sirsendsalot-blog

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Anyone else feel like they are actually insane but really good at hiding it

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So tired I fell asleep in the shower, like full on laid down and feel sleeo was bad

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My heater just out sound all creepy and shit

Just like: “brbrbrbbrbrbrbrbrb”

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Really just want someone that will hold me though the hard times and then cuddle with me during the good times

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Parent: you super addicted to your computer, new research says it’s as bad as lots of drugs, like as bad as coke

Also parent: why haven’t you stopped looking at your computer, I told you it was bad

You: yes because people can just stop doing coke because you told them too

Parent: DONT TALK BACK TO ME

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Ween walking away from an argument with yo dad actually works out well for the first time ever

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I don’t even want to date someone

I just want to be friends with someone, be such close friends that we ride the line between friends and dating so hard. Like we go on walks together, totally comfortable sleeping in the same bed together, just doing alll the things together.

But dating someone would be cool too

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We all need to have an attitude like snoopy! 🐕

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If I had know I would have wiped my butt better

Like dang bru, I go into the place and suddenly my butts getting massaged

Like I didn’t know that my underwear was going to get pulled down

Does this normally happen at a chiropractor

Like ma hips are feeling bangen but werid

Just so no one is worried, it was sexual at all.

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My dad was mad at me and said the classic “I brought u into this world I can take you out of it” and my mom heard and was like “helllll nah, you wont even in the room”

I was like Ohhhh snap and the my mom told me to shut up

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The proper response to the question “how are you?”

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Fuck parents are annoying

They talk forever, like come onnn your kids want to go home, there’s want to go home. Everone wants to go home. Yet there u are sitting in that car talking about stocks or something

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Avatar hits Netflix day 3 update:

Made it to season 2 episode 12

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Crying in the shower is gen z’s therapy

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Ween your social anxiety is bad that u wake up at 7:30(which I haven’t done in a lot of years) so u can teach yo self to skate in a empty skate park

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It’s getting crowded in heaven, so one day Saint Peter decides to only accept people who make him laugh.

A man came walking up to the Pearly Gates, and Saint Peter said to him:

“Alright bud, you’re only getting in today if you can make me laugh, so why don’t you tell me about how you died.”

The man looked at Saint Peter and said, “Oh man, it was awful! I was absolutely sure my wife was having an affair, so I left work early to come home and try to catch her in the act. When I got home, sure as shit there she was, naked on the bed! I looked all over the apartment, but I couldn’t find the guy anywhere. So I went outside on our 25th story balcony, and there he was!! Hanging over the edge by his fingertips! So I ran inside, and grabbed my hammer and ran back outside and started smashing his hands and fingers with it! He finally let go, and he fell down 25 stories but he landed in some bushes, so I ran inside and using all of my might, I grabbed my refrigerator, picked it up, and threw it over the rail and on top of the guy, crushing and killing him!! But all of the strain and exertion from picking up the refrigerator gave me a heart attack and I died.”

Saint Peter let out a faint chuckle, and since it was a crime of passion, he decided to let the poor soul in.

Another man came walking up to the pearly gates, and Saint Peter told this man the same thing—that in order to get in, he was going to have to make Saint Peter laugh. So the second started to tell Saint Peter how he died.

“Oh man, it was awful! I was doing aerobics out on my 26th story balcony of my apartment, when all of a sudden a flock of birds came out of nowhere and started attacking me! I was trying to get away, but I fell over the edge of my railing! However, on my way down I managed to grab the railing of the apartment below mine…but then this maniac suddenly showed up and started smashing my hands and fingers with a hammer until I let go! Fortunately for me, I landed in some bushes, but then some guy dropped a freaking refrigerator on me!

Saint Peter chuckled again, let the second guy into heaven, and was realizing he has found a way he could really start enjoying his job! About that time, a 3rd man comes walking up to the pearly gates, and Saint Peter gave him the speech about needing to make him laugh, and asks him how he died.

“Oh man, you’re never going to believe this shit! Alright, so picture this—I’m butt naked and hiding in a refrigerator…”

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Robert Williams