raw-thoughts-101

[raw-thoughts-101]

Ours is a game of opposites.

One coin, two sides,

One body, two halves.

Like pain, and peace

or strong and weak.

Like ugly, and beauty,

heavenly...

Pick the pieces with me,

only to shove me into a wall,

Treat my burns with cream,

then pierce my heart countlessly

Keep me alive, just so I die in your hands...

[raw-thoughts-101]

[raw-thoughts-101]

Jane O. Wayne // Kate Jacobs

[raw-thoughts-101]

Time stops

Moments slow.

Gracefully he falls,

Face forward towards the light,

His back touches the cold embrace of the water,

From which it is said that life comes from,

Ha!, The irony.

His hand outstretched,

Fingers desperately grasping the air, 

"Maybe, maybe it'll turn solid,

If grasp hard enough"

The water reaches out too,

In a splash,

Eager to welcome its latest guest.

Engulfing him in all its entirety,

The sun beyond becomes but a blurr light.

Its rays the only witness of the occurrence

The bubbles that escape from his oronasal,

Remain the survivors,

That there was once a man,

That dreamed about souring the sky, 

To greet the sun,

But ended up in the depths of the waters,

With no one left to tell of him,

His story muted.

But once in a while,

if you listen to the roaring of the waves,

A deep silent voice,

Screaming to be let out..

Will lead you to the man,

Who dreamt of greeting the sun.

[raw-thoughts-101]

Its not only the overthinking,

But also the full on conversations by myself.

[raw-thoughts-101]

Please,

Not the dream country you wish to see,

Not the non existent nirvana you wanted to live in,

Not the life your brain makes you believe you live in order to escape the sadness of disappointment,

Not the elusive persnality you wish you had,

Don't build me up with nothing but wishes, hopes and make beliefs

Tell me of the reality,

Allow me to see the world as it is,

Let me hear of the harsh truth from you,

Let me see you for who you are,

And maybe I'll love you alittle more

Maybe I'll want to be Obama or Mandela,

If only i see the broken nation that needs to be fixed,

And not the happy green nirvanna you paint to me,

And then judge me for not fixing it

How selfish could you be

How far does your insensitivity go,

And how foolish can you be,

To judge how fast a fish can run,

For to feed my young brain with the unreal

But find fault within me when reality breaks me so easily,

Is the peak of utter stupidity,

For what use was the preparations,

If we train soldiers with sticks and fatten them,

For a war of tankers and nuclears.

[raw-thoughts-101]

My small head,

My young heart,

My naïve mind,

My big eyes,

The grey world,

The black toxins in its atmosphere,

The skinny ugly zombies its full of

The ruins i shelter nyself in

Cold creeping in, 

My warm breadth frosted within seconds

The walls around me collapsing,

The monsters' dirty bony finger scraping my skin,

The aching for safety,

The desperation for survival,

The need for a life,

The hunger to live and not barely exist

And suddenly 

I'm not soo innocent,

My soul not so pure,

My mind not so small,

The world not so rainbow-wy

And i do not cower in the ruins,

And i do not cry in terror,

When the zombies reach for me, 

I do not writhe in pain, 

When their nails dig in my flesh,

For i am marked, 

The cuts and scars a symbol,

The screams a rite,

The monsters a test

And the dark smile between my drying tears the triumph. 

And their decapitated heads my trophy

[raw-thoughts-101]

Tell me what i want to hear,

Heal my aching soul

Even if its just but for a moment

[raw-thoughts-101]

[raw-thoughts-101]

I love the dark, 

Maybe its because it feels like home, 

A feeling so familiar i am comfortable.

Comfortable being swallowed

Never being seen again

Maybe its why i shy from the light,

From the harsh eye of attention.

And don't get me wrong, 

Ofcourse i am a social being. 

But i do adapt. 

I yearned and craved people.

But i learned, 

That a preditor is always in the shadow, 

And the prey in the open meadow, sunbathing.

All that i am craves for power, 

For that unfair advantage.

So yes,

I am the leopard in the blades of grass

And yes,

I am the eagle soaring above the clouds as well as all of you.

My hawk eye always watching

I learnt to be fluent in every language your body talks in.

Unlike from the light i will not shy from my truth

I am not afraid 

Not even in the slightest bit ashamed

I am the monster under your bed

I am the presence you feel but can't see in the dark alleys

I am the shadow in every illumination

And i will lead you to your deathbed 

I will hold your hand and smile sweetly 

As i cover your face with your pillow.

I love dark,

So much so that the my outline in the dark thins every day.

And i do not fear that it'll consume me whole.

To exist eternaly,

In a phenomenal of the universe no one can get rid of

So powerful, ruthless and uncontrollable,

What is there to fear in being the darkest of villains?

[raw-thoughts-101]

“Relax. You will become an adult. You will figure out your career. You will find someone who loves you. You have a whole lifetime; time takes time.”

— Johanna de Silentio

[raw-thoughts-101]

“I think about you. But I don’t say it anymore.”

— Marguerite Duras (b. 4 April 1914)

[raw-thoughts-101]

Sometimes the weight you need to loose is not on your body

[raw-thoughts-101]

“I was quiet; but I was not blind.”

— Jane Austen

[raw-thoughts-101]

😚😚

[raw-thoughts-101]

You want to hide behind your money troubles,

Blame the inflation.

It would've cost you exactly 0 shillings to water my withering spirit.

And you let me die.

But you raised enough for a grand send off for me.

You had enough to pay for the perfect catering and themed decor

To make sure your tummies were full while you mourned for me.

You wore matching suits and shirts, and brought bouquets of fresh roses to my casket.

But the words of encouragement were too expensive.

Your hands were too busy to clap for me while the world booed at me.

Now you are gathered to honour me,

While your attention was far too snatched to give me listening ears then.

Now I'm all over your socials, with crying emojis,

While my number was and is still blocked because i always called at midnight with a mental breakdown,

And interrupted you much needed sleep and break from the far too tiresome hustle in the day.

Speaker after speaker you say help is always near,

all that is needed is to ask

Well, i pleaded and i begged..

My last words were please and help,

But yet here we are.

You look at my empty sunken eyes and the guilt chokes you.

You promise to do better,

To give the best ,but,- as soon as you have enough left to give.

As soon as you have enough time left to give

As soon as you have enough energy left to give,

As soon as you have enough money left to give.

And again, it'll just be a matter of time before we all gather again,

in matching shirts and with bouquets of flowers,

after filling our stomachs with catered meals in an immaculatly decored event,

To put another starved, beaten up spirit to rest.

And God forbid a lifeless body, with eyes sucken like mine.

[raw-thoughts-101]

“You don’t know distance until you’ve shared your bed with someone who’s falling out of love with you.”

— Beau Taplin