sidewaysdreamer

[sidewaysdreamer]

Goldeen Goldeen Goldeen Gol-deeeen!  I’m begging of you please don’t take my man 

[sidewaysdreamer]

I act tough but I know I’m not,

for my mind is of steel but my heart is of fluff –

simple guilt evolves into something greater,

a “something” that I can never ignore.

Don’t judge, don’t yell, don’t pity,

don’t lie, don’t hide, please –

don’t worry.

Don’t press upon me any hint of guilt

for my heart will beat and multiply the emotion until it’s unbearable,

unforgivingly heavy,

irrationally overwhelming.

Guilt burns this feathered heart,

turning the white muscle into webs of yellow, orange, red –

fire.

And as my insides succumb to flame,

my skin turns a purple only I can see with my watering eyes,

bruised, by the pounding fists of guilt.

Deception to my mind,

makes me feel unworthy of the clothes on my back,

I no longer have claims to my own thoughts,

my own heart –

a traitor unto its own self –

damaging,

burning,

guilty.

[sidewaysdreamer]

Things about me my friends have yet to notice 3

I usually only post black and white photos when I'm having an episode of my depression

I can't cut people out, regardless of how hard I try

I am very naïve

I only like being the center of attwntion when I don't know the people I'm in front of

I don't engage in conversations because I'm scared of being ostracized for my opinion because it's happened before

I fall really easily, both literally and emotionally

I have no warning when my anxiety of depression hits. I could be in the best mood of my life, and I get hit with a wave

While I appreciate the sentiment, telling me how much I matter while I'm in a depressive state will not make me feel better at that time

I will always feel like a burden

I almost always have a headache

I like bloody movies, but get queasy at the sight of real blood, unless its my own

I don't want people to worry about me, but I don't want people to forget about me, either

I need to be told if someone is into me, but I won't believe it because of how many times people told me others liked me as a joke in school

I'm scared to follow my dreams because I know I will disappoint the people around me

[sidewaysdreamer]

[sidewaysdreamer]

I MISS THIS MAN SO MUCH, HE WAS A GREAT ACTOR

Edit: I have realized that this was not the actor I thought it was. My bad.

[sidewaysdreamer]

Automatic toilets were not made for people who stand up to wipe

[sidewaysdreamer]

Things about me my friends have yet to notice 2

When I'm tired, I make more typos

When I'm upset, I'll hide my hands cuz I don't want you to know that I'm digging my nails into my arm

If you mention yourself smoking weed, I lose respect for you on the spot. I absolutely hate the stuff

I get emotionally attached to inanimate objects

I don't drink soda anymore

Caffiene makes me sick

I mean all the self deprecating things I say about myself

I want to be invited to things, but I want people to respect me when I want to be alone

If we're friends, I expect you to treat me like you do everyone else.

[sidewaysdreamer]

You aren’t really into her

If your dick doesn’t get hard when she goes on tangents, shows her passions, and can’t help but be herself in the most boisterous way.

[sidewaysdreamer]

There’s something to be said

About a woman who feels a belonging to a particular male partner, but steps all over the patriarchy and thirsty men.

If you are in such a relationship guys, encourage it. I don’t care if she’s the most sexually submissive girl you’ve ever known, encourage her to be above men. Encourage her to have confidence in all social situations. Encourage her to obey no societal order. Encourage her to act herself and retain her agency in front of watchful male eyes be it in the street, around family, or at the job.

It is your duty as a male to help her feel comfortable to be a powerful woman in a man’s world so that one day a sense of patricarchy is only in history textbooks.

A woman can be the “sluttiest” and most submissive individual, even well beyond what porn shows, and still be a boss in the world. Still be a force. Still be beautiful with her own strengths.

[sidewaysdreamer]

Mood

Picking you up in a ball to put you on my lap.

Play with your hair and hear about your day.

Ask how you’re feeling and what goals you have for yourself tomorrow.

Eat your holes, kiss your forehead, fuck you into the mattress and clean you off myself in the shower.

Food. Sleep.

[sidewaysdreamer]

You’ve never wanted to fuck so badly

Until she did something great and has earned the heavy fucking she wants and you need to give.

No, I’m not talking about - she sucked dick well or sent the nudes you ordered. I mean she got an A on her test she worked hard to study for, or she dug herself out of an emotional pit before slipping into a depressive/anxious state all on her own accord, or she went to the gym for a solid week when her schedule was insanely busy, or she corrected a bad habit, or she started a new hobby for self care… etc etc etc

These are the moments when, if you truly care for her, you will find yourself overcome with happiness and sexual desire soon after. The deep desire to fuck her completely out of pride in her and show her how happy her own actions make you feel. Nothing is better than rewarding her for becoming a stronger version of herself.

This, dear friends, is the ultimate sense of combining love and lust in the most positive, endearing, and meaningful way.

Encourage her to be brave, take no shit, work hard, and strive for her goals. If she’s the type to enjoy such things, reward her for these acts. Only when she deserves it, but reward her and connect on a deeper, more meaningful level.

[sidewaysdreamer]

Things about me my friends have yet to notice

I only use periods at the end of my texts when I'm angry or upset

When I'm upset or I let my thoughts take over, I don't show my face in selfies

When I stop texting, I'm trying to calm down, not ignore you

If I'm wearing a hat, I'm usually feeling bad about myself cuz my hair is my favorite part of my body

Yes I make sex jokes, but sex jokes from other people make me uncomfortable because I don't know they're coming so i can't prepare myself for it

When I'm spacing out, I'm usually in the middle of an anxiety attack, and my mind has starting playing a random scenario to help me get through it

I don't talk back to people i respect, regardless of what they say to me

If we are friends, I expect you to tell me things that pertain to me regardless of whether or not someone has asked you not to tell me

I always watch my feet so I can take up as little space as possible

I notice when you try to hide things from me

Telling me I'm beautiful won't change that day's mindset

I can't just leave the house on a whim, I need time to plan and let people know what I'm doing

I'm alive... So treat me like it.

[sidewaysdreamer]

may the universe be softer and kinder to us this september

[sidewaysdreamer]

[sidewaysdreamer]

[sidewaysdreamer]

Ooh.  This one’s going in the grimoire.

Caim Is a Celtic word. It means an invisible circle you put around yourself for immediate protection if you feel under threat. Draw an invisible circle around yourself with your right index finger by extending your arm towards the ground and turning clockwise. As you do this, become aware that you are safe and encompassed by the powers you believe in; that you are encircled, enfolded and protected.

[sidewaysdreamer]

proposed new holiday: valoween. combination valentines and halloween. take a monster on a date