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Castiel X Reader // Sink or Swim

(scroll down for song;; I Found by Amber Run)

Pairing: Castiel X You

Fandom: Supernatural

Warnings: None ?? It’s really sad, i guess.

Prompt: you feel depressed and castiel saves you from nearly drowning.

;;;;;;;;

You walked along the shore, hands stuffed into your heavy leather jacket, despite the sunset beating down and sinking into your delicate skin. The waves ran over your feet, clawing at your skin and begging for you to go deeper into the ocean. You refused, keeping your trail perfectly in-between the dry sand and wet liquid.

The sky was a watercoloured canvas; pinks, oranges, and yellows seamlessly blended together. The sun was cut off halfway by the horizon, the water shining a holy and pure white mixed with dark blues and tinted yellow. In all, it was gorgeous.

You had just gotten back from a hunt and were feeling kinda empty. Soulless, almost. You insisted the boys that you were fine but snuck out to the shoreline anyways. You felt as if the atmosphere would drain the hole of your worries and construct it in an instant.

Boy, were you oh so wrong.

Instead of doing as expected, the waves clawed at the walls of the hole, breaking it down more slowly and painfully. You wished you could end it all now, for no particular reason.

The blood in your veins felt poisoned, pinches and pricks surging through your chest and wrists. You felt like you were breathing in smoke and couldnt cough or clear your airway. The perks of being a hunter; always feeling trapped.

You suddenly tweaked the trail and sharply turned right. The ocean waves praised you for your decision, the tide rising higher. The water was now to your ankles, barely grazing the hem of your jeans.

Everything inside you screamed, kicked and yelled; begging to turn away. It was like you were possessed, blocking out every ounce of hope in your mind and soul.

But not your heart.

For a moment, you swore you flinched and turned the other way before correcting your movements. The colour of the water searches through your mind, seemingly and desperately looking for something.

Then it clicked. Like you had just reawakened a part of you, a part that screamed louder than your hope did.

Your memories.

Your head pounded, falling to your knees, water now surrounding you waist-down.

Images flashed by; eyes. Blue, pure, angelic eyes.

Angelic.

Angel.

It was Castiel’s eyes.

You’ve had a crush on the innocent angel for a few months now. Ever since he showed up at the motel in Ohio, something clung to your heart. Something that was in your own personal void for a very long time.

Castiel made you laugh more than anyone else, and gave you more confidence and strength than anything else ever could. He was the person who finally freed you from the cage you’ve been trapped in ever since that first demon.

As the thoughts played in your head, everything in you strained against the restraints provided by your numbness. Pulling, tearing the leather; cracking the iron. One was free; three to go.

This time, a different photo flashed into your vision. You closed your eyes, letting the scene glue itself to your eyelids and force you to watch it; relive the moment.

;;

As soon as the door opened, you ceased speaking and whipped out your gun, pointing it at the trenchcoat-wielding stranger. “Who’s he??” You practically screamed at the males behind you, still on edge due to the last hunt.

“Relax, Y/N! That’s Castiel!” Dean separated the two of you quick enough to look like he teleported. He obviously didn’t want you to shoot the stranger, now known as Castiel. You lowered your gun but didn’t uncock it, still wary and unsure of the man’s intentions. “Castiel? The angel..?”

The man nodded awkwardly, unsure of what to do. He stood there, arms bolted to his sides. Sam sighed, sitting down and flipping open his laptop, Dean already settled on the couch with a beer. You quickly kicked off your shoes, eyes not daring to tear away from Castiel.

Dean groaned and reached his hand out to you from over the armrest. “For god’s sake, Y/N give me the damn gun and calm down.” You flinched, looking at Dean for a brief moment before hesitantly placing the gun in his outstretched hand.

Castiel let out a breath you had no clue he was holding, his body physically relaxing. Why was he so on edge? He’s an angel, so a bullet or two will barely even tickle him, right?

He decided it was best to sit down and watch TV with Dean, slowly inching towards the coach, eyeing you nervously. You obviously frightened him, causing you to chuckle inwardly. Wow, an angel of the lord, afraid of you, a measly hunter.

You bit your tongue, two options fluttering onto your shoulders. You could stay here to keep an eye on the seemingly untrustworthy angel, or go to your room and relax. If the Winchesters -your best friends- trusted this guy, you should too, right?

Wrong.

Living as a hunter, you had no room left for trust, the Winchesters being the only people under the category “trustworthy”.

After what seemed like years of deciding, you settled with option two, slowly edging out of the vision of anyone else and retreating to your temporary room. You rubbed your temples with a soft groan, sitting on the edge of the mattress with your elbows resting on your knees. Your eyes suddenly took a dull interest in the beige carpet, having nothing else to look at.

A soft fluttering sound travelled through your ears, making you look towards the direction it came from. You stared at Cas, searching his gorgeous, ocean blue eyes. You had no particular idea what you were looking for. Emotion, maybe? His facial expression showed nothing, and that’s a lot coming from you, considering you’re supposedly very good at reading people’s facial expressions.

As soon as you found a speck of concern, your eyes softened and your shoulders relaxed, much like Cas’ a while ago. He slowly and gently made his way over to you, sitting down at least a foot away, on the edge of the bed.

“What’s wrong? You’ve been staring at me for an entire minute.” His deep, rough voice was intimidating, yet soft, and made you feel instantly safe. You shook your head, eyes regretfully tearing away from Castiel’s strong gaze. “’S nothing.”

“You can tell me, Y/N.” His hand gently rested itself on your shoulder, his eyes searching you for nothing in particular. “I just..” You sighed, running your hands through your H/C hair, stressed by your thoughts. “I feel like my trust issues get in the way sometimes. I’m always on edge and the only people I truly trust are Sam and Dean-” You paused, eyes flickering towards Castiel’s concentrated own. “-so far. So, whenever we’re hunting with other hunters, I always mess up in some way. You know why? Because of my damn trust issues.”

You realised you were basically ranting and quickly shut up, eyes travelling to your folded hands in your lap. They looked at Cas slowly, and to your surprise, saw no sign of annoyance or discomfort that you just ranted. He looked genuinely concerned.

“It’s OK. I get it. Sometimes, you see someone and feel uneasy, like you know something’s wrong about them or their presence. Just, remember; every living creature was born with the intention of goodness, no matter how they were raised or how deeply it was forgotten over the years. It’s still there, in the void of one’s heart and soul.”

You stared in shock and awe, wanting to cry from the pureness and truth of that small speech. “Cas.. that was..” Without thinking, your arms flew around his shoulders and gripped him in a warm embrace, tears stinging your eyes. He seemed hesitant, slowly wrapping his arms delicately around your mid-back, his chin resting on your shoulder.

You stayed like that for god knows how long, just being in other’s arms. And for once in a very long time, you smiled.

;;

Your pure, fresh tears blended with the salty water of the ocean as you wept at the memory. When you and Cas first met. It left a strange feeling in its wake; a burning sensation in your heart.

You shook, trembling, suddenly feeling cold and helpless. You realised you were chest-deep now, the tide rising while the flashback played in your vision. Your eyes were blinded for barely a moment before you clutched your shoulders, crossing your arms over your chest and letting out a yell of pain and frustration. Your eyes snapped shut, mind shutting off and body stiffening.

;;

You smiled at the dark haired angel, giggling quietly at his concentrated face, his pure blue eyes glued to the book in front of him. You had accidently left out a romance novel you were reading, and by accident, Cas started to read it; getting deeper and deeper.

“Wait. So, Hannah left Jacob for his twin William, but William and Jacob are both the same person..?” Castiel suddenly blurted, nose-deep and halfway into the novel by now. You had read it at least a thousand times before, so you didn’t mind him asking questions.

“Yep. Just wait until chapter 23. That’s where Gigi gets more important.” You sauntered over to sit down next to the angel, sneaking a glance at what page he was on. Basically more than halfway.

Your eyes transferred over to his facial expression, taking in the little details. How his lips parted ever so slightly, how he resisted the urge to blink in fear of skipping a word, it was all perfect in your eyes.

Watching him suddenly made your eyelids droop, beginning to lean against his broad shoulder. You felt him stiffen under your touch, his eyes quickly averting to your figure for a minute. You let out a sigh of content, soft S/C skinned eyelids masking E/C orbs mysteriously. You heard the thump of the novel dropping on the table as Cas shifted under you, panicking to get you in a more comfortable position without awakening you.

Soon, Castiel was laying on his back with your back against his chest, head leant back onto his shoulder as his arms snaked around your waist hesitantly. You smiled and placed your hands over his, tilting your head to face his slightly, on an angle.

“Y/N?” You hummed in response, parting your eyelids so that you could barely peek through your eyelashes, watching the rise and fall of your stomache as you paid 50% of your attention on Cas.

“I…W-What do humans say when they find attraction in one another?” His voice showed various signs of nervousness, your breath hitching and your heartbeat rapidly increasing.

“U-Uhm… I-I love you…” You stuttered so much it sounded like static, making you mentally cringe. You could practically feel his heartbeat from under you, a small smile playing on his lips.

“I love you too.”

;;

“CASTIEL!!” You suddenly screamed in agony, weeping and shivering, barely even having the strength to stay upright. Somehow, in-between your memory, you shuffled forward, leaving you chin-deep in the endless sea.

Your heart was sending emotions through your entire being like bullets, soul screeching what you needed.

Castiel.

That was it. You needed Cas. The one who makes you laugh when you’re sad. The one you love. The only one that can save you from this grave.

Frantic splashing echoed through the air, but you had no strength left to turn your head and look at the source. Tears overflowed in your eyes, body shaking violently from the crying and the emotions that were smacking you straight in the soul and heart.

Two arms heaved you up, desperately holding you upwards, as if their life depended on it. Because it did, oh so much. The being spun you around, enveloping you in a heart-wrenching embrace. You saw it now, everything. The oh so blue tie that reminded you of the ocean you were standing in, the trenchcoat that you’ve stolen one too many times, his scent that greeted you in every close encounter and embrace.

Moments, memories, of simply you and him exploded like a time-lapse, every little argument and kiss included. The big memories were the longest; Your first kiss, first date, first time seeing his wings. It lasted nearly 15 minutes.

“Y/N.” His deep, scratchy voice that oddly soothed you was broken up and invested with heartbreak and pain. “You have a choice. You can either sink, or you can swim.” He attempted to stay firm, but he just unravelled and frayed like an old blanket.

“And please..” His voice broke in the middle, choking back a sob. You rarely see him cry, usually only when you’re at a near-death experience.

“Please swim… for me.. for everyone…” He barely finished before he broke down, burying his face into the crook of your soaked neck, sobbing intensely.

“OK.”

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#castiel #castiel x reader #supernatural #angel #fanfiction #reader insert #female reader #sad #ocean

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