyquiescence]

It's okay if you're healing very slowly. It's okay if you still cry out for the same things. It's okay because the deeper the wound the longer time it takes to heal.

Sahil Verma

[prettyquiescence]

Sometimes you have to kiss her softly and tell her that she's good enough.

[prettyquiescence]

the poison

you are just like me and i keep forgetting that's not such a good thing i'll let you remind me why

i wait for nothing i wait for sloppy kisses and slurred apologies everything you kept hidden

you're just afraid to be alone and i'm scared to be with anyone we're both sides of the same coin so let's flip it and see who's right

i can't stand to take a chance and you're all too willing to see it land i close my eyes and breathe deep of course it's landed for you again

so i relent, it's my fault i'm the one who started it all i don't need to believe it to say it i just wanted you to see it once my way

subject me to what you fear most i've lived it longer than you but i always land on my feet it gets better, i choose to believe

[prettyquiescence]

[prettyquiescence]

[prettyquiescence]

"There’s a rhythm in rush these days

Where the lights don’t move and the colors don’t fade

Leaves you empty with nothing but dreams

In a world gone shallow

In a world gone lean

But there is a truth and it’s on our side

Dawn is coming open your eyes

Look into the sun as a new days rise"

- Stay Alive, Jose Gonzalez

[prettyquiescence]

bitch this is all you’re gonna get. this life, this face, this body. you better not ‘maybe in another universe’ your way out of everything. sit your ass down and face this. go make tea and have a picnic and read a goddamn book. kiss your loved ones, send that damn text, and hug your siblings. this is all you’re gonna get.

[prettyquiescence]

[prettyquiescence]

I try to do everything right and in return I get nothing

I’m all alone

[prettyquiescence]

knowing i wasn’t born this way and i could have been okay is what kills me the most

[prettyquiescence]

tired.

Sometimes I think of how easy it would be to end my life because everything stays quiet for once, and I get to find peace I hope. I hope I sleep eternally because I think I deserve it. 

Sometimes I’m caught in between the good things I deserve and all the bad things I deserve. I keep telling myself that no one is bad but they make bad decisions and we’re all human. 

But I don’t know why I could never see that for myself. I’ve hurt people a lot in my years of living but I seem to be the most terrible person I know. 

I’m so tired of my mind,I’m so tired and sometimes I don’t know how much more I can take it honestly. I just want a way out, anything. It hurts so much. I’m just so tired and I just want it to stop. I just want to be in peace for once and the only way I see peace is if I could sleep forever.

[prettyquiescence]

people only care about me from a distance, they dont want to be in my life, they'd just feel guilty if anything happened to me

[prettyquiescence]

my life is a lie, i'm living a lie