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screenchart · 4 years ago

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Every number 1 Channel (2014-2021) on Screenchart.com HOT 200 Channels.

Being a No. 1 channel is one of the biggest accomplishments in today's online video landscape. Since 2014, Screenchart has been publishing a weekly YouTube chart called the HOT 200 YouTube Channels. Channel views are totaled each week to determine the most popular channel in the United States. So far (August 2021), 27 different channels have claimed the top chart position (most of them nonconsecutive), but few of them have been able to hold on to the top until they reached their maximum number of weeks. Channels are retired from the HOT 200 after 52 weeks and relisted on the 100 Must Watch Channels chart. Below is a list of all the channels that reached No.1 in chronological order.

1. ERB (formerly Epic Rap Battles of History) (2014) - No.1 for 6 weeks

'Screenchart' began shortly after the Youtube Renaissance. YouTube had already been acquired by Google (Alphabet) through a huge acquisition, which brought in a new website design, the YouTube Partner Program, and the Channel Initiative. On the countdown, 'ERB' was the first No.1. Two characters in history, either fictional or real, would battle over lyrics, beats, and insults on the musical comedy channel. As a result of no videos being uploaded, the channel was delisted from the chart.

Watch this: Goku vs Superman. Epic Rap Battles of History

2. Smosh (2014) - No.1 for 35 weeks

Prior to 2012, every high school and college student watched the stapled channel of YouTube website, ' Smosh'. It was created by Ian and Anthony and became a astronomical on YouTube, also becoming one of the first to reach 10 million subscribers. 'Smosh' is one of the oldest channels on the platform (15+ years) and spent weeks at No.1 on the countdown and even was one of the first to be added to the '100 Must Watch' chart, where it still stands today. 'Smosh' featured creative video series like the annual 'Food Battle,' hilarious parodies, and fully invested music videos.

Watch this: FLAPPY BIRD RUINED MY LIFE - YouTube

3. React (formerly The Fine Bros) (2014) - No.1 for 35 weeks

'React' is another well-known key YouTube channel that most people are familiar with. The reaction genre was born on this channel. While most channels copied their format once they became popular, 'React' provided real opinions from many different personalities and ages, including teenagers, adults, and even elders. Nevertheless, 'React' did more than just react. There were series like "Emo Dad" and "Fine Time". The 'Must Watch' 100 Channels chart currently lists 'React'.

Watch this video: KIDS REACT TO OLD COMPUTERS - YouTube

4. FouseyTube (2014) - No.1 for 2 weeks

In the early 2010s, pranks started taking off. It seemed like every other day a new prank channel popped up or an existing channel was converted into a prank channel. While 'FouseTube' wasn't an original prank channel when it was created a few years earlier, it saw a massive explosion once it did become one. His videos had a lighter side of pranking the unexpected as well as a more serious tone when it came to social experiments because of Yousef Erakat's charismatic personality. There is debate over whether these pranks are real. As a result of no videos being uploaded, the channel was delisted from the chart.

Watch this: MORTAL KOMBAT ELEVATOR PRANK! - YouTube

5. VitalyzdTv (2014) - No.1 for 4 weeks

Vitaly is a very controversial Russian-American YouTuber who is known for his popular channel 'VitalyzdTv'. Along with his many arrests and streaking across football matches, he is also known for his darker side in prank videos. A number of Vitaly's pranks caused his victims to come close to blows. Vitaly's fearless antics manage to pull him massive views, despite it all. Similar to 'FouseyTube,' pranks are accused of being fake. When the 'prank' genre died off, VitalyzdTv followed suit. As a result of no videos being uploaded, the channel was delisted from the chart.

Watch this : Gold Digger Prank! - YouTube

6. Bart Baker (2014) - No.1 for 2 weeks

'Bart Baker' is one of the pioneers of YouTube, having launched the channel in 2006. In his music video parodies, he drew inspiration from Weird Al Yankovic, a popular American singer. His spot-on impression of Justin Bieber was a staple of his channel. Unfortunately, the YouTube copyright system and unamused record labels began cracking down on Baker's right to parody their music. As a result of no videos being uploaded, the channel was delisted from the chart.

Watch this: Nicki Minaj - "Anaconda" PARODY - YouTube

7. Roman Atwood Pranks (2014) - No.1 for 5 weeks

Pranks channels were already huge on YouTube by this time, and ‘Roman Atwood Pranks’ was no exception. The same as 'FouseyTube' and 'VitalyzdTv' before him, Roman had a daring personality to go along with his extreme pranks. Unlike the other two, his channels do seem to give off a more realistic reaction from his victims, some becoming physically aggressive, at least in early videos. As a result of no videos being uploaded, the channel was delisted from the chart.

Watch this: Stealing Peoples Gas Prank!! - YouTube

8. Good Mythical Morning (2014) - No.1 for 41 weeks

Link and Rhett have known each other since childhood. The two started a YouTube channel together, which eventually became a global phenomenon. With their banter, these men have proved to be a formidable challenge to late-night talk show hosts. The comedy duo has featured many celebrities and Internet personalities over the years, including Daniel Radcliffe, PewDiePie, Hank Green, Kobe Bryant, Joseph Garrett, Gus Johnson, Megan Fox, and Zach King. The 'Must Watch' 100 Channels chart has relisted 'Good Mythical Morning'.

Watch this: The Mythical Show Ep 12 (Key & Peele, Vsauce, KassemG, ChesterSee) - YouTube

9. Jen Smith (BFvsGF) (2015) - No.1 for 4 weeks

'BFVsGF' - Boyfriend versus Girlfriend was the last prank channel to reach No.1 on the HOT 200 Channels list. Jen and Jessie were not pranking strangers on their original channel, instead, they pulled practical jokes on one another. Their prank channel accompanied this channel. The 'Dope Fresh Nation' enjoys their daily uploads, their relationship, and their ability to make fun of each other. It was one of the first attempts to combine vlogs and mini pranks and it worked. The dynamics never took each other too seriously and they built an army of 'Peeps'. It has been long since Jessie and Jen split up, and they each took over their own social media channels. The HOT 200 still lists 'Jen Smith' today.

Watch this: DRESS UP CHALLENGE!!! - YouTube

10. AsapScience (2015) - No.1 for 1 week

It's not unusual for a gem to take the top spot on the countdown and the biggest upset this year came from an educational channel, 'AsapScience.' 'AsapScience' is a YouTube channel run by Canadian YouTubers Mitch and Greg. So what pushed the channel to be the number one most watched channel that week? 'The Dress' it was. As a result of an international phenomenon, there was a debate as to which color a different dress design was, and what better way to resolve the controversy than to apply science. 'AsapScience' made a video about the dress, which went viral. It was the first and only time the channel has been number one and so far, it is the only educational channel to have done so. 'AsapScience' is still listed on the HOT 200 today.

Watch this: What Colour Is This Dress? (SOLVED with SCIENCE) - YouTube

11. Mystic Got Jokes (2015) - No.1 for 1 week

'Mystic Got Jokes' is another gem to make it to No.1 on the countdown. The content on his channel tends to be sexual in nature, which pushes the boundary of YouTube censorship. It was a stripped prank video featuring loaded dice that catapulted the Channel to the top in September 2015. This 2-minute video would not be made today if people found it distasteful. Before the prank victim could take any more clothes off, the young lady was informed of the prank. To this day, 'Mystic Got Jokes' remains on the HOT 200.

Watch this: Strip Challenge Prank - YouTube

12. Rclbeauty101 (2016) - No.1 for 20 weeks

Rachel Levin was one of the first female channels to reach the top of the countdown. Before she was even listed on the countdown, she already had a large following of young girls. Despite the sea of YouTube Channels, the lifestyle and beauty channel was discovered. Dress-up videos of Disney princesses helped her maintain the No.1 spot for many weeks. RCLbeauty101 remains on the HOT 200 to this day.

Watch this: Disney Princess Pool Party - YouTube

13. Wassabi (formerly Wassabi Productions) (2016) - No.1 for 5 weeks

Alex Wassabi has been a YouTube veteran for many years. 'Guava Juice' was the other half of the duo. Alex continued the channel on his own after the duo split in early 2016. The sudden influx of new subscribers satisfies their curiosity about how Alex would perform without his friend. Everything went well for him. In addition to dating 'LaurDIY', Alex assisted in changing the channel from being based primarily on sketches to being a vlog channel. Other friends such as 'FouseyTube' and 'Guava Juice' appeared to help keep the channel flowing. To this day, 'Wassabi' is listed on the HOT 200.

Watch this: NO THUMBS CHALLENGE! ft Caspar Lee, LaurDIY - YouTube

14. Lilly Singh (formerly Superwoman) (2016) - No.1 for 3 weeks

Lilly Singh has always been a great YouTube personality. She's charming, funny, and charismatic. Having worked with big names and even bigger companies, the Canadian formed her very own production company based in Los Angeles, Unicorn Island Productions. Her signature series is her impression of her parents. She is always focused on the next step in her career and has a drive like no other. Till this day, 'Lilly Singh' is still listed on the HOT 200.

Watch this: Types of Commercials - YouTube

15. Casey Neistat (2016) - No.1 for 15 weeks

When it comes to quality content on YouTube, he is one of the most respected filmmakers. Casey Neistat introduced the art of not just shooting videos, but creating art that has never been seen before. With his insane editing, he has inspired a new generation of visual storytelling. For years, Neistat has been the model of a vlog channel. Casey Neistat is still listed on the HOT 200 today.

Watch this: INCREDIBLE First Class BAR AND SHOWER!!! - YouTube

16. Unbox Therapy (2016) - No.1 for 3 weeks

'Unbox Therapy' breathed new life into opening new products for the first time. Lewis Hilsenteger's multi-videos-a-week reviews of new technology products were different from his peers. With his genuine first impression, he captivated our attention with a cool setup and a lovely personality. To this day, 'Unbox Therapy' is still on the HOT 200.

Watch this: The Secret Android Button - YouTube

17. Ray William Johnson (2016) - No.1 for 2 weeks

With competition from 'Smosh' and 'The Fine Bros (React),' Ray William Johnson should have been No.1 a long time ago. Johnson had already been on the Youtube platform for almost 10 years by the time 2016 rolled around. In the channel's heyday, a major controversy involving 'Makers Studio' resulted in a minor setback. The first type of content he created was reviewing viral videos or funny videos in a series called "Equals Three." Think 'America's Funniest Home Videos'. In 2014, Ray stepped down as host of the series, and a rotation of different hosts began. The Channel gained some traction after Carlos Santos hosted until the end, however, many fans disliked many of the hosts. As a result of no videos being uploaded, the channel was delisted from the chart.

Watch this: BEST OF YOUTUBE // week 4 - February 2016 - YouTube

18. Logan Paul (formerly Logan Paul Vlogs) (2017) - No.1 for 11 weeks

Logan Paul dominated most of 2017. He had been popular on Vine a year earlier and like many former Viners searching for a home, he had found one on YouTube. It was he and his brother Jake Paul who made 'dis songs' about each other and pulled antics to claim the 10 million subscribers mark first. Every video seemed more like a television reality show episode, and the 'Logang' was hooked. All came crashing down in January 2018 when Logan Paul made a controversial video while filming in Japan. The YouTube star apologized, but the damage had already been done. After taking a few weeks off from uploading, he lost most of his audience and dropped out of the top spot. Logan Paul is back in full swing with new content and a new format to a new audience. 'Logan Paul' is still listed on the HOT 200 to this day.

19. Roman Atwood Vlogs (2017) - No.1 for 21 weeks

Roman Atwood is the first and only YouTube star with two No.1 channels. In 2014, he had a No.1 Prank channel and he did it again in 2017 with this family vlog channel. The channel offered an inside look at life outside of pranks. He encourages his viewers to smile more every day of his adventure. There has never been a family channel that has pulled in such a large amount of viewers since the 'Shaytards'. In the next two years, the family felt burnt out and started to cut back on daily uploads. In 2019, tragedy struck the Roman family when Roman mom suddenly passed away. As a result of no videos being uploaded, the channel was delisted from the chart.

Watch this: GREATEST IDEA EVER!! - YouTube

20. David Dobrik (2017) - No.1 for 52 weeks

YouTube star David Dobrik became one of the first people to spend all 52 weeks at No.1 in the new chart format. In recent years, it was decided by Screenchart that a channel can stay at number one for 52 weeks (or one year) consecutively or non-consecutively. Dobrik and his fans claimed the spot for weeks on end until the channel was relisted on the '100 Must Watch Channels'. Unfortunately, the Coronavirus pandemic also claimed the channel of David Dobrik, and the vlogger ceased uploading for much of 2020. As a result of no video uploads, the channel was delisted from the '100 Must Watch Channels' list.

Watch this: CAUGHT HIM FLIRTING WITH MY GIRLFRIEND!! - YouTube

21. Lucas and Marcus (2017) - No.1 for 25 weeks

No matter what you think about the Dobre Twins, they have a dedicated following. Dancing gymnasts' duo rose to prominence on the now-defunct video application Vine. Throughout the year, 'Lucas and Marcus' have stayed focused on their simple craft, which includes pranks and challenges, as well as a music video now and then. Even today, 'Lucas and Marcus' is still on the HOT 200.

Watch this: Dobre Brothers - You Know You Lit (Official Music Video) - YouTube

22. RiceGum (2017) - No.1 for 7 weeks

'RiceGum' is one of many controversial YouTube stars. His rap disses have reached platinum status, as has his beef with other YouTube personalities. Among others, the rapper and Jake Paul had a very public feud in 2017. Until he released a diss track with Paul's ex-girlfriend, he wasn't known to the mainstream. Today, the channel is a shell of what it once was. As a result of no videos being uploaded, the channel was delisted from the chart.

Watch this: RiceGum - Its EveryNight Sis feat. Alissa Violet (Official Music Video) - YouTube

23. KSI (2017) - No.1 for 4 weeks

"KSI" is known for his FIFA gameplay, but by the time he joined the "HOT 200 Channels", his video game content was reduced and he became more of a reaction channel, and his music career was in its early stages. In the latter half of the year, KSI was promoting his upcoming first boxing match with fellow Youtuber Joe Weller, which he won. His 'KSI' channel now serves as his music platform outlet to upload new music videos. KSI is still listed on the HOT 200 today.

Watch this: I'M SORRY MUM - YouTube

24. The Bee Family (formerly Eh Bee Family) (2018) - No.1 for 4 weeks

The Bee Family became the first family channel to reach No.1 since the Roman Atwood Vlogs. Although not traditionally a family channel, 'The Bee Family' focuses mostly on challenges and skits. Due to their 'Fortnite' dance-inspired videos, the former 'Vine' family enjoyed a few weeks as the most-watched channel on the 'HOT 200 Countdown'. To this day, 'The Bee Family' is still listed on the HOT 200.

Watch this: FORTNITE DANCE CHALLENGE! - (In Real Life) - YouTube

25. Mr Beast (2019) - No.1 for 52 weeks

No surprises here!

Having maxed out his stay at No.1 on the 'Hot 200 Channels,' 'Mr. Beast' was relisted on the '100 Must Watch Channels' where he was also ranked No.1 many times. Each week, this channel receives over 100 million views. 'MrBeast' is currently listed on the 'Must Watch' 100 Channels list.

Watch this: Surviving 24 Hours Straight In A Desert - YouTube

26. AzzyLand (2019) - No.1 for 8 weeks

There aren't many female channels that make it to the top of the 'Hot 200' channels, but we're glad when they do. The YouTuber 'Azzyland' is best known for her video game-centric content, which includes gaming videos and cosplaying. Right now, her channel is a reaction channel of today's viral videos from around the world, including Tiktok. To this day, 'AzzyLand' is still listed on the Hot 200.

Watch this: Try Not To Say WOW Challenge ... (IMPOSSIBLE) - YouTube

27. Snipperwolf (2020) - No.1 for 40 weeks and counting...

YouTube's reigning queen is 'Snipperworlf'. A gaming channel originally, 'Snipperworlf' made the jump to mainstream reactions and attracted such a large following that it rivals 'Mr.Beast'. As with 'Azzyland,' she uploads multiple times a week, and no one has yet dethroned her. If she survives 52 weeks, it appears she will retire at the top. This seems very likely.

Watch this: Amazing Things You Have NEVER Seen Before - YouTube

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screenchart · 4 years ago

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DELISTED - 'Goodbye' to Channels removed from the HOT 200 in 2020

Finally, the notorious year of 2020 has ended, and it will soon be over very soon. On screenchart.com's HOT 200 Channels countdown, we welcomed many channels to the chart and said goodbye to others. It has been a remarkably interesting year on the countdown, despite controversies and achievements. We had at least twelve channels that were listed on the chart this year, and many that we delisted. Today, we take a brief look back at all the channels that we had to let go of from the HOT 200 countdown. Most channels are removed mainly because of a lack of activity.

Delisted Channels 2020

Taryn Southern [peak #126]

Jess Lizama [peak #162]

Julia Finkelstein [peak #113]

theDOMINICshow [peak #28]

Todrick Hall [peak #20]

Captain Disillusion [peak #22]

Supdaily06 [peak #94]

Casper [peak #13]

GloZell Green [peak #16]

Roman Atwood Vlogs [peak #1]

TomSka [peak #2]

The Ali's [peak #117] -changed format

Alexa Losey [peak #95]

Jack & Dean [peak #116]

Shane Glossin [peak #22]

VitalyzdTv [peak #1]

Nigahiga [peak #2]

Leadley [peak #144] - videos remove

MindofRez [peak #10]

Mamrie Hart [peak #121]

Lisbug [peak #32]

My Harto [peak #24]

Jenna Marbles [peak #4]

Ingrid Nilsen [peak #23]

RiceGum [peak #1]

#todrick hall #shane dawson #jenna marbles #tomska

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screenchart · 5 years ago

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Marques Brownlee: “Reflecting on the Color of My Skin”

Sup guys! First of all, I've wrestled with, like, what to even say about any of all of this. I mean there's so much going on right now. The global pandemic of course. The chaos and leadership in this country and of course the protests going on about police brutality against black people in America. It's a lot. I was inspired to at least share this post by Neil deGrasse Tyson. I read it because I was curious about his experience and I feel like it inspired me to share my experience just because it might be useful for the same reason.

So first of all, I'm a tech YouTuber. I make videos about tech. I've been doing this since I was 15 years old in the bedroom of my parent's house and I've been lucky enough to be able to turn this thing that I love to do into a job, but of course, as I've done this and as I've built this for the past decade-plus it's come with all sorts of unintentional consequences and new things that go with it, whether it's hiring decisions or management decisions or ethics questions. Just a bunch of other things come with being able to make your job, but also if we just rewind the clock before I even started any of this, before the videos and all that stuff, I've been lucky enough to have amazing parents that supported me and encouraged me to try new things and experiment to find the things I like and then would support when I would latch on to things. For me, none of these things started with anything to do with the color of my skin. It was just things I was super interested in and the longer I'd stayed in these things and the more I'd got rooted in these communities and these activities, the more it would start to come up.

So for context, I've been an avid golfer since I was ten years old. I've been an ultimate Frisbee player since before high school at a professional and club level, and I'm a tech YouTuber and make videos so it was an escape basically to be able to bury myself in my work and then these activities as a way to like isolate myself from all the rest of what was going on around the world because at the end of the day as soon as it's over, as soon as I leave, soon as I drive home, as soon as I'm driving it snaps you back to reality where you could be pulled over for nothing basically or 'cause we don't see that type of car around here' or just anything stupid that would sort of bringing you back to that frustrating place.

I have stories about encounters with the police, my friends have stories, but at the same time, I have police officers in my family and I know police officers who are also frustrated with all the same stuff that's going on but the point is; things are different. First of all, I'm not a 15 year old anymore I'm in adult and 2nd I have this platform now where there are plenty of others like me that also have a platform where they can share and express support for what they believe in and whether it's these issues or any issues that pertain to what they believe in and with that there's always the "stay in your Lane" people you always see where it's like "OK. I get it". I always say my first rule is when picking a role model: 'have a very narrow definition of what to look up to someone for' - and it's for what they're good at.

So when I was playing golf for example I looked up to Tiger Woods the golfer and I looked up to Kobe Bryant the competitor. I am trying to be the best at something or just get better at something that by itself was almost enough of a distraction to forget that I am usually the only black person in the room. Slowly things change. Slowly you get to this place where at a game of high-level golf, doesn't have much diversity and high-level ultimate Frisbee is not very diverse, high-level tech is not very diverse so the spotlight sort of reappears on the color of your skin and I realized that I had kind of basically shied away from this spotlight too even though it's a good spotlight. I was proud of it. I got it and it was something to wear with pride, but at the same time, it was like weirdly in the way where you could never just be one of the better Frisbee players you would be the good black Frisbee player, instead of just being one of the best black creators I wanted to be one of the best creators. Period. So this is just a weird conflicting place where you want to be proud of it but also be able to be alongside it at the same time. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/MKBHD/ Video: Reflecting on the Color of My Skin Transcript edited by screenchart for formatting

#marques brownlee #blacklivesmatter #youtuber #reflection

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screenchart · 5 years ago

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Matthew Santoro Celebrates 10 Years On YouTube!

Today marks the 10th anniversary of my very first YouTube upload and it's been quite the journey over the last 10 years. I mean, when I first started back in 2010, it was a very very very different place as you could imagine. Back then, I was just a small-town kid who had dreams of taking being a class clown, that I always was in grade school and high school and even University, and putting that onto a world stage, and I feel like I was able to do that, but the last 10 years have not been without its ups and downs.

It's been a wild journey during that time. I suffered many heartbreaks both in the YouTube community and in my personal life, but throughout it all, I feel like you guys have been there with me. In the end, if I had to do it all over again I absolutely would because this has been such a unique beautiful journey, that I've been able to experience, and it's exciting to know that you're still here, that you're still watching.

With that, I have the privilege of continuing to make this content for you. The most exciting thing is what the next 10 years are going to bring. What the next year is going to bring? I'm going to be changing out my content. I'm going to be doing some new and exciting things for you guys and most importantly scratching that creative itch that I started getting back then and that I still have today.

So before I end this video, I want to say one final time; a huge thank you to all of you guys because you changed my life and gave me everything that I have, and I promised to continue to use my platform and your attention in a way that continues to share good vibes, love, positive energy and spread happiness and love into this world, and if I've ever made you happy or smiled or even creeped out a couple of times with my videos or made you smarter through the educational stuff, then I think I've done my job.

So thank you guys one final time and I'm excited to see you in the next chapter! Instagram: http://instagram/MatthewSantoro Video: My 10 Year Anniversary on Youtube Transcript edited by screenchart for formatting

#matthewSantoro #YouTube #anniversary #10yearsonyoutube

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screenchart · 5 years ago

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Markiplier Talks About Coronavirus

I am not an authority on the disease and if you want to read up about coronavirus I will provide links in the description that can take you to pages that give official information about coronavirus and the steps you can take to prevent yourself from getting and spreading the disease. I'm making this video because I see a lot of misinformation misunderstandings and general panic about the disease and I'm a firm believer that panic serves no purpose in times of crisis.

When things are going wrong, when there are natural disasters, panic does nothing but make situations worse, so the last thing I want people to do is panic. I want people to be smart. I want people to be proactive. I want people to stay calm in the face of adversity because that is the best way that we can get through this together.

I'm not here to talk about policy, I'm not here to talk about why this is happening. I'm not here to talk about the greater repercussions of what this will do to the world as a whole because it will have repercussions. This disease is dangerous. There is no point in lying to ourselves to say that it is not dangerous but that doesn't mean that we can let fear override our greater senses and cause us to do things that are not in our best interests and there's a lot of people that are trying to downplay the dangers of what this disease represents. They're saying it's not any worse than the normal flu. It's not as deadly as it seems, It only affects older people. So why should I worry, and to be perfectly honest I would love for that to be the case. I would love for us all to take these preventative measures and it turns out that this is just overblown nonsense. It's not, but I would love for that to be the case, but unfortunately, the reality is Coronavirus is very deadly viruses.

They're microscopic little demons that infect whoever they can dig their claws into and worst of all they prey on those among us who cannot defend themselves. The elderly people with underlying medical conditions, people who are compromised like cancer patients, those are the people that are most at risk from this disease and that is why we need to do everything in our power to make sure that we slow the spread of the disease because it's up to us; those who are healthy, those who do not have underlying medical conditions to keep our heads on our shoulders and make sure we're doing every step possible to slow this spread.

I, as a healthy individual, want to make sure that I am doing absolutely everything in my power to protect those that cannot protect themselves. Limiting contact between people and making sure that you wash your hands regularly. It may seem like a joke and it may seem nameable, but that is your first line of defense; to slowing this disease down. There are definitely more drastic approaches and larger-scale efforts that can be done, but that's out of my wheelhouse to even talk about. I'm here to try to tell you guys what you can do on an individual level to stop the fear from overriding your base senses and if you do get sick or if you feel even the remotest of symptoms isolate yourself. Self-quarantine. Make sure you have a stocked pantry so that you can isolate yourself for at least a few weeks.

Again I'm not an authority and I don't have a comprehensive guide on what to do. If I find one it will also be in the description below, but just as an example, my pantry is stocked with essential items. Lots of rice, lots of flour, lots of beans, lots of canned goods. My freezer is full of meats that are going to stay frozen for a long time so that I can make sure that if I do get sick I can remove myself from the possibility of spreading the illness any farther and that is the best thing that I can do as an individual; to help those around me and that is all that this video is about; to encourage you guys; to take the steps necessary.

These steps seemed small, but that's the thing about a pandemic. It's up to all of us to take the steps and measures necessary to ensure everyone in our community is safe. We are only as strong as our weakest link and viruses may target those directly but I am going to make damn sure that I do what I can to stop that spread and also I do know I'm very lucky. I work from home. I work on the Internet. I'm in a situation where I can self isolate and it doesn't influence much of my day-to-day life. I am still going to be making videos because you guys are going to need something to watch while you're tucked away from the world, but I know that I am privileged to be able to do that. Not everyone can. It sucks and hopefully, there's a greater conversation that will be had about the medical situation in America. How sick leave is looked at in general work practices that are not beneficial to the workers. There is a greater conversation to be had about that and I hope it happens, but again I am not an authority to speak on those subjects and that is not what this video is about.

This video is about me telling you guys that it'll be OK. We will get through this together. Panic will not override our base instincts and we are stronger because we're smarter. So with that being said, I once again encourage you guys to look up all the information that you need down in the description below. It is not the only sources of information that you can get about this disease and there are more comprehensive guides and probably better videos on YouTube that can describe what exactly you need to do to protect yourself, but for now, just know I'm gonna be doing everything I can, and I encourage you to do the same.

Coronavirus (COVID-19) WHO | World Health Organization Photo: https://www.instagram.com/markiplier/ Video: “Let's talk about Coronavirus” Transcript edited by screenchart for formatting

#markiplier #coronavirus #world health organization

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screenchart · 5 years ago

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Ricky Dillon: I'm Gay

I am gay.

I'm gay. I've barely said this out loud so I'm saying it several times to normalize it to myself. I am gay and I am finally OK with it 'cause it's been a long journey to get here.

I don't know where to start but, I just wanna talk about myself. Let's start with how inauthentic and disingenuous I have felt on YouTube for a long time. I started to slowly realize that I'm gay a couple of years ago. I would say 2017 and ever since I've slowly realized it more. Fast forward to this day, I am 1000% sure that I'm gay and the more I realized that, the more inauthentic and disingenuous I felt with my online persona. My YouTube videos. Me being on camera 'cause it's something that I've hidden and have felt the need to hide for so long and I've still been playing this role of the YouTuber Ricky Dillon when in reality I haven't been that guy in a long time and I've had the hardest last couple of years of my life.

I just probably had the worst a couple months of my life. January was horrendous and this month until now. I've been in a very very dark and scary place in the past couple of months and it's really hard because I've accepted myself but I grew up in a family environment. I grew up Christian, very religious. I grew up in Alabama and I was taught that being gay is a horrible thing. It's so bad. It's the worst thing you could be. I mean it was drilled into my brain from an early age that being gay is one of the worst things that can happen. I don't want to bash Christianity or church. I don't want to bash any religion 'cause there's a lot of people out there that are great Christians and accept people and stuff. I just was taught at a very early age, being gay is wrong. You're not gay. You can't be gay. It's wrong so therefore it was ingrained in my mind that being gay is a sin. It's wrong so therefore I can't be gay. There's no way that I'm gay because I'm a Christian. It's wrong and it is no way I could be gay. I love my family very much. I love them so much and the hardest part about all this right here, from this video, is hard. It's very out of my comfort zone 'cause I'm saying things out loud I've never said before. This is all really hard and I'm able to do it but telling my family is going to be by far the hardest thing I'm ever going to do in my life or have ever done so far. I haven't told them yet, I am going to tell them before this video is uploaded, I just wanted to get my thoughts out and then tell my family and then post this and I'm mortified. The crippling anxiety I have gone through the past couple of years and especially the past few months has been because I am just terrified to tell my family that I'm gay because I'm so terrified they're not going to accept me for being gay 'cause I know their beliefs.

They've made it clear to me and it's so hard to talk about. I don't want to bash my family, I love my family so much, but I just don't… I don't agree with what they believe in this scenario. I have gone through a lot of stuff in the past couple of years, this being one of the biggest things obviously, but also I've gone through some really bad financial issues and my family has helped me out. My parents have been there for me. They've helped me very closely. They are great parents. I had a great childhood. They raised me very well but, the fact of the matter is I'm gay and it's something they don't believe in. So I've just been… I guess I've been terrified for so long. I mean I realize that I was gay probably three years ago. I would say 2017.

I started to like slowly come to terms in 2018. That's when I completely realized it and I wanted to come out years ago. I'm not scared of telling you guys. I mean one of the great things it's 2020. The support for gay people and the LGBT plus community it's incredible and because of that and seeing other creators come out online has really, honestly giving me the strength to do this. I don't think I would be doing this if it wasn't for so many other brave people coming out honestly. That being said there's still so much of the world that is very homophobic in hate and thinks that being gay is a lifestyle or something you choose. I did not choose to be depressed and have crippling anxiety over this for three years. Do you think I want to choose to have a lifestyle that makes me in the worst state of mind I could possibly be in? When you're taught that being gay is the worst thing in the world and it goes against everything that you were taught? Once you start to realize that "yeah you are gay", it's so hard to mentally break through all of the walls that had been built up your whole life. So it blows my mind that there are still people in the world who think anybody who's gay; chooses this. I literally was created this way. I still do believe in God. I just don't necessarily agree with everything that is in the Bible. I have been made this way. I can absolutely not control that part of me, trust me, I tried for a long time.

Photo: https://www.instagram.com/RickyDillon/ Video: “I’m Gay” Transcript edited by screenchart for formatting

#ricky dillon #lgbtq community #gay #coming out

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screenchart · 5 years ago

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Hannah Hart Dad Isn't Coming To Her Wedding.

When I make a video I make it because it's something that I find so valuable or it's an experience that I'm going through I have to share because I just need to say this so that I don't internalize it and it doesn't fester in me, also I am hurting about this a lot right now. It is really devastating to me. It is really hurting me and so now that I've gotten this on my chest maybe I'll feel comfortable posting all the happy wedding content again.

Believe it or not, my dad isn't coming to my wedding. My dad isn't coming to my wedding. [Because of his religion]. They're not even like a Christian denomination. They are more like the kind of organization that consumes your entire life and controls all your relationships. Some people may refer to this as a cult and that's what it is. [I] actually tried to make this video before and it's been really hard to make because I keep getting to a point I have to address before I could talk about the experience of what it feels like when your parent continually [rejects] you or doesn't choose you, which is fine and like honestly I'm fine with it. Like why would you want someone at your wedding who doesn't believe in you or your love? My stepmom won't even make eye contact with Ella and so, of course, this couple which happens to be my father and his wife won't be coming to my wedding and that's not my fault. That's not my choice. That's not what I signed up for when I was born but that is their choice and they're making that choice because they are Jehovah's Witnesses and they chose to tell me in person something I already know. I actually don't even know why they had to tell me in person, uh maybe it was to remind me not to say anything against the witness publicly. I don't know. I really don't know.

This video feels really hard to film because I don't have a story to tell here. I don't have some sort of narrative that could carry it through. All I have is the fact that I'm really surprised, that I'm sad that my dad's not coming to my wedding. I'm really really taken back. I can't believe I care. Why do I care? It shouldn't matter. Of course he's not going to the wedding. I keep repeating this to myself, Of course, they're not going to the wedding. Of course, he's not going to the wedding. Of course. In the course of my life, the witnesses have always been more important than me, so why am I surprised that the witnesses are more important than me again here? It's not even like I'm surprised, it's just like " that's it, man, like that's it”.

It sucks. it sucks. It's a pretty shady feeling. It feels pretty bad. I'm not gonna lie it feels bad and even though I'm so grateful that I'm not apart of the witnesses and that my mom left that organization and left that cult and she took me and my sister out of that religion, I feel really good about that. I feel great about it. It's fine. Why am I disappointed that my dad is choosing it over a relationship between me and the rest of my life? This is his way of saying like; 'I accept that you're going to do this act which is against the way of his religion', and that's not what it is. I'm just getting married, so I wanted to make this video because I know a lot of people who've watched my content for a lot of years who've really celebrated with me and have also mourned with me and have been a big part of all of these chapters of my life. I want to tell anyone who's watching who has a parent that doesn't choose you, I want you to know you're not [alone].

If you have a parent who doesn't choose you, I want you to know that you still are worthy of so much and just because they are rejecting the moments of joy in your life and these moments to celebrate and to share doesn't mean you have to live your life rejecting them. You don't need to isolate yourself just 'cause they do, you know? I spent a lot of time on this channel speaking really openly about my relationship with my mom and it's because I feel comfortable speaking about my relationship with my mom. After all, I know my relationship with my mom is unconditional and unfortunately my relationship with my dad is never been that way and I've always been really scared about talking about him on the channel or publicly at all because of the Jehovah's Witnesses. I cannot do that anymore. I can't bear that anymore when I publish [my book], my publisher made me remove the word "cult" from the book because they didn't want to be sued by the Jehovah's Witnesses.

I can only be happy and if I'm someone that encourages people to live their truth and to be brave and be vulnerable then, I, myself have to continue to be brave and to be vulnerable.

Photo: https://www.instagram.com/harto/ Video: “ My Dad Isn't Coming to Our Wedding” Transcript edited by screenchart for formatting

#hannah hart #wedding

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It's Over! Cameron J Ends "Get Ready News"

I've been thinking about this for a long period. I have been thinking about what to do with the 'Get Ready News' for a while. I had taken a hiatus back in November and then I just decided to push through, but here we are now today and I have decided to end the show.

I just wanted to come over here and talk to you guys about what I'm feeling. This has been a crazy journey, been almost a year now, and y'all wouldn't even understand how much the news has changed me. There's not any other way to put it other than that I feel like there's so much more inside of me that I want to share with the world. I have so many ideas, but it's just not enough time in the day for me to do everything and I don't know if you all know, but I don't have a team of people. I have another person that helps me with the second half of the news but everything - I edited.

I don't mind work that's not the issue at all but the way the Internet is going now, YouTube is cracking down on a lot of different things, and Tik Tok is emerging and I just feel like it's time for me to get back to the essence of why you guys started seeing me and following me in the first place and that's music and dance and comedy.

I do appreciate everybody that's ever watched an episode, that's ever shared it, it's been a crazy journey for me and I have so much more that I want to give you all. I'm just in a weird position 'cause I know how important it is for people to start their day with motivation. I believe there is so much that I wanted to do with the show, but I also feel like I have to know when it's done and I have to know when to move to the next thing.

I thank you all for going on this journey with me and I hope that you will continue to support and be around for whatever is next, and the last thing: I want to challenge everybody is to think about your life and what things you need to Let go. Whether it is a job or relationship or something that's just not serving you and doesn't fill you up. Or not even that, if you just have a new dream. You know we all have to support each other in trying to be our best selves and evolve.

So I thank you guys for always giving me the space to do that. I've always done a lot of different things since I've started and you guys have stuck with me every step of the way, so I hope that you will continue.

Photo: https://www.instagram.com/cameronjhenderson/ Video: “The Get Ready News is OVER. Here's Why” Transcript edited by screenchart for formatting

#getreadynews #cameronj

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Rosanna Pansino Shares Memories Of Her Dad.

So here we are! Sadly my dad, Papa pizza, passed away around Christmas and for those of you who follow me on social media like twitter and Instagram you guys already know this, but I realize that there's a lot of you guys who love Papa pizza who may not be aware and I thought it was important to update you and tell you and I just also want to let you know that I was able to take a month off, I had stockpiled some videos in advance before the Holidays and I took a month off and I flew to different states to help family and help my mom get settled and plan my dad's memorial.

So I've had a month to grieve and to feel all the feelings and sadness and heal and start that healing process and that's something that I've just done in private and I've done on my own and I just want to say thank you. So many of my friends and family have been so supportive in just little things that they've done to make this a terrible process of grieving better and I appreciate that.

Anyways, I'm sorry that I am delivering this news and that this video sucks but I wanted to make it as positive as possible because that's what my dad would want 'cause that's kind of his energy and who he was as a person and for those of you wondering, a lot of people were asking me, what happened I thought this would be a really good time to just sit down and talk to you and let you know my dad was diagnosed with leukemia about 6 years ago in 2013 and there's different types of leukemia and he had the aggressive type and we were worried as a family that we wouldn't even get a year with him because he tried chemotherapy and it did not do anything. It did not work. At this time a new medication came out that was approved by the FDA that for 40% of the people taking it in my dad's position, it was affective and for my dad it was it gave us 6 more years with him that we would have.

I kind of wrote down a list of all of the things that we did over the last 6 years that would have happened without this new medication and I just wanted to share some of those things with you, all because those are the things that I appreciate.

Photo: rosannapansino.com Video: “Saying Goodbye” Transcript edited by screenchart for formatting

#rosanna pansino

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Ben Brown Talks About His Marijuana Addiction

Good morning everybody. Good morning. Saturday, last night was a new moon in Aquarius and I know lots of you don't subscribe for astrology and, to be honest, I like to keep a skeptical mind about it all as well, but I'm enjoying this new mysticism. That's part of my journey. It's very fun and as long as it's positive, why not? So, new moon every month then 2 weeks later it's a full moon, 2 weeks later it's a new moon.

So it's like a cycle but, it is a cycle. The lunar cycle. The most obvious and apparent one I think. The one that's closest to home 'cause the moon is literally just there and for observing the moon how's it pulls twice a day the whole ocean - every drop of water moves is affected by the gravity of the moon and we are mostly water and our emotional body is water. Feminine. So we are natural.

Also, I believe in this cycle. In this lunar cycle as well. So I'm honoring that by doing rituals new moon and full moon rituals, and those ceremonies it's nothing culty. We start a new cycle of a new moon cycle completely dark and then the moon she reveals herself to us over 2 weeks and the energy changes during that time and the more sensitive I become as I find myself on this journey.

This journey is: growing within and cultivating awareness and expanding my capacity to feel in love and understand a little bit better or at least, not necessarily understanding this human existence, but, trying to feel my way through it. I found that as I notice, and pay more attention to the lunar cycles, I have more awareness of my connection to the cyclical nature of human existence. So on a new moon, is good times for manifesting because it's the start of the cycle.

So what I did last night was I wrote down all the things that I want to change in my life now, I'm going to get vulnerable with you guys I'm going to tell you some things because this is also one of my new moon intentions that are, to be more open, being more vulnerable with you guys online. Anything that's stopping me from doing that is my ego because I'm scared of what people might think. I'm working on that, yeah, I'm writing down a list of things that aren't serving me anymore in my life, that I want to change and a list of things I want to pull in, like manifest into my life. What is it that I want? What is it that I need? Get clear on those things and it all starts with a thought.

That's the first frequency that goes out. Thoughts. Compounding the power of those thoughts by writing them down and then feeling them. Feeling them out so the frequency of your thoughts, when they match your emotions; that's when the manifesting power kicks in and the universe goes "OK cool this is what you want".

So, what you gonna get? I used to be an athlete, professional athlete, kayaker and that whole period of my life was incredible... It is incredibly difficult in a lot of ways and I made it difficult for myself and I loved it to be difficult and very challenging. I had to be 100% committed to going faster in a kayak to win. I wanted to win and the races I did when I was very successful at kayaking were not the reason why I identified myself as a kayaker. If you know me you also know that I haven't been doing athletics very much at all the last few years and my body has slowly been like going through undulations of dipping back into fitness and then out again and my physical health is being questioned. In comparison, certainly to my athletic abilities of the past, the reason I'm telling you this is because to give you some kind of reference to where I'm at right now so let's talk about addiction.

I have a very addictive personality. I love to escape. I love to Daydream and disappear. People will be having a conversation with me to my face and I'll be drifting, detaching and wandering off and then I'll have to come back and be like; pretend that I remember what we were even talking about. Sometimes it's really bad. I'm working on that. I'm getting much better being present. I love to escape and I'm asking myself why do I love to escape? Like what is it about this reality that I'm trying to escape from? Some things that I'm addicted to include food. I love to eat just for the sake of eating. That pure pleasure of chewing and swallowing and ingesting food as a distraction for me. We need food, but to eat excessively at unnecessary times is a red flag for escaping.

I'm addicted to my Phone. This thing. I'm so addicted to this thing and I'm working on that and I'm a social smoker. I smoke rollies tobacco on average over the last year or two. Certainly the last year on average, it will be like 2 rollies a day, maybe 3. It's just something that I found comforting. I find tobacco also to be very grounding which pulls me back down into my body um but it's super unnecessary and the other way I like to escape my most favorite way to escape, is to smoke cannabis marijuana and this is something that I've been doing for several years now. Medicinally and not medicinally.

I look back at the years that I was smoking cannabis without awareness of why. Certainly, it was medicinal like much better escaped than drinking. Much better escape than overeating and just a natural medicine. But I have abused it on multiple occasions, where I've smoked too much and used it to escape the emotions that are coming up for me because they felt too big and too scary so I'd smoke and then be optimistic, but, then less productivity goes on.

If any of you guys have ever had a relationship with cannabis you might understand a little bit better than it's kind of like almost like a mistress, and I go through phases of smoking and not smoking but certainly recently in the last couple of months I've been able and willing to process the emotions that are coming uphold space for myself and let myself feel this hard questions that won't be processed, that energies are within me that wants to shift and move, and not be carried anymore, marijuana is something that I would use if I didn't feel like I have the capacity in my life, for example, like when things are getting busy and hectic. I can't deal with these emotions right now. I'm just going to medicate, be optimistic and push through more than scenario was becoming. One that didn't serve me at all.

I'm using the client medicinally. So that's something that I've been working on. Get involved with you guys about my addictions and my new moon ritual. I'm reducing the amount of cannabis that consume and I'm quitting smoking straight up. I don't think that's going to be difficult actually because I'm at the stage now where I'm not smoking very often at all and when I do I'm like; I don't even like this. This is just a habit. This is just like a ceremony that I fall back on, but previously it's made me feel better about myself and but it's not working. It doesn't work anymore and it's a priority now for me to just shift and process those emotions that come up and the indicator for emotions coming up also is me wanting to escape, so I find myself craving food unnecessary times or rolly to smoke or even a joint to smoke at times. They are incredibly inappropriate. It's an indicator that I've got emotions that need processing.

Photo: @mrbenbrown Video: “My Marijuana Addiction & New Moon Intentions ” Transcript edited by screenchart for formatting

#ben brown #marijuana

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screenchart · 5 years ago

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Screenchat.com Channel Awards 7: Complete Nominees List

Find out who's nominated at the screenchart.com CHANNEL Awards 7! The Screenchart CHANNEL Awards are right around the corner, results Feb. 1 on screenchart.com, but the nominations are here now! Find out who is nominated in each of the 21 categories in the full list below! Or see the full list on the website: https://screenchart.com/channel-awards/

Breakout comedy duo LoveLiveServe leads the screenchart.com CHANNEL Awards with 6 Nominations including Best Duo, Group, or Collaboration. LoveLiveServe consists of childhood friends, Noah Taitano and Ryan Burton who’ve recently graduated college.

Other leading channels who leads this year’s nominations list are; Nigahiga, Blndsundoll4mj, and Crash Course!

Winners will be announced Feb 1st on screenchart.com

#screenchart #channelawards

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Congratulations! Dan The Diamond Minecart Welcomes New Baby Boy

I haven't uploaded in the past nine days but on the 5th of January my amazing wife Gemma, she gave us a beautiful little boy, so yeah I've had my hands pretty full!

We stayed in the hospital for I think 4 days, came home 3 days ago and I'm not quite sure what's going on. I never know what day it is, but I am extremely happy.

I'm not sure what's going to happen with videos or streams or anything anytime soon. We are settling him into our house, so we're focusing on him and him only at the moment. His name is Asher!

I did post on the YouTube creator Community thing. If you want to go and check that out. I don't know what we going to be playing or anything.

For now, we're going to spend some real quality family time together. When I feel comfortable coming back, I just thought I'd let you know. I'm extremely happy he's already amazing and I can't wait to see what the future brings or me.

I'm going to slowly get back into making content as soon as I feel comfortable.

youtube

Congratulations!!

Photo: @dantdm Video: “ I'm a Dad now!” Transcript edited by screenchart for formatting.

#dantdm #baby #DanTheDiamondMinecraft

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EhBee Family Talks About New YouTube Changes To Their Family Channel

It's official! Rules have changed everything on YouTube and we wanted to come in here to talk about it.

Your children are watching YouTube. This is why you need to watch what your children are watching because as of this month all the rules have changed on YouTube and now none of the content that's created is designed for children 13 and under. So you can no longer just give the iPad to your child and say "here just go to the homepage and watch whatever". Should never happen before... should not be happening now. It is no longer for children. There is a YouTube kids app and you will see that a lot of channels still on YouTube will have an advertisement to go watch kids content on YouTube kids. That's an app that specifically designed for children. Chances are they're going to continue watching YouTube.

So what we want you guys to know, because we're on both sides of the coin; we are parents, we have children. Both of our children are teenagers now. We are also creators and we know kind of what's happening on this platform and we've been keeping a close eye for the past few years and what we want to tell you is from time-to-time check out what they're looking at on the screen because a lot of content creators are going to be aging up their material and it's going to be a lot more mature even more mature than what it already was and kids are going to get super confused. Watch what they're watching. Look over their shoulder and just give it a couple of minutes and just see, because they might not think it's inappropriate. There might be certain things that kids are watching that they shouldn't be watching. It's so important.

Let's start from the beginning. Let's stop thinking about ourselves and being caught up in our minds and living on autopilot and let's connect.

Parents have no idea young children are watching us creating content for the last seven years, that is not harmful to your children, but just so that you guys are all aware, it's not designed for children under 13. This is a business. You can't walk into the bank and pay your mortgage with likes! It doesn't work. As a parent, as the guardian, what you've allowed your children to watch in the past - it's a new day - and just to let you guys all know these are major major changes that are happening and you need to know because kids are left on their devices for hours at a time.

So if you have an eight-year-old or a nine-year-old or a 4-year-old, you need to be fully aware of their steps in the internet world. So let's try to raise a generation of healthy kids with healthy minds. Let's protect them and before we end, it's not just YouTube, Tik Tok is not all appropriate. There's a lot of inappropriate content on Instagram in the form of entertainment.

We want to make people laugh and we want to have fun and I think a lot of the same thing that's created by responsible creators can be responsible more.

youtube

We love you guys. Please let us know in the comments what you think and if you're going to have a conversation with your kids, and kids if you're watching this pull your parents in, ask them to sit with you to watch this video and just have a conversation together, please.

Photo: @ehbeefamily Video: “This Is why your kids are in danger” Transcript edited by screenchart for formatting.

#eh bee family #youtube #coppa act

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LaurDIY On Her Battles With PTSD And Trauma As She Shares Her Anxiety Story

I always thought that I should be better, I should be here and I should be stronger before putting myself on the internet to tell my story, but I realized that anxiety is an ongoing battle. I may never consider myself fully healed and so the video just may never come. So here we are and I decided I wanted this.

This is going to be a video that is not DIY and something that I have never talked about and I think if I can tell my story and just make one person in the world feel a little less alone. It's something that I want to do. You guys know I've always been a big advocate for mental health and therapy and anxiety and I don't want to keep this a secret anymore.

I should mention that I do have permission from everyone that's involved in this story because of some parts of it...not exactly my story. There('s) a part of my story and a part of my journey, but I do have permission from everyone involved in this and I know you guys will be super respectful of my privacy.

I feel like I should maybe give a trigger warning for a few things anxiety and Trauma-related before we hop in. This is not something I have ever done, my palms are so sweaty right now, like if you could see the condensation. I am in no way shape or form a certified mental health professional of any kind so these are just cited from reputable online sources. The goal of this video is to just share my story because it is tough out there and I feel like there is always more room for openness and support for one another because, girl, I am going through it and I know some of you are too.

I've always been a highly organized, highly motivated type, high-stress individual. I'm a warrior and a planner. I personally think there are personality types that are a little more susceptible to being the anxious type and I would consider myself one of those personality types and one of those people. In the spring of 2011, I was 17, finishing up my senior year of high school and someone very close to me had their very first seizure which would be the first of many and a battle with epilepsy. I had heard of seizures. I see them on TV and movies. People sometimes show them when they overdose on drugs but I had never witnessed one. We were alone I feel like I was almost having like an Out of Body Experience. I was hysterically crying and I have never felt so much sheer terror in my life. So this would be the first time that I would experience feeling like a full loss of control while simultaneously feeling like I was responsible for the scenario that was happening in front of me. I feel like my brain was just not properly equipped to watching a loved one so violently fight for their life. So typically seizures stop after a few minutes, this one did not. This would be the start of a three-year journey learning how to physically and mentally help and support a loved one experiencing epilepsy.

I did not take care of myself during this time. I was constantly living in a state of stress and anxiety of when the next seizure would be or the next seizure would be really really bad and I lose. I definitely should have gone to therapy to process the trauma that had happened. I think we both went through a lot mentally and obviously physically on their end and it definitely took a toll on us. I look back and I wish that I had gotten help. I feel like I probably transferred a lot of that energy on to them as well and let that affect both of us.

In the fall of 2011, I moved out for the very first time in Toronto for University. I think it's the first time that I really felt the true effects of anxiety. I felt sick 24/7. I would not go to class and I had never felt so consistently out of control of my own life and I don't think I'll ever know for sure, but I think with the combination of not being near my family, knowing literally no one, and just kind of missing that core support that I had had... all three and having this new trauma that I just experienced without having properly processed... it's something in me just cracked or changed or snapped. I rolled into a really scary place.

Fast forward to the Winter of 2012, I had my very first severe anxiety attack. I was taking an exam that honestly, I was very prepared for. In the exam it started with feeling just a little bit panicky and I hope that I really understood the phrase "fight or flight" until this moment because my body was like, 'you need to leave, you cannot be here'. I felt like I could not breathe. I've experienced everything from nausea to numbness in my spine and neck, hyperventilation, loss of balance and coordination, like I feel like I can barely walk sometimes.

So I started therapy and 2012 after that first severe anxiety attack and I learn pretty quickly that therapy is a lot like dating and not every therapist is for you and they're not always a most compatible match and that's okay. I think it makes sense, you know, like dating to meet a range of people. I'll always remember one of the first therapists that I met with literally told me that they cannot fix me but any medication could and so I broke up with her. I dumped her. I fired her. We didn't see each other again and I think what's so great about our generation and that there are so many different kinds of therapy. I've tried the in-person session with a therapist. There are so many amazing resources; some free and some paid for that are all available for those of you also going through this and I have learned so so so much from therapy about myself about my trauma the how I process my trauma and how I transferred that trauma and that feeling of being out of control into other anxieties and phobias. Therapy work. I know the idea of inviting into, technically a stranger, can be really scary but I do think that knowledge is power and it's so therapeutic to me when I feel like I better understand myself and what I've been through and how I got to where I am. That I truly believe that after every single therapy session I'm a little bit stronger and I'm a little bit better and I'm a little bit more armed with knowledge to fight against my anxiety. I think my main goal is not only properly process the trauma but it's more about moving forward and learning coping mechanisms to maintain my mentality.

I've tried with therapists, EMDR, and CBT. If you're interested in one to dive more into (these are) the two that I've tried and have been fairly successful with.

Also, I feel like it's so crazy that I haven't told you guys this and I almost feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. It's been a lot and I feel like it's a part of my past and you guys know so much about me and I'm so glad that this is a piece of me that you now know as well. You kind of know a little bit of my back story. So I have a generalized anxiety disordered that may have been triggered by trauma with mild PTSD. Even more specifically I have agoraphobia, a metal phobia, to the best of my understanding.

I experienced during that first seizure, a disorder that revolves around control or the feeling of not having control which then also leaves for the constant worry of not having or being able to regain control in the future. This raises the chances of me being sick. What will I do if I get sick? Where is the exit? where is the nearest bathroom? Essentially how can I prevent myself from being in a position where I could get sick and then feel trapped? I know how confusing this may sound to someone who has never heard of any of this but I'm so glad you're still here in the video, that means so much to me. It's a rational obsession with the fear of getting sick and feeling trapped and it's the point where when I'm feeling really anxious I'll make excuses to not leave my house. If you ever need a Tums or a 'Pepto' or water I have got you because I'm preparing for essentially my worst nightmare; is getting sick and so in my head I have all of these prevention techniques like carrying 'Pepto' (may) prevent any early symptoms of maybe feeling sick.

I know how surprising or confusing this might all seem to someone who has no idea that I'm low-key sometimes living with a debilitating disorder. I've never really fully explained or talked about and honestly a lot of my friends don't even know the extent to this disorder and it so crazy to think about the possibility of not having these thoughts consume my head constantly.

I'm not going to let it control my life I'm not going to let it ruin my life. I'm not going to let it hold me back while I'm having an anxiety attack.

I want to talk about medication because that's been a big part of my recovery and my journey as well but this is obviously a personal preference and opinion and it's something that I encourage you to talk to your doctor about if you're interested in learning more. I have two types of medications and they have made a life-changing impact on me personally. I have taken a pill before bed every single night and I have a separate pill that I can take if I'm having a severe anxiety attack.

When I first started on medication in 2012 it's such a weird feeling to describe, and it may not click for everyone, but it almost as if a cloud had been parted or assess the emotions. The feelings that I was experiencing I think I owe the first steps of recovery to my medication. I think it's also really important to note here that medication doesn't just magically make your problems go away and disappear forever. That's absolutely not the case. I was in therapy at the time and I feel like I can finally understand the coping mechanisms that I was learning and accept them into my life and start realistically applying them on this anxiety journey. I feel like one of the biggest things that I've learned about myself personally is; I find that knowledge is power and I mentioned that earlier, learning about my disorder and reading the research behind why different coping techniques work and hearing other people's experiences were going through the same thing that I am, is so therapeutic for me and I guess that's also a part of what I'm hoping to do. This video is just to reach people who are feeling the same way that I do on a daily basis because I love hearing the different ways that people get through their day who are struggling with the same types of things.

I think overall, the more I know the more powerful I feel against anxiety. I know not everyone has access to the resources to meet with a therapist or pay for some kind of therapy service but I feel like a lot of the things that I've learned, stuck with me, and help me the most, are actually things that I've learned on my own just through TED talks and YouTube videos and articles. Find ways to help you get through your struggles. A few of my personal favorite anxiety coping techniques that you guys can definitely do more research on are grounding methods by deep breathing meditation positive self-talk, and personally, grounding has really changed my life during an anxiety attack so if there's one to recommend I definitely definitely definitely encourage you to read a little bit more.

I'm sure that a lot of you with anxiety know that anxiety comes in waves and I feel like I've learned a lot about the patterns of my anxiety and I can also recognize when I need to spend a little more time practicing self-care and taking care of my mental health. One of my patterns is that if I have something that's very high pressure and stressful, I always find a way to get through it but afterward as soon as my body can... kind of let go and I can take a breath...I crash. I take care of myself. I know that it’s coming. I know that it happens every time. There's things that I can do to help manage it. As soon as I do know that I got through something stressful - I know that there's like a let-go coming. It's day-to-day and it's probably something that will continue to be day to day for potentially the rest of my life and as much as I wish that it would be something that I could just wake up one day and it would be gone. I know that's not the reality. I'm getting stronger. I'm getting smarter and I'm learning more every single day and It prepares you to fight against your anxiety. I absolutely have breakdowns out of frustration and I can't change the way that I think and I can't rewire my brain to unsee some of the things that happened to me in the past. I absolutely can feel like a burden on my loved ones for having something that can sometimes be so debilitating and can affect others that are in my life but I just want you to know that you are not alone in this. I am absolutely going through it every single day and it's a battle and it's going to be bad, but I believe in you I believe in me and if I can make one single person feel less alone in this through this video I've done my job and I feel good about this video and sharing my life.

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I'm not going to lie, this is a lot... like this is something that has weighed so heavily on me and, you know, it is a big part of who I am and who I become and it's something that I want you guys to know about me. So I love you guys I'm happy. I'm nervous, but Happy New Year I'll make sure to leave some resources and some keywords that you guys can do some more research on if you're interested in that. There is always a light in every battle in this fight and the tunnel, whatever you want to call it, and I'm right here with you so I will see you guys in 2020.

Photo: @laurdiy Video: “ my PTSD/trauma & anxiety story ” Transcript edited by screenchart for formatting.

#laurdiy #anxienty

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