proton-selfships

[proton-selfships]

After lots of going back and forth, and a long conversation with one of my best friends who watched the show with me, I think it's for the best that I step away from my ship with Laurel after all.

Not because I worry what anyone else would think, but because, ultimately, I can't deny it. Season 2's writing with regards to her was uncomfortable compared to Season 1, and I don't know if I could continue happily developing my ship as I had it pre-S2 with that hanging over my head. I'll still fondly look back on all the lore that I had and my old shrine and the commissions I got, but if it's gonna cause me more distress than comfort, then there's no point in me continuing with it. Especially when I can bring lots of the ship's themes and the little things I loved about her into my other ships

My idea is that I'm gonna make a new blog, too, to help me start a new chapter in my selfshipping with Secret F/O (as soon as I psych myself up to reveal her)! So stay tuned for that~

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If you love her you should absolutely ship with her, if there's happiness there, you aren't responsible for what other people think or read into things. It's your blog and your story! :)

Thank you, Anon! I appreciate the honest feedback from someone else, it really helps.

Thankfully, I haven't seen anyone hating Laurel fans, but I'm gonna stop looking in her tags for a while since there's been a new wave of hate towards her since the new season. And again, I get it, but it still hasn't been fun to see…

But that'll be for the sake of my own happiness, not anyone else's! :3

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WHATEVER YOU DO do NOT think about bringing your overworking F/O a tea or coffee while they work

DO NOT think about how they would look at you in surprise before hoarsely saying 'thank you' in response

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After taking a day to think it over, I think I'm gonna keep shipping with Laurel, but on the down-low. She still brings me joy, because I still love the lore I wrote out for her and my S/I! It's a beautiful story of overcoming cycles of violence and finding somewhere to belong in each other, even if canon went in a totally different and weird direction with her character

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It makes me sooo happy when people selfship with characters whose media is almost entirely just them experiencing pain or misery from their world bcuz now they can be happy. Finally !!

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That said. I am starting to have doubts as to whether I should continue shipping with her

Mainly because even though context showed her dynamic with using Tyler more in a maternal angle with her saying "Mama" and "Mommy" over and over, they did have her use the word "groom" to describe it. So though it should be crystal clear from this whole blog that it isn't my interpretation that she meant it like that, people could feasibly read that subtext into that and be uncomfortable with someone selfshipping with her

I dunno. My mind's been fixated on Secret F/O lately, so it's not like it was Laurel's turn on the brain cell anyway, but… Maybe I should actually phase her out and just treat this blog and my web shrine as an archive of the ship that was? I don't know what I'd do with my merch shrine though

I welcome anyone who sees this to weigh in via the replies or an ask, because my brain is all over the place on this and it's been making me a little nauseous

After watching Season 2 for myself I'd like to amend my previous statements about how they handled Laurel

(Not-as-disappointed rambling under the readmore)

First off, this season is actually not bad and fixes a lot of problems that my friend brought to my attention while watching the first season with me, so I'd like to apologize for slandering the writing's good name

They were definitely paralleling her losing control of the living weapon she'd made against Wednesday losing control of her powers, so that parallel never went away like I thought it had just seeing scenes out of context. And I also appreciate them playing a song that I'd included in my old Laurel playlist, about long cycles of violence and kids getting caught in the crossfire, while she and Wednesday lock eyes

That friend and I are also speculating that some way or another this isn't the last we're seeing of Laurel, since everything with her was so abrupt and there are four more episodes to fill. New spirit guide for Wednesday, potentially? That'd be something to see

Also we decided that Isadora is my S/I's rebound who she's not actually into because of depression and shit and who's inevitably going to get dumped when Laurel, who isn't dead in my version, reunites with her. Just saying that now

[proton-selfships]

After watching Season 2 for myself I'd like to amend my previous statements about how they handled Laurel

(Not-as-disappointed rambling under the readmore)

First off, this season is actually not bad and fixes a lot of problems that my friend brought to my attention while watching the first season with me, so I'd like to apologize for slandering the writing's good name

They were definitely paralleling her losing control of the living weapon she'd made against Wednesday losing control of her powers, so that parallel never went away like I thought it had just seeing scenes out of context. And I also appreciate them playing a song that I'd included in my old Laurel playlist, about long cycles of violence and kids getting caught in the crossfire, while she and Wednesday lock eyes

That friend and I are also speculating that some way or another this isn't the last we're seeing of Laurel, since everything with her was so abrupt and there are four more episodes to fill. New spirit guide for Wednesday, potentially? That'd be something to see

Also we decided that Isadora is my S/I's rebound who she's not actually into because of depression and shit and who's inevitably going to get dumped when Laurel, who isn't dead in my version, reunites with her. Just saying that now

[proton-selfships]

I carry you with me, inside me, and around me. You are in everything that surrounds me. You are found in the curve of my smile in silence, the loud beating of my heart that floods with the thirst to quench your soul’s hunger, and the soft spring of my blush that arises to kiss the morning dew of dreams that laze about from the merging of the light and dark where we love, sometimes wild, but always tender. You are the day that hugs me and the night that cradles me. You are the love of my sky, the steadiness of my earth, the butterfly song of my laughter and the magic of my life. You are my everything and always, my once in a lifetime that I will never give up on because I believe in you and me and I will always have faith in what we are. You are the beauty of profound sweetness in me that colors every single one of my rainbows that I paint out of the colors of the wind of your midnight breath.  No matter how much you change, in my eyes you will always remain the same because you are the love of my soul. In your eyes, love, I breathe to love, to die, to be reborn, and to fly. I dive deeper into you every single day, unafraid of losing myself because you make me feel safe in ways I never knew I needed. I can lower my guard and be vulnerable in your hands. For once, I don't have to be in charge, I can hand over the reins and count on you.You hold me together with your patience and I bless it with every beat of my existence because you were meant to deal with an unpredictable child like me. You get me and I have you. You are my forever.

-J.Wool, My Forever, Breaths of the Soul 

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Also, less spoiler-laden thought, but why does her hair in this season look almost exactly like Secret F/O

Is this the universe trying to tell me something

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Okay so. I haven't watched the new season yet, but I have gone in and seen the scenes Laurel's in. I just fast-forwarded through the episode, might've missed some and I don't have the full context of the season, but

(some spoilery disappointed rambling under the readmore)

Man. I'm used to my F/Os dying in canon, but did they have to completely ignore all the tragedy inherent to her story and parallels with the show's main character and just reduce her to a cartoon villain and plot device to kill off after one episode?

Like, even when she was doing her evil thing in the first season, there was this undercurrent to it of her having been failed by Jericho just as much as Tyler and his mother were, and her also having nowhere she belonged much like Wednesday. And they included an inkling of that in her first scene where she calls out what's happened at Willow Hill. But then they just made the rest of her screentime revolve around Tyler and then had him kill her. With zero mention of her family, that's the reason she's doing everything in the first place?

I wouldn't call it out of character for her to be focused on breaking him out, that was her only option to continue her mission under those circumstances. But at the same time, that's all she got a chance to do, and him breaking out on his own would've gotten the story to the same point it leaves off, from what I can tell. They made her into a plot device in someone else's story and then got rid of her, squandering all that potential I've talked about at length when talking about her in canon.

And I wasn't expecting anything like my ship lore to happen, there wasn't any setup for that kind of character development, but it's still so frustrating to see all the character setup they did have wasted like that. It left a sour taste in my mouth that's making me reluctant to watch the full season now, knowing that's where it leads.

I mean, at least they confirmed that the affection she showed him to mold him into her weapon was strictly maternal in nature, that was a sticking point in the fandom that made me itch, but… Y'know?

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Imagine being out with your f/o and starting to get really anxious but you don't wanna ruin the day so you don't say anything but your f/o knows you so well they can immediately see the change in you and without a word reroutes your walk somewhere quiet and private where they then just pull you into a tight, reassuring hug and say "I've got you...we'll stay right here like this as long as you need to.."

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Nuzzling f/o... Nuzzle......

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Imagine your f/o being forever thankful for the circumstances which allowed you to meet. If they weren't good circumstances, then your f/o is glad that at least one good thing came out of it. They're thankful to have you in their life, and wouldn't want to imagine what would have happened if not for whatever lead you to meet.

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Imagine your F/O being especially clingy whenever you get out of the shower, holding you close and burying their face in the crook of your neck to smell the scent of their hair products/soap on you [Bonus points if you’re wearing their clothes ;) ]

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how it feels rn

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How I look at my f/o

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liking a character with barely any screen time will have you going through their three (3) scenes frame by frame just to feel something