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[shakespears-scribe]

Butterflies

The wings in my stomach flit and flutter about when she speaks

They roll and swing in time with her laughter and I can feel them rise in my chest when she looks at me.

Their frantic wings beat in time with the hammer in my chest when her eyes meet mine.

i should probably stop eating caterpillars.

-crow

[shakespears-scribe]

Things I’ve learned since starting to work in healthcare:

Jaundice sometimes looks like someone has been caught in a highlighter explosion

Bones look really weird outside of someone’s skin

Most people would not survive a fae uprising

Like seriously I ask people “can I have your name” and everyone just gives it to me

I have like 3000 names now

Nurses are sometimes the coolest people ever

And other times they’re gossipy pigeons

Warm blankets fix everything

Clerks almost always have candy in their desks

Befriend the clerks

Caffeine is everyone’s friend

WARM BLANKETS

[shakespears-scribe]

My dead father.

My father is not dead.

Sometimes I wish he was.

Then I would have a good excuse

for all the things he never did for me.

He might as well be dead sometimes.

His grave is my birth certificate.

He doesn’t answer texts.

He can’t get a drivers license.

He has no passport.

He can’t get a bank account.

My father is a ghost.

And I am the one haunting him.

My father is alive.

My father is dead to me.

-Crow

[shakespears-scribe]

do it scared. do it vaguely uncomfortable. do it mysteriously damp

[shakespears-scribe]

I wouldn’t survive One Piece.

Why?

Because I don’t think I would be able to prevent myself from screaming

“PUNCH BUGGY NO RETURNS”

Every time I saw Buggy. And by the second or third time I think he would simply kill me on sight.

[shakespears-scribe]

Shopping list of a college student

-crow

-pizza (pepperoni or supreme)

-bananas

-hopes and dreams

-yogurt

-ramen packs (white chicken base)

-apples for sandy (NOT GALA)

-memories come dripping through the windows

-that morning we danced in the rain

-chips

-Mac and cheese (lactose free because jays a weak ass bitch)

-REGULAR Mac and cheese (for everyone who isn’t allergic to joy)

-old friends

-new phone charger

-popcorn

-shadows of your past

-crackers

-cheese (fuck you jay)

-the house you grew up in

-a lost belief in something bigger than this

-the hope that faded from your eyes somewhere along the way

-ketchup

-loss

-pens

-graphite (0.7 mm)

-please pick up extra spicy salsa for me also our bio assignment is due tomorrow xoxo jay

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Cleaning Nonsense

-Crow

There’s a window in my closet.

And a jar upon my door.

The lights are in the trashbin,

My clothes are on the floor.

The chair is in the hallway,

My sewing’s in the sink.

The laundry basket’s empty,

The wash has all gone pink.

My desk has lots of dishes

The ceiling’s dripping wet.

The bed is nearly gone I fear,

My sheets smell of regret.

Sometimes it makes me want to cry,

To die, to sleep, to make a wish,

My rooms a mess and so am I,

I’d best lie down and drown with fish.

This didn’t make much sense to me.

But if it had,

We’d both go mad,

Something something, squid.

[shakespears-scribe]

Ways to say “I love you”

I’m so glad I met you

Let me know when you get there

Do you want anything special?

I can’t imagine my life without you in it

Wear a seatbelt

Be careful please?

Come back, okay?

I’m here for you, always.

When I’m with you, forever isn’t long enough.

I made this for you.

I hate you less than others

You mean so much to me

You brighten my day

[shakespears-scribe]

I will not be remembered for greatness.

But I will be remembered for all the problems I’ve caused, and I’m okay with that.

[shakespears-scribe]

Me: *nudges my blind cat so I can open the oven*

Cal: you would kick me? You would boot me from the kitchen for your own selfish reasons? Why don’t you just kick me out of the house while you’re at it! The neighbors like me! I’ll go stay with them! See how happy you are then!!

Me: wtf cal let me get my damn cookies. You can go outside after.

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There is comfort in nothingness

In feeling completely and utterly numb to the world around you.

In giving in to gravity and falling back into the earth.

In watching the world give way to darkness.

The nothing consumes me,

And yet,

I have never felt so safe.

[shakespears-scribe]

dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

[shakespears-scribe]

Disappear

Nights like this, all I want is to disappear.

I don’t want to exist.

My body sinks lower into my bed as the ocean of tears I’ve been holding onto run down my face and into my hair.

Every distraction tonight seems to fail and more than anything I want to pick up my phone and dial your number I know so well.

I’ve done it dozens of times before, so why can’t I tonight?

Maybe it’s because I feel a bit like a sack of rocks being dragged along by a horse already weighed down by its rider and hobbles and tack.

Im just a burden on you.

You don’t deserve this.

I want to make your life better,

But I can’t.

Im barely keeping myself afloat.

I gave away the boat,

and the life jacket,

and the floaties.

All I have left are my own arms and legs and they’re so tired of treading water.

People keep handing me paddles, and then the paddle breaks under the weight of the irons dragging me towards the bottom.

This is so hopeless.

I just want to drown.

Let them forget about me as they row their boats towards safety.

At least they’ll be alright.

So just let me disappear

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COMMISSIONS!!

I know none of us are really rolling in cash right now and there are more important causes that need help, but I'm moving and will have to pay rent/deposit/etc soon, but I'm in a tough spot financially at the moment, so I'm doing CQL/MDZS comic commissions to help me with housing expenses!

What:

Traditional, fully watercolored comics with semi detailed backgrounds centered around a few lines or verses from a song, poem, etc

As mentioned, comics will only be for MDZS/CQL

Examples: poem one, poem two, song

How it works:

Send me the quote you want the comic to be centered around, what relationship/character/concept/etc you want it focused on, and anything you do or do not want included. You can be as vague or as specific as you see fit. I can work with just a song and a focus or a whole thought out concept - I want the end result to be something you like!

The final product will be posted on my art account here @mossy-rat and my art account on isnta @/mossy.rat, as well as DMed or emailed to you!

Pricing:

Price starts at $50 and can go up depending on concept, complexity, and what seems fair to both of us!

Payment via PayPal or Venmo

Wills & Won'ts:

Things I won't do:

• NSFW

• Anything related to inc*st/r*pe/p*dophilia

• Specifically, any of the following relationships in a romantic/sexual context:

- Xue Yang / Xiao Xingchen

- Jin Guangyao / Nie Mingjue or Lan Xichen

- Lan Xichen / Jiang Cheng

- Any Lan Sizhui / Lan Jingyi / Jin Ling combo

- Yunmeng sib, Lan sib, Nie sib, or Jin sib inc*st obviously!!!

Things I will do:

• Non-explicit physical affection

• Gore

• Violence

• General angst/trauma

Note: I will do pieces centered around certain unhealthy/abusive dynamics (like Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao, or Xiao Xingchen and Xue Yang) as long as they are not portrayed in a positive context and it is recognized that the relationship is unhealthy. If you have questions about this feel free to send me an ask/DM me!

I have the right to reject any request I'm uncomfortable with

Etc.:

I have not read the novel and am most familiar with The Untamed, so if you'd like your commission to include details/focus on canon from another adaptation you may need to provide me with some extra information!

To commission me you can DM me here or email me at ben.ccglover@gmail.com!

DM me/send me an ask if you have any questions !

Even if you can't commission me I would really appreciate it you could reblog this to spread it around, thank you!!

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Me: hey babe. Hey babe. Babe. Baby. Honey. Sweet cheeks. Babe. Hot stuff.

Other human:WHAT?!?

Me: give me cuddles plz? :)

[shakespears-scribe]

I got out of bed. I ate. I went for a walk. I went to one of my online classes. I helped my friend through an anxiety attack and dissociative episode.

I could barely find the motivation to do homework. I failed two tests. I couldn’t finish a project due tomorrow. I had four panic attacks and a mental breakdown. My period started and my dysphoria and anxiety skyrocketed. My tics went insane while I tried to complete simple tasks. I bashed my head against a wall without meaning to. I had a dissociative episode while being yelled at for being lazy and spent the last of my energy trying not to switch.

Tomorrow, my teachers will go online and realize I haven’t handed in assignments. I will be docked marks and my already crushing work load will increase.

Im so tired.

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Day 23 of quarantine.

I’m so frickin tired. I haven’t had a restful sleep in about a week and a half. I’m currently running on coffee and sugar. Please send help.