sageadrianwhite

[sageadrianwhite]

Go Ahead, Ask Me Anything....

[sageadrianwhite]

[sageadrianwhite]

Been a while since I posted and was really feeling the new henna brows today. People have always made fun of them bad. Funny tho when getting this done (it makes the hair dark) I was told I have by esthetician standards I have naturally perfect thick shaped brows just not easy to see because I'm a strawberry blonde, so guess all of you who take the piss out of me due to my "invisabrows" can offically F off (Ps I dont support James Charles in light of what he did just love the colors in pallete) #hennabrows #carylbakervisage #browsonfleek #brows #makeup #morephe #jamescharlespallete #anastasiabeverlyhills #larocheposay #larocheposayskincare #milkcosmetics #nyxcosmetics #benefitbrows #snatch&lift #vicyskincare #vichycanada #alternativegirl #redhead #strawberryblonde #strongmakeupgame #makeupaddict #articfoxhaircolor #lushskincare #yvesroche #yvesrocheskincare https://www.instagram.com/p/CRmeQipJTds/?utm_medium=tumblr

[sageadrianwhite]

[sageadrianwhite]

Last night of the Halloween weekend and one last costume The dark mad hatter (Was on call for work and had to wear costumes all weekend :) ) #halloweencosplay #halloween #halloweencostume #sageadrianwhite #work #halloweenmakeup #homemadecostume #handmade #girls #cute #alternativegirl #diyhalloweencostume #gingerhair #redhead #redhair #halloween https://www.instagram.com/p/CHEfGLaJV54/?igshid=9h9turw49ax1

[sageadrianwhite]

Can you guess my newest Halloween cosplay? I'll give you a hint! "What's the sitch?" #2020halloween #kp #cosplay #newestwork #halloweencostume #halloweencosplay #cute #disney #2000s #sageadrianwhite #girls #handmade #handmadecosplay #2000sdisney #kimpossible #kimpossiblecosplay #myfaveredhead #ginger #neonorangehair #grungegirl #greyeyes #alternativegirl #disneyfan #cute #gingerhair #greeneyes #fulllook https://www.instagram.com/p/CG_Uirgpl15/?igshid=etwj67g3xyfe

[sageadrianwhite]

***trigger warning possible***

With good news tho

So 2 weeks away as of this Saturday from 7 years clean!!! I've managed nearly for 7 years not to fall back on drugs & drinking. I've managed for almost 7 years not to starve myself either. I struggle in my 20's to not self harm, but always stop myself where I've maybe done one and realized stopping myself.

I've managed to get worlds better I remember being 19 an addict thinking I wouldn't see 21. I was almost right September 5th 2013 about a month before my 20th birthday. I nearly took my own life due to losing someone I loved, after I had found my one, when I had finally gotten free massive truma and the abuse of my ex. The guy I was with who was also my best friend in this world and was the one of the only reasons I was beating my addictions at the time. He was stood by me and pushing me for my best and to finally get better after a 5 year struggle to overcome the truma I've been though. I was the teen you hear about with a Micky or 2-6er taped under the bed frame. A stash of drugs hidden in a buildabear. The "rich kid" that couldn't handle the pressure of being the perfect Islamic daughter and live up to the perfect image keeping it all together spending lots on products and makeup to look not like an addict So my parents, friends and teachers didn't know. It doesn't make it easier when your abusive fiancee at the time gives you the option to be beaten or do the drugs or have your face forced in them and they have their way after.... I was a dumb 18 year old, but I'm the islamic culture not uncommon from 18-26 to marry.

It broke me when a boyfriend of mine died. It went two weeks no contact as of the night we said I love you the first time when he told me he had to pick up his drunk abusive father from the bar.......I told him to be careful and text me when hes home safe turns out he told his dad about us. His father was upset and enraged he was dating a girl who was 19 when he had just turned 18.... so his father grabbed the wheel jerking it. They hit a pole. He died on impact my then boyfriend. His father died 2 days later in hospital.

I found out two weeks later when his mom got into his Skype and called me saying shes glad she finally got in to his social media so she could let me know as he only knew his passwords.

That night My abusive ex found me when I went to the bar. I wanted to drown for a night the feeling of loss as it was the first true close loss I have had to deal with by then and was planning to then get back to sobriety the next day from finding out my boyfriend had died.

That night my abusive ex gave me drugs and convinced me to kill myself before leaving the bar with my ex best friend he cheated with. The fact he made me believe with the abuse, bullying, learning disabilities and mental illness I was the problem and believe I was better off dead due to being hammered and in a severe grieving state..

I don't remember anything after taking the drugs just waking up in my bed at home about 5 in the morning with a damp feeling all around my blanket and sheets, my room smelt coppery, my mouth tasted like a penny, but I was sitting up hugging my knees cold as hell. I felt the urge to pee so I got up fast not thinking and ran to the bathroom soon as I went past the mirror I saw the fact I was all bloody. I had unconsciously self harmed myself to the point I had 167 cuts on my body between my arms, ribs, thighs, ankles and hips. I felt dizzy looking at myself covered in blood trying to stop it. I lost conciousness and fell I hit my cheek on the way down which to this day causes me the odd facial pain due to if I had hit it any harder I would have broke the bone in my cheek and end up needing cosmetic surgery. I passed out waking up 20 mins later. I remember forcing myself to get up falling straight down to a near passout state lying there unable to move call for help or anything. I had still been bleeding and I had fading in and out consciousness at that point and somehow I heard his voice telling me "it isnt my time, I've got so much to do and this isnt where my story ends. I need to get up, I am meant for much better things than this and he better no be seeing me any time soon that when everything feels lost fight against all odds. Prove everyone wrong that you will see 25 and be something"

I somehow pushed myself up fading in and out of consciousness and stumbled bloody down the hall half using the wall and crawling till I managed to get my moms bedroom door open as I managed to grab her ankle and raspiley say "mom I need help I'm sorry"

I passed out again just as she sat up in shock looking at what I looked like last thing I remembered was the horror on her face and. When I came to my mom had saved my life and my little sister who was 13 was crying thinking she was gonna lose me. My mom she had stopped the bleeding, and made me throw up while unconscious to sober and get some of the drugs out which saved my life and she got me drinking wholy detox tea soon as I could drink and swallow plus some watermelon for the sugars.

After I spent 2 months with a massive black eye and healing cuts covering my body. That night I almost died and my mom saved my life on what would have been my little sister's first day of high school, September 5th 2013. I got help I joined therapy, I went to AA in secret till 5 months in when i had a routine, I went to NA for 4 months till I had a solid plan and was sober, started looking at programs for my mental illness and learning disorders. By 21 I had been a year an a month sober.

Now at 26 years old I've been almost 7 years sober as of September 5th 2020.

It will be 7 years sober and clean. I own my own business, I travel, I have my physical health for the first time in 10 years almost and I have the most loving, understanding, compassionate, sweet funny and kind guy possible

These days I couldn't be happier healthier and luckier to be here after what I went through life is too short to be filled with misery and hate and too short to waste being disillusioned by a fake happiness created by chemicals that arent good for you. I remember the monster I was and my lash outs and after seeing others addictions I know what I sadly put my loved ones through.

Please if you need help go seek it it's never too late because addiction is only ment to destroy you and everything you love so please don't let it win and get help

I don't post much besides the odd photo of myself here and there on my tumblr, but too many people I've cared about in my life I've lost them to drugs, I almost lost myself 7 years ago. I've had people who did drugs and turned abusive or into a monster losing themselves in the process of thinking they are medicating their issues like I did. So please if you suffer go get help it may be an underlying reason of why you have addiction mine is due to BPD (Boraderline personally disorder) which also has its issues with impulse control.

Just please get help its never to late to get treatment. Please do not wait till you get where I was. To this day I still deal with lasting effects from being a addict in my formative teen years. Odd stomach pains, not often hungry, a valve issue better my kidneys and bladder, facial pain from the fall and some digestive issues, plus old injuries that didnt heal right due I medicated for because I couldn't lose my sports or music & theater. Addiction is no joke please get help before if destroys you and everything you hold dear to you.

[sageadrianwhite]

In the hall of me and the roomies new place, funny what 6 months can do. I'm fully back 130lbs my ideal size, I moved back to my childhood city to start over fresh after14 years away, I'm finally happy, and well supported. I have some of the best people backing me up. Best free to be the way I've always been finally. Sometimes starting from scratch is what's truly best for you and as my friends have said many times I'm like a Phoenix no matter what tear me down, or even has tried to kill me hasn't and I've just kept coming back stronger each time. #freshstart #startingover #imfinallyhappy #imfinallyhome #ifeelgood #sageadrianwhite #finallyfree #freetobeme #wiccan #alternativegirl #alternativefashion #pastelgrunge #nugoth #hippygoth #neonorangehair #articfoxhaircolor #bluenotes #urbanplanet #wish #weightlossjourney #girls #cute #redhead #ginger #phoenixhair https://www.instagram.com/p/CBwUuowpgdv/?igshid=1f8oisy3pbtrt

[sageadrianwhite]

Never let anyone dull your shine, tell you who you are, or how you should look. Especially not a past partner. I'm finally getting back to the real me after such a long road to loving myself again. #sageadrianwhite #selfie #spiderbitespiercing #spacers #greyeyes #neonorange #orangehair #gingerforlife #girls #eyebrowsonpoint #benefitbrows #anastasiabeverlyhills #hudabeauty #morphe #nyxcosmetics #biooil #prettyvulgarliner #tealeyes #redhead #redhair #imsohappy #livingmylife #cute #realme #alternativegirl https://www.instagram.com/p/CAWIdocpP1-/?igshid=1j2g7a4apraqj

[sageadrianwhite]

Its finally here after almost 2 months!!! #covid19 #2020spring #immunocompromised #eyebrowsonpoint #redhead #redhair #tealeyes #piercings #alternativegirl #paleskin #pale #alternative #sageadrianwhite #spiderbitespiercing #strawberryblonde #spacers #girls #gingerhair #ginger #hudabeauty #prettyvulgarliner #nyxcosmetics #benefitbrows #cute #facemask #n95facemask https://www.instagram.com/p/CAA3wOvJIS2/?igshid=iw8lfn2n1daf

[sageadrianwhite]

[sageadrianwhite]

Love my portfolio work #sageawhitephotography #sageawhite #sageadrianwhite #work #club717 #nightlifework #workingthenightlife #lovemycareer #love my life https://www.instagram.com/p/B9daqCCpreY/?igshid=9jx4cqhwmx3o

[sageadrianwhite]

Come down to 717 tonight retro video dance party. Time to enjoy my night and take some photos #717 #club717 #retrodanceparty #sageadrianwhite #sageawhitephotography #girls #lgbtq🌈 #funtimes #nightout (at Club 717) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9dQwBQJ7rg/?igshid=1m3kspw67rtb9

[sageadrianwhite]

Finally met my weightloss goal and made it under 150lbs can't believe just 1 year ago I was that big I can't believe how far I've come on getting back to the real me. I missed this look so bad #weightlossjourney #weightloss #women #redhead #redhair #rockerchic #redheadlove #iwontgiveup #imsohappy #imissedme #piercings #peircings #paleskin #pale #alternativegirl #alternativefashion #spacers #spiderbitespiercing #sageadrianwhite #strawberryblonde #mademygoal #metmygoal #grungegirl #girls #healthylifestyle #feelinggood #feelingcute #ifeelcute #gotmycurvesback https://www.instagram.com/p/B9cgsDzJhsO/?igshid=1bfomnga58dj4

[sageadrianwhite]

I swear no one will ever love me for who I am

[sageadrianwhite]

Some cute pics from the other night my first might out single felt a little weird after close to 6 years. Tho I'm absolutely in love with my new clothes from #platoscloset which are both #forever21 #sageawhite #sageadrianwhite #selfie #outfits #makeup #wiccan #women #eyebrowsonpoint #redhead #redhair #redheadlove #tarteliner #nyxcosmetics #anastasiabeverlyhills #hudabeauty #morphe350palette #morphe #benefitbrows #ilovemyoutfit #newclothes #newme #alternativegirl #spiderbitespiercing #spacers #startingover #generalpub #karaokenight #girls https://www.instagram.com/p/B7wIQuXJm28/?igshid=9m6i7wmhn0p6

[sageadrianwhite]

Hello new me! After 5 years its It's time to start fresh and really be just me and figure myself out sadly my other half and I ended this past weekend, but this is a new chapter in life for me. I feel like for the first time in a year I can breathe and am free to truly he myself. I feel proud for the first time in my life being selfish as I've never put myself first before. #sageadrianwhite #newbeginnings #newbody #feelinggood #lookinggood #happy #selflove #changes #newme #startingover #girls #weightlossjourney #happyagain #icanbreathe #icanbreatheagain #alternativegirl #wiccan #piercings #spiderbitespiercing #spacers #paleskin #alternativegirl #ginger #naturalginger #grungegirl https://www.instagram.com/p/B7jpo31pZ6g/?igshid=1jy44eyfcjvck