silurisanguine

[silurisanguine]

50 Shades has a lot to answer for with people's mindsets when it comes to BDSM = abuse and torture. Because I've seen a piece of - all be it stunningly drawn art that is romanticising and fetishicising a character's actual imprisonment, abuse and torture and it's not right.

Literal torture, imprisonment and abuse is not sexy guys.

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Dragon Age: The Veilguard OC Details Sheet

Flesh out and share your Rook(s) with this template!

I got a little carried away, but in the end I haven't been this happy with a character template since my BG3 one! This is also the first time that I've made versions natively in both Photoshop and GIMP, to prevent any issues with text recognition. Both file types (psd and xcf) are included in the link below.

[DOWNLOAD] (Free, but donations are greatly appreciated!)

If you like this sheet, please reblog so others can find it too!

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These crack me up so much. Such a little bitch.

Illario's cut lines? These are in the text, but they aren't related to any scene or speaker.

"How was your plan to become First Talon going to work?" I'll tell you how: poorly. I mean, I majored in backstabbing. I know how it's done. I had style! Charisma! What did my cousin have? Skill? Hard work? Sexy demon wings? "Our mages are different! They're maleficarum!" You can't spit off a balcony in Tevinter without hitting a maleficar. It used to be about the stabbing. Now, it's all flashy backflips and twirls. Just embarrassing. "What do I think went wrong?" Where do I start? "Whatever you do, don't send mages after him," I told them. What do they give me? Could it have succeeded? No. But that was never the point. Honestly, the Crows I had on my team weren't much better. Yes, most of them have spent a lifetime in training. You know what they're trained in? Backstabbing. The Venatori? They're terrible. Absolutely useless. I was making plan after plan after plan, but could they deliver? Maybe I should have worn the bigger cape.

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These so look mocapped. If not they are so well done.

I love the elegance of them. So much a dance.

Lucanis combat aniamtion

src

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'i believe it's true 'cause nothing matters when i'm all wrapped up in you'

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PTSD Representation within DATV

God I just need to talk about how much I love how the game handles Lucanis's PTSD, especially as someone living with PTSD.

Spoilers for Veilguard and Lucanis's story line under the cut.

Grab a drink and a snack. This is a long one XD

After -checks notes- 450hrs into Veilguard, I can confidently say that Lucanis is my favorite character, and not just because of his lethal sad puppy eyes. For this post, I'll just be focusing specifically on his PTSD and how it's portrayed.

So we first meet Lucanis in the Ossuary, after a very dramatic slaughter of some Venatori guards. For a guy who has been locked up and tortured for a year, he looks pretty damn good. I know this is just game bullshit, but I like it from the perspective of a mask, a protective front. He looks collected, well put together, suave, the perfect image of a master assassin, a Crow, a world class mage-killer. This is kind of what someone would expect him to look like. This is what he's supposed to look like. He doesn't look like a man who has been tortured for a year, because it's hidden behind an acceptable appearance.

Of course the deeper we go through the Ossuary, we see evidence of the horrendous experiments that went on there, just a tiny fraction, a hint of what Lucanis went through. Then afterwards, he talks a little about his experience with the others as we walk around doing quests. One such dialog always stuck with me:

Davrin: So this Ossuary Rook found you in, what goes on down there? Lucanis: Nothing good. Davrin: How did you survive? Lucanis: Think nothing, feel nothing, except what you need to escape. Davrin: What's left? Lucanis: If you're lucky? Revenge. And bad dreams.

Every time I hear this, I feel like someone is squeezing my heart with both hands. First of all, there's a very clear deflection in each line Lucanis says. "And bad dreams" is delivered with a touch of humor and lightness, the sort of tone that's used to make the person you're talking to smile or chuckle, which would diffuse the tense moment, take the pressure off of him and sweep his true feelings under the rug while Davrin is distracted from them by the joking tone.

Once again, that mask, that front, is in place. Davrin expects the events of the Ossuary to be horrific, so Lucanis plays a bit of the part, agrees that it was horrible, but it's so incredibly surface level, and he keeps it that way. As Davrin asks questions, tries to dig a little deeper, Lucanis pulls the card of "I survived the Ossuary and all I got was this stupid shirt."

The world conditions us to wear the mask; no one actually wants a real answer when they ask "how are you?" When we've experienced trauma, we hold onto that mask even tighter because we feel damaged or hurt on the inside. We aren't supposed to be that way, feel that way. No one wants to deal with that.

A Crow isn't supposed to be that way. The Demon of Vyrantium isn't supposed to be broken, damaged. He's supposed to be a professional, a master class assassin, the heir to the seat of First Talon.

We see a lot of Lucanis struggling with who he is after the Ossuary as well, which is one of my favorite details. There are moments, like after Weisshaupt, when Lucanis says "I thought after the Ossuary, I could still take out a target." Or when we first meet him in the cell, when Rook says Caterina promised them a mage-killer and Lucanis replies "I can still work." During the quest Inner Demons, there are so many thought fragment notes where Lucanis says he isn't supposed to be like this, that he's better than this, that he can't be like this.

God, breaks my heart. I empathize with that so much. Something I personally struggled with a lot when learning to live with PTSD was the fact that I felt like I wasn't the same person I was before my trauma. I was so angry, because I really liked the person I was before. I was happy, and now all of a sudden, I felt like the exact opposite. For quite some time, I couldn't think of it as anything else. I didn't want to move forward, because that would be accepting that I've changed.

Then there's the expectation of living up to what people remember you as and the shame when you fall flat and the people you care about see that shortcoming. You feel like a burden. They didn't sign up to deal with your bullshit.

Think of it like carrying an overcrowded tray of drinks. It's heavy, cumbersome, and any jostle to your person spills a little bit of that water. Any obstacle, big or small, threatens the delicate balance of the sudden armful of crap you're forced to carry. And when you do fumble, make a mistake, step where you thought there was solid ground, only to find a pot hole, those glasses come crashing down in a loud and explosive commotion that draws the attention of everyone around you. All of a sudden you're soaked, surrounded by the signs of your failure, and you feel so embarrassed and ashamed because you just caused a scene. All of a sudden, people are asking if you're ok, and we all know that just makes it worse. They either offer to help you clean up or eye the mess with judgement and neither of those options feel good.

Lucanis is a mage-killer. He was hired to kill mages, something he's done hundreds of times. And yes it's a near impossible task and he gets so close the first time, but when his reality and sense of self is already shaken, any little jostle can threaten the delicate balance he's trying to hold on to.

-

Inner Demons is probably my favorite quest out of the entire game. It is such a fantastic representation of how PTSD feels to the body and the mind.

Before Spite even pulls Rook into his host's mind, we see that Lucanis is extremely irritated. He is extremely quick to anger, which was something we haven't really seen from him before. He's gotten annoyed with others, but never raised his voice. Here, he's snapping at Viago and growling about how he doesn't know how to deal with the situation. Teia is definitely not helping when she tells Lucanis to reason with Viago, applying more pressure when the poor thing is already pulled so tight, he's about to break.

A common symptom of PTSD is that sudden and explosive anger at seemingly small things. I once got so mad while trying to hang curtains, that I literally ripped the bracket out of the wall, threw it, screamed, then broke down sobbing.

Once Spite pulls Rook into Lucanis's mind, they're confronted with four different people they have to get past to get to the heart of the prison, where Lucanis has barricaded himself. It's pretty obvious these are protective walls he's built for himself, to keep people out and to keep the parts of himself he's ashamed of inside. However, we can already see these walls starting to crumble, because the first room Rook steps into, the outer most wall, is supposed to be their room.

Rook: Nobody's here. Spite: Of course not. Rook can't be here. Rook: Why not? Spite: You open doors. You don't close them.

Through the constant support Rook has given Lucanis, he's starting to allow some of the damaged parts of him show around them, whether it's a conscious or unconscious decision. He's starting to feel safe around them.

This is massive. I mentioned above that showing that vulnerability, that "damaged" side of one's self can be full of so much embarrassment and shame, but finding those people you can be your entire self with? Scars and breakdowns and everything, and they still love and support you without judgement? That shit is priceless. I can't put into words how good that feels. I love seeing Lucanis find that person. (I love being that person when I play the game.)

Deeper into the prison, Rook meets with Lucanis's version of Caterina, Harding, Neve, and Illario, each getting more vulnerable with what they say and represent.

I like Harding's scene in particular. If Rook takes Harding with them to free Lucanis, she is not quiet about how she doesn't trust Lucanis, how abominations only bring trouble and pain. Then afterwards, she boldly threatens him with a rather twisted arrow, one she bought specifically to use against him, should he turn against her and her friends. Later on, well before the Inner Demons quest, they have this conversation:

Lucanis: Harding, I am giving the arrow back to you. Harding: What? No! I gave you that to show you that I trust you. Lucanis: And I am giving it back to show that I trust you.

Beautiful. Stunning. One of my favorite party dialogs in the game. It shows their development perfectly, and all with just 3 lines.

But it makes her appearance in the prison fantastic, because Harding refers to Lucanis as "the prisoner," boldly asks Rook if they're sure there ever was a Lucanis and not just the demon, and points out that the mind they're standing in is broken and wrong, that it can't possible belong to a human being. Lucanis trusts Harding at this point, he knows this, understands this, but trauma and fear are never logical. You can know and understand something perfectly, but that doesn't mean your body is going to listen.

Illario gets a really good line, too.

Illario: He'll [Lucanis] carry this prison with him forever, and fill it with corpses, given time.

The theme of the prison is that Lucanis sees himself as a monster after coming back from the Ossuary as an abomination (btw I hate this term and want to burn it out of the game universe.) So, this line is probably talking about how freeing Lucanis from his mind prison would get people killed, because he'll lose control of Spite and go on a rampage and all that.

However, it also makes me think about the fear of losing the people he cares about, because suddenly he carries this trauma that can push or frighten people away. The "corpses" aren't literal, but figurative, to describe the relationships he might lose. Lucanis has his new found family that he cares about, Rook included, and he doesn't want to lose that. All his life, the only thing people wanted from him, saw value in, were his skills as a Crow. That warmth, care, and accepting for parts of himself that have nothing to do with his skills as an assassin, but things he actually likes and enjoys… It's something he's never had before.

-

FINALLY we get to the best part of the mind prison. The part that fucking resonates with me every single time I play the quest.

Rook finds Lucanis standing in the middle of the torture area, where all the tables, corpses, and cages are, where he was cut open and tested on. This is where his trauma truly stems from, so it's really cool that we find him here.

It's pretty neat to see what Spite was referring to all those times he tried to leave when Lucanis was sleeping or when he told Rook that their deal was broken, that he wanted "out." He clearly doesn't understand trauma and mental health when it comes to mortals. So seeing the prison Lucanis’s mind has become, he just assumes it’s the actual prison.

We get a really awesome bit of conversation between the three here.

Spite: He breaks our agreement. His mind. Is still here. He wants. To stay here. So he keeps. ME HERE!! Lucanis: Mierda! Why would I want to stay? Even in my head, this place is a nightmare. Rook: Right, but it's a nightmare you already defeated... I get it now. As painful as the Ossuary was for you, it was better than the alternative. Lucanis: What alternative? Rook: The Ossuary, Zara? Those were problems you could solve with a blade. But healing again? Learning to live life as an abomination? There's no clear answer there. Lucanis: No! I... That is not... Ugh!! Damn it, Rook!!

And it's TRUE!! When healing from trauma, the treatments (therapy, support groups, medication, etc.) are important, but recovering is not straight forward, one size fits all. And that can be so frustrating and scary. I can only speak for myself here, of course, but I was so angry all the time. I didn't sign up for this shit, for this extra work, this fight for normalcy and sense of myself again, when I already had it. In an instant, my life was flipped upside down and shaken out, like a puzzle that showed a picture of who I am, but was chucked at the ground to be reduced to pieces, and now I had to work to put it together again. It's also not easy to admit that something is wrong, that you could be wrong.

Spite turns to Rook:

Spite: Make him leave! Rook, diplomatic option: He's trying to leave, Spite. It's... complicated. Mortals can't just change themselves. It takes a lot of time.

Beautiful. Perfection. Such a great response. Healing, recovery, learning to live the new normal... it's difficult, confusing, and takes such a long time. It can feel like being stuck in a prison, wandering endless, dark hallways with no sign of a possible exit, to the point where you start to wonder if there even is an exit.

The next line Lucanis says is my favorite out of the entire quest. Every time I hear it, I get a little emotional. The first time I went through the quest, I had to pause the game because it hit me so hard.

Lucanis: Rook, you're right. There has to be a way forward. It's just... so much! I cannot see where to begin!

Fuck, man.

I don't think I can properly put it into words how perfect this line of dialog is. This is it. This is what it feels like.

When I first started learning to cope with my PTSD, my therapist told me that her other clients going through a similar journey told her that it took a long time, but they eventually found a light at the end of the tunnel, that hope to overcome the struggle and darkness and weight of it all. I was never a pessimist before my trauma. I was always painfully optimistic, found the good in everything, but this... I didn't believe her. I 100% did not believe that I would find that light. It felt like so much. God, it was suffocating some days, debilitating. It felt like I was being asked to move a goddamn mountain. How was I supposed to move an entire mountain??

The answer, was to move smaller, more manageable rocks, one by one.

To start small.

This is the advice Rook gives Lucanis. They tell him to start small. Find an achievable goal and work towards that. For Lucanis, it's finding common ground with Spite, a goal they can both work towards together.

When the scene eventually comes back to the bar, Lucanis has a lightness to him, clarity. He knows what he needs to do to move forward. This one goal isn't going to get his mind out of the prison it made for itself, but it's getting him moving again, walking forward. The wards and guards have been dealt with, the doors are open.

Healing and learning to meet himself where he's at still won't be easy and there will be set backs, breakdowns, arguments with his inner demon, but every step forward, no matter how small, is progress. Every time Lucanis stumbles and falls, he'll start to remember how to stand back up again, and if he can't do it himself that day, maybe he just doesn't have the strength or he starts looking at the mountain again instead of just the smaller rocks, he's got people there who will take his hand and help him back to his feet, bring his attention back down to the manageable.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk XD

[silurisanguine]

He GIVES the best hugs, no past tense, I refuuuuse that, and I needed to see these hugs realized so, here, indulge 💖

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Sneak Peak of Chapter 54 - Inner Demons

“I am getting Caterina back. But Viago is right. We need more information before we move. Illario panicked when I turned back up - alive. This time if he panics, he might actually kill her. We will only get one chance at this.” Lucanis added. “He will mess up. And when he does, we will be ready.” Rosalyn said. Lucanis looked at her appreciatively, his eyes tracing the determined set of her jaw and shoulders. She turned to face him and he saw the blazing anger in her eyes. Her hand never left his as she spoke but the simple touch settled something deep inside him as he sat there in the Cobbled Swan, the sound of drunk patrons laughing and cajoling all around them and hiding their conversation. If his heart could take flight it would at that moment as her expression changed yet again to something soft and protective. 

“Whatever he will do, will likely be big. And when he does it, do not wait for us. But we will come,” Lucanis directed. 

A slow, creeping smile crossed Rosalyn’s face as she looked over at Viago. It was not wide. Nor did it contain its usual warmth. One corner of her mouth lifted higher than the other, a subtle sneer as she shared a cold and calculated look with Viago. “He will wish I did not come.” 

Viago’s eyes sparkled at that, the only indication that Rosalyn would receive that he approved as he nodded. “We must go before they notice we are gone much longer.” “Take care of yourselves.” Teia said as she moved to leave her gaze lingering on them both for a moment before she disappeared through the shadows of the tavern.

Read the entire chapter here <-

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RYAN GOSLING "I'm Just Ken" wins Best Original Song at the 29th Annual Critics' Choice Awards (January 14, 2024)

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Based off of the several times Lucanis offers to off someone as a favor.

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Raspberry silk bias cut gown

1930s

NYC

Augusta Auctions

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Dragon Age: Origins (2009) Dragon Age II (2011) Dragon Age: Inquisition (2014) Dragon Age: The Veilguard (2024)

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People who read fanfics but don't interact with it, here's a harsh reminder:

Comment.

Comment like the fanfic's life depends on it, because it likely does.

The author behind it is writing this for fun, writing this to share with others, for free. Don't bother saying "Oh, they write it for themselves." No, not really.

Art is meant to be shared and enjoyed and discussed.

Comments are motivation for an author to keep going. Comments tell an author someone is enjoying their work.

Comments mean more than kudos! Kudos can only be given once and could be given early when a fic is young. But if people are reading but not commenting on later chapters, an author has no idea if anyone is enjoying or even reading their recent updates! They might think people have lost interest! An author might give up if not given a reminder that at least someone is reading and loving it.

"But I don't know what to comment!"

Easy! You've got several different styles to try! Mix and match if you want.

The simplest and quickest: Thanking the author for the update or maybe even just a 💚.

Screaming: Caps and chaos, scream at the author all your thoughts. I assure you, authors love seeing this:

“NOOOOO 😭😭😭 WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME??? ajdkskfjskfj”

You can even go further and write line by line as you 'live react' to the chapter/fic:

“Okay the opening is already killing me.” “OH MY GOD THEY FINALLY KISSED!!!” “WHY WOULD YOU END IT THERE???”

Quote: Pick out a quote from your favourite part and make a comment around it. Was it a good line? Did you really like what happened?

My favourite line is "she had more money than sense sometimes, but she’d hardly cry over this." It's a small one but I love how it conveys his attitude towards her mixed with his desire.

Hype: Maybe you don't have much to say, but just announcing your love is enough!

"I'm obsessed with this fic." or “frantically mashing the kudos button again and again"

Speculate: Guess what might be coming next!

"i wonder why lilli would rather Elikar take her and Cinnara 👀 👀"

Analyse: Offer thoughtful commentary on themes, motivates, foreshadowing, or symbolism. An author would be thrilled to see all the little details they might have written are being picked up!

"Her mentioning the magic being different somehow seems to imply she's already dimly aware of the sea's connection to Apocrypha, maybe?"

Just remember one crucial rule: Don't offer criticism unless you know each other and you've been asked.

Now go! Go support some of your favourite fanfics and authors! Show the love, and don't hide it behind discord servers!

[silurisanguine]

Lucanis, prepping the Rookanis kid for the Wintersend festival: Now, before we go to the plaza, what's rule number one?

Cerinna: Stay close to you or Mamma.

Lucanis: Rule number two?

Cerinna: If I get lost, get to the rooftop.

Lucanis: If you need to run?

Cerinna: Fade-step first! Poison second.

Lucanis: The fastest way to the heart?

Cerinna: Between the fourth and fifth ribs.

Lucanis: And if they're too tall?

Cerinna: Go for the femoral artery!

Spite: YES! GOOOD!

Cerinna: Yay!! Can we get churros now?

Lucanis: One.

Spite: Hundred!

Rook, grabbing their coats and muttering to herself: 'Fall in love with the man in your pantry,' they said. 'It'll be fun,' they said.

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hands

On Ao3.

Based on prompt. @promptlyprompting

"Your hands are always cold." her mother smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"I'm sorry, mother." Reid quickly pulled his hands away." The winter is getting colder with each night." His smile was neither happy nor it had warmth in them; it felt like an apology.

But of course, the drop in temperature didn’t really affect him anymore.

"I should go now; it's getting late and you need to sleep." He stood up from the sofa.

"You haven't even touched your tea, dear. It's really disrespectful, especially to Avery, who always makes it so enthusiastically when he knows you're coming home from working in that hospital."

"My apologies, but I'm - just not in the mood for it."

But of course, he will never be able to swallow anything else.

"Are you all right, my dear?" Her mother took a step closer to him, she had to lean on the arm of the chair with one hand to steady herself. "It pains me to see you like this, Jonny."

Reid couldn't look into those tired and unfocused eyes. Instead, he leaned closer to his mother's hand.

"You can tell me everything, you know that, right?" She said.

He placed a kiss on those tired but caring hands. "Yes, thank you."

"Good boy," she smiled, and this time her eyes filled with that gentle warmth that Reid knew so well. "When your father arrives back from his journey, he will do everything he can to help you too. I know he'd never admit it, but he's proud of you for wanting to become a doctor."

Reid closed his eyes - waited until he was able to get a hold of the trembling deep inside him.

"Jonathan?"

"Of course, I will discuss the progress of my research with him, when I get the opportunity." He smiled as he glanced at her, and made sure his eyes wouldn't betray him.

"Oh, he will be very interested, I'm sure of it."

"Yes. Me too." He let the old woman put her arm around his, and accompanied her to her room at the end of the corridor. "Good night, mother."

"Good night, and don't be up too late."

Reid nodded as the door closed and he turned around to return to his own room.

Beyond the balcony and the buildings and behind the cover of clouds, the sun finally set. Night once again embraced the city of London. Another long winter evening had begun.

But the ice and cold was no concern of his. His fingers had grown cold already along with his body that night. It had not bothered him, not when he had to crawl out of the depths of the mass grave, or when he had to cover his sister's grave with the icy mud and earth after he had to put her back in it, or when he had to fight for the world in the depths of the sewers.

And the only thing he yearned for - the only thing that still throbbed deep inside him - was blood. Every time he got blood on his hands, he realised how warm it can be, even as a surgeon. It was the only thing that kept him alive, the same with those who were similar to him - monsters who lost their humanity. The seeking of it and the consumption of it by killing innocents.

He pulled the hacksaw out from the depths of his closet, then loaded his revolver. Before disappearing into the night, he made sure the door to his room was locked, and he left his old home through the balcony.

With each step, the cold snow clung to the soles of his boots as it melted slightly from the pressure. Fresh, crisp snow.

He walked down the deserted street and turned down towards the West End.

There were people he wanted to check on, to make sure their condition won't get worse because of winter. They managed to hold against the Spanish-flu, but it didn't mean there wasn't other diseases waited to take as many victims as it could.

Cold fingers, he didn't even notice, nor did he think about.

What else has changed? How different he was after waking up as a vampire?

He was so deep in his thoughts he couldn't hear the voice behind him, and neither the scoff.

A snowball hit the back of his head. "What on -- !?" He spun around.

"Finally!" McCullum stepped out from the shadows. "I was talking to you."

Reid blinked in utter surprise. "Geoffrey? Can I help you in some way? I thought you left the city." He waited for his progeny to walk closer.

It only took a glance at his eyes to make sure he was himself; they were still dark brown and white.

"I will leave, I was on my way out actually, but I was going through this district when I felt your brooding."

"I was just --"

"Brooding. Yeah."

Reid couldn't help but scoff. "Sorry to be a bother in that case."

"Good, apology accepted. Well, I better get going, I stopped you from being a sad sod so --"

"Can I join you? Just for a bit; I still have some patients to visit but." His eyes wandered towards the buildings; it was still painful to see his mother's smile.

"Whatever. Just don't bore me with your philosophy about leeches and humans living in harmony and holding hands. Again."

They started to walk again, at the same pace.

"Just so you know, I still think in the future we could live in peace next to each other."

"Yeah, and then who's going to deal with all those spinsters who think being turned is the most romantic thing they heard and they will live in castles and mansions for the rest of eternity?"

"We could always ask Sean to talk to them? He's good at keeping people on the right track." Reid glanced at the young Ekon with a half-smile. "Without using mesmerize."

"You incorrigible, naive leech."

"I take it as a compliment."

Their footsteps beat the same rhythm as they walked through the streets of the West End.

And for a short period of time, Reid didn't think about blood, or hunting, or cold fingers.