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Journal entry#1

Jornal Entry #1....

*something you're looking forward to next year

My growth. No way am I messing up this year. I can't keep putting myself in these situations with no money. I'm smarter than I know and I'm smarter than I think. I know I don't know a lot but one thing for sure I will improve my health. My mind. My life!

*Three words to describe yourself

Shy confused ignorant

*Write down your reasons for doing this

I want to have a visual of exactly what's going on in my mind and try to analyze my thoughts. Then maybe try to create something out of nothing since most of my time I spend thinking I might as well write it down because my thoughts are pretty interesting.

*How do I respond when I don't get what I want

I am not by any means of spoiled person but I expect things a certain way. Sometimes if that doesn't happen I can get an attitude. If someone's not doing what I expect out either push him away when it comes to relationship or I'll just not want to be around that person because you altered my thought of you.

*3 things I'll never do if I weren't afraid.

I still wouldn't jump out of a plane. Wouldn't go hunting either I wouldn't want to kill big animals. I wouldn't dive into the deeper part of the ocean

*Things I've done that I thought I could never do?

Never thought I will lose so much weight. Never would I've had guess that I would ever smoke weed or drink alcohol but peer pressure got to me. Never thought I would date women that was actually pretty interesting.

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Top Fiber foods you need to include in your diet...

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Small ana habits 🐭

drink a glass of water when you wake up, it kicks your metabolism💧

drink at least 2l of water per day but stay safe🌻

have at least two cups of green tea a day🍵

always eat breakfast, it can prevent a binge and kicks your metabolism🥞

have a high fiber breakfast😊

set a daily workout and stick to it.

always shop with a FULL belly, otherwise it is more likely to end up binging, there are lots of low cals foods that can keep you full🍉

always eat food when sitting

never do something else when eating

eat slowly, it takes some tome for your body to realize you’re full🤗

don’t eat past 6pm, it is not healthy and you’ll have 12+ fast during night🌃

feel free to always add something🌹

[queens-love-blog1]

Small ana habits 🐭

drink a glass of water when you wake up, it kicks your metabolism💧

drink at least 2l of water per day but stay safe🌻

have at least two cups of green tea a day🍵

always eat breakfast, it can prevent a binge and kicks your metabolism🥞

have a high fiber breakfast😊

set a daily workout and stick to it.

always shop with a FULL belly, otherwise it is more likely to end up binging, there are lots of low cals foods that can keep you full🍉

always eat food when sitting

never do something else when eating

eat slowly, it takes some tome for your body to realize you’re full🤗

don’t eat past 6pm, it is not healthy and you’ll have 12+ fast during night🌃

feel free to always add something🌹

[queens-love-blog1]

flawlesslaughter submitted:

Week one to the beginning of week 3! ❤️ so so happy and feeling better each day, not just physically but mentally. I’m so happy! 😋 (all the phases of Nike pros! Lol)

Can I say OH MY GOD HOLY SH*T 😍😍😍 you are doing SO amazing with my One Month Makeover I am honestly sooooo proud of you and amazed wow!!!!!keep up the hard work, I’m so glad you’re loving the plan :)

Find out more about the One Month Makeover she’s using HERE. 

[queens-love-blog1]

Meanspo:

Hey fat ass. Guess what? Remember all those extra calories you ate yesterday, the day before that, and today?? Oh! And your number on the scale? Well that’s fucking correlated idiot. Maybe you should stop stuffing your fat face, and actually do what you set out to do. Don’t act like nobody can notice your expanding waist line, or all the extra pounds you gained. Put down the fucking fork down, and stop fucking eating.

(An anon request meanspo)

[queens-love-blog1]

Detox water... Lemons, blueberries, strawberries, cucumber, and oranges are all great ideas to detox your water

[queens-love-blog1]

Small ana habits 🐭

drink a glass of water when you wake up, it kicks your metabolism💧

drink at least 2l of water per day but stay safe🌻

have at least two cups of green tea a day🍵

always eat breakfast, it can prevent a binge and kicks your metabolism🥞

have a high fiber breakfast😊

set a daily workout and stick to it.

always shop with a FULL belly, otherwise it is more likely to end up binging, there are lots of low cals foods that can keep you full🍉

always eat food when sitting

never do something else when eating

eat slowly, it takes some tome for your body to realize you’re full🤗

don’t eat past 6pm, it is not healthy and you’ll have 12+ fast during night🌃

feel free to always add something🌹

[queens-love-blog1]

Sometimes I’m afraid…

… that inside me, my heart is deteriorating from not eating enough

… that I’m damaging my whole body because I dont give it what it needs

… that in twenty years, I’ll experience real health problems because of my eating habits

… that I wont even be alive in twenty years because of this disorder

… that all my friends and family will leave me because I’ve driven them away

… that I’ll die from organ failure.. before I’ve even gotten skinny

[queens-love-blog1]

First time for everything

For the first time ever I went into my favorite corner store, and just bought water. Yes!

You may not know why this is an accomplishment, but let me explain. Everytime I walk into this store planning to just buy one thing. I don't. This specific store carries my favorite Doritos (Hot wings flavor) and a variety of Snickers and Reese's Puffs.

The key toy heart is to surprise me with one of these items daily. The key to my soul is buy me all these items daily.

So as you may tell I fell in love with this corner store and spend so much money, they should give me some type of loyalty card.

I feel so accomplished. Even though it was on my mind the whole time I was in the store or near it.

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It hurts now

It hurts now

But, One day it's going to be your warm-up

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Stay motivated

Today I did have a little withdrawal at work. Had half a chocolate chip cookie and at half a sub ( gave the other halves to co-workers because I Know I'm guilty, and shouldn't be eating these things. I cut out bread, dairy, snacks, soda etc).

On the sub I put a spicy chicken filet with spring mix tomatoes and mayo. I cut out fried food but Chick-fil-A always pulls me in. The cookies I can manage not to eat but today I had to package over 140 cookies for catering and I got suckered by the smell of fresh baked cookies and the melted chocolate chips. My mouth is watering just thinking of greatness.

I'm starting to think working in Chick-fil-A kitchen is a obstacle for me. Everythings so so good.

But I did have my yogurt this morning!!

[queens-love-blog1]

Back to the gym

For two days straight, TWO DAYS STRAIGHT, I've been in my boxing gym. I needed to become part of something again to gain my motivation for Fitness back.

When I first started out working at 225lb, I chose boxing as my weightloss plan. The most joy I ever felt was in that boxing gym. Usually I'm the only female but I love when other females come so I'm not the only odd ball in there.

The men are very respectful though. Been asked out a few times but I respectfully decline because I don't want to be that girl. I'm there to workout, not to find a man to marry. 

I'm very competitive with men. I don't want them to think I'm weak. So most days I do go extra hard.

I left this gym a earlier this year. Because for some reason I wasn't passionate about it anymore. I wanted to be trained to fight. Not just train to lose weight. And I felt like the coach didn't want to train me. Like their men were more precious then me.

I later realized that I never spoke to them about it. I keep my silence and let my frustrations grow more. This gym as always been good to me and I just left without a telling them.

It didn't hurt them but it hurt me in the long run. I wasn't gaining a lot of weight nor was I losing any. Just going to a gym and lifting weights was my passion. Boxing was my passion. It helped me through depression,anger, and loneliness. I felt like a finally belonged somewhere and I dropped it.

I'm back now and not leaving voluntarily this time. It's where I must be.

[queens-love-blog1]

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving giving readers... I'm not going to talk about my meal today SMH.

It was all so so delicious. Tomorrow back to the basics

[queens-love-blog1]

💪💪💪 Consistency....