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[ricgsstuff]

3 good things that happened today

1) I approached a girl very boldly by telling her I find her attractive and asking her out on a date, she said she isn’t looking to date but her response was excellent non the less! It made me realize how bold and courageous I really am. I want to make this a part of my lifestyle.

2) I continued to work on guitar solos for the next Malice Divine album. I really like what I have so far and I am excited to for what is to come!

3) I applied to Long and Mcquade (North York) for a guitar/bass teacher position.

[ricgsstuff]

3 or more good things that happened in the last day or two

1 - I got to hang out with nikki last night and we had a heart to heart conversation which made me feel better. I felt connected to someone and I felt relieved

2 - I fucking graduated from university!

3 - We got some really good foods at home today. When I was making breakfast, my parents arrived with the new foods.

4 - Nikki bought me ice cream last night to celebrate my graduation! That was so nice of her.

5 - Derryl reached out to me about buying a cd and hoodie, so we’re gonna meet up soon.

6 - Deborah bought a shirt off me and is gonna come pick it up sometime.

[ricgsstuff]

3 good things that happened today

1 - I recieved a very sweet email from Melinda from yoga tree. She said that felt my beautiful energy which is so sweet and nice.

2 - I went to the rising sun store and bought some really cool things to help me a long my spiritual journey. I got teas for heart and throat chakras, necklaces, emerald stone, lucid dreaming book. I am on the right path for my spiritual journey.

3 - I got to go downtown and catch up with David. I got some cool band shirts while I was downtown.

[ricgsstuff]

Don’t worry

The relationship will happen. You’re heart chakra is opening so is your throat chakra. Keep doing you and what you love. Keep purusing fitness and yoga. It will pay off immensely in the long run. Make that a focal point of your life, as its super beneficial. Healthy eating too. Joing the 21 day magnetic love challenge was the right decision and I am grateful for it. This is the right path forward for me. Trust me, thats what my intuition is telling me. Even to a greater extent than music is.

[ricgsstuff]

For some reason, hearing about DPA and PF from Brian makes me feel anxious, anything to have to do with him makes me feel sense. After seeing all the external validation gets makes me feel. I feel like I’ve been doing well, and then I see how many people suck up to him and I feel inferior all of a sudden. I have accomplished a lot with my music, but as right now I realize that my fitness has been lacking quite a bit. I haven’t been very consistent or proactive with fitness lately, thats ok man. A lot of people haven’t. You’ll get there especially since you’re not on facebook anymore or posting to Instagram. You worked really fucking hard man. Give yourself some credit. You deserve some rest. You have done pretty fucking well considering MD is still quite new. There is no need to compare yourself to Dean or whoever because you rule and you have a style and idea’s that are all your own. A style and idea’s which are fucking excellent!

[ricgsstuff]

Between the past and the future

For some reason I’ve been thinking back to my time of SOM S2 quite a bit lately. I feel bad about my performance turned out. I wanted to show the world how good I actually am at guitar, but that completely backfired on me. I feel frustrated because I should have been a better guitarist by then for the amount of time that I’ve been playing. It still angers me how Sam from twofacetaroth inmanipulate used my performance on that and my performance and master of shred as a justification for my firing, making out to seem like a mediocre guitar player. Fuck those guys. Why am I still so bitter over that? I know that they were wrong about my skills and work ethic (DEAD WRONG), and I have accomplished so much since then. MD has done incredibly well so far, and I am very grateful for everyone who ended up liking it and for those who bought merch.

[ricgsstuff]

Does anyone even give a shit?

Today the playthrough video for ISD came out, and it seems like no one even gives a shit. The only two people that reacted to my post are two of the three people that I tagged, no reactions on youtube. What the fuck man. It reminds me of times when I felt overlooked and under appreciated. Sigh... I cant wait till this university crap is done and all the promo for this album is done. I want to move the fuck on to the 2nd album and make it fucking incredible.

[ricgsstuff]

University be done

Man, I’m so looking forward to being done with this school work for this last university course. I have had enough of the journal for now, so starting tomorrow (the 4th) I’m gonna start on my essay, and I’ll just work on that till I’m done. I have a really good chunk in the works for the journal, and I’m sick of the readings, so fuck it for now. Ideally, I’d like to be done this crap by next weekend, so I can say goodbye to university once and for all! This past year to 2 years has really made it obvious to me that grad school is not the direction that I should be going down. My music is doing really fucking well, especially considering how early it is. The album just came out a month and a half ago. I’m making a living as a musician and I am abundantly successful. The IMP program at seneca is def the path forward for me for my education, it’s gonna be so good. I’ll be able to record/produce my own music and perhaps others as well! Man, once all this remaining university shit is over, I’m going ALL out on music, while getting myself back into fitness (and making it stick for good + improved diet). The future looks bright!!!!!

[ricgsstuff]

March 30th 2021

I’m just glad that these past two days have been generally quite a bit better than this past weekend. So glad that’s over. Things are going well, although I have to admit, there is a part of me that does feel a bit anxious about school stuff. I think over the next few days, I should focus especially on the last two assignments for my last university course, that when that shit is done with I really dive full force into writing album #2, which I already have a solid head start on. Starting tomorrow, March 31st (well technically today because it’s past midnight right now) I’ll work on finishing my assignments for this last course and it’ll be my top priority until those assignments are done. Later this week I need to take care of that graduation photo too. I’m feeling really excited about finishing the 2nd album and being back in the studio to record it. I got some really good things to look forward to and it’s exciting as hell. The 2nd album is gonna kick so much fucking ass.

[ricgsstuff]

Feelings of guilt and sadness

I got a pretty substantial hair trim today, and there is a part of me that kind of regrets it. I feel guilty about the worry and fear that I must have instilled in my parents with them knowing that I was at a hair salon. In hindsight, I realize that it wasn’t the most safe thing to do considering that we are still in a pandemic and the numbers of confirmed cases are rising again. I have to admit, I feel pretty worried now. What if what my parents was saying is true, and I get covid-19 and then they get it and die... I can’t let that happen. I need to take this covid-19 thing much more seriously from now on. I wouldn’t be surprised if numbers keep going up and a 3rd lock down ends up being the result of that. Moving forward, I want to go to a covid-19 testing centre and get tested. This will put my mind at ease and the minds of my parents at ease. I think in a sense this is a good thing that this happened, because from now on I plan on taking this more seriously, which means only going out for walks within the nearby neighbourhoods, going to stores for essential purchases, and occasionally visiting a friend. Fuck the gym for a very long time, fuck yoga class for a long time. Heck, fuck this online dating crap. Talking to David today actually really helped me feel better about my current dating (or lack thereof) situation. For fucks sakes, we are still in a fucking pandemic! Don’t worry about it dude. You fucking rule, a relationship will happen when the time is right. He has a point that most of these relationships that have started during the pandemic have been mostly with people who have known each other from before. Now that I think about it, it’s definitely true! Right now our main concern as a society is doing what we can get stop the spread of this virus. I have come to terms with the fact that right now is really not even the time to be looking for a relationship, given all that is going on in the world, and that is totally fine. I actually feel a sense of relief from acknowledging that and getting it off my chest. Me being single for the length of time that I have been is irrelevant. None of that will matter in the grand scheme of your life. From this point on, I’ll only be going out for walks, to stores for practical purposes, and to see the occasional friend. I feel like my desire to get an undercut stems back to my time with Moe Abassi and his program. Dude, fuck that shit and his opinion on long hair. Long hair on men fucking rules, especially if you are already a bad ass dude. I feel like the length that has been cut off definitely makes me look a bit less bad ass. I still like good, that's for sure. But having my hair being slightly longer than it currently is makes me look more bad ass. I’ll keep my undercut though. But I'll let the length  everywhere else grow out. I know its taunting to see story's from girls like Mel**** and Manku talking about and showing off their big asses (which is def a weakness of yours ha ha) but dude don't worry about it. The big booty gf that’ll smother you is on the way. Focus on your purpose, focus on yourself. Your purpose and on yourself meaning your music and your musical skills! Focus on yourself by improving your fitness (without a gym/in person yoga classes), and learning! Always keep learning and always keep creating!!

Update: I also just deleted my POF profile, and I feel DAMN GOOD about that! That’s really embodying and putting into action my new and current perspective on online dating (and dating in general) at this point in time. Fuck that shit! I don't deserve to fucking be waiting around for anyone. Hell yeah, keep doing you and take it to the next fucking level! You rule. Life is good. There is an abundance of everything you want in life.

[ricgsstuff]

March 25th 2021

Still no response from that girl. I don’t even know her name, so does it even matter? Lol. Probably not! :) I just finished my interview with that Ottawa station, and I feel relieved like I thought I would. I feel a sense of calm, and positivity. I feel like there is a lot of great stuff to look forward to! I don’t have to worry about ordering any M-D merch for a very long time. Honestly I probably won’t need to order anymore until like the end of the year or until I can play shows again. Now I am just excited AF to focus on music, fitness, and reading/learning. I can create more positive emotion for myself by slowly getting myself back into working out 4 times a week with the resistance bands and my body weight, as well as working on my yoga poses, which will make me more effective in the gym and the yoga studio, as well as learning about diet and improving my diet. If I do this for about a month or two (haven’t decided which yet), by the time I get back into the gym I’ll be ready to fucking kill it! I’ll get to be the biggest, strongest, most muscular that I have ever been. That’s where I’m heading and it’s fucking exciting! I’m excited to focus now mostly on learning/practicing songs and writing new songs!

[ricgsstuff]

Moving forward

Well today I haven’t heard back from that girl on POF yet, but objectively that doesn’t really matter. Today while playing some Metallica and Dissection riffs on my newest Jackson Dinky, I realized just how good it makes me feel to play the songs that I really love. That might sound kinda odd to some musicians, but to me it’s an epiphany because for so long I was set on just learning the most technical of songs that I like in order to impress people with my technical skills or some shit. Fuck the really hard Obscura solo’s (at least for now). Focusing on learning the songs that you love the most from your all time favourite bands as tight as you can. From there, post covers on YouTube and Instagram! This is a good way to not only become an even better guitarist, but also a good way to expose yourself to new idea’s and to grow your fan base and clout as a musician. I’m feeling pretty damn good about this. Eventually some lessons content would be great for sure, but I need to make sure that there is at least a decent size following before I go down that path. But it is the cards for the future for sure! The lessons content will come when the time is right. Right now is not that time. The same thing goes for classical guitar, and your vocals as well. Sing songs man!! And death metal growl/black metal rasp them too. This plus writing A TON of songs for the next M-D albums is the way forward for me as a musician from this point forward, and I feel really fucking good about that. Not to mention the Independent Music Production program at Seneca too! Holy fuck the future looks bright. Reading also makes me feel really good too. As well as fitness and meditation. I got a lot of things in my life that make me happy, of which I am so grateful for. Even just typing all of this out is making me feel better. Then again, that is the reason why I even started this blog in the first place. It seems to be working :) Anyways, tomorrow I got another interview for M-D. I feel a tad bit anxious about it, because its an over the phone interview and I just don’t want any sound problems to happen. Either way, I’ll be fine. It’ll be such a relief when its done. And finally the fucking CD’S arrive (most likely) tomorrow! Oh man, I’m so excited to announce that online.

[ricgsstuff]

My first tumblr post

I figured that I may as well spew my thoughts and feelings here instead of a journal because my mind goes faster than a pen in my hands. Less stressful for the hands and fingers too. Anyways, how have I been? I have been quite well for the most part! M-D has been doing pretty damn well. Although it is a tad bit disappointing to see the monthly listener count go down a bit with each day. It peaked at around 1400 monthly listeners last last week which was great! I am very grateful for how well the album has been doing. It’s a dream come true. This, along with many other experiences in my past goes to show that I am very well capable of accomplishing whatever I put my mind too. The next thing that I really want to manifest however, is a relationship with a girl that I find to be both very sexually attractive and who I click with on a personal level as a best friend. To be completely honest, it does bother me to an extant to see all of the relationships on social media. It’s something that I want for myself. And yes, as Aaron Doughty said “If you want it you lack it”, but I also know that in order to move forward I need to acknowledge how I actually feel. I’m trying POF again, as I am having problems with my current OKC account because of my phone number. We’ll see how it goes. I’ll try it for a few weeks, and if It doesn’t go anywhere then honestly I’ll probably just give on using online dating apps for good. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to be giving up on dating or finding a partner however. Afterall I need to “let go” in order to receive, and I release that right now I am feeling resistance around being “single” and seeing other people in relationships. I have to admit, there is some envy there on my part. I am having some insights coming to mind however... In the past I was on the fence about my interest in certain girls, and I didn’t necessarily go for it. To be far, I’ll be easy on myself because I had already gone through a lot. I think maybe I write off some girls too fast because of anxiety or something. I could be wrong. At least I’m aware that it could be a possibility. Anyways, I’m going to make tumblr journaling a regular occurrence for me. I think it will really help me dive deeper inside myself and to become aware of whatever beliefs and perspectives that need to be changed. For a while I’ve been thinking about trying Mel again, but I recall last time not really feeling it that much. Like do I really want to go for someone just because I don't know of any other potential options and I want a relationship? I dunno. Either way, self love is hugely beneficial for getting into a successful relationship. My intuition is telling me to really pursue what I really want in life. And for the most part, I really have been, especially with my music, which has been doing pretty damn well! Regarding the music, I’m gonna really start focusing more on playing/learning songs. Exercises I’ll keep to a minimum, but I am still interested in learning the occasional sequence here and there as well. Other than the music, I really wanna bulk up and get strong AF. Get seriously into weight lifting, nutrition, yoga, and eventually martial arts. Also, can’t forget music production too! And reading whenever I can. That is the way forward for me.