red-viscountess-emika

[red-viscountess-emika]

we said we were going to do this consistently now.. and we didn't. it's fine. nobody depended on this, it's a personal art project but we.. we stopped for so long.. it is okay.. don't complete the parallel with our past to feed yourself guilt. it's okay, you can just continue as if nothing happened if you say so.. I say so. it's okay, love. be strong. be yourself. don't feed yourself into a depression as you're crawling out of it. alright, then..

a Monthly Dose of Emika

hmm.. what should I write about. my escape mechanism I used in my short comeback of the depression these last weeks?? maybe about the way I fail to keep contact with friends and lose everyone I care about?? maybe about.. maybe about art. maybe about art.

day VIII: Art

In the time I was away, I've made an outline for..

write about art. not about your book. write about art, for its own sake. please.

art. what do I mean when I say art?? well.. let me phrase it in the way I try to get to know people. I am... decently good at smalltalk?? Better than most (probably autistic) enbies, anyway, for what I understand. However, often, it bores me, and I end up asking questions that go deeper than those most ask, but that are more interesting to me. One of those is: "What is your main art project??" and then, people don't understand that question. turns out, not all people are inherently artistic as I had thought, either that, or they don't express it for other reasons. so, they say 'I don't understand your question, dear' [note to self, write about your usage of interpunction sometime] and I say ' well... let's see. when you have the unstoppable urge to create, what is the thing you come back to most often?? what is your main creative outlet, the creation that is closest to your heart, that means more to you than anything else??' they often say 'I don't have such a thing' however, I do. my conlangs are that thing, I would say. maybe Sovã moreso than the other ones, if only because it's the furthest developed. though, the main thing for a shorter period switches on and off.

the first of these things I had was my diary, I would say. I used to write there about my internal struggles with love and sex, and some other things. It felt like I was creating, and it felt good. My conlangs, as I've said, have been an important such thing. My fantasy maps I used to draw a lot... not so much?? It's the closest to what people would call 'art', but to me.. it's not really art to that extent. My worldbuilding is not art to that extent, but the story I've been working on taking place in it, 'the Blackbird Saga', as my working name for it is, is. This blog.. it may be art. I think it is. Not nearly as close to my heart as some of the other ones, but still. I might care about it less than I do about my worldbuilding, but that is partly because it's new, and partly because well, my worldbuilding is the fundament upon which two of my greatest artistic projects are based

is your developing sense of fashion/gender expression art??

hmm.. I don't think so... it's creational, artistic, in a certain way, yes, but it's more like my worldbuilding. I care about it, sure, and it's.. creative.. maybe.. but it's not art to me

anything else to add, love??

let me think.. ah yes. my Flower playlists might be a minor project of art. those are like, so far three, but in total it will be five playlists which are supposed to be a journey through my entire spectrum of music taste, and to be designed playlists with the songs fitting with eachother and talking about that, my photos and especially the series of photos at that specific place. though.. let's see.. the photos at that specific place aren't art to me. just a funny thing to do. I think. that was it, I think

do you feel better, my love??

I think I do, yes. thank you for guiding me, and thank you to a_lilian on youtube to get me motivated

good, now get back to our tasks

of course. this has been your monthly dose of Emika, and thank you for listening to me ramble. It does mean a lot to me, even if only two or three people see this, that is enough for me. Even if the only ones who see this are God and myself, that would be enough for me. Take care of yourself, don't be too hard on yourself, and goodnight

[red-viscountess-emika]

a Daily Dose of Emika

day VII: Hold on 'Till May

(and the thing I did today)

Hold on 'Till May is a song by Pierce the Veil, and I've been listening to it on repeat for the last hour. It's one of those softer and slower emo songs, which I think are very beautiful, similar to Disenchanted by My Chemical Romance.

I honestly don't know a lot about Pierce the Veil, or about this album (though it is good. I especially like, well, this song, which is the last one, as well as the prologue, so to speak, plus the first song (May These Noises Startle You in Your Sleep Tonight plus Hell Above), and the song King for a Day, which I think is their most popular song), or even about this song in particular, but well.. again, I urge you to listen to it, loudly. It's very satisfying to sing along, the buildup and builddown are very good (though.. maybe the song could've used a minute or two more for a slower buildup?? maybe another couplet which is in between with the intensity, maybe even pushing the first one even lower?? maybe that'd just break the flow, though, not sure), the way it moves between movements in particular is very cool (I don't think movement is the right word... I mean like, parts. couplets/refrains/intermissions/bridges, things like that)

If I were you, I'd put that away See, you're just wasted and thinking 'bout the past again Darling, you'll be okay And she said "If you were me, you'd do the same 'Cause I can't take any more I'll draw the shades and close the door Everything's not alright and I would rather..."

ahh~ like.. "If I were you, I'd put that away" "If you were me, you'd do the same" the second couplet as well~ and then the.. "everything's not alright, and I would rather....." anyway, I went out to eat with someone from my work today, and this song.. first of all, I know she likes it, because she has it in one of her playlists, and second of all, it kinda made me think of her. She's had some trouble in her past, I've had some trouble in my past. We're both working on it, though, so neither of us takes the position of the girl in the song specifically. however.. ehh, I dunno, there isn't even anything too specific that makes me relate it with her. Might just be the fact that she listens to it and I listened with attention to this song for the first time today, and I'm quick to couple songs with people, places, moments, et cetera

but ye, going out and doing stuff is good, though, because that's part of me healing out of the depression I've been having for the past year :3 it was fun, and the song was fun, and I'm happy

today was a good day. I hope yours was too, potential reader

[red-viscountess-emika]

a Bidaily Dose of Emika

day VI: TDLmc

there is a youtuber and streamer I've been watching, tdlmc, who has been doing a minecraft mod called Better than Wolves for a while now. It's sort of a mod that makes Minecraft more like an actual survival game with meaningful progression. I have been watching since I think he uploaded the second video, and he has slowly been getting better and has been posting progressively longer. At some point, he started playing an addon which made the mobs more dangerous, and then he went back to the base mod and won it, sort of it's been very amusing to see him progress through the mod and get better. A bit ago, he beat the mod with the addon as well, and became the first person to do so in hardcore. Now, he has been playing it with an even harder addon, and I've been looking at streams. In fact, I'm watching at such a stream right now. He's gone through like 20 attempts today, with the goal of making a crafting table. Right now, for the first time today, he has a brick oven, which is needed to make iron nuggets, which are needed to make a chisel, which is needed to make a crafting table. It's also gloom night~ So now, I'll stop writing this and continue looking at this shitty slow-moving stream :3

[red-viscountess-emika]

a Daily Dose of Emika, day 5

broad overview of Fantasy Post-Scarcity Rome (working title)

this is my first post about my fantasy world :3 Post-Scarcity Rome was an isolationist country that fell in about.. uhh.. 800 BM, or something like that. It's where Erundur and Oesala, the sort of main characters, originally come from.

A geographical overview of this area: jungle, with large portions of it being burned down for farmland, and even larger portions being young jungle (like, crop rotation I dunno they left it to let nature make it vertile again) (I came up with this part just now, I don't know whether it's realistic) it's next to see, especially the capital city is a coastal city, and there are multiple large sprawling cities, and small villages where working slaves live, but nothing in between ~ no medium cities

alright, social structure: there are four social classes:

aristocracy (rulers)

proletariat (free people who do cultural work)

stewarddom (relatively free slaves of the aristocracy who do management of chattel slaves, distribution of goods, and artisan work)

chattel (slaves treated like subhuman who do the hard manual labour (they also have a kill-switch ^>^))

Every province has one city and one aristocratic family who live in the central palace surrounded by the (mostly) smaller houses and tighter streets of the stewarddom, and around that the sprawling houses (suburbs maybe even) of the proletariat. Chattel don't live in the cities

I could go into much more detail, and I will, but I'll keep that for other posts~

I will explain, however, why it's Post-Scarcity Rome well, they have a lot of tech and magic and stuff, and a lot of chattel slaves who can just be put to work, so they have a large economy which can be distributed under the control of the aristocracy. Now, what happened in ancient Rome from my limited understanding is that the people moved to the city from the countryside and just kinda went to live there and not have anything and they got, well, bread and games from the state so they wouldn't revolt. This is the logical endpoint if technology kept progressing towards more and more production; lower slaves are kept from revolution with a wholesome kill-switch, the poor free are kept from revolution by giving them enough to not be poor, and the higher slaves are kept from revolution by just kinda giving them good lives and freedom in most things but name, I guess????

[red-viscountess-emika]

a Tridaily Dose of Emika

(because of exams)

programming languages I use

I do programming, sometimes. I will list the languages I know, chronologically.

Scratch (when I was 10 or something)

Processing/weird combination of a Java library and a very shitty integrated code environment that comes with it, or whatever that word is. (when I was 14, maybe??)

Python (I dunno, used it for the first time at 16, I would guess)

C (when I was either 20 or 19)

HTML, CSS, Javascript (when I was 20??)

Haskell (when I was 20 (I am still 20))

So Scratch is just adorable, right??

Processing?? I dunno, it helped me learn the concepts????? It was really weird looking back at it. I feel like I was very shitty, but it had a library to make visual stuff easy, so it worked. I wouldn't know how to use actual Java, though, because classes were an advanced concept for me back then, and I forgot it since, and I don't ever use classes with the other languages I use.

Python sucks so bad, I hate it, but school coerces me into using it sometimes.....

C is my favourite, and the one I'm the best at. It's just very satisfying, I guess. I've been building a datastructure library lately.

HTML and CSS are kinda funny, Javascript sucks, but you need it I guess

Haskell is so cute, I love it, but I suck at it as of now. I had a month orso of using it and then went back to C, but I do plan to learn more of it later on :3 now, I will tell you more about these languages

Scratch is just some little kid who is throwing paint around (they are fine??? like they're a kid.... you can't judge them)

Processing is some friendly old white dude (he is fine)

Python is some 30-year old in lower upper management of some multinational who thinks very highly of himself and stuff (we hate him)

C is a 25-year old non-binary cool person (we like them)

HTML is not a person

CSS is not a person either

Javascript, we don't know enough to tell, and with we, we mean I

Haskell is a 16 or 17 year old alt girl (we like her)

[red-viscountess-emika]

a Daily Dose of Emika, day three

my sexuality, part 1

so I was thinking back to the time I was curious about the kind of straight (or homosexual, I guess??) people who are not into someone who would have the parts of someone of the opposite sex, no matter the other circumstances. I asked some people I knew online about that (I think I asked like two or three people, all straight men) and they all answered something like 'I am repulsed by the idea of penis'

so, I was thinking back at that. I am also repulsed by the idea of penis. I am also repulsed by the idea of vagina. I haven't had sex so far, so maybe that'll change it, I dunno bout that, but I am not opposed to the idea of having sex. like, I'd like to try it if there was someone to properly try it with, and I think I'd enjoy it

~~I think I showed my sister this page, I hope she didn't remember and follows it X-X it becomes more descriptive below??~~

anyway, I am attracted to the idea of sex, but other people seem to be attracted to the idea of penis or vagina?? I dunno, I don't like those. I like neck and belly and hearing whimpers and the idea of having power, or the bonding experience which it probably is, or both?? does that make me asexual???????

also, I do meddle in the hot and steamy eseggz, and I always like the idea of chastity cages, or just staying clothed. I don't want to be naked. I want to have sex, but I don't want to be naked or touch parts. Ehh, I don't mind touching parts, I think, but like.. it's not what I do it for. When I'm doing roleplay, I do stuff with those parts because it's what is expected

I want to have sex with someone, but if it's kinky sex, I just want to do the kinky stuff, and if it's romantic sex, I just wanna cuddle :v I might not *mind* the rest, but.. ye I dunno

if someone who knows more about sexualities than I do reads this, does it sound like I'm asexual?? I know asexual people can have sex and can be kinky, so it's not impossible, and I guess it's even probably

this was your Daily Dose of Emika :3

[red-viscountess-emika]

okay so I found the button

however

something sucks I don't feel like typing it out wow such shithole of a page, maybe someone'll enjoy it UvU

also, is there a way to seperate like the Daily Dose of Emika stuff and my ramblings???

wait a minute how the fuck do other people make their profiles pretty????

[red-viscountess-emika]

wait a minute how the fuck do other people make their profiles pretty????

[red-viscountess-emika]

an Already not Daily Dose of Emika

day 2

Elvis in Vegas

song by Meat Loaf

To start this off, Jim Steinman is my favourite musician. He was a songwriter, and he did a lot of stuff together with Meat Loaf, so he was caught in the crossfire and I listen to him a lot.

One album he made which was not written by Steinman is Hang Cool, Teddy Bear. I recently listened to it for the first time in a while, and my attention was caught by the last song, Elvis in Vegas.

It's appearently co-written by Desmond Child, whom I also like a lot.

That being said, I really like this song, it's been my most listened song for like a week and will probably stay so for a few more days (following up Melt (live at Miku Expo in Jakarta, 2014). I suppose, now I'll share my thoughts on the song

so it's very sweet and pretty similar to the softer Meat Loaf and Steinman songs, and the lyrics are beautiful. The song creates a very strong vibe, not dissimilar from, let's say, Don't Stop Believing, or Scenes from an Italian Restaurant, or Jungleland

"I had to listen to some trucker tell me all about the meaning of life"

like.. *listen* to that~ don't read it, look the song up and *listen* to it. we didn't build all this modern data infrastructure just for you to *not* listen to this specific song I'm telling you about..

however....

I would really want to know what the songwriters were thinking with that absolute disgrace of an instrumental bridge. It's soooo bad... like, it doesn't sound bad, but.. it is as if they copy pasted from some other way more metally song and just decided to put it into this one........

that was your daily dose of Emika, if anybody reads this ^>^

[red-viscountess-emika]

I feel coerced ;-;

REBLOG THIS POST IF YOU ARE A MATH ENJOYER

No it is not optional, I desperately need to follow y’all so that there is more math on my dashboard.

[red-viscountess-emika]

you know what, imma start doing A Daily Dose of Emika again, which I used to do in a discord server I made until I forgor (skull emoji) and it died

so:

a daily dose of Emika

day 1: a daily dose of Emika

so as I said, this is something I used to do on a discord server I made, but it, and the server, have long died. Maybe I can figure out if I can automatically link to this in that channel??

so yeah, I talked about something I like or enjoy or did or that happened in my life, every day. Often about music or games or just some project I was working on. so it makes sense to start this new incarnation of the concept with, well, an entry about itself :3

things you can expect:

music

conlanging

high fantasy worldbuilding/writing

programming

games

mathematics

movies

maybe about my gender and my slowly developing gender expression???

just random things in my life maybe

I dunno, maybe other shi, we'll see :3

[red-viscountess-emika]

I haven't been on tumblr, but I have been on devil daggers

now I'm 328th, last time I checked (people can knock me a place down :v)

also, skill issue to my former self for getting impaled so much. I'm running around arenas with way less skull II's nowadays, and barely get impaled anymore. The trick is to stay at the edge of the arena (in the early game, when there are more impalers), and when you really need to run through the center, do so quickly while watching your path. Don't stand still/walk around in the center, and you don't get hit

I'm playing Devil Daggers a lot, which is a first person arena shooter, and it's the first first person shooter I've ever played. You have to try to survive as long as possible. My record right now is like 410 seconds, which makes me 2512th in the world

it's a really well-made game, you can fully get into it. The mechanics are simple, but they work together perfectly. And I hate getting impaled.

[red-viscountess-emika]

I'm playing Devil Daggers a lot, which is a first person arena shooter, and it's the first first person shooter I've ever played. You have to try to survive as long as possible. My record right now is like 410 seconds, which makes me 2512th in the world

it's a really well-made game, you can fully get into it. The mechanics are simple, but they work together perfectly. And I hate getting impaled.

[red-viscountess-emika]

I'm gonna post things, maybe, about whatever I'm interested in, and maybe one or two people will be interested in it :3

[red-viscountess-emika]

I'm gonna post things I'm interested in or thinking about, maybe, and maybe one of two people will be interested :3