roobea0

[roobea0]

tw! kinda gore in a way idk its just kinda maccabre

i forgave you before you apologised, one glance into your dark eyes, and every sin you commit turned sanctified, holy in its horror.

even if you cut someone apart, slow and deliberate, i’d vow to everyone, you're innocent.

if you killed me yourself, with that gleeful, twisted grin, i’d still look to the sky, and praise whatever god above let you be the last thing i ever saw.

[roobea0]

just for a little bit

just for a little bit, i felt it, i felt whole. the person in the mirror didn’t seem miles away or fragmented, they felt real, true.

just for a little bit, while i stared in that mirror, where a person i never knew before stared back, i could recognise myself.

just for a little bit, i could cry, and have it be tears of euphoria, instead of self-hatred.

just for a little bit, i could tuck my hair under my beanie, contour my face differently, and see someone i want to be, all the time.

but only for a little bit, am i allowed to feel like this. it’s too soon, too risky.

i can’t risk my safety, just for that little bit

of acceptance.

[roobea0]

if only.

If only you had asked me,

if you asked what I was thinking when I looked at you, or what I meant when I said I love you, or even why I first talked to you.

I would have said that you are the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I’d have told you about your eyes, my favourite thing to look at, I’d tell you how they animate every conversation between us, how most could find brown eyes boring, but yours were like the sun: warm. They felt like love. They looked into my soul with reverence.

If you asked what me loving you entailed, I’d tell you how I never wanted to be apart from you, how I couldn’t live knowing you were sad, how I would push myself to the limit just to make your face briefly light up, and how I could die happy knowing you loved me even a fraction of how much I loved you.

If you made me recall the story of how we met, I’d tell you of how, when I saw you, my heart raced, how I knew I needed to talk to you, how your energy drew me to your side. I’d recount the Valentines we spent in the first week of knowing each other, or how we said I love you in only two, of how your sheer presence made me feel like I was whole.

If only you had asked me.

[roobea0]

numbers

if you want to know how much i love you,

just count the waves in the sea,

number the blades of grass beneath our feet,

sum every ant on the sidewalk of our house,

calculate every star in the universe,

add together all these things and it would still never be a number high enough to express how much i love you.

[roobea0]

home is where the tears are

the halls are different. the paint seems too bright and just a shade too pink, the tiles feel colder. the whole house feels colder. as i walk in the footsteps i did for 13 years, memories make themselves known. but the connection has been severed with the scissors being held by my own bloodline. these rooms hold almost every first, first step, first kiss, first time i realised i wasnt straight nor a girl, first place i lived and the first place i left. now all this home holds is distant memories and a dull scorch of the past i lived here. now as i walk these halls im not only reminded of the pain of losing every good thing that happened to me in this house but also thrust with every thing that hurt me, every night spent sobbing quietly into my pillow, desperately trying to accept myself, every loud harsh word thrown at me from my father, every step misjudged on the large wooden staircase,

every single trapped pain i felt in those four walls, but still wishing i never escaped.

[roobea0]

gravity

-sexual themes hinted at!-

the heady darkness that fills the room should suffocate me, but it feels like im breathing for the first time ever.

the pure love and want in his eyes fuels every molecule in my body to keep going, to form those clear lustful stars in his warm eyes, eyes that could turn on me at any moment.

but in this moment all i can feel is him, his smooth skin that feels like lava to touch but is as soft as the blanket beneath us, his lips, now plump and slick with spit, bitten to the point that coppery desire is collecting in the dips and crevices of his chapped lips, his hands, such a simple thing hands are really, but his hands grip onto me like im the only thing tethering him to this earth, like i am gravity itself,

soft words that we never dare to repeat to anyone else fill the gaps between the softer sounds. this is everything, but calmer, this is bathed in sunlight and sugar. there is no lemons present in these sheets, no loudness. no pain. that’s not to say we don’t both enjoy that from time to time, however nothing compares to the intense delicate nature of the subdued noises, covered in the cotton of our adoration for each other, that comes out in more composed nights.

[roobea0]

pride

you call me a controversial topic, something to be hidden and not dared to be uttered out loud, something you laugh at when discussed in classes of Sappho and Wilde, something to be feared and changed, you remove every simple thing about it and make it seem wrong when it is only the truth, to make it difficult to see a world where i can simply exist without hate flung at me and stuffed down my throat in the way you say i do so with my "gay agenda", for someone who preaches compassion, acceptance, and being made perfect in God's image, you sure do love to fucking hate me.

[roobea0]

constellations

i sneak a lingering look at your face for just a moment too long,

and the constellations of who i used to know connect,

to create a person i’ve looked at with stars in my eyes a million times,

you are still the same body same lips,

you still get that brightness in your eyes when you smile,

your hair falls the same, although now much longer,

you laugh in the same pitch, but now much quieter,

you are disjointed and changed from who i once knew,

the girl i loved seems hidden from me,

buried beneath time or distance,

or maybe just my memory of her,

but in that moment when i linger too long i still know you,

i can recognise those stars aligning once more,

because i have felt love for you before and now again.

[roobea0]

my flower

this is my favourite thing ive ever written. its about this girl who was the first person i ever fell in love with, i still think of her often

ps homoerotic friendships are not for the weak.

we were given the prompt to write a rhyming poem about someone you love. (also yes i dont use grammar checks shush)

my flower

i loved you so much, and i think i always will.

you were my family, my heart to fill.

you taught me love, a soulmate's embrace, yet now theres just emptiness in your place. i erased you, but youre permanent still, a shadow etched against my will.

sadness, guilt, for breaking our thread, i miss in fleeting moments, words unsaid. i miss the hugs, the connection, the care, your "i love you", always there.

but i dont miss the pain you gave, the lies, the tears, the person i couldnt save. weve done better, apart, alone, yet i still ache for the bond wed grown.

years have passed, and i wonder why, you still linger, like a distant cry. i left when you needed me the most, to save my own life, i turned to ghost.

all i want is closure, that final say, to heal these wounds and to walk away. youre doing well, ive seen it clear, perfect grades, success, your destined sphere.

i should feel joy for all you achieve, but im still stuck, unable to grieve. i built up a fantasy in our love too pure to be untrue, blinded by what i wanted from you.

we hurt each other, broke apart, yet youre still a whisper within my heart. in my mind, youre perfect, a star, yet the real you seems so far.

maybe in another life wed align, but not in this one, not this time. were in the same room, but worlds away, friendly faces, with nothing to say.

i see you and my heart still stirs, but i fear the past, those wounds, those spurs. perhaps ill never fully move on, yet somehow, i know ive grown strong.

ill carry the love, the pain, the ache, but ill build a life without fixing this break. and if we meet on the path someday, i hope we both have found our way.

no more mourning, no love untrue

just peace within, a me without you.

i still miss you my flower.

[roobea0]

so i started writing poetry quite a while ago for an english unit but after i finished said unit i stopped. i actually really loved writing so im going to start again maybe. ill post my old ones first but im continuing my portfolio! i really hope that if i start to post it on here ill feel more inclined to restart and i can have everything here for me to write quickly. :D

im doing this mostly for me but if anyone sees this i hope you like my poetry ig???