simaraknows

[simaraknows]

Coin, Flipped

Summary: "Illario wanted Lucanis to hurt, the way he did, wanted to make his skin crawl so that they could scratch each other bloody."

Or: A character study featuring angry kissing, intrusive thoughts and the mortifying ordeal of being known (by your cousin).

Link

[simaraknows]

low-key obsessed with the inherent angst and drama of a Lavellan inquisitor, especially when romancing Dorian. Like great every one here is racist towards me, the guy I'm dating used to keep people like me as slaves, my culture and religion is apparently build entirely on lies and now everyone I knew before this whole horror show started got slaughtered because of a decision I made. What do you mean you're going back to slave town and I can't join you, Dorian, I have no where else to fucking go

[simaraknows]

"Loser baby" but it's tadpoled!Haarlep trying to cheer up Astarion. In this essay I will

[simaraknows]

let's be real my absolute favourite BG3 rare pair is Haarlep/Halsin. I firmly believe that Halsin's dick is so therapeutic that even Haarlep would break down sobbing because they can't handle that much gentle concern, especially after decades of putting up with Raphael

[simaraknows]

On the one hand I love Raphael getting mad when you go "Haarlep says your dick game's weak" BUT on the other hand I also adore the alternative reading that Raphael isn't getting upset over the insult (he's used to those) but rather over the fact that you've met Haarlep and might have killed/hurt them cause deep down he cares about them and Tav's taunt could easily be (miss)understood as a much darker "guess what I did to your lover"

[simaraknows]

LOOK I JUST REALLY ENJOY THEIR FRIENDSHIP OK?? You can't tell me they wouldn't hang after their respective personal quests (spawn ending ofc)/emotional breakdowns over their own mortality

EDIT: I forgot to watermark these so now more than ever PLEASE don't repost

[simaraknows]

Title: The Gift

Ship: Haarlep/Raphael

Summary: 'The incubus, somewhat impatient, tried to reach out with their magic, to understand their master's desires and finally have their hunger sated, but Raphael blocked them out with a hiss.

"Don't”, he said curtly, “No magic until the contract is binding.” The incubus whimpered involuntarily. 'I’ll starve to death before he's even gotten it up', they thought.

“As you wish, my lord”, they said instead.'

Or: Haarlep's first month in Raphael's service, now with sass, trauma bonding and tantric massages.

Rated E

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59881402

[simaraknows]

I've reached that point in the writting process where you get unreasonably hung up on a minor detail instead of finishing the fic so for fucks sake please help me settle this.

So, the question at hand: What is Raphael's rank? The only thing we get in canon is that he is not the Archduke (that's Zariel's job). And, like, there's no right or wrong answers here but I am trying to decide if he'll be addressed as "my lord" or "your grace" in the fic and I'm the kind of nerd who really cares about the difference 😂.

Before starting to overthink this, I'd always assumed he was a duke but... let's just say I've seen where he lives and I don't think it's necessarily giving higher nobility. But then again, it's Avernus, who am I to judge.

[simaraknows]

Hot take: Haarlep gives amazing tantra massages and that's the most therapy Raphael ever got in his life (it wasn't enough)

[simaraknows]

Play as Astarion, they said. It will be fun, they said.

It's not fun. It's really fucking sad because now Astarion started dating Karlach and I can't stop thinking about a) how hurt she'd be if she'd knew that rn Astarion is only telling her what she wants to hear so she'll protect him, and b) the fact that Karlach is such a jackpot for Astarion because she's big and strong and desperate for connection and to sweeten the deal she refuses to touch him due to burn risk.

Protection and loyalty and all it cost was a peck on the lips and some dirty talk? That's almost too good to be true.

[simaraknows]

to fill the Bg3 filled hole in my heart I started an origin character playthrough as Astarion and the second I had him talk to Shadowheart she just read him to filth. "You seem needy and like you're used to follow orders" girl excuse me I came here to seduce you for protection

[simaraknows]

I wasn't bluffing. Part one of the trauma bonding extravaganza is online as of now.

can't believe that not only have I started writing fanfiction about Haarlep but to top it all off it's not even smut but elaborate musings on incubus ethics with a sprinkle of trauma for everyone involved

[simaraknows]

Me: I'm very normal about finishing BG3

Also me: MY TAV HAS MANY HOMES AND ONE IS IN A TREEHOUSE BECAUSE BOTH OF THEIR BOYFRIENDS STILL LOVE THEM AND HALSIN IS A DAD NOW THIS IS THE CLOSEST TO HEALING THIS LIL TWINK I'VE PLAYED FOR 200 HOURS HAS EVER BEEN IN THEIR LIVE

[simaraknows]

i see your "'does he want to lick my boots or chop off my hands' is a Nicki reference" and raise you "what if Armand's relationship with sex is so fucked that his two modi are total submission and 'don't touch me or I'll chop off your hands' and Louis is still clowning on his trauma" in this essay I will

[simaraknows]

can't believe that not only have I started writing fanfiction about Haarlep but to top it all off it's not even smut but elaborate musings on incubus ethics with a sprinkle of trauma for everyone involved

[simaraknows]

The house of hope quest should come with a massive trigger warning but once I got passed the noncon of it all, the whole idea that Haarlep doesn't just steal your face but has to transform into your body proper, particularities and all, became so hillarious to me. I'm an ace with a body that's really hard to arouse. Also I have chronic pain and dyspraxia. Good fucking luck with that Haarlep. They'd be back three nights later complaining that the body I gave them isn't working properly, asking for a refund lol.

[simaraknows]

For your consideration: grey ace Vox who has never felt sexual attraction before meeting Valentino. Part of the reason he keeps coming back to Val despite the toxicity of it all is that the rush of attraction is so addicting and Val knows exactly how to manipulate Vox's internalised acephobia to get him back. And then he meets Alastor and oh yes there's that sexual attraction again, Val is no longer the only one who can make him feel like that. And then Alastor rejects him. The rest is history.