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Through My Window comes to an end

Sometimes I truly amaze myself. I can sit through some of the most painful experiences and through my window is definitely one of those.

None of the films received higher than 3 stars from me on Letterboxd. I watched each film because of the potential the series has and I cannot deny the comfort they provided me. They gave me something to look forward to.

The family named after Greek gods, the main characters who make poor choices, and the incoherent plot. I will miss it all.

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11th January: Current Read - Magnolia Parks

[Update] Chapters 13 to 15

This may be a short one. I am going to refrain from reiterating points that I have already made.

Tom England is an interesting addition to the story. If used properly he has the potential to turn this whole book around and I might actually like it.

Hopefully, this is the start of a character development arc. I really want to see Magnolia and BJ looking inside, healing and gaining some perspective.

Side note: The book is called Magnolia Parks, but there are too many BJ chapters. I don't want to know what his point of view is. He never says anything valuable anyway.

Quote of the day:

“"Why would I not be fine? Because I saw you practically fornicating in public with a rancid girl wearing a skirt from Prada's 2017 fall collection which, if you recall, looked like its mood board was based solely upon Mackelmore's "Thrift Shop'—"I try not to smile at her because I know she's being dead serious. "I'm used to that by now," she says and shrugs, demurely.”

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The fact that Oliver's Parents was the most shocking scene really speaks volumes about our society.

I personally voted for the Grave scene. I sat in the cinema mouth wide open, thinking "There is no way he is actually doing that". Eventually, I closed my eyes, it was too much to bear. It was horrifying.

Watching Felix and Oliver meet Oliver's parents was uncomfortable, but I could sit through it despite how awkward it felt. Most of what I felt was sadness for his parents, they seemed to really care for him and in return, Oliver imagined a world where they were both addicts who cared more about their next high than him. What's shocking is the deceit he lied to Felix and he lied to us too. We felt sorry for him.

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So, there's obviously the foreshadowing of Felix's death with his doppelganger passing the window when Venetia's telling the story about Shelley's doppelganger, but I realised that scene is also mirrored with the lunch scene after his death, when he's wheeled passed the window by the coroner (unseen, but heard, after Duncan and the footmen close the curtains)

And Sir James covers his ears so he can't hear the gurney, the same way Felix covers his ears to not hear the story about Shelley

(There's not really a point to this post, but there’s a lot of mirroring/bookending of scenes in Saltburn and I like spotting them!)

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January 10th: Current Read - Magnolia Parks

[Update] Chapters 10 to 12

I’m starting to understand why this book doesn’t sit right with me. There are three notable issues:

The first being that Magnolia and BJ keep making the same mistakes over and over again. They don’t seem to learn anything new and always come to the same conclusions when issues are revisited. We learn that BJ cheated on Magnolia early on in the book and this is reiterated every few pages. Magnolia expresses she can’t trust BJ and BJ feels regret. However they still continue these toxic behaviour patterns instead of actually moving on.

Side note: as a result I didn’t care for the situation much when we flashback the day BJ cheated on Magnolia.

Secondly, the strong focus on capturing the characters’ voices rather than use the POV to move the plot forward. There is an overly strong focus on their inner thoughts than the plot at hand. So much of the story is taking place in their heads rather than outside of themselves. We don’t really know much about these characters outside of their shallow, one-dimensional thoughts.

Lastly, there’s too many cliches. The speech sounds unnatural and everything else in between feels like the author is trying hard to get quoted on social media my microblogging young adults. I cannot think of anyone who knows that many cliches never mind saying them aloud.

Regardless, the story is moving along. There is no definitive plot but I guess the story is moving along.

Quote of the day:

“Tonight, I head out with the sole intention of getting fucked up. It's my MO, we all know that by now. The boys are already at Raffles when I get there. I guess it's on my face, whatever the fucks going on with Parks, because Jo takes one look at me and says, "Uh oh."”

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January 9th: Current Read - Magnolia Parks

[Update] Chapters 7-9

The story is still a bit awkward but oddly enough I like it. I don’t care for any of characters as the author does nothing to make you connect with any of them. Christian Hemmes seems the most tolerable, as he appears to be the least shallow, even then we barely know anything about him.

Magnolia and BJ are just like every couple who started dating in secondary school through to their adult life. They may be this attractive it couple that everyone admires aesthetically but deep down they’re better off not being together. They’re toxic even.

Quote of the day:

“He's a time bomb for me, do you see now? That he'll hurt me. He'll always hurt me. I'll never be safe with him, even if I'm always safe next to him.”

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thinking about oliver walking into that maze, thinking he was either going to have the craziest most sacrilegious sex you could possibly imagine or was going to murder his crush

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Some really interesting ideas here which I didn’t think about.

Who is Oliver lying to in the end?

As many people pointed out, the entirety of the Saltburn movie is about Oliver telling lies to everyone in order to appear as exactly the person they find interesting.

He is a nice, broke boy for Felix and Elspeth to fix, an art connoisseur for James to talk to and a lover for Venetia to seduce. Literally all he knows is be bisexual, eat hot chip and lie. And the story he tells in the end about always having planned to kill the Cattons was just as much a lie as everything else.

Now the question is: Who is he telling this story to? Who is he lying to? Who is he trying to get approval from by changing his story this time?

There are three possible answers I can think of: Elspeth, Himself and The Audience.

tl;dr: Oliver is telling a lie the entire movie, of course he didn't plan to kill the Cattons from the start but he wants you to believe that so badly, and most of all he wants to believe it himself.

1. Elspeth

While Elspeth might be the only other actual person in the room with Oliver, I think it's highly unlikely that she was the one Oliver was lying to, concidering that she is literally in a coma and about to be murdered by Oli. So why would it matter anymore what she thought of him?

That brings us to the next person he could be lying to:

2. Himself

The only person who is really hearing Oliver's story is Oliver himself. And that could be exactly who he is lying to.

He tells himself that his goal had always been to get the house instead of his goal being Felix's attention.

Because he failed so misrably at his first goal he now wants go make mostly himself believe that he never had that goal in first place. He tells himself that he always wanted the house, the money, Saltburn. Because recognising the rejection would mean recognising himself as the loser who doesn't fit in and that would just hurt too much.

But there is also a third "person" in the room with Elspeth and Oli that Oliver could be lying to:

3. The Audience

During the entire movie Oliver desperatly wants to fit in and belong, be a fixed part at Saltburn. But he never achieves that goal, he is always on the outside looking in.

What he can be a part of in the end though is the story itself.

In storytelling there are at least 4 major character types:

the protagonist

the antagonist

the confidant

the love interest

Next to Felix (or anyone in the Catton family, for that matter), Oli could never imagine or dare to imagine that he is the protagonist. How could he see himself as such, concidering that he never felt like he belonged or fit in?

Neither could he be the confidant as... literally no one really confides in him.

That leaves the love interest and the antagonist. The very first thing Oli states in the movie is that he loved Felix but he wasn't in love with Felix. He is purposefully removing himself from the role of the love interest. That is not what he wants to be seen as, even though it is so blatantly obvious that he is in love with Felix.

A reason why he denies being the love interest is because he simply failed at being such. Felix never saw him that way, they were never a thing, quite literally he was never Felix love interest.

That only leaves one character type: The antagonist. The moment Oliver realises that he is never going to be the love interest he decides that he is going to be the last remaining role he could possibly play: the antagonist. And thus he kills Felix.

And from that point of view, painting himself as the calculated antagonist, Oliver tells his lie. He pretends that punching a hole in Felix tire wasn't a try at a love-interest meet-cute but a first step in his evil-mastermind plan. He wants you to overlook that he failed as a love interest and instead wants you to pay attention to the role he has decided to fullfill for you, for the story you're watching: the antagonist. He is telling a lie to The Audience, making himself fit in as the evil, strategic mastermind because that is the role that was left for him to fit into the story.

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January 6th - Current Read: Magnolia Parks

[Update] Chapter 4 to 6

I thought I would be doing updates after each chapter but they’re just so short.

The dialogue for me is still a little cringe. I am getting better at ignoring it though and the story is starting to develop a little.

I do have some sympathy for the author because I don’t think that there is a way to write a rich character without being really cringe. Constantly having to name drop brands and describe outfits to show that these characters are insanely rich is quite fatiguing. I wish there wasn’t a huge materialistic focus as it makes everyone seem so shallow.

Quote of the day:

“The Billionaire Boys - that’s what they call us. Joke’s on them though, none of us are billionaires. Maybe if we combined trusts.”

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January 4th - Current Read: Magnolia Parks

[Update] Chapters 1 to 3

I picked up Magnolia Parks in my local Waterstones because I liked the cover and it had a GoodReads rating of 3.84. (Yes, this is all it takes to convince me to read a book.)

Not that anyone asked but I will be providing chapter updates from now on. I have already started reading and I am about 3 chapters in.

If I am truly honest, I love the rich kid vibe but sometimes it's really hard to not cringe at the writing. I do get that the author was trying to go for this gossip girl-esque vibe, but the writing feels a little flat. I am hoping that the story picks up a little and I can ignore all that.

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Nobody:

Paul Mescal:

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Literature has struggled ever since authors started pumping out 4 books a year. Even the wattpad girlies took a 2 year hiatus.

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I’ve had to stop reading twilight because its just too painful to read. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the films. I just find that the cringe dialogue is more forgiving on screen than in written format.

p.s will now be selling all my twilight books

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like gale's character is such a fascinating lens to view the entire revolution through. the capitol hates you. the capitol wants you dead. you put your name in for reaping fifty times so your siblings only have to put their name in once for the extra ratios. you sneak out with your best friend to hunt.

you hate the capitol, but life is fine enough. you put your name in another twenty times so your best friend's family can eat. you take care of her little sister. you think you love her. you don't know that for sure. is it just convenience? who knows. but you care for her little sister and she cares for your siblings. between the two of you, you're both up for slaughter thousands of times of over.

you're so lucky. you're so so lucky. you're turning eighteen. your best friend turns eighteen next year. you're almost free. her little sister gets reaped. a one in a million chance - she was only in there ONCE. it's a no brainer your best friend volunteers to save her sister. you understand - you would too if you could volunteer in her place. you hate the capitol and wish to see it fall in your life time. your friend is gone and you have one task: keep her sister safe.

she comes back alive. so does the person she left with. they have a bond you cannot hope to understand - and you accept that. you swallow your pride, put your cards on the table, and leave it. you know you have no chance. you take care of her family anyway. you think it's fine now, it can't get worse. then the capitol sends you bug infested food. then they prevent you from hunting. the leash is tightened, and you hate the capitol. you can't even offer yourself up for reaping anymore, and your siblings are in danger. the water is rushing in, and you're drowning, and you're angry.

the capitol has earmarked you for destruction, all because your best friend lived and was clever enough to bring the other tribute home. when the quarter quell comes, they take your best friend for the second time. the bombs come. and you have one task: keep her sister safe. the only way to guarantee that is to fight back. so you take up arms, and you fight.

she comes back. he does not. you do not celebrate, because she is in pain. but at least you can show her that her sister is safe. you're twisted up in guilt because there's nothing you can do for her. all you can do is fight, and hope it'll save everyone.

then the one person you were tasked to keep safe dies. and you don't know what happened. all you know is that the sum of the war meant no one was safe. so you do the only thing you can do for her sanity after the war: you leave. you leave, because you don't like who you've become anymore than she does. war and revolution has ruined you, changed you, warped you.

and worst part is: it didn't keep anyone safe, least of all you.

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The Tiring Life of a Multipotentialite

When people ask me what my hobbies are, I struggle to highlight my past and current endeavours. This isn't due to me having none but because of the very opposite; I have too many. I pick up new hobbies faster than I drop old ones. My room is a constant mess. The bookshelf on one side, my roller skates and tennis racket on the other. Even when old hobbies have been dropped I rarely get rid of the evidence hoping that one day I’ll pick it back up.

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Twilight: Current Read Update [30/11/23]

I am reading the Twilight book for the first time as someone who has seen the film too many times to count and I cannot believe that this scene is actually in the book. I was absolutely cackling on the tube.

This scene for me just parallels that one scene from High School Musical 2, where Troy Bolton is having a meltdown, staring at his reflection in lakes and giving arguably the best performance of his life.

It's the theatrics for me!