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Hooked on Polkas: The Legacy of Weird Al

Hooked on Polkas: The Legacy of Weird Al

Part 1: Close Personal Friends Fade in on a lonely kid listening to another boy singing “Eat It.” Pan to a middle schooler obsessively hunting for new cassettes. Crossfade to a grown man standing in a bookstore, crying. Being a super fan of anything boils down to a few memorable moments that come to define at least a small part of who you are. Weird Al’s fan club is cheekily called Close…

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Frayed

Jake started getting cataracts about three years ago. He showed signs of deteriorating hearing a couple of years ago. He stopped walking normal about a year ago. He’s been getting older a little at a time, rapidly declining since Moo wandered off into the night. He stopped eating his hard food a few months ago, his wet last month, and almost anything a week or two ago. So far, he hasn’t stopped…

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Oh, What a Fineday!

My office is my refuge. It is the fertile garden from which I hope many grand stories to grow. I’ve been working on it since we bought the house almost two years ago. It is filled with inspiration: rare books and busts of heroes and relics from around the world and throughout history. That being said, I do write on a computer, but I didn’t want the modern technology to steal the feeling of…

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Someone Else's Life

Someone Else’s Life

“What would you be doing if you weren’t doing this?”

When I listen to comedians, writers, and actors in interviews give their answers to this question, I hear myself in their words. Sometimes they do give an alternative career, but mostly they say something about how they aren’t cut out for any other kind of work.

Because I grew up hard with a stern seed of survival placed into my chest,…

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Losing It: The Weight Loss Journey of a Self-Proclaimed Fat Guy

Losing It: The Weight Loss Journey of a Self-Proclaimed Fat Guy

I’m still a fat guy at heart, but my heart can survive inside of a fat guy.

Growing Up and Getting Fat

I used to be a skinny mother@#$%er, but I was never in shape. You could see my rib cage when I’d inhale, and on the days when we ran the mile in high school, you could see it a lot as I’d lay on the ground and gasp for air praying for a quick and merciful end to my misery. I just had one of…

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The Two Daves

“The Ruins of Our Past” went through phases. It started off as a kid’s action flick ala TMNT called “FBKIS.” As I got older, it moved away from set piece silliness and became more of a gritty coming-of-age crime drama called “Debt to Society.” In college, I wrote it as a reflective romance and called it “Home Street.” All of those pieces eventually came together as I began to edge upon middle age…

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The Chronicles of "Peaking" VII: For the Love of the Game

The Chronicles of “Peaking” VII: For the Love of the Game

When I was a boy, I rode on a pretty rough-and-tumble school bus. The forty-five minute route had two or three other stops, but the vast majority of the kids who rode it were dropped off in one place. There were almost daily battles at that trailer park bus stop, and the conversation on the ride to or from school was often punctuated with grotesque displays of vulgarity. I remember an older kid…

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War of the Worlds: 'Alien' Versus 'Predator'

War of the Worlds: ‘Alien’ Versus ‘Predator’

Two science-fiction franchises, each with their own distinct voice, have been inextricably linked by two “Versus” films, so let’s finally settle this fight and rank each entry in the total canon of both in an effort to find out who would win in a cinematic street fight once and for all.

What happens when a bag of cocaine is tasked with writing a sequel to a classic 80s action flick? Predator 2

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The Chronicles of "Peaking" VI: Ashley Alan

The Chronicles of “Peaking” VI: Ashley Alan

Ashley Alan is a traveling salesman with a suitcase full of dreams. In “Peaking,” he is the theatrical creation of Elijah and Victor, but in reality, both he and Elijah were inspired and influenced by my all-time favorite musical theater collaborators, Howard Ashman (book and lyrics) and Alan Menken (music). The two collaborated on only five projects, but their influence can never be overstated.

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The Chronicles of "Peaking" V: Character

The Chronicles of “Peaking” V: Character

What makes a good drama? Lucky for us, Aristotle did a pretty good job of answering that question three hundred and fifty years before the common era. Basically, it comes down to just a few important points:

Plot – What is the story?

Character – Who are the people driving the story?

Theme – What are you saying with the story?

Language – What is said during the story?

Rhythm – How do you pace the…

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The Chronicles of "Peaking" IV: Elevator Pitch

The Chronicles of “Peaking” IV: Elevator Pitch

So far, I have gone into the inspiration behind the project. There was a nice story about the writing process and even a bit of honest reflection about the state of my mental health returning to my day job amidst the pandemic. This is now the fourth post, and I haven’t really gotten into what this whole thing is about in the first place.

What the hell is “Peaking?”

“Peaking” is a one-hour…

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The Chronicles of 'Peaking' III: Inspiration

The Chronicles of ‘Peaking’ III: Inspiration

Before I got my current day job with IKEA, I worked at a high-end movie theater. There, I met a guy named Chance who was a lot like me. He was outgoing and funny, outwardly enthusiastic and upbeat, and both of us quickly became the go-to for welcoming audiences and introducing the films.

Working in a movie theater isn’t an easy gig. Even one with such a good reputation. Concessions is taxing,…

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The Chronicles of 'Peaking' II: Grinding Down

The Chronicles of ‘Peaking’ II: Grinding Down

“Oh, man. That smells like dead manatee,” I said when stepping outside and pulling the mask away from my face to breathe in “fresh air” during my break.

My coworker cocks her head to the side. “How do you know what a dead manatee smells like?”

Shrugging, I reply, “I used to live in Florida.”

It was our second night back, and the ocean breeze was blowing the scent of a very heavy red tide inland…

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50 Years Later - Kent State

50 Years Later – Kent State

I want to honor the message of what happened fifty years ago at my alma mater. The best way I know to do that is to share with you this abridged excerpt from my book, “The Ruins of Our Past.”

  “I told you I wasn’t going to be a traditional tour guide, I’d tell you things you wouldn’t hear anywhere else.” I stand on the hill beside Taylor Hall and move to the “Solar Totem” statue, showing them a…

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The Chronicles of 'Peaking' I: Beginnings

The Chronicles of ‘Peaking’ I: Beginnings

As I head out the door, I ask Stella to grab a pad of paper and a pencil, so we can leave for her dad’s house as soon as I return from walking Jake. When I climb into the car, I see the writing on the pages of the legal pad. I don’t remember what it is, but I vaguely recall the ideas behind my scrawled handwriting. Reading the four pages of what was entitled “His Last,” I realize this was what I…

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It’s been over a year since I proposed to Stella, my girlfriend of — well, twelve years yesterday! And in celebration of that, I present to thee, our engagement photos from the city of lights.

Engaged to Eternity It's been over a year since I proposed to Stella, my girlfriend of -- well, twelve years yesterday!

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I Drank Every Grape Soda I Could Get My Hands On and then Ranked Them!

Somewhere deep inside the castle of my subconscious mind, past the moat of insecurity, down the twisting corridors of repressed anger, above the dungeon of sexual starvation, but not far from the damp broom closet where my inner child quietly weeps, is a trophy case where the things I hold in high reverence are kept. On one of those shelves, cramped in between dusty Weird Al cassettes and Three…