qabil-e-tareef

[qabil-e-tareef]

Longing

Dear readers although that starting might be a little off as I don’t think many people read this, I have a feeling a feeling of longing or a sense of loss of belonging. This post will cover a bunch of topics not just one so bear with me

Are we still BFFs or what

So I think I did mention earlier that I had a friend that I don’t feel I am that close to anymore as much as I was earlier and this is true I feel. We were once best friends but it all changed later on. I have seen her at her weakest and currently seeing her at her strongest makes me feel good but I am not able to define this relationship well, like what are we just friends , close friends, good friends, sailors on our way to discover India idk. These words do ruin friendship I feel u see there is good, better and then best so much so as u make a priority list among the people u r closest to but doesn’t that feel wrong? Hypothetical conditions in which ok so on one end is person a and the other person b now pick one, like these are hypotheticals they r not real but we feel like they r. I mean when will I have to choose between 2 of the people I was close to or am close to. It’s a weird way of looking at things nobody is a best friend and friendship isn’t really about loyalty its more about just having a good time with good people so why the labels.

OHHH but y does it happen?

U see I am no expert in sociology but the way I look at it is that people become friends in spaces, u r friends with people cause of a reason but when there is a disturbance in the space u loose touch. For example your friend gets into a relationship (that is exactly what happened in this case) ok so maybe in the beginning not so much but later on as the relationship becomes more and more serious u start getting far from each other

The example I am talking about right now is not the only one it has happened to me before but I don’t learn as I am a numb nut.

The way I see it is u could only be happy for these people and just let it be as now everything or most things in there lives would be around the relationship so just let it go, as u r not the one they r fucking.

As at the end all of friendship is just for old times sake

A Touchy problem

The author of this blog is currently in his early 20s or more specifically is 20 and as of now is battling a new issue in his life .The issue relates to touch and intimacy

The author has never been in a relationship or actually has had anything with a woman he is friends with a couple of them and that’s all the female interaction he has had in his life

While reading this post further please remember that the author is a cis straight guy in his 20s but I feel that this issue is common across any possible spectrum one can put on humankind

I have trouble with intimacy as guys usually are not that intimate with there friends who are also guys but this lack of touch has left me feeling sort of worthless. Sex or touch are not that big things as while I am writing this idk how many babies have been born (planned or not) or how many people are making out or holding hands or god knows what. Humans are animals and regardless of what we have made ourselves believe we are here just for procreation

We need touch and intimacy , I have gotten to the point I found all girls attractive an I cant seem to get sex out of my mind I am gonna be 21 soon and feel that this feeling not ever being with anyone makes me feel less than my counterparts.

I crave touch but am also uncomfortable with it so idk

This sexual frustration in me makes me feel pathetic like y am I always turned and not good turn on bad turn on a turned on that makes u feel less and pathetic maybe I should try no nut November.

Idk how to end this section cause really its just frustration so idk.

My birthday

Ok this is a very little section I just wanted to put it in , my birthday its on 4th of November if anyone wants to wish me. I don’t usually celebrate my birthday and I deactivate my Instagram. I don’t mind people wishing me but the problem is people forget it usually and that I think is mostly cause of Diwali. I never celebrated my birthday never had like all of people from school come to my house as the festive season is going on. I  would usually just give a party to people who would ask for it and after that just let it be. Its not really a big deal

So I guess this year would also be the same.

The loss of belonging

This is a biggy

And I feel most people would relate to it I don’t know where the fuck I belong idk what career I would pick where I would end up. I have no idea how life would be in the future I don’t know who the fuck I am except being awesome.

I feel out of words here although but like what is my identity or who am I?

I am gonna graduate from college pretty soon and idk what to do at this point

This section does feel incomplete but what can I do about that????

The solution: letting it be???

Maybe| shayad

Lets end this with

दिल भी है खाली, घर भी है खाली इसमें रहेगी कोई किस्मत वाली हाए, जिसे मेरी याद आए, जब चाहे चली आए जिसे मेरी याद आए, जब चाहे चली आए रूप महल, प्रेम गली, खोली number ४२० Excuse me Please

Link to the full song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Erc_BtQvTJw

[qabil-e-tareef]

Friends

So recently a very close friend of mine and I were talking and somehow I came to realize that maybe we are not as close as we were at a point in time. Now people do drift apart through time and u can really spend time with the same 2 people all your life, but it felt weird and when I thought of it more I saw that it is not something just with that one friend its happening or has happened with a whole lot of other people who were in my life and now are well not so much

People I used to tell everything to people I used to talk to everyday I only meet them like once a month and we talk in like 15days once on the phone and strangely we are running out of thinks to talk about

I had a friend in school whom I met in 4th grade and we were friends till the end of school but slowly we did drifted over our school years then one day after school had ended he texted me on Instagram and we talked on the phone but most of that call was silence.

We had drifted apart so much that now we didn’t have anything to talk about but just casual generic bullshit it feels weird to drift away from someone who u were so close to that u don’t know what to talk about.

Nd this is happening now too ,people I love and are in my life rn the ones who understand me and know me are going away im not telling them things that might have happened and conversations are becoming nostalgic I guess

At this point all I can remember is a great poem by the great late Sahir Ludhyanvi

चलो इक बार फिर से अजनबी बन जाएँ हम दोनों

न मैं तुम से कोई उम्मीद रखूँ दिल-नवाज़ी की

न तुम मेरी तरफ़ देखो ग़लत-अंदाज़ नज़रों से

न मेरे दिल की धड़कन लड़खड़ाए मेरी बातों से

न ज़ाहिर हो तुम्हारी कश्मकश का राज़ नज़रों से

तुम्हें भी कोई उलझन रोकती है पेश-क़दमी से

मुझे भी लोग कहते हैं कि ये जल्वे पराए हैं

मिरे हमराह भी रुस्वाइयाँ हैं मेरे माज़ी की

तुम्हारे साथ भी गुज़री हुई रातों के साए हैं

तआ'रुफ़ रोग हो जाए तो उस का भूलना बेहतर

त'अल्लुक़ बोझ बन जाए तो उस को तोड़ना अच्छा

वो अफ़्साना जिसे अंजाम तक लाना न हो मुमकिन

उसे इक ख़ूब-सूरत मोड़ दे कर छोड़ना अच्छा

चलो इक बार फिर से अजनबी बन जाएँ हम दोनों

                                                                                          -Sahir Ludhyanvi

The time to leave a place is when the barber has stopped doing his job correctly after that its just times that we can celebrate

[qabil-e-tareef]

Food for thought

Maybe its just an illusion maybe these stories of love tragedies are just an illusion an illusion created in our mind due to not material but language.

Like if u describe someone as chaand ka noor that person becomes beautiful but the thing i think that matters is who is giving that illusion, is that illusion coming from the person who wants to look at that person in that way or is it coming from the world.

The question is who makes one "the one" in someones eye, i think its the person who wants to see them as the one, he is the one who gave her the beauty through himself.

And that illusion can be broken by that person if only he wants it to break.

Maybe in peak love there are no transactions thats why u see god in them and god is but in just beliving

Bhagwan vishwas mei hai

If u stop beliving in ur love they will go away. It is ur ability to create that love and beliving in it u give it value.

It is all a lingual fantasy we have created each our own

We created ideas and people and types when in real life its all just a lingual illusion

Love dosnt exist if u dont belive in it. Its all belief that keeps it there

What is natural though?

Emotions ig

Nd love is just one of them

[qabil-e-tareef]

Life stopped living

My life seems pretty solid as of now i dont have any major issues im mentally stable my situation with most of the people around me is good and i feel like im in a pretty decent position personally

But i still have a longing a longing for something or someone idk what this is but i feel like nothing is happening nothing, life has come to a stop it stopped living perhaps

I dont even know what i want but i want something something that would make me feel as if im alive again, this sort of life where there isnt really any event in life makes me feel dead

Isnt that the sorrowful thing about it though a feeling of being dead while u r still very much alive and living

I feel that the same thing has happened in the friends aspect aswell

i mean i do talk to them in regular intervals but i feel im going away from all of them, for some reason i dont feel as close to these people as i did earlier. Heck i open my phone to almost no notifications most of the time.

I mean at a time all of our lives revolved around eachother but now everyone just seems so far

what is this phase in my life i dont really understand it

Is it going to be like this only or is this time for a new kind of self discovery and growth

am i away from people cause i need to be close to my self , and for life to be alive and living again i need to be with me more?

[qabil-e-tareef]

First post, why qabil e tarreef

hi so this is the first post on this blog and there isnt much to say much about it. I will try to post regularly. there isnt a real reason to follow rn. so just watch the space or follow if u want to.

bye