sayanta09

[sayanta09]

Move on....

Why can't he move forward and trust someone new in his life?

It has been a year since his last heart break.

Met a number of women in the Social Media. But, in every case he quits the conversation in the middle of the story. He can't grab the confidence of going out and meet those new friends in real. He is afraid of proving himself funny and cool repeatedly. He is afraid of another breaking of trust. He is afraid of being heartbroken again. He is afraid of losing his partner again.

It's easy for him to pretend happy every time. Now it feels like, everything is sorted, but something is not ok.

It's not like he don't want to trust someone new.

Yes he does!

But he is missing something.

Most of us face these kinds of situations in our life.

But, sadly we don't know the answer.

[sayanta09]

Just because your previous relationship didn't work, it doesn't mean you can't find someone else who will love you for who you are, who will try to make it work, who will have your back. You are not hard to love, you are not too much, you are not a burden. You are good enough to love and be loved! Don't believe those who tell you that they can't stay with you because you are "too difficult to love". You are deserving of love! 💜

[sayanta09]

এক স্বপ্নের রাজকন্যার কথা

প্রতিটি মানুষের জীবনেই এমন একটা সময় আসে যখন তার 'ভালোবাসা ' শব্দটার উপর থেকে ভরসা হারিয়ে যায়।

এই সময় তার সামনে হাজার নারীদের উপস্থিতিও তাকে বিরক্ত করে তোলে।

এমন সময় যদি সে কারো প্রতি আকৃষ্ট হয়ে পড়ে তবে সেই নারী সত্যি স্পেশাল কেউ। এমনই এক নারীর গল্প আজ বলবো।

তার সাথে আমার প্রথম এবং শেষ আলাপ স্বপ্নে। তারিখ মনে নেই তবে পড়নে ছিল নীল একটি ড্রেস। খোঁপা বাধা চুল, এবং একটা মিষ্টি হাসির অধিকারী সে।

সাধারণত আমরা ছোটো থেকে দারিদ্রতা বা কষ্টের সাথে বেড়ে ওঠা ছেলে মেয়েদের হার না মেনে নিজেকে সমাজের বুকে প্রতিষ্ঠিত হতে দেখি।

কিন্তু 'ও ' একটু আলাদা।

বাবা পেশায় ডাক্তার, দিদিও ভালো চাকরি করে ব্যাঙ্কে। এই অবস্থায় আজকাল বেশিরভাগ বাড়ির ছোট মেয়েকেই ইনস্টাগ্রাম রিলস আর পাবে গিয়ে উদ্দ্যাম নাচানাচি তেই ব্যাস্ত থাকতে দেখা যায়।

ওপর দিকে ' ও ' , নিজেকে প্রতিষ্ঠিত করার লক্ষ্যে B.SC শেষ করে এখন M.SC নিয়ে লড়াই করছে। রুটিন বলতে, ঘুম থেকে উঠিয়ে টিউশন পড়ানো, তারপর কলেজ যাওয়া। কলেজ শেষে ফের টিউশন পরিয়ে বাড়ি ফেরা। বাড়ি ফিরে আবার নিজের পড়া করা। ফাঁকে, বাড়ির কাজ করা। কিছু কিছু জিনিস মানুষকে অন্যদের থেকে আলাদা করে দেয়। ও ঠিক সেরম একজন।

কোনোদিন সামনাসামনি দেখা হবে কিনা জানিনা, তবে মন খারাপের রাত গুলোতে স্বপ্নের মধ্যে এসে রোজ আমার খোঁজ নেয় 'ও '। যেদিন আমার বা আমার ঘরের কারো শরীর খারাপ থাকে, রাতে আমার থেকে খোঁজ নেয়, টোটকা দেয়।

ভালো থাকুক ' ও ' ,কোনোদিন বাস্তবের পৃথিবীতে দেখা হোক বা নাহোক , আমি এই বন্ধুকে হারাতে চাইনা। কারণ ' ও ' আমার মানসিক শান্তির ঠিকানা।

- Sayanta Dutta.

[sayanta09]

To the person who will love her next,

I know you will think that she is not very expressive when it comes to love. Even though she willn't say " I love you" a hundred times in a day, all you need to learn is to appreciate it. Sometime it's "you had food?" Other times it's " drop me a text when you'll reach home" or "you can have the last slice or spoon of food" or "just two arms cuddling you tighter". Just understand all these things before it's too late.

Her calmness may not give you a clue that she loves conversation, but she will talk about the problems that millennials facing or some geopolitical decisions that India took. Maybe she will confuse between two dresses when it comes to choosing one but don't speak out because she thinks that you'll look handsome in both. Even if you are not good with dresses but you will always need to be perfect with tops and footwear for her. She hangs back when you tell her that your favourite colour is black not because she doesn't want to say anything she pauses because she wanted to know why black is your favourite colour. Talk to her and don't think that she is not paying attention to your talks,she always does its just she never shows.

Memorize, that you are not the first person whose hands she is going to hold or cheeks she is gonna pull or forehead she is gonna kiss. That doesn't mean she is doing the same thing that she had done before because you are not unique to her or because she doesn't make an effort to distinguish between past and present partners. But that's how she does distinguish the person her heart belongs to right now and everyone else in the world. People realise it little when it was too late but you don't make this mistake.

Please......

[sayanta09]

Dear Someone,

This is just a hope of mine for you. The love in your life be filled with infinite precious moments,when and where-ever your breathing softens....😊😊

I hope he lets you squish your cold feet against his legs or let you put your hands in the pockets of his jackets,no matter how much he hate it.

I hope he tuck that piece of hair behind your ear; That solves more problems just before reaching the solutions.

I hope he cares more about your kajal getting smudged rather than how you look in that black dress in front of his colleagues or friends.

I hope each time you go to sleep after a fight, his arms wrap you tighter than usual; there is always a deep lying fear of 'losing you'.

I hope all his surprise back hugs make u feel better when you are cooking in the horrible heat of the kitchen.

I hope there is someone you are thinking of as you read this and just have started smiling.

I hope they think of you like this, too.

I hope you find this kind of love in every moment that you live.

[sayanta09]

She is the ONE

She is not the easiest girl to love. She has this awful routine of overthinking. She tends to overreact and she gets a little insecure every once in a while. Sometimes she isn't able to solely trust you. She doesn't know when to stop fighting with you even if she is wrong.

She has no problem pushing you away if she feels like you are close to harming her. Loving herbal stress you out, loving herbal make you mad, loving her will break your heart at times, loving her will test you, loving her will challenge you and loving her will change you.

It may get so demanding that will be tempted to walk away, it may get so hard that you will think about giving up and it may get so complicated that you won't want to deal with her anymore.

Loving her means you get to see her at her terrible and most vulnerable and that is something that you will have to be strong enough to handle because she needs someone kind enough to understand why she is who she is today. It's not gonna be an easy relationship with her.

But if she is in love with you then promise that you will be loved with such passion and intensity that you will forget what life felt like before she came along because she will love you deeply, unapologetically and with every ounce of her flesh and blood. She relieves every single thing you ever said or did. Like the time you laughed so badly you spilled cappuccino over your white shirt or the time when you cried so badly in her room after the loss of your close one. She will always be there to put your heart back together after breaking it. Maybe she is not the best at being loved but she is pretty amazing at loving.

[sayanta09]

"Let me wake up next to you, have coffee in the morning and wander through the city with your hand in mine, and I'll be happy for the rest of my life."

[sayanta09]

These dull pink curtains,

They have poems hidden in between

the white flower like patterns on them.

When sunshine barges in,

Each poem reflects on me.

And when I try to read those words,

That is when I realise they are the incomplete verses,

Which I abandoned years ago,

After you abandoned me.

I feel a little melancholy

everytime Ma plays "Lag ja Gale" on loop.

So I try to read the lines, as I've lost the sense of reading between those.

Turns out everything is about you,

Like I didn't have no muse but you.

Do you remember the journal I used to write?

I haven't touched it since the day you left.

Afraid I might relapse on the memories,

That it'll still smell like agony.

So I inhale the fragrance of the fresh roses,

That my mother brought me this morning,

And change the song to "It ain't me".

[sayanta09]

THE ESCAPE

I'm tired.

Tired of being reminded. Reminded everyday that I aint shit. Getting called so much shit and something original isn't apart of it. There's not a thing said that I don't tell myself.

And if I dont, It's only because that is something I forgot.

My meditation is broken.

There's no focus.

My thoughts run through but I cant bring myself to react to it.

There's no spell, just a bunch of shit and I'm tired of it.

Got the things I wanted and none of it was worth it.

Now I dont have shit.

Running away from everything when it comes to it.

Suffering in silence, life sure is fucking lit.

I just want to run to a forest and get away.

Find a clearing and watch the sky for days.

Live out my life feeling the wind on my face but for now I just live under a blue sky, standing in my kingdom of rain.

[sayanta09]

Self-care for today <3

💜 Silence your inner critic, and allow yourself to do your own art.

💜 Journal your thoughts.

💜 Allow your emotions to happen.

💜 Stop isolating yourself, you deserve to be loved and to be heard.

💜 Ask for help when you feel like needing it.

💜 Get to know yourself.

[sayanta09]

Here is a gentle reminder: there are dandelions growing through cracks in the sidewalk, there is a fence lizard on the porch who is growing a new tail, there are trees growing through an abandoned house, branches tearing through the ceiling, ferns carpeting the floor, there is life pushing forward, pushing through ✨

[sayanta09]

Here is a gentle reminder: there are dandelions growing through cracks in the sidewalk, there is a fence lizard on the porch who is growing a new tail, there are trees growing through an abandoned house, branches tearing through the ceiling, ferns carpeting the floor, there is life pushing forward, pushing through ✨

[sayanta09]

THE END

When did it get so hard to breathe!

Without an abyss opening inside me.

I'd give anything for you to fill the void...

but I guess I didn't get to have a choice...

Marry me like you promised,

For once you'd have to be honest...

You never faced me at the end of the isle.

You ran away like a frightened child!

If only I could escape reality as easily...

and sleep beside someone else as peacefully....

I'm ready to slip into an endless dream.

Somewhere where you're who you used to be.

Tired of pretending I'm ok!

I'm ready to go, to slip away.....

[sayanta09]

To my lover 💖

And if you fall in love with me,

Prepare yourself to hold me together at night,when I'm crumbling into dust, staining myself into your skin,

Prepare to fight the sadness from my eyes, prepare to go round and round against it for hours, prepare to ice my bruises afterwards.

Prepare yourself to love something so fragile, so fragile that if you breath too heavily, anxiety begins to ripple in every "he'll leave me" thought.

And prepare yourself to turn the volume of it down,take my hands and dance to the rhythm of "please stay with me" in the eggshell coloured light of the kitchen,while the moon tears itself down so the sun can shine again.

Prepare to dance to the rhythm of it, because this song will play every goddamn night.

[sayanta09]

BLUEPRINT

From the second we met,

Till the second we left,

I saw only bright lights and flowered vines.

Calling you a memory of long ago would be a cruel lie.

Memories seem to fade,I've heard,

They pass you by slowly till they are a tiny sparkle of dust invisible at the horizon.

No bygone love can can consume as much as you do.

Would you think I'm naive if I say I try to fit every new love into my puzzle piece of you ?

Every charmer pointlessly competes to warm me like you do.

Isn't it funny ? Isn't it silly? Almost evil ?

How every hand I hold, every arm I run into is a shady copy of you ?

Isn't it painful? Isn't it mean ? Almost unjust ?

How everyone that walks through the door watches me adore a blueprint of you ?

I search for you in every face.

I build you in every story.

Replicating that blueprint of you!

[sayanta09]

SHADOWS

I stood on the edge of the cliff.

In silence and in tears,

For the shadows of the darkness,

Had driven me here.

.

They ripped my heart,

Right out of my chest.

Making me believe

That these shadows know the best.

.

They were always there,

Standing in the dead of night...

Screaming at me loud.

Always staying in my sight.

.

These shadows are destructive,

Sucking out every drop of hope.

destroying every inch of me,

and I continued to silently mope.

[sayanta09]

Y/A Romance read recommendations 2022

1) The Hating Game - Sally Throne

2) Red, White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston

3) The fault in our stars - John Green

4) The Spanish love deception - Elena Armas

5) The Sun is Also a Star - Nicola Yoon

6) People we meet on Vacation - Emily Henry

7) Call me by your name - Andre Aciman

8) The Love Hypothesis - Ali Hazelwood

9) The Sweetest Oblivion - Danielle Lori

10) Love & Other words - Christina Lauren

So these are a few of my most favourite romance novels of all time. Hope you like it. I'll be posting further book recommendations of all genres. Till then happy reading!