Inktober 2019 Day 5… When your wife asks you to “please draw butch Arthur Morgan” and you decide to listen to sad music and draw a sad outlaw.
I was listening to the Bear’s Den album Islands and it’s soul crushingly accurate for this type of story. Specifically the song Bad Blood.
Well sever the ties
Cut me out
Fill up the hole
That I tied and I tried and I tried to fill
Oh, but I’ll lie and I’ll lie at will
Just to keep your feet off the floor
And to keep my wolves from your door
Forgive me for I am not acting myself
But these bees in my breath have to come out
Well you give me no reason to doubt your word
But I still somehow still have my reasons
I’m sorry I don’t mean to scare you at all
I’m just trying to drain all this bad blood
All this bad blood
Was playing RDR2 when my horse died so I had to make Arthur go to the Annesburg stable by foot and a bear is heard nearby and he says to himself, “You’re alright…” LMAO
We should appreciate studs more, being black and queer masculinity/gender non conformity together is beautiful. Their struggles are so unseen and I hate it. Studs deserve love and kindness. They’re not always the big scary tough one. Studs are full of love and light and kindness. We should pay attention to their history, their roles in our community, and for once try to protect and uplift them. Studs are important and we need to be there for them.
Butch, in most people's minds, is a derogatory word for an ugly, masculine lesbian. Butches are stripped of womanhood, or deemed a failure of a woman because she did not submit to social control and become feminine (or, attractive to men). When a woman does not attract a man in our society, her humanity is stripped from her as well. It appears that not just womanhood, but a woman's humanity, is contained within tubes of lipstick and nail polish.
Butches are erased from popular culture and public life because we do not obey the patriarchal standards of womanhood. Over and over we are taught to be ashamed of ourselves because of this. We lose jobs, housing, and opportunities. We are cast out by loved ones. We are told we are not women. We are told we are not human.
I used to feel so much shame and loneliness over my sexual desire and masculinity as a lesbian. I thought I ought to hide myself away, I thought I was ugly, unlovable, useless. At its worst I thought I wasn't woman enough. I've since realized I can be a woman, and I am a woman, even though I am not feminine. Femininity has nothing to do with womanhood. I am still a worthy, valuable woman, even though I'm not feminine.