rvdbnotreally

[rvdbnotreally]

she franken my victor till i stein

[rvdbnotreally]

drew gooden, soggycereal and coaster college posted a new video??? i haven't been this happy in days

[rvdbnotreally]

reached 5k words for the twilight fic!

[rvdbnotreally]

frankensteining a story together

[rvdbnotreally]

even though i’m not even close to being done with my twilight fanfic, i’m considering a cinderella sterek retelling. of course with supernatural elements, a lotta lotta lotta cute romance, little bit of angst and such :3 but also including a epilogue based on the second disney movie?? idk lmk if that sounds appealing

[rvdbnotreally]

all of my funny notes for my writing being in dutch makes me so sad... im actually so funny but y'all will never notice bc my slang doesn't translate

[rvdbnotreally]

finally writing again my god

thinking about writing a (heavily) twilight inspired sterek fic. should i keep the hales as werewolves or should i turn them into vampires? i genuinely don't know which one i like more

[rvdbnotreally]

Keith Kogane fanart. I’m super proud of this one

[rvdbnotreally]

im forever obsessed with the idea of Stiles and Derek being together in secret. not because they’re actively hiding it but more because their respective lives can’t seem to merge together.

Stiles is still in school trying to keep his grades up and keep up appearances of the imperfect/perfect son with his dad while Derek is living in the burnt out shell of his childhood home like some kind of depressing episode of bushcraft camping.

they’re both damaged and somehow they’re the only ones who can see that about eachother.

they save eachother’s lives one too many times and it ends up with Stiles giving Derek his virginity and his entire heart in the process while Derek’s entire fucking soul howls for Stiles. he wants to mark him and to claim him and to keep and hide him forever so they’ll both be safe.

but Stiles only stays the night in Derek’s burnt out den when his dad works the graveyard shift and reluctantly leaves in the early hours of the morning to go home to get ready for school.

it gets harder and harder for Stiles to leave every time he spends time with Derek. he’s not sure what it means about him that he’d rather stay with Derek in this broken haunted place.

he just knows that at least here he feels alive and he doesn’t have to pretend, he can just be who he is or at least who he’s become. this needy wanton thing that seem to never be satisfied with what Derek is willing to give him. Derek gives him an inch and Stiles wants a mile but somehow Derek indulges him every single time. and when they’re both close so close they both whisper promises to eachother they aren’t even sure they’ll be able to keep but it doesn’t matter. what matters is that after when Derek’s head is pillowed on Stiles’ chest, the both of them breathing hard with Stiles’ fingers playing with Derek’s dark hair, they both know the truth.

they’ll never be able to stop whatever this is.

Stiles can’t sleep alone anymore, his own bed feeling foreign. he can barely keep up with conversations that aren’t Derek’s words, his mind always drifting to the wolf and wondering where he is, what he’s doing, should he go see him on his lunch break?

Derek roams the woods at all hours whenever Stiles isn’t with him. he starts following him to school, to his house, to the god damn grocery store just to watch him.

somehow no one truly notices how reclusive they both become until it’s too late. they’re in way too deep and there’s no going back.

when people finally realize/find out about them they’re too codependent and entwined with eachother to even care about the reactions.

Stiles’ dad kind of blows a gasket because how the fuck did he not see it? does he even know his son at all? meanwhile, Scott has a one sided screaming match while Stiles looks at nothing.

the sheriff visits Derek at the shell of his home and confronts him. Derek’s face is hard and closed off the entire time but he acknowledges that him and Stiles have something. but he also knows how hollow Stiles truly feels from the neglect the sheriff imposed upon Stiles when his mom died and that’s not something Derek is inclined to forgive and he also knows this isn’t his place to tell. Stiles will tell his father what and when he wants to share. so he tells the sheriff to go talk to his son.

the sheriff looks absolutely distraught at that because he realizes he doesn’t even know how. Stiles have slipped through his fingers and become this unreachable being. he isn’t the person Stiles trusts anymore. the strange man living in the woods standing in front of him has more claim to his son than his own father does at this point.

a few hours later, Stiles drives up the long dirt path to Derek but this time he has a packed duffel bag with him and his eyes are red and puffy. Derek just takes the bag from him and takes his hand and pulls him to the mattress they use as a bed. they lie down and Derek holds him as he cries.

he’s not going back home. he doesn’t want to go back home anymore. he’s graduating in a couple weeks he doesn’t have to go home. can he stay here? please Derek can i stay here with you please please? Derek just kisses him softly in response because even if he wanted to he could never say no to Stiles, not when he’s like this, so fragile and on the verge of breaking completely.

Stiles sleeps better that night than he has in months. he graduates. he doesn’t apply to college but he’ll think about it next year. for now, him and Derek are busy building themselves a cabin with a huge garden. they work during the day at their own pace and at night they make love.

all in all it’s good, it’s peaceful and it’s more than enough.

[rvdbnotreally]

just reached my first 1k :3

thinking about writing a (heavily) twilight inspired sterek fic. should i keep the hales as werewolves or should i turn them into vampires? i genuinely don't know which one i like more

[rvdbnotreally]

thinking about writing a (heavily) twilight inspired sterek fic. should i keep the hales as werewolves or should i turn them into vampires? i genuinely don't know which one i like more

[rvdbnotreally]

god made me too perfect so he had gave me autism, an obsessive relationship with food, eczema and general shyness or this world would literally collapse

[rvdbnotreally]

slowly coming to terms that maybe smut just isn’t for me and that maybe there’s actually nothing wrong with that

[rvdbnotreally]

first!! i just really want to tell you that i love the way you write!! you can write smt that would normally have me cringing up but now i can actually enjoy it and get jealous of these relationships etc. (mostly in your summer camp au i love that one!!). your haunted house one was also so so good!!!!!!!! secondly i just want to tell you to have a really really good day and that i hope your weather is as good as mine (it’s finally raining after DAYS of dry heat and idk rain always motivates me to think about writing smt). and thirdly!! i really hope you remember to take breaks and not keep on writing or whatever (i’ve crochet 40h in too little days) just to finish, but to keep enjoying it!! because that is the most important part!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! byee i hope you have a fantastic day!!!

GNA CRY UR TOO SWEET!! I’m so so glad you like my writing, it’s one of the things I genuinely enjoy doing so much and it feels I can never get bored of.

HAH AND FR, I’m jealous of the relationships that I WRITE. They’re just so cute GSHSHSH. I’m super obsessed with writing my summer camp AU as well rn because SUMMER!! Thats reminded me I need to post my re written part for today :)

My weather actually is AMAZING, mostly because I’m in Greece right now but wish me luck, going back to the UK in a few days and the weather will be utter shit. ALSO FR!! Rain is so motivating, like I can’t explain it but it just is.

I am taking lots of breaks dw!! I write when I feel like it, sometimes I’ll write tons in one go, or I’ll just get a couple of thoughts into my notes app and call it a day. I get that crochet thing so much!! I used crochet SO OFTEN, like too much I got tired of it for a while. But I got back into the fun of it and I still enjoy is so much.

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY TOO <3

[rvdbnotreally]

girlllll don’t even get me started!!!!!!! the amount of failed friendships is insane!!! and the friend groups?? in 5 years time i’ve been in 7 different ones and that’s only counting school.

slight tw for sh and such topics!

and it’s not even always neurotypicals. my best friend in the last friendgroup i was in (sep 2022-dec 2023) started ignoring me for days and sometimes weeks and was always saying the most fucked up “jokes” to me. there was one time where she actually told me i must have been suicidal for wearing a hoodie during exam season??? (she knew that i used to be suicidal) then after three months or smt i said “hey girl can we please talk this trough because i hate this” because she was like the most important person in my life at that point.

so we met up and after a while we started talking about how we were treating each other (i was trying to not put all of the blame on her yk) and everything. i basically asked “hey could you please explain to me why you ignore me and treat me like shit most of the time” because that’s what i wanted to know.

she told me that there’s basically 5 things really wrong with me and i needed to change those thing in order for us to stay or go back to being friends. those were:

1. not always going along with the rest of the group and coming up for myself (the ONLY one i think is fair)

2. not interrupting conversations when i walk up to people (yk the moment where everybody stops what they’re talking about and says hi and you ask how are you all doing? that was interrupting people in her opinion)

3. starting a conversation in a group (she thought that i was bad at that and that i should only go along with the conversation that was already there (even if there wasn’t one))

4. not only talking about my interests (this is one that sounds alright, but she was the one to always encourage me to talk about my interests and always said that it was ‘cute’ or ‘nice’ that i actually talked about what i liked. turns out she didn’t like it anymore and wanted me to never talk about it again)

5. reading people better (this one is the most stupid because you can’t magically read people better but she wanted me to always understand what the rest of the friend group wanted and such idk man)

so after this i said smt like “hey you do understand that almost everything you named are typically associated with autism and i can’t really change that about myself” and she said that i might not fully reach the level she wanted me to, but that i could still try yk.

i thought that it was fair that she struggled with these things about me, because of course i can, it’s literally my entire life.

now here comes the most interesting part of it all. after she told me all of those things (mind you i’m a very insecure person, so these things were a huge blow to the idea that i could function as a ‘normal’ person) she asked me if there was smt i wanted her to do. there were many things but in that moment i was a bit shocked and couldn’t really put my thoughts into order. so i asked her to do 2 very simple things in comparison to what she asked of me:

1. if there was something wrong, she should tell me, because “something” (autism) made me unable to pick up on that sort of thing. (it made me very confused and angry and most of all sad that i couldn’t understand what was happening with my best friend who meant so, so much to me and i wanted nothing more than to understand her)

2. not to make jokes without making sure i actually knew it was a joke. (so many of her “jokes” made me so, so insecure and made me feel awful about myself and everything i did or didn’t do)

and yk what this girl responded with. she said and i quote “you do know i have ADHD, right? like that makes it very hard to do that?” GIRL YES i can understand because i have AUTISM????? like the thing that actually makes me act like a terrible person in her eyes isn’t good enough, but her fucking adhd hinders her from being a good friend and not saying terrible things to a person you KNOW is insecure.

so we promised each other that we would both work on it and that she would tell me if i was improving or doing smt she didn’t like. after that we parted ways and i worked on being a ‘better’ person for a whole month. i was pushing everyone away by not talking to them and i became so tired trying to read everything everyone was trying to express and everything. i wouldn’t exactly call it depressive, but it was slowly reaching a point where i didn’t want to do anything anymore, i lost all social skills i had build up over the years, i lost contact with a lot of people, i didn’t enjoy anything, i became insecure on a whole new level and most important of all, i was still losing my best friend.

she never said anything about if i was doing better or not and never even acknowledged that i was trying.

at the end of the december examperiod there was going to be this christmas gala at school and i really wanted to go, she didn’t approve of any type of school happenings and said that we wouldn’t go. the day of the gala i found out she was actually going, with her boyfriend and another friend of mine. that was the last straw and the next morning during my geography exam i was seated next to her. she came in and started talking to me, and i ignored her exactly like she did to me in the start. i think she actually failed that exam because of how i treated her. since then i haven’t really talked to her and the rest of the girls in the friendgroup decided to follow her.

sometimes i’m recovering from this friendship and sometimes i’m still in that mindset. i really, really hope i can finally make friends that can actually love me as i am. i don’t want to only be friends with boys that are attracted to me, i just want people that accept me and let me grow into the person i want to be, not the one they want me to be.

i really, really hate that i can’t keep friends for a long period of time and i know a large portion of that is because these’s people aren’t are ‘mature’ as me. in the sense that they can take criticism, come to me when they have a problem and try understand each other. i hope that everyone with or without autism can find someone or someones that care for them and i hope that people can understand why people with autism simply can’t act in a way that you understand.

i have to think about everything i do and i can’t stop thinking about every small thing i do. i just want people to understand that and not complicate matters by asking me to completely change the way i work. i hope that nobody has that.

i know probably nobody is going to read this and that’s fine, i just really, really, really needed to write this down. thank you if you did read this i hope you have a fantastic day!

Dear other autistic people, what defines a friendship to you? I don't believe I have ever had a healthy friendship and I can not find anything that truly helps me understand how one would work out. Especially with how friendships are with neurotypicals, I just feel out of the loop and it is haunting me.

Thank you in advance for your answers!

[rvdbnotreally]

Y'all are wrong, Nightwing's colors are white and gold

[rvdbnotreally]

how do others see me?