show-my-scars - Tumblr blog

[show-my-scars]

So I made this little thing…

[show-my-scars]

You’re Eleanor Shellstrop from Phoenix, Arizona. Your favorite meal is shrimp scampi. You listed your emergency contact as Britney Spears as a long-shot way of meeting her and your favorite movie is that clip of John Travolta saying “Adele Dazeem.” You flew halfway around the world because you wanted to be a better person and it was very brave. You’re sharp and you’re strong. You make fun of me a lot. You once called me a human snooze button. But you also showed up in my classroom when I was drowning in canned chili and you basically saved my life. You have very high self-esteem and a very low tolerance for men who wear sandals and your worst nightmare is someone saying something nice about you to your face, but too bad because I need to say it because you deserve it.

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Bulbasaur: *squeaks*

me, sobbing: fucking superb, you funky little cabbage

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DO YOU EVER JUST WANNA SCREAM SO LOUD WHEN YOU TRY TO THINK ABOUT YOUR FUTURE

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Fuckkkk

I’ve lost over 50 pounds since I started this 4 months ago. I was 218 and now I’m 164. I’ve still got a ways to go but I’m already starting to fit into clothes I haven’t worn in years. I’m at the lowest weight I’ve ever been while living in Colorado so that’s a plus. I didn’t think this shot was possible ahhhhh

I’m fuller faster with much less food and I’ve grown accustomed (unfortunately) to always feeling dizzy when I stand up. My boyfriend is concerned, My parents’ friends have expressed concern for how much I’ve lost and how quickly and I honestly secretly smile about it. I wanna lose like 40 more pounds. Maybe then I’ll be happy...

I’m just angry about my thighs and my boobs. My thighs are still sooooo fatty and I hate them. I’m hoping they’ll slim down and tone up from exercise... hope my boobs get smaller still too. My favorite MCR jacket (the varsity hoodie they sold like 6 years ago) that’s a size small and it’s tight but I can button all the buttons except the one around my chest 😫 I want to die. I lived in this jacket and it was sooooo comfy...

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What have I honestly become?

So last week I kept my calories so low I never went over 400 a day. I was disappointed I only lost 2 pounds. Weeks prior I had been losing 3-4 per week. I’m still in the 180’s and I’m very very upset about it. I’m 5’8 and everything I’ve been reading says I’ll be considered obese until I drop to the 170’s. I want that so bad. 173 was the lowest I ever was since I moved here 3 years ago. 130 is my end goal.

This week I told myself I’d try upping my daily intake to 600 calories and I can’t manage to do it. I only get hungry at dinner time and my meals are always 300-350... yesterday I made it to 500 only because I had some crackers and a wedge of Brie cheese. I literally can’t make up the missing calories without snacks and it’s killing me... how the fuck did I get here? I’ve almost lost 40 pounds and I’m fucking it up...

[show-my-scars]

if you’re ever scared you’re not a good person, remember that bad people don’t care about being better