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this is not how i wanted to be | f r e e

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"No.. you did nothing wrong, I suppose. Being touched is merely something I have to deal with even when I prefer not to. As for you," Her gaze sharpened, "Your weakness is also yours to manage. If Kazumi feels the need to brush it aside then remind her forcibly of her own weakness. We are all fickle creatures, why needlessly kick a creature while they are down. It's pathetic."

Harumi felt her hands clenched as she spoke, eyes looking agitated at something that was not there. But then she glanced down as Inaba continued to speak, only to find her slip up with words and Harumi was never one to let an opening go--

"Your job not to be?"

Awake Up | Makoto | RE: Harumi | Loc. Change Dorm 8 -> Dorm Area

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The way the boy's eyes found her made her feel as though she had misstep despite standing in place. She felt her hands tighten, the nerves getting the better of her as he approached her cautiouslybut there wasn't true fear in his eyes. It was as if he was merely scared of her being uncomfortable. She shifted in place, having finding the mere thought of that uncomfortable

Her pulse was too loud, pounding in her ears at the gentle look he gave her--it was frightening. More than any encounter she had since arrived in this place because she felt out of control. Her breath quickened and her ears burned with something of embarrassment and insecurities and she hated it. But even then she had not felt the need to step back, not yet.

"My days are darker than most but...I-I suppose you are right. Change can happen and it comes with time. The seasons, the days, all show that and yet..." She adverted her eyes from his, the dim hope in them making something in her chest clench painfully. "I fear that in its regards to me: there's no hope for change. My fate is already written."

This was the closest she ever came to admitting her circumstances and as she gave an almost hesitant glance back at the boy, the worry in his eyes was merely covered with a soft look. Kind. (Like her mother's.)

"Haya... Atohi. I know you are merely doing your best to comfort me but there are others who are in more need. I will be fine, I am a survivor. I do not need someone to look after me, I don't need--"

Harumi stopped mid-sentence as hands reached out and she felt a touch to her skin. She jolted, eyes raised in alarm at the sudden warmth against her hands and she stared in a frantic disbelief as Atohi begun to speak to her with a calm voice--his eyes never leaving hers. She felt herself choke against the way her heart lodge itself in her throat, rendering her momentarily speechless as she tried to calm her racing pulse and her need to pull away and to hurt him and run and - ! She felt herself unable to breathe, suffocating from whatever feeling that was taking over her that felt like fear but was something else all together because... because he...

He was treating her like a woman.

Desperately, her body finally deemed it worthy to listen to her and yanked herself from his hold, stumbling--stumbling--to get away from his touch and Harumi stared at him in a type of fear that she still could not name and the way he looked. The way he took in the fear in her eyes as he stood there, watching the way she pulled away like a frightened animal was more painful than the actual touch, the warmth, that she could still feel on her skin.

The words poured out before she could stop them.

"I-Iamsorry. I.. please just, don't call me that. I-I...I am not... strong enough for-- I will never be-- Atohi, I, I mean, Hayashi, I'm sorry."

Because his voice sounded too much like another, because the last time someone held her hand, she felt it turned cold--because she was a coward deep down and because she was just as foolish as all the others.

She was the most foolish of all.

"B-But I am not your friend."

(It was better to be lonely.)

"Ah, Miss Harumi-san...?"

Atohi was brought up with a jolt from his self-inflicted trance. The troubled expression still lingered in the herbalist's gaze as he was startled by the other. Whatever thoughts he had in mind, the presence of Harumi seemed to clear the fog, even if only momentarily. For a moment, the herbalist genuinely believed she had come to make due on her botched bandage job. Perhaps he should've been more attentive...

...She is going to pumble me for glancing at her ...'improperly'...?

...

Atohi let a breath out through his nose, a mild smile on his cheeks, almost amused he contrived such a perilous idea.

Miss Harumi-san isn't like that...

"...We all have our 'dark days', Miss Harumi-san. 'Something old, something new, something borrowed, something...' ah, you? Perhaps I misinterpret the meaning, but I feel it does apply to your troubles, Miss Harumi. Nothing is set in stone, and... if we truly wish it, anything can be made possible."

Gently reaching for her hands, the herbalist holds them, brushing over the other's fingers as if he were reassuring her. His hold gentle, he was almost expecting her to pull away.

"You are not the person you believe you are..."

Offering his gentle smile to the disciplinarian, he tried to remain composed. Life here had taken its toll. He was struggling to maintain his smile...

"Please, keep it at heart, Miss Harumi-chan. A... sign of friendship, yes? ...Ah, but... if you prefer the former..."

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"You might not think of me as a monster... but it does not stop others from that thought. Truthfully, I am not sure why I did not strike out against you either. I had every reason to treat you as I have Eri and Shirogane but I ..."

She paused, her words trailing off in thought because her brow furred in thoughts that she could not comprehend. Why had she not hurt the girl in front of her. Even now as she stared up at Harumi, the disciplinarian could see only piteous eyes that reminded her so much of her mot-- She gave a sharp exhaled and continued. 

"Kazumi is not necessarily a a bad person. She is simply misguided by a false sense of justice. I hurt people and thus she sees me as violent. I have given her no other reason for thinking otherwise because I do not care to explain myself to such a self-righteous fool."

She gave an aggravated sigh as she continued, feeling her fist clenched on her side as she tried to be objective despite knowing she could not.

"You are correct in calling her narrow-minded. She is torn between what she feels is right and wrong. And I am that wrong. I may not have killed anyone but that hardly matters to her. I have no need for her demure levels of respect if she can bring herself to forgive a murderer. ...I know I never could."

To forgive someone who would take something as invaluable as human life? Harumi blinked back the scorn building within her. She could never. 

Awake Up | Makoto | RE: Harumi | Loc. Change Dorm 8 -> Dorm Area

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Harumi gave a long blink at the girl's omission, feeling momentarily lost that she in fact replied to her at all. She tried to ignore the twinge in the pit of stomach at the wording the girl used however, teeth grit as to not reply to hastily. Now was not the time for fighting, that time had long since past and now was the time to listen... even if it wasn't what she wanted to do.

"I did not... go too far. Not... originally. I had no intentions of hurting anyone. I-I merely felt compelled to have Mason listen to my demand, to show what he was too scared to reveal. The others did not share that sentiment."

She never realized how hard it was to admit her folly. Inaba needn't know the details of her outbursts but from what Harumi could control--she never hit an innocent person before. She refused to ever do such a thing.

"I understand that I can appear frightening and that I can be volatile but I am not a monster. Why was I grabbed and held back from interrogating a would-be murderer? Who gave them, or you, the right to touch me without permission?"

She momentarily touched her wound on her collar, the bandage now concealing a scar underneath. It was an unpleasant sting she felt as she slowly made her way to continue, 

"When Mason attack on my person... I expected it. It was my consequence. When you put your hands on someone--you must expect retribution some way or another. By all means, I am not just or right or anything like it... but I am... respectful at the very least."

She clenched her fist, feeling her nerves get the better of her as she gave  shaky sigh. 

"And I... simply do not wish to be touched. Is that concept so hard to understand...?"

Awake Up | Makoto | RE: Harumi | Loc. Change Dorm 8 -> Dorm Area

Makoto had secluded herself in her room to think over the motive, however she found herself not actually thinking about it in the slightest. There’s no way it could be true, right? It’s bloody impossible, in fact. No matter how much Makoto wanted to erase that part of her life, she knew too well she couldn’t. So with a loud sigh, she threw herself out of her bed an left her room.

Outside, she was greeted by a very familiar face.

"…Harumi?"

Makoto honestly didn’t know her personally at all. The events of the fourth trial had left an indellible impact on everyone, though, including the both of them. Blinking, Makoto froze in her tracks, a bit confused when the girl addressed her.

"Things left… unsaid? I’m not gonna lie, you got some ‘splainin’ to do, but… Outta everyone here, I’d say I got the least problem with ya…"

Crossing her arms, Makoto looked a little worried.

"But still, that kinda break… There’s something to it, right…? I think you were onto somethin’, but you went a bit too far, right? Are you okay…?"

That was a mix of conflicting signals and emotions. Thanks Makoto.

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comfortingshadow said: Please forgive my ignorance, Key, but what happened to your Skype? I think you mentioned it, but I don’t remember, unfortunately.

my computer is still broken and i've been using public computers for the last two weeks! it should be fixed soon but sadly, no skype until then ;O;

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comfortingshadow said: Good evening! How have you been?shslskeptic said: I am heree…

CRIES LOULY................ IT'S PEOPLE......... ACTUAL REAL PEOPLE.............

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whispers lonely things

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I AM HERE

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that is a very very import ant character post holy shit so much implied spoilers jesus took me 5 million years to wr it e

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i finally............ submitted....................

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harumi attacks marco, marco attacks harumi back, harumi pushes him off

eri and shirogane both grab harumi to stop her from going any further

harumi breaks eri's nose, harumi guts shirogane in the stomach

moral of the story: don't touch harumi if you're not makoto

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literally agonizing over harumi right now

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how dare

remember when

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Be my friend Hold me, wrap me up, Unfold me I am small and needy Warm me up, And breathe me

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"wow you're alone"

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is it really bad i have like pregame headcanons

of makoto, harumi, and kazumi being really close friends just

hel p .....................................................