queerkitchencollab-blog

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I’m really lazy but all my vegetarian friends love the hell out of this recipe so I figure I’ll submit it for folks who have veggie friends who don’t know WTF else to make besides salad for them.

Preheat oven to about 400F.

Cut up into bite size chunks: carrots, parsnips, butternut squash, radishes, and any root vegetables you particularly like. Cauliflower is also a good addition.

Stick in a large Ziploc bag with olive oil, salt, pepper, rosemary, and thyme to taste. Shake it up until the mixture is well coated, empty bag onto a sheet pan and put it in the oven until tender. Serve over rice.

If you want to look even more impressive, once the vegetables are tender, blend them with some milk or almond milk depending on who you’re serving and voila, roasted vegetable bisque.

Martha Stewart, eat your heart out.

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Mint Chocolate Macarons

Cookies tweaked from a recipe found on www.aheadofthyme.com/2017/02/classic-french-macaron-with-vanilla-buttercream-filling

Filling tweaked from a recipe found at apinch.com/perfect-chocolate-buttercream-frosting-recipe (barely requires tweaking - I just halved the recipe for the amount of frosting you’ll need.)

My mom loves, loves, loves macarons, so I learned to bake them for her.  Not entirely altruistically, as I use my macarons as a bargaining chip - I’ll bake you macarons if you do x for me, for example.  Mint and chocolate is her favorite flavor combination, and so far has turned out the best!

Frosting:

Ingredients:

-¾ cups (1 ½ sticks) butter

-½ cup unsweetened cocoa

-2 ½ cups confectioner’s sugar

-¼ cup milk (whole works best but I’ve made it with skim)

-1 tsp vanilla extract

-¼ tsp espresso powder (more if you want a darker, richer flavor)

Optional, depending on how minty you want the cookies:  1 to 3 drops mint oil*.

Instructions:

1.  Add cocoa to a large bowl.  Whisk through to break up any clumps.

2.  Cream together butter and cocoa powder until well combined (I use a hand mixer on low and then on medium speed when cocoa powder is saturated enough to not go flying everywhere).

3.  Add sugar and milk.  Add a little bit at a time, rotating which one - add ½ cup sugar then ¼ tsp milk at a time.  After each addition of sugar and milk, mix on a high speed for about 1 minute.  Repeat process until no more milk and sugar is left.

4.  Mix in vanilla extract, espresso powder, and mint oil (if adding to frosting).

5.  If it looks too dry, add more milk!

6.  Put into piping bag (ziplock bag with a corner cut off accepted) and refrigerate.

*Please note, mint oil will BURN if you use too much.  It is incredibly strong!!!  You don’t need to use much of it at all to create a deliciously minty flavor.

Cookies:

Ingredients:

-¾ cup almond flour (I like Bob’s Red Mill brand.  You can make your own almond flour by grinding bleached almonds incredibly finely, but it’s very time consuming)

-1 cup confectioner’s sugar

-2 large egg whites, at room temperature

-¼th cup granulated sugar

-3-5 drops mint oil*

-Several drops green food coloring (until you get the green intensity you want)

Instructions:

1.  Combine almond flour and confectioner’s sugar in bowl, whisk together.

2.  Pass through fine-meshed sieve.

3.  In a large bowl, beat the egg whites using a hand mixer on medium speed until soft peaks form.

4.  Add granulated sugar a little bit at a time, then beat on a high speed for around 2 minutes, or until stiff, glossy peaks form that will stand freely.  Should look glossy like some polyester fabric.

5.  Add mint oil, food coloring, and vanilla extract.  Beat for another 30 seconds.

6.  GENTLY fold in dry ingredients with rubber spatula until mixture is smooth and shiny.  DO NOT OVER-FOLD.  Should be similar in consistency to lava.

7.  Take a pastry bag with a ½" plastic tip (or a ziplock bag with one corner nipped off) and fill with batter.

8.  Line two cookie sheets with parchment paper.  Pipe batter into 1" round circles.

9.  Tap cookie sheet firmly against counter several times to release any air bubbles.  If the family pet is startled, but not terrified, you’re doing great.

10.  Preheat the oven to 325*F (In a convection oven, such as my own, set the temperature so that it will go to 325*F - my oven automatically lowers temperatures by 25*F, so I have to set my oven to 350*F).  

11.  Let the cookies sit at room temperature for 30 minutes, until a thin “skin” forms.

12.  Bake for 4-6 minutes (the website says 5-6 but I’ve found 4 to 4 ½ minutes works best in a convection oven at 325*F at sea level), rotate tray halfway to ensure even cooking, and cook another 4-6 minutes.  Cookies should just come off the baking sheet when you lift them.

13.  Let cool for 5 minutes, then move to a wire rack.

General Instructions:

1.  Make the frosting, refrigerate.

2.  Make the cookies.  Let cool completely.

3.  Pair up cookies with cookies of similar sizes.  Flip them so the flat side of the cookies are facing upwards. 

4.  Frost the flat side of one cookie from each pair.  Smoosh them together.

5.  Enjoy!

Congratulations, you’ve made macarons!

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Softest-Ever Dinner Rolls

I used every trick in my baking repertoire to come up with this recipe when my wife asked for “super-soft rolls.” This is basically bread candy, and it stars in all our food-based family occasions!

Ingredients

½ cup mashed potatoes (or potato flour or instant potato flakes)

¾ cup milk (whole is best and 2% will work; I wouldn’t recommend anything else)

¼ cup sugar

1 tsp salt

4 tbsp (half a stick) butter

3 tbsp cream cheese

½ cup lukewarm water

2 ¼ tsp (one envelope) yeast

1 egg

4-6 cups all-purpose flour

Instructions If necessary, prepare mashed potatoes and set aside to cool. In a large mixing bowl, combine the milk, sugar, salt, butter, and cream cheese. Microwave until butter is melted and cream cheese is soft; stir a few times and set aside to cool. In a measuring cup or small bowl, stir together lukewarm water and yeast; set aside for 10-15 minutes or until foamy. Add the mashed potatoes and egg to the milk mixture and test with your finger to make sure it’s barely warm (anything hotter will kill the yeast). Pour the yeast mixture into the bowl and stir. Add 3 cups flour and mix, then add more flour in half-cup increments until a soft dough forms; you may need to use your hands instead of a spoon at some point. The amount of flour needed will vary depending on temperature and humidity. Dust your work surface with flour and turn your dough out onto it. Knead for 5-10 minutes, adding more flour if the dough is too sticky to handle. Once the dough has formed a smooth ball, return it to the bowl and cover with a towel or plastic wrap. Let it rise for 45 minutes. Deflate dough and knead lightly to shape back into a ball and pop any air bubbles. Grease a 9x13 rectangular pan. Divide dough into 12 (approximately) even pieces and shape each into a smaller ball; place in pan. Cover loosely with plastic wrap or a clean towel and allow to rise for another 30 minutes. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Bake rolls for 20-25 minutes; the tops should be brown and the rolls should sound hollow when tapped. Immediately remove rolls from pan to cool. Eat!

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I don’t have a name for it but I make it for me (queer) and my queer friends.

The ingredients are as follows: Any bread. White cheddar cheese. Bell pepper. Pesto.

Cut up thin slices of the cheese and put on bread. Cut up small bits of bell pepper. Put on bread as well. Spread half a teaspoon around. Not too much. Put in toaster oven on a low temperature until cheese is melted. About two minutes. It tastes like something you get from a nice italian restaurant. It is great for queers on a budget who need to treat themselves.

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Beef and Mushroom Stir Fry  stir fry:

sliced beef (package said “for stir fry”. take that as you will)

enoki mushrooms

shitake mushrooms

sliced spring onion stalks

sauce:

soy sauce

butter

sesame oil

honey

mirin

garlic

ginger

combine the sauce ingredients by eye and by taste in a large saucepan. heat until combined. 

add the beef and cook till it begins to brown

add the shitake and spring onions. simmer till the beef is almost all the way cooked. you can tell this by how springy the beef is, the less springy the less cooked. 

add the enoki last (theyre delicate) and simmer till the enoki wilt and combine with the sauce

top with green parts of spring onion and serve over rice

this was the first recipe i’ve ever made on my own, without any guidance or help. i felt so accomplished when i made this the first time i thought it tasted like the best thing i’d ever eaten. the sauce is vague because it can be exactly to your tastes, it’s creative, and i think it looks quite nice too. i felt like my art had extended to a new medium. i hope you enjoy!

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Apple Tart Roses

This is one I came up with after seeing cakes and pies made to look like flowers, it’s quite short and easy and looks really cool, great for convincing people you are a pro chef.

Ingredients:

- Puff pastry sheets

- 6 Large apples (use crunchy juicy ones like gala or Macintosh as dry foamy ones will fall apart)

- ½ c Brown Sugar

- ¼ c Butter

- Water

- cinnamon

Tools

- Sharp medium sized knife (not a cheese knife Nathan)

- Blender of any kind or a potato masher and a lot of determination

- Muffin Pan

- Aluminum Pie dishes

- Pan

Instructions

Preheat oven to temp. on puff pastry package

put pie dishes in muffin pan

Thaw out puff pastry sheets and cut them into squares about 1 ½ the width of the Pie dishes, butter the inside of the pie dishes and place the puff pastry in the pie dishes and press it down. 

Slice up 5 apples in thin slices horizontally, cut these slices in half removing the seeds and hard bits.

Heat up water in pan and put in apple slices, cook until they become semi-floppy, remove from water and set them aside.

Cut up sixth apple and put in blender with the butter, the brown sugar and a sprinkle of cinnamon, blend until smooth and spoon into pie shells

place apple slices in a circle overlapping slightly around inside of pie shell, repeat with another layer and again and again until filling is covered, repeat for each one. once all are full, dust tops of apple petals with brown sugar and cinnamon.

bake as per instructions on puff pastry package.

remove from oven and let cool to warm before taking out pie dishes and serving.

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Creamy Carbonara!

So, this recipe is really special to me. It’s what my ex and I used to cook when we really struggled financially. It’s cheap, full of love and makes your belly feel all goody and warm. Keep in mind that this recipe can change a lot depending on tastes or patience. So I shall put the basic recipe below. :)

Ingredients

600ml thickened cream 250g bacon (rind removed) 2 spring onions 1 handful of mushrooms ¼ onion 4 cloves of garlic 500g pasta (honestly I can’t measure pasta so good luck)

Directions

I would tell you when to put the water/pasta onto boil, but I find it changes based on the cook top. So do what works for you!

Cut up your onion, garlic, spring onions, bacon and mushrooms however you fancy. It really isn’t going to change much. I prefer long strips of everything but the onion and garlic, which I finely dice.

Fry off your onion, garlic and bacon on a medium heat until it is all cooked and good. I look for a translucent onion and slightly caramelized bacon. Best to not stir a lot for this result.

Add your mushrooms to the mix up of things in your pan, cook those down until they are quite soft.

Remove the stuff from the pan and set it aside for later. Without washing the pan, put the thickened cream in and simmer. But watched out for bubbles! You don’t want too many.

Once the cream has cooked for about ten minutes, put everything except the spring onions into it, it’ll help it thicken. It’ll go right really quickly! So just stir gently and keep am eye out for the sudden thickening of the cream.

Then when the cream is thickened and now a sauce, add your spring onions for a bite and a bit of colour, put the sauce on the pasta and serve!!

Best enjoyed with Netflix and cuddles, and a white wine if you are old enough!! This recipe is sure to make you feel cozy and cuddly with your loved one.

Credit to my ex, Hayley, for showing me this recipe. You are the best, little love!

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Look my friends here is a super healthy and super yummy turkey noodle soup!! I make it all the time, its great for winter!

(I can’t eat veggies unless they are minced and I can’t taste them, so if you wanna sneak your veggies in then thus us the recipe for you!)

Ingredients:

6 stalks celeray 4 peeled carrots 1 whole onion Two cups spinach A cup of broccoli (frozen is fine) A cup of cauliflower (frozen is fine) 2 swonsan vegetable broth boxes (chicken is also good) 2 table spoons if minced garlic A healthy dose if pepper A healthy double dose if Italian seasoning 5 chicken boullion cubes 5 cups water Pre-cooked turkey breast, use about 3 cups or more, depends on you. (You can also use store bought rotisserie chickens from Walmart, it doesn’t matter if its hot or cold just has to be precooked) No yolk egg noodles/wheat noodles

Preperation:

Get a pretty big pot: add your water, broth, and boullion cubes. Mince up all the veggies, it can be done with a chopper or blender. Or you can just chop them up by hand for your personal preference. Add it all to the pot. Everything goes in the pot. Add your proper and Italian seasoning. The Italian seasoning adds a different flavor profile to the soup and brings and but of sweetness to it that balances with the salt. Don’t worry its not extreme. Keep it on medium heat allowing the veggies to soften and cook for around 15-20 minutes. Get your turkey breast and remove the meat from the bone. Cut the chunks to your own preference, add as much as you’d like to the pot. Cook for 5 more minutes before adding one bag of your choice of noodles. Dont be afraid to add more water if you need to. Cook until noodles are tender yet firm. Remove from heat and enjoy.

On a side note if noodles aren’t your thing you can also have precooked rice already made and add some to your own servings of soup. Don’t Cook the rice in the broth. On another note, you could also easily add some biscuits from those cans around the dairy isle of your grocery store to the soup to make it thick and creamy. Just rip the raw dough into chunks and allow it to cook for another 15-20 minutes before adding the noodles.

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so in our house this is referred to as easy mac 2.0. this is my favorite recipe for when I have next to no motivation to cook and it’s super flexible if you wanna put veggies in it! you’re going to need:

two cloves of garlic (i use at least three but this is a good base)

two servings of spaghetti noodles

two tablespoons of butter

olive oil

some veggies if you like (i love peas, my girlfriend loves using bell peppers and onion)

red pepper flakes

salt and pepper to season

start by cooking your pasta with whatever directions you’ve got. while that’s going, mince your garlic, and prep any veggies you’ve got (if any) to cook in a seperate pan. sweat the garlic in a few tablespoons of olive oil until it’s smelling amazing, but not turning brown. cut the heat, and add the strained and cooked spaghetti to the garlic pan. mix that up real good and add butter to homogenize with some parmesean (or whatever cheese biz you have with red pepper and season to taste. serve hot with a slice of bread to sop up that leftover garlic.

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So something that ive made for yeat a and is my ultimate comfort food is rice porridge. I'm currently recovering from top surgery and its been a staple. Its rice, brown sugar, cinnamon and raisins. Sounds weird but its really good!!

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Roasted Citrus Green Beans and Bacon

I spent Thanksgiving alone last year.

Well, not entirely alone. I worked, went home and made green beans, and met my boss at her place. We tossed scraps to her border collie while we ate.

Thanksgiving usually means dinner with at least thirty family members, the oven at full blast all day long, a mass after-dinner walk to ease aching stomachs. This time, my loneliness was a matter of scheduling. But it was also practice. Soon — always soon — the words will tumble out: “Mom, Dad, I’m bi.” And I know in the Charybdis of my stomach that that will be the end of family Thanksgivings.

Ingredients

1 pounds fresh green beans, topped 4 slices thin-cut bacon, chopped into ¼ in. pieces ½ small red onion, diced or cut into slivers 2 cloves garlic, minced 1-2 tbsp olive oil Juice of one clementine OR 1 ½ tbsp orange juice Salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees 2. Toss all ingredients, including enough olive oil to coat beans 3. Spread in foil-coated baking sheet  4. Bake 15-20 minutes or until bacon sizzles and beans begin to brown

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This is a really easy recipe that my mom and I always make for Christmas! They’re really yummy and can last the whole holiday season, which makes them good to make in bulk and give to neighbors and stuff. This is the small-sized recipe, it makes around 40 ping-pong ball-sized cookies, but it’s really easy to multiply.

Ingredients: 

1 pound chopped dried dates

1 cup granulated sugar

1 stick butter

2 cups rice krispies (or any similar rice cereal)

2 cups dried coconut shavings

Directions:

Heat dates, butter, and sugar in a pot over low-medium heat for 10-15 minutes, until dates are soft.

Stir in 2 cups of rice krispies and mix to combine.

Take off the heat and roll into ping-pong sized balls while still hot (covering your hands in butter helps to keep the cookie mixture from burning you, but be careful and scoop from the edges first!).

Immediately roll the still-hot date cookies in shredded coconut.

Let cool – they’ll harden and get crunchy. For a softer cookie, add another half stick of butter.

Enjoy!

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for some reason it looks like the blog isn’t searchable on mobile despite me not having any of the settings on to hide it- anyone know why that might be?

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submissions are open!