tidalemotions-blog

[tidalemotions-blog]

01/06/2016 - 01:16

I’ve only had one real relationship and I’ve learned a lot from it.

Never have I ever known I had seperation anxiety. Even when I knew he was always there for me, there was a part of me that couldn’t keep the loneliness away.

Never have I ever known I’d be ‘the relationship kinda girl’. Until he waved his love goodbye, along with me.

Never have I ever known I was so bad at being alone. Now it all makes sense, this constant fright at night. Wanting to cry, but couldn’t. Wanting to cry, and did. Wanting to cry, but just gave up.

Never have I ever thought I’d be so clingy. I cling to my everything, 24/7 But it didn’t clung on me. These are the things I discovered, I now need to emrace it, learn to live with it. But never have I ever known I’m this bad at dealing with myself.

[tidalemotions-blog]

I need to forget you - 16/05/2015 - 01:57

Even if crying myself to sleep isn't helping what should I do to keep myself away from laying awake thinking about you what should I do to get to unconciousness and to not dream about you it is all about you never about me about you

[tidalemotions-blog]

02/03/2015 - 22:53

I wonder what can take away this feeling because I only feel less temporary when my friends are around

But it’s always been sad times when I said goodbye So why do I keep feeling empty? I need someone to fill this emptiness and friends aren’t the right answer I can talk to many people I can enjoy those conversations but once they’re over, it’s over Back to the same sad me The circle goes ‘round The tears keeps dropping.

[tidalemotions-blog]

28/02/2015 - 23:20

If you go to sleep now I'll go to sleep too Because there's nothing and no one to be awake for except for you

[tidalemotions-blog]

Monday, 2nd of february 2015

After 18 years, 7 months and 22 days

I finally snapped I cracked I lost grip of myself

All because of my own blood and the mirroring demons blood.

[tidalemotions-blog]

Something different - 19/01/2015 - 01:06

I don't mind saying I'm afraid of the dark since I know it's something very common Nyctophobia But this though can I even call it nyctophobia am I even afraid of the dark Normally I would answer Yes! But now Now it's something different It's not afraid of darkness, of the things you don't see I'm afraid when I'm alone at night the moment I'm most vulnerable It's not a concious feeling because I've had it even before I could remember Even if I wasn't alone in the house I would still be alone and afraid I could tell you the numerous steps I took to control myself But even as a little kid I had to invent my own methods But I'm older now and this thing has grown on me I shouldn't be afraid Because there's nothing to be afraid of Now I'm just lying in my bed waiting to fall asleep trying to listen to my deep breaths the only thing that can set me to rest at least at the moment without you by my side.

[tidalemotions-blog]

15/01/2015 - 23:49

The past crushing passion It was never what I thought it would be because that's the thing I was thinking too much It was all in my head Nothing was real Imaginary love Imaginary lust No sparks in the flesh

The current crushing  whatever you may call it

This I feel this can be real Because it's not made in my mind I barely feel something imaginary I feel it in the flesh I feel it when I see you Maybe this too, is in my head but at least it's with the sight of you in my head not with the sight of imaginary you.

[tidalemotions-blog]

confused thoughts - 07/01/2015 - 00:28

Why are humans so complex our thoughts are they even our own Because I have no clue No clue of what I am thinking what I am feeling what I want to feel what I need to feel.

Do I really feel this way? Or do I only want to feel this way? Because honestly I do not want to feel this way.

Why can't I feel  what I want to feel supposed to feel have to feel need to feel

Just feel.

[tidalemotions-blog]

03/01/2015 - 0:09

Let's make a game out of it.

So many smooches surround us, let's fake smooch eachother, with every single real smooch we see.

And I'll hope that one day, we'll real smooch. My fist smooch with you will be awkward. My first smooch with you. My first smooch.

And I'll try to run away, away from that ever familiar awkwardness. Forget the awkward. Forget the smooch. Forget the feelings.

Forget this.

[tidalemotions-blog]

01/01/2015 - 22:46

You probably don't even remember the first time we've seen eachother

I was real awkward

I was just nervous

I hadn't seen 'that me' for a long time

And maybe now I know why

[tidalemotions-blog]

My brother killed himself on the twenty-eighth Thursday of last year and I missed four days of work and my mom wanted to know ‘Why’. My brother he was always a fan of beauty but what he did was not beautiful at all. And last week I got the news that one of my good friends from high school had overdosed (again) except this time she’d gone too far and now she was gone. And I had a hard time falling asleep at night and her mother hugged me tight and thanked me for coming to the service but I did not want to be there at all. This is not beautiful. The girl down the street would’ve turned 21 last year and I can scarcely imagine the wild times she would’ve (should’ve) had. But she is buried six feet deep after falling nearly 300 and she did not leave a note. This is not beautiful. My freshman year of college and my roommate was beautiful and how I wanted to be just like her. But she wore herself down till she was almost invisible and if you blinked you had to go and find her all over again. So now her parents are no longer supporting her college tuition but are paying her hospital bills watching their daughter crumble. This is not beautiful. So y’all can take your narcissistic romanticizing and glamorizing of self harm and eating disorders and committing suicide and shove them as far up your ass as you possibly can. Starvation is not beautiful. Killing yourself is not beautiful. Sadness is not beautiful. This note I am writing is not beautiful. But you you are beautiful and it’s about damn time you start believing it.

(via runiqu)

[tidalemotions-blog]

late thoughts - 26/08/2014 - 21:05

I am the minus you are the plus If we would be magnets you wouldn't be just my crush

But in our case in the life I live in you are the plus and I am only a minus

[tidalemotions-blog]

I am in love But not the kind of love I want I am in love With someone who doesn’t love me I always thought love Would feel wonderful But what I feel Isn’t wonderful at all Instead of filling me It has left me empty It took something from me And I’m not sure how to get it back

(via iamseth812)

[tidalemotions-blog]

Just thoughts - 20/06/2014 - 23:06

I feel like I’m in this triangle of crushes And it’s sad, because nobody wants to make a move Although going to prom is a move But I’m going with the wrong guy The one who has a crush on me The one everybody knows But not the one I have a huge crush on Not the one only I know And I just don’t know what to do

Everybody says we’ll be a cute couple But I don’t want to be with him And I’ll be cute with anyone of the decent male gender But it still feels so wrong And as safe as I always am I just don’t want to hurt other’s feelings I’d rather hurt my own

[tidalemotions-blog]

Missing you thoughts - 03/05/2014 - 22:40

I miss your smell I miss your awkward smile I miss seeing you only once in two months I miss that you’ll probably never think of me the way I do But most if all, I miss the feelings you give me when I’m with you

[tidalemotions-blog]

Frustrated thoughts - 15/06/2014 - 22:52

I wish you were here So You could make me feel less sad you could always cheer me up by just talking to me But now I don't even know wether I should go to you to seek joy Because I feel like I annoy you That you are tired of whatever I do But please just tell me what it is So I know what's going through your mind And maybe if you tell I'll tell What's up in my mind, my mind that's full of you

[tidalemotions-blog]

Missing you thoughts - 14/06/2014 - 19:06

I miss the cold winterdays during the summer heat But I miss you more

I miss you more than a child misses his mother when he goes to school for the first time I miss you more than people running late, missing their train I miss you more than I miss my bed when I’m away at night I miss you more than this poem misses sense

But you will never, ever, ever miss me as much as I miss you