rileyblackbirdssecrets-blog

[rileyblackbirdssecrets-blog]

Worst Day Ever & Still Getting Worse! I Simply Can't Wait To See What Joy Tomorrow Brings. 😩

I have some big decisions ahead of me lately! I have to tell you nothing is worse then making a choice between the options in front of me. Naturally these not my real situations but def the equivalent in concept.

Option 1: Walking through a ring of burning fire in hopes that every thing you went through was worth whatever you are going to find on the other side.

Option 2: Running head first down the same old slide knowing that the tree you knocked your head on the last 5 times was still there waiting to knock you out again.

Option 3: Get the hell outta dodge!! Forget every ones feelings, including your own and just stop running through fire or hitting your head on the same damn tree. Just close each door move forward and then open completely new.

That's what has my head in a tail spin and my body in between a rock and a hard place. You see to me option 2 is pure idiocracy!! Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result knowing there's not going to be one. All the while maybe if your lucky you'll make it through the fire without death but for what why did you try so hard and risk so much. Which leaves me with option 3, which means you walk away from everything to start fresh in hopes that it was worth walking away from every one and thing you love. All so you can avoid the same old bull crap that never gets fixed because even though you cared enough to adjust your whole life a million times for everyone else no one ever wants to adjust crap for you.

So, do I play dare devil and hope it works out for the best, rinse and repeat till the tree finally takes me out or let it all burn 🔥!!

Sometimes life is just so not fair. It's times like these I wish my mom or gram were around. The crazy thing is before they both died they told me to choose option 1 or 3 because although they really wished #2 was possible they knew as hard as I tried without them I didn't stand a chance.

[rileyblackbirdssecrets-blog]

Have you ever considered what defined your actions in life was merely just a bunch of obligation, pity, fear, sadness and a rage that burned no body but yourself?

The sad tears that fall from my face in secret are the very tears that I wipe away every time I put on one of my masks that make me appear as if I am happy, loved, cared for or all together living my best life...

Well today marks the day another is born or maybe it's the day that a scared, lonely little girl stands up and steps out of the very big shadows that sucked away her very breath. Either way this is my New Secret Journal where I have decided to bare my soul.

My name is not important here, much like all of the feelings I keep in side that no one cares about in my real life! Although, I suppose I need a title or false identity. So, with that being said you can refer to me as Riley Black Bird...

As everything I write here will be driven by the spirit of a Lady, that bares her dark secrets while trying to fly regardless of her broken wings.

My shares are not meant to impress, inspire or be anything but what they are and that is the words of some one who is fighting to survive in a life built on diverse social standards, family obligation and fear of everything I have missed out on in between it all.

I saw this picture a while back and I felt in so many ways like it reminded me of myself. I love the beach and have spent my whole life trying to look and feel like a woman of statue. Yet have always been felt so burdened with my past. My highly inspirational side tells me everyday look forward not back. Live strong and free not weak and trapped. Although here I am!