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cupid don't shoot arrows, just .223s

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I can't believe it's been fucking 8 years since this came out lmaooo

This shit still slaps tho

And like KOHH says, 「過去の話…すんの��サい…から昔のこと忘れちゃったらいい！」 (It's lame to keep talking about the past so might as well just forget about that shit!) Here's to cherishing the good moments in the past and looking forward to the possible blessings and meaningful lessons in the future.

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Go thru ca$h like issa phase

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I don't want to live anymore.

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new chain on but it ain't shit

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I don't know why but it's always hard to find (for me) a good neo-soul/rnb joint because...and I hate putting it this way but just like trap music, it all starts to sound the same? Probably because they all play around the same kinda chord progressions?

But for some reason this one hits.

Or maybe it's just the mood I'm in today.

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Beyoncé on the cover of Blast magazine, a now defunct Japanese magazine. March 2001 issue.

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A lil' something I uploaded on my IG like a loooooong time ago and I think I archived it cause I was trying to do a "rebrand".

But I still like this piece.

And the rest of the pieces I made.

It's called Untitled IV, but I have all the way until Untitled VI. I wrote this when I was sad (I say as if I'm still not). Going through my older projects reminds me of how much joy I felt from doing music. I still feel that but...I guess it's hard to enjoy things when you're actively dealing with reality. Reality that you're not young, you're not financially stable, etc.

But you know, this reminds me that maybe I should go back to doing what I like again, for the sake of doing it. I wasn't happy, but I think for that moment when I was making this video, I was.

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So in the beginning I never wanted to listen to NBA YoungBoy because....I'm one of those oldheads that like to pretend I'm smarter than I am lmaooo No but in all seriousness I really thought he made more mainstream, partybopper type music, and I think he does have a more mainstream sound in general, but one day I got curious as to why NBA YoungBoy was so popular considering that his sound wasn't "out of this world". So I went through his catalogue and found this song and I was completely blown away. There's something really heartfelt and sincere about this song. And honestly hearing this song made me feel bad that I dismissed him as some mainstream whatever. I think there isn't enough sincerety and soul in post-modern music....and I also believe that when soul does exist, it's expressed in a different way. It's expressed in a way that is more relevant to today (of course). So sometimes you have to be more careful about listening cause with the way everything is so oversaturated, it's so easy to miss gems like this. Anyways, here's to hoping more songs like this get produced.

"Everybody got a pistol, neither one got a heart...But I say 'All well, all praise to my God.'"

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Still Tippin ft. Slim Thug & Paul Wall - Mike Jones

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I know that what he did was wrong....but I can't help but see a child rather than some "scary unhinged monster" he is usually painted to be. Or a joke. A meme. Didn't win the race and allat.

When I first heard his music and then saw that he immediately went to jail, I felt strange. I could hear the talent in his delivery and had he been given the right guidance and resources, he would've gone on to create something great.

But you know, I wonder if he would've wanted to do that, even if he was free. I sometimes notice that people who have lived that life have no interest in arts, just what is infront of them, what is reality to them. Does it make money? Does it prevent them from being in danger? That type of stuff.

Because it seems like the arts is like....a fairy tale to them? Kinda like how poverty is a fairy tale to upper middle class/upper class people?

I know that the victims of his actions suffered real pain. I don't deny that at all and I don't mean to trivialise it. Sure, he should pay for his crimes. But I genuinely feel like...he's not the problem, he's a symptom of it. I mean, he's 15. The thing is, he should've never been holding a gun or living that sort of lifestyle in the first place. So how did he end up in that position?

And it's so messed up that we glamourise this type of stuff. We like it. We encourage it. We want to see young children holding guns, following the footsteps of their older counterparts, "carrying the mantle". What mantle? Violence? Ignorance? Like I'm sorry but that's what it really is. It's like people joining the military for legacy reasons. Except it's on the streets, it's "colored", it's "poor", and therefore it's illegal.

My grandpa and my dad was like that. Not that they lived that lifestyle but they were surrounded by people that did, and whether they realise it or not they internalised similar values and passed them down. I had to do a lot of inner work to undo it and I still haven't managed to undo everything. I can't imagine myself having a child because I'm scared I'll pass something down to them myself. Because I'm not gonna lie, I can't disagree when I say that violence and ignorance has a lot of appeal. I mean, a lot. And in some circumstances it's scary to be otherwise, to not be aggressive, to not be angry. Because it could mean you're vulnerable, and vulnerability is incredibly scary depending on the context. (Because there are environments that encourages and actively requires some form of "vulnerability", or at the very least a feigning of it, or else you're a "threat" and a "delinquent".)

But at the end of the day, at least what I personally realised was that, we just all want to be seen and treated as human. That's all. Violence is just a means to it. Just like feigning vulnerability or politeness.

And it's funny cause what happened to Tay-K in the end as he strived to uphold those things (that at this point, could be considered "tradition", because I define "tradition" as "peer pressure from your ancestors/predecessors")? Incarcerated for 55 years and won't be eligible for parole until 2047, especially since his "friends" took a plea deal and threw him under the bus while he kept his mouth shut, and he also became a bit of a joke/meme. Or sometimes people just think it's a cool thing to say "free Tay-K!" but really, it's just a trendy motto moreso than anything said with sincerety.

It reminds me of a quote from Sanyika "Monster" Shakur, who said in an interview how people that "shine the brightest" end up incarcerated forever or dead so "what you really want is a nice little glow".

And think about the song he blew up from. "The Race"? He made that song/video while actively trying to dodge arrest and then the video went up on the day he was captured. It blew up because of the hashtag #FREETAYK and debuted at #70 on the Billboards. Then a whole bunch of other musicians, with nothing to do with his lifestyle or his experiences, remixed his song and capitalized off of his hype. The hype from his arrest and "authenticity" of the "gang lifestyle" behind the song or whatever the fuck. Like....is it just me? Do none of ya'll think there's something sick about this?

(But that seems to be a running theme for musicians/cultural icons anyways, especially the ones that had any sort of message. Like Bob Marley or Tupac, they're just icons to put on shirts or whatever with quotes, to sell merchandise and to "act cool" with.)

I tried to choose photos where Tay-K wasn't holding a gun or trying to uphold some image. Because I think he's human and that's how he should be seen. (I know he's doing "American Sign Language" with his hands but lets be honest, who wasn't this ignorant as a child? I have a few photos looking this stupid myself. I know, I'm such an adorable farty potato fairy today but I had my moments.)

I don't know. The older I get, the more minstrelsy and anti-human the whole "culture" feels. Well, not necessarily the "culture", but rather the people perpetuating whatever ideas they have of it whether it is that they "sell" or "buy" the "product".

Here's a few joints from Tay-K that I like:

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pink

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Kelis been dat gal💥🔫

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maaaann i still love this song

i know this is weird but like, it makes me want to cry and try again and not give up

i dont know why

its a great song...farreal

i gotta keep going somehow

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what.the.fuck. is.this!?

this is amazing!!! howd they make that scratchy thing? whaaaaaaaaat!!! i want one tooooo!!!!!!

and i love the jazzy scratches. really. didnt think scratches could be jazzy but here they are. jazzy as balls. (that sounds awful oops)

my mind is fully blown like a prostitute and their pet lizard and its lizard moms whos actually a goose because the lizard is an adopted baby.

im making zero sense right now.

whaaaaaaat!!! this is so cooooolllll!!!!!!!

im crying, i wish i was this cool.

(i am, however, a cute gerbil.)

free jazz scratch core

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Every day I struggle to keep up hope.

I try to tell myself, one day, one day it'll be my day. But it's been decades since I was born and still it's not that day.

I watched everybody pass me by, same age-d and younger.

Can't get right.

I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong....can't seem to meet the right people or maintain the right mindset. My head hurts and I'm constantly crying.

I think I could let it go if I had a happier life when I was younger, but I didn't. This experience makes me feel like....everything I went through was for nothing. It probably was. And that's a hard pill to swallow.

Because isn't that what redemption is for? To help you grieve? To help give meaning to the suffering you went through so you know it wasn't all for nothing?

But sometimes abuse is abuse, rape is rape, it's all....just shit that happens.

I'm losing hope and I wish I wasn't.

Especially since this world wasn't built for everybody to be creative together and I'm inadvertently going against the grain by just being myself.

I don't know what else I'd be doing if I wasn't doing music. I think I might actually be dead.

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zachariah fox is the spirit animal/ethreal ass/ectoplasmic phallus of my brain cell(s)