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Escitalopram

I can tell that it’s getting bad again 

My hair is falling out

I have puffy bags under my eyes

I think that it’s stopped working 

The hallucinations

The fear

The

P

A

N 

I

C

I know that something is wrong

There are too many shadows on the walls 

The voices coming out aren’t my own 

The floor twists and shouts

I need to leave

I need to get out

I need 

Something

[sammilovescoffees-blog]

got put on new antidepressants (escitalopram) can anyone tell me if it’s actually good LMAO also starting therapy next week and i talked about how im very very dependent on uhhh alcohol…she says ok thats fine but make sure to turn up to ur appointments sober. i was like yah ofc :D LMAFAOAOO i was lying but shhh thats a secret.

that’s my life update x

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i ran out of meds and now i cant stop crying over every little thing but its strange because when i was on my meds i couldn’t cry. it’s funny because i kind of missed crying

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do u ever wake up and ur just like. ah. the mental illness sure is mental illnessing

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idk who needs to hear this but DO NOT EVER crush up and snort ur antidepressants like sertraline etc i googled it and everyone said it will cause u pain blah blah theres no high…. MY NOSE IS BURNING MY THROAT IS BURNING MY EYES R RED AND SWOLLEN and ive never experienced such pain before. it’s been almost an hour and its starting to calm down but like FML my eyes were non stop tearing up and i had a MASSIVE headache where it felt like my ears were gonna explode like i still cant breathe thru my nose i feel horrible please don’t do it just cause ur curious cause that’s what i did.. i was bored like honestly biggest regret im gonna tell everyone i have the flu or something idk how i’ll feel in the morning but I HAVE WORK i do not want to call in sick but stay posted ig.. hahahaha….. 😒 (there was also some blood coming out my nose bro)

UPDATE i did go to work but omfg i had the worst headache and my throat felt swollen and every time i blew my nose there was some blood LMFAO lesson learned 💀

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ok but i legit chug a glass of wine at 11am JUST to get thru the day #livelaughlove

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I GOT A JOB !!! I CAN FINALLY FUND FOR MY ALCOHOL AND NICOTINE WITHOUT FEELING STRESSED BOUT IT

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between u and me…i stopped taking my meds for about a week now (don’t tell) AND IM GREAT, literally cured 💅🏻 no more feeling nauseous every damn day and i can finally cry again which is the best feeling i’ve ever felt. fuck that emptiness that sertraline gave me if ykyk..ONE DOWNSIDE i don’t get drunk as easily so 😒 ALSO like i’m MORE paranoid and my dreams r WHACK…nightmares every night bro…but UHH it’s like a 50/50 typa situation rn

[sammilovescoffees-blog]

Y'all this post is dedicated to the Bjhm characters that just disappeared. The character arc or one-off people. People like Wanda cause what the hell happened to her? I know there was a slight reference to her in the final episode but that was it. The last scene we saw was her crying from her breakup. A lot of people love her red flags quote but then proceed to shit on her for no reason. Like she got out of a relationship that was obviously toxic and that's bad?? Also characters like Gina. She got the final Fbomb of the series and had the most iconic scene with her song, so where did she go? I know that once they're no longer relevant there's no need to keep them in, but I'd still like to know. The writers just made each character so intriguing that I want to know everyone's story. I'd even take Neal McBeal the Navy Seal at this point.

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therapist said i might be goin thru psychosis cause i’m paranoid theres someone living in the attic and i’m hearing footsteps up there…like no queen 💅🏻 it’s jus my silly little brain x

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turns out buying a bottle of wine every night gets expensive… i need to find a job cause i’m about 2 be in dept

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TW self h4rm ❗️OK LISTEN went to a soft play area/indoor trampoline place for my sisters bday AND LIKE 3 OTHER CHILDREN IN THE BALL PIT decided it was funny to drag me into their little game OK FINE BUT THEN when i wanted to leave THIS RANDOM ASS CHILD grabbed my arm and FULL FORCE PULLED ME DOWN CAUSE SHE IDK WANTED ME TO STAY?!??!! let’s just say my arm hurts so bad…. it’s almost fully healed but its so damn red and stings so bad bro like tf IT WAS SO PAINFUL i almost slapped that bitch teach her some manners idek who tf she is bro

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i missed ONE day of taking my antidepressants AND IVE GOT A BANGING HEADACHE

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i told everyone im gonna try get sober today and here i am sneaking vodka into my energy drink because 🤠 on the other hand i’m down to my last bit of vodka so maybe i’ll start tomorrow 😍

[sammilovescoffees-blog]

be kind to yourself. healing is a journey.

healing isn’t linear. you will have your good days and you will have your bad days. you may have experienced moments of relapse but remind yourself of this one thing: you are doing amazing.

just because you wake up feeling low on energy and want to stay in bed, doesn’t mean you’re having a setback.

just because you relapsed doesn’t mean it’s a restart to your journey. i understand that it was frustrating, it happens and you’re no failure. there is always the opportunity in getting back up and continuing on your road to success even if there are obstacles.

everything is a process. you will and already have gotten undoubtedly stronger with every passing day.

wanting to heal and grow was the biggest and most important step you could ever take. the first steps are always the hardest but you did it. i’m proud of you. be proud of yourself too.

take things slow with yourself. if your body wants to rest, let it rest. let your mind rest as well by letting go all the worries of “why you’re not active”. who cares if you take a slow day? do you know how much you’ve been through? the least you can do for yourself is be comfortable in your own bed without a care in the world. you’ve experienced enough guilt. let yourself be free knowing that you deserve to rest. you deserve moments of stillness. enjoy the now. it’s all we have. we’re not always meant to be up and running. we simply weren’t made that way. 

there is beauty in stillness, peace, and quiet. don’t put it to shame. instead, let your mind, body, and soul experience more of it.

do things at your own pace. if you think you can get up, brush your teeth and that’s all that you can do for the day, so be it. don’t force yourself to do things you can’t handle. you’ll be doing more harm than good. take it day by day. add an extra task as days go on. do something you believe will be fufilling like going on a quick walk around the block, going to the store to get a drink, baking a treat, sitting outside for a few minutes at a time.

this is your life so this is about you. cater things to your needs. you are important! if you don’t like something, don’t do it. if you feel tired, rest. if you feel like reading a book for fun, go for it. if you feel like going out with friends will boost your mood, plan it. if you don’t feel like the people around you don’t influence you to do and be better, let them go. if you don’t like that your thoughts are constantly reminding you of troubled things, meditate and practice flipping them.

you decide how all this goes. i just need you to remember that you’re doing everything right and the most important thing is to be kind and gentle & take it step by step. life is not a race, angel. you have all the time in the world to heal and transform.

[sammilovescoffees-blog]

Back in the 90’s I was in a very famous tv show

[sammilovescoffees-blog]

daily routine: wake up hangover. drink. sleep. repeat. amiright ladies and gents and non-binary hoes?! 🥰