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Loving overcast days.

When the clouds seem like they'll be crying any second, Filipinos brave the risk and enjoy the cool weather.

Today is a day for me and celebrating the last week's self-imposed effort. Today, I can rest. Today, I can take it slow. Grateful for this respite.

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Do what you fear.

When I decided to take a leap of faith, people were there to catch me. Just the experience of applying for something that I've dreamed of for so long made both the longing and fear grow as the years passed.

But it's done. I did it, but I didn't do it by myself either. It was a collective effort of support from blood and kin, as well as an angel disguised as a world-weary, dryly amused friend.

To each of them, I send my sincerest hugs, my prayers, and my gratitude. What a journey. Thank you so much. 🥹

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Do you see a cat?

I hadn't eaten in Mad Mark's in a while. The last time I ate there, it was with my niece and daughter in 2024, New Years I think.

Ice cream was good. Brownie cappuccino and dark chocolate, I think. And as I paused to stare at this luscious mound, I saw a cat. This made me smile. And you know what, I'll take it. Thank you, God. Thank you for giving me eyes to see this, and a heart that is joyful enough to find happiness in something hidden.

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Grateful.

Had a long speed walk at the university oval this morning and the sun is finally out! Spending time under the trees to eat, talk, and write a bit. Feeling very quiet and happy inside because I have the means and the time to do this on a Sunday morning before the week of work hits my system again.

My daughter isn't coughing anymore and the sun is warming her lungs again after a bout of fever and the flu. This walk was a welcome celebration of health and good, meaningful times.

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“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”

― Bob Marley

When even the Coke cans remind me of names I responded to before, it's just silly. Silly enough that in my sentimentality, I still took pictures of them.

Yes, Bob Marley. I am choosing my suffering. Because it is worth it. I've looked around, tried to move forward. But Love doesn't always follow the rules. Because I'm a fool. Because it's a good kind of love worth the ups and downs. Worth all the mistakes. The arguments. Worth every minute of safety and calm that I have only ever felt with this person. Worth all the tears. Worth all the laughs, the quiet moments, the messages that are spoken only through a gaze and a smile.

This is it. Still is. ❤️

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Remembering Coach Carter, the movie.

Worked with the high school class today. We talked about our Fears. So I asked one of them to read it aloud.

"Our deepest fear is we are powerful beyond measure."

This resonated deeply in me. What would I do if I wasn't scared? Do I think so quietly about myself that all the mistakes, hurt and fallen tears were things to be ashamed of? I had to face something in myself today. I want to be my own cheerleader for now. And just that thought, helped silence my fear even for just a bit.

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Algiz

Algiz is a rune of protection. It signifies opening your arms up to Heaven, surrendering to guidance, grace, and intuition. I drew this today from my bag of runes. In my heart and head, it made me feel calm. It reminded me that I can let go of my fears and thoughts that hurt me. To see the rune echoed on my path today made me smile. I love synchronicities like these.

Algiz also stands for the letter "z". It's my initial. It's also a rune that is a pendant on my necklace. This pendant was a gift to me from someone I love.

For these little things, I'm grateful. To God, to my ancestors, angels, and spirits who guide me, thank you. I needed this.

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"If it's meant for you, it won't pass you by."

Saw this oil residue on the street one morning. The sun made the oil turn into magically colored mercury. It seemed so unreal to me and so beautiful.

During my 2nd round of walking, I passed by the same spot. By then, the sun had risen and the reflections of color was gone.

I've got a sack full of regrets that I carry on my back. Wishes and prayers that I hope would come to pass. But then, I came across this quote and it made me hope a bit. I would like to be deserving of a good life. In fact, life is good. I'm grateful.

But I wish. I still wish. Maybe it'll happen the second time around. Maybe magic can happen again. And if it's in the stars that I find my happily ever after, well. Let me be grateful in advance. Thank you. ❤️

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Furry feline friends.

I love malls that allow cats to wander around. They're usually quite tolerant of the people who try to massage their heads when they pass by. They aren't the needy types either. To be approached by one is an honor, really. Some of them seem pretty jaded of the attention they get from the shoppers.

I have to resist the urge to pick 'em up and cradle them, to be honest. But I'm cool, I'm cool. Hahahaha I tentatively hold my hand out to see if they'll approach. I'm ecstatic that some of them rub their heads on my fingers.

Thank you, cat friends. For making me smile whenever one you is around. ❤️

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Since 1949.

Had breakfast here with my daughter when the storm hit Manila. We were getting ready to do a 5km walk. But we needed food. Rodic's was the natural choice.

I've been eating at Rodic's since I was in highschool, I think. That was in the 80's. Never realized that Rodic's was established waaaay before then. I just remember a quick serving of tapsilog, steaming hot, and a bottle of garlic-flavored vinegar in a ketchup bottle. That was it. No flashy interiors nor piped-in music. Just the friendly and familiar faces of the ladies at the cashier and service areas. This was one of my comfort foods.

As we watched the rain get progressively aggressive, we wondered if we should walk or not.

We did. ☺️

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"Black is my happy color."

The rain was pouring on this day. Flooding around the city and the country. But the household chores had to be done, including the groceries.

Decided to use my old, black rain boots today. I forgot how much I loved wearing them, even though they hurt sometimes because the insoles are a little thin. Still, they made me happy.

Wearing black still makes me happy. I saw one quote before that said "black is my happy color." I laughed when I heard it, thinking that was me, exactly. I guess I am still sad inside, which is why I chose to wear black. But it also gives me confidence. Black is like my armor. Projecting (I hope) that "I have my sh*t together" look, and "I'm good, thanks."

This is how I elevate myself. Externally for today. To support the internal. Does it work? Well, wearing black, and my old rain boots did help me that day. So I'll call that day, that time, a win.

Thanks to my daughter who took this photo of me.

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Cats and books.

A young student of mine lent me her book recently. As I waited in a quiet corner of the university, a cat joined me on the steps. We both sat in togetherness. Me reading a book about cats. The cat, minding it's business, probably wondering what to have for dinner or where his friends were.

I appreciate that the university has put collars on the local cats. You would see university personel feeding them, letting them tumble and snuggle against students and plants. The cats are a part of university life.

To embrace small creatures as a responsibility not a hassle, is a small but gentle gesture by the administration. I appreciate this. For that, I believe they're doing this part of management right.

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Sometimes, it's okay to be spontaneous.

On a recent Friday, I had errands for work. It was a semi-formal, courtesy call to our partner school and we do this at the start of every school year.

I had thought we'd just do the meet-greet-and-chika thing and go home but we were invited to eat a bit, talk a bit. Just for fun.

I would always say no before. But on that day, a voice in me said, "why not?". So we did. I don't drink alcohol. But my two companions did. And we had a great time. We've spent years working together, going through really tough situations in the past, but never really got to celebrate the wins we've overcome. We thought, today, we finally did. Three girls, laughing and crying, sharing stories of people we knew of. Sharing experiences. Sharing kind words of appreciation for how we've each made life a little better for the other.

We went home by dinner time. Smiles on our faces. Hearts full. Grateful for the time spent bonding.

(To G. and T. Jaq, thank you.)

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Walking in the rain.

Recently (very much due to my daughter, and my niece and nephew), I've taken to walking around the academic oval at the university. I walk at a brisk pace, loving the exertion, enjoying the feeling that I'm making my heart beat again, after it being still for a spell.

Now that the rainy season is here, it made walks more challenging, but I discovered the elemental enjoyment of seeing the rain fall on the trees and earth. How it blurs the distance into grey. I enjoy the cold wind that pushes against me as I walk against it. I love how drops of water drip from the brim of my cap.

I feel happy inside when I walk like this. I can forget everything and just focus on the walk. For an older woman like me, reaching a cumulative total of 50k this past month is something I'm kinda proud of.

A tarot reader said, do more of what brings me joy. I'll admit, it was hard to look for happiness when my definition of it was narrowed down to just 2 or 3 people in my life. But I'm healing. I'm trying my best. Now I know, walking, even in the rain, brings me joy.

Except for the wet socks and shoes hahaha

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Yes please.

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When your packed lunch is stellar. 🤭

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❤️