ronnieweirdo - Tumblr blog

[ronnieweirdo]

I used to be the center of a mind map,

With lines reaching out to a million clouds,

Now I’m a lonely spot of color,

No lines, no connections, no one left.

I know how to make friends,

Never knew how to make them stay.

Most of them fade; the rest find the red thread,

And every reason hurts like hell.

I’ve spent so many nights,

In this hurt that is no fault of anyone’s,

Wondering with the nearly formed tears,

How many more of these nights will I live?

I’ve done this about a hundred times

But it hurts more each time

It’s a strange situation to me

Do I hold on or let go?

If I hold on, wont that strain everything?

If I let go, will I keep doing this every time?

[ronnieweirdo]

I feel like

I would have forgiven you

If you killed me fast.

But you always come back,

With that soft fleeting melody,

And I fall with your favorite smile,

Into what I now call your lies.

I chuckle as I write this.

Because I do it every time.

I justify your crimes

Better than you do.

I say its not your fault,

That it’s the sad in you.

And I die again.

[ronnieweirdo]

It gets harder to open this book,

Cause when i do, there's a mirror to look,

And show all the bloody things,

i wanted gone like summer flings.

Cross my heart and wish to die,

My secret is that i want to fly.

To the stars so far and high,

For to me, the end feels neigh.

Snuffle me during the dinner table talk,

Kill me in that pretty little frock.

Tear apart all my colours you hate,

But here it'll lay, in my green gate.

[ronnieweirdo]

 Is your iris highlighted red?

Or do I just see danger everywhere? 

I knew it would be hard to keep my heart,

But now I sway between insanity and death.

[ronnieweirdo]

In the silence of the night,

Flow my cold hard tears. 

The ones that could not do so,

During the noise of the day. 

I gasp for air while breathing well,

For I have always been a contradiction.

‘But god, did it have to hurt this much?’

I write transparently on the wall.

How do they all do it? 

Living and laughing while dying inside.

While I struggle to keep a simple smile,

Much less, hold my head up high.

[ronnieweirdo]

First there was a man.

Who was shy to love me loud,

Who was scared to touch me,

But stayed sane trying to choose me over lust.

Then there was the man.

Who was bold to love me loud,

Who was brave to touch me,

But went mad trying to choose me over lust.

At least I felt love from both of them.

Before I closed off my heart,

Off to the world,

And off to Eros.

[ronnieweirdo]

How does thorny lips such as yours,

House the most beautiful smile? 

One that made me believe your lies.

One that made me sad when it died. 

I suppose this is what happens.

When you work for that smile.

Waiting to see the same for the heart.

All while losing yourself.

[ronnieweirdo]

I feel it slipping away slowly.

The little light I’ve been pushing to shine bright.

Trapped in a bottle illuminated by lies.

This is what you do now.

Kill the stars you fell in love with.

This is all your fault.

[ronnieweirdo]

I loved being a little child.

I could wait for the moonbeam, I would hear music all the time, I loved seeing colors in every corner of my room.

I stopped being a little child.

I couldn’t feel the colors, I would strain to hear the music, I lost the liberty to see the moonbeam.

I try to be a little child for everyone.

Because showing them painted colors helped Because plucking musical notes made them happy Because making the moonshine made them feel safe

I am not a little child anymore.

One day, I will die without colors on me One day, the music will become piercing noises One day, the moonbeam will become painful

[ronnieweirdo]

I'm a little tea pot Long and lanky but I ain't weak and wanky and imma take a leak and a lil pantsy

[ronnieweirdo]

What do you call it? 

When love snuffs out your light,

When trust gets reduced to alphabets,

When promises becomes forgotten words.

Eros, Philia, Ludus, Agape, Pragma, Philautia, Storge, Mania

Types of love, everyone calls them

Types of trust broken, I call them

Types of screwed by, I know them

What do you call it now? 

[ronnieweirdo]

Why does everybody see the cracks?

Why can’t they see the individual pieces?

Why can’t they see how I’m sewing the tiny shards 

Bringing myself alive piece by piece.

Why do they see the big cracks?

And judge the factors?

But not remember 

That I’m a factor too. 

[ronnieweirdo]

I lay on my bed 

Letting the laziness overcome

‘It’s been a while’, I think 

To be this way with no guilt

Soon enough, there it comes

The guilt, the fear, the sad 

What are they all thinking now?

Have they colored me failure?

Now I lay on my bed 

Feeling the tired spread out 

Why did I even think

That I could be lazy happily 

“An idle brain is a devil’s workshop”

My teacher used to say.

But this is no devil’s workshop,

This is a hell within heaven.

[ronnieweirdo]

When I was with me,

I dreamt of lying in upside downs fields.

When I was with her,

I saw her watch us walking down the street.

And my two sides never hated me less.

When I was her’s,

She swore to give me every inch of her world.

Now I’m mine,

I realize, that wasn’t the world I died searching for.

And my two sides never hated me more.

[ronnieweirdo]

You never know

How hard your words hurt

So you always stay on your toes

But my toes are weak 

So I topple, topple, topple.

God forbid, I say something.

God forbid, I hurt someone.

God forbid, I talk.

[ronnieweirdo]

Let my blood bleed blistered blue,

While the ravens ruin ravaged red,

Screaming to painful putrid purple,

Shoot me, scar me, dear suicide.